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S8E02: How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: Understanding Populism.

Sexvangelicals

Release Date: 09/23/2024

S10E1: How to Say Goodbye Well show art S10E1: How to Say Goodbye Well

Sexvangelicals

Over the last four years, we've written podcast episodes about the sex education the church didn't want you to have.  One of the most threatening things for a high-control religious system is a goodbye, which results in actual transitions away from these groups that are secretive, forced, and avoidant. In this episode, we describe an intentional, proper goodbye, from the perspective of how we structure intentional final sessions with our clients.  Also, this is the last official episode of Sexvangelicals. We ask these six common questions to help us reflect on our Sexvangelicals...

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S9E11: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Body Count Actually Count? With Natasha Helfer show art S9E11: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Body Count Actually Count? With Natasha Helfer

Sexvangelicals

This summer, we've answered the most common questions that we receive as relationship and sex therapists. And this week, we answer one of the most common questions: Does body count actually count? We live in a culture that views your sexuality based on how often you access it. Men who are deemed to have accessed sexuality a lot are viewed as "studs". Women are simultaneously valued and devalued based on how often they have sex. In Evangelical systems, folks who have sex before they get married are sinners. There are tons of psychological and relational problems that develop from this question,...

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S9E10: Ask a Sex Therapist: What If I Think I Am (or My Partner is) a Porn Addict? With Dr. Eric Sprankle show art S9E10: Ask a Sex Therapist: What If I Think I Am (or My Partner is) a Porn Addict? With Dr. Eric Sprankle

Sexvangelicals

This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients. We often hear folks talk about their sexuality in negative ways, comparing their sexuality, consumption of porn, and masturbation practices to that of addiction.  We self-diagnose as sex addicts, or we diagnose our partners as sex or porn addicts. And in doing so, we eliminate the opportunity for curiosity, to learn about our fantasies, our curiosities, our erotic templates, and our hopes.  In this episode, we talk with , author of , about what we miss when we...

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S9E09: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens if I Come Out Later in Life? With Dr. Joe Kort show art S9E09: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens if I Come Out Later in Life? With Dr. Joe Kort

Sexvangelicals

This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients.  Growing up in a high control religious space means that queer people often have to repress their sexuality, and may not come out until their late 20s, 30s, or later, which has significant impacts on sexuality and relationship development.  We are thrilled to have , host of the podcast and author of , to talk with us about how Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal communities negatively impact the coming out process. Joe talks with us about: Shame &...

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S9E08: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens at a Play Party? With Ally Iseman, Founder of Passport2Pleasure show art S9E08: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens at a Play Party? With Ally Iseman, Founder of Passport2Pleasure

Sexvangelicals

This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients. In the last few years, we've increasingly heard couples asking about play parties, sex parties, cuddle parties, and the like. Opportunities to practice touch, sexuality, and play in intentional spaces. We are thrilled to have , founder of , as our guest. Ally helps couples and communities organize play spaces, establish clear expectations for what happens at play events, and explore their own sexual styles and preferences in the process. Ally talks with us about: It’s All...

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S9E07: Ask a Sex Therapist: What if I Want to Have Sex with Other People? With Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges of This Space Between show art S9E07: Ask a Sex Therapist: What if I Want to Have Sex with Other People? With Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges of This Space Between

Sexvangelicals

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What if I want to have sex with other people?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges from the  practice to talk about factors, considerations, and first steps for those interested in opening up their relationship. High Control Religions & Anxiety (8:00): Julia says, “ I imagine that your excitement is really helpful when you work with couples,...

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S9E06: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Do I Need to Consider When I Have Sex for the First Time? With Erica Smith. show art S9E06: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Do I Need to Consider When I Have Sex for the First Time? With Erica Smith.

Sexvangelicals

This spring, we are answering ten of the most common questions that we hear as sex therapists.  This week, we're exploring the question, "What do I need to consider when I have sex for the first time?" We created six different scenarios that a person might have for the first time: A general first time sexual experience, and considering what you disclose (and don't disclose) ahead of time. Oral sex and stimulating another person's clitoris or penis A same-sex sexual experience. Anal sex. A sexual experience that involves vaginal penetration Group sex. And we've invited the...

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Episode S9E05: Ask a Sex Therapist: How Do I Have My First Orgasm? With Erica Smith show art Episode S9E05: Ask a Sex Therapist: How Do I Have My First Orgasm? With Erica Smith

Sexvangelicals

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering the ten most common questions that we receive as sex therapists. In this episode, they explore the question, "How do I have my first orgasm?"  If you haven't had an orgasm before and you want to have orgasms, messages about "just taking it off the pedestal" and focusing on other areas of pleasure can be really minimizing and dismissive, even if, in the long run, they are helpful. J+J are joined by the amazing , sex educator and founder of Purity Culture Dropout. Join Julia, Jeremiah, and Erica for an hour long conversation about: Focusing...

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S9E04: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens if Sex Hurts? With Dr. Camden Morgante show art S9E04: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens if Sex Hurts? With Dr. Camden Morgante

Sexvangelicals

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What happens if sex hurts?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Dr. Camden Morgante (@drcamden on Instagram), author of the new book Recovering from Purity Culture. They reflect on how to address and reduce the physical and emotional pain that a repressive situation or larger culture, such as Purity Culture, might bring to a sexual experience.  Join them for a practical, empathetic...

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S9E03: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Planning Sex Kill the Vibe? show art S9E03: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Planning Sex Kill the Vibe?

Sexvangelicals

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "Does planning sex kill the vibe?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the distinctions between planned and spontaneous sex. While many of us desire spontaneous sex, the reality is that, for many of us, sex is more planned than we might realize. And that's fantastic! Join Julia and Jeremiah for a hilarious, thought-provoking, and enriching conversation about:  Truthiness & Vibes (6:00):...

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More Episodes

November's presidential election represents a comparison between two forms of government. One, a democracy, driven by the principle that many people have voices, and ideally a government that works for a large sum of people. Two, an autocracy, driven by the principle that few people have voices.

Autocracies, such as the 2024 Republican Party, often communicate via jackassdom, including blame, repression, and fear-mongering. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about common communication ploys from autocracy, and ways that progressives and other pro-democracy voters can avoid responding in ways that reinforce jackassdom. We talk about:

  • Frustration & Empathy (6:00): Jeremiah starts us off, “We recognize that this podcast series is happening because so many people are some combination of confused, enraged, and exhausted by the horrendous behavior of the 21st century Republican Party. Behaviors that dehumanize and segregate need to be named as such. However, there are ways to do that that lead to productive conversation and change. And there are ways to do that that continue to reinforce the negative interaction cycle.”

  • Strategies of Autocracy (12:00): Jeremiah names, “We have a responsibility to understand, to talk about, the psychology and communication strategies of autocratic governments. Almost all of which includes three things. One, disinformation, or the active distortion of information. Two, propaganda, the presentation of information specifically for the activation of a particular emotion, typically anger or fear.  And three, acts of violence, as we see through Proud Boys showing up and camping out in Springfield, Ohio.” 

  • Populism (14:00): Julia says, “So there's two elements here, it seems. One, there is a singular leader who says that they, and they alone, have the solution to the world's problems. A real life savior complex. And two,  an element of gaslighting is occurring. Sure. To promote that the majority wants one thing when the majority certainly does not want that thing involves a combination of disinformation, deception, and propaganda.”

  • Trump's Bad Behavior (22:00): Julia reflects on Trump's startling introduction to his election, “I heard from even Christians that I respected that this was just an example of quote unquote, “locker room talk.” Which is one narrative. But actually what this is, is bragging about sexual assault. In 2016, I had been a practicing therapist for  some years and I and many women had an awakening to experiences that we had had that were assaultive and abusive. This gave us some language. But it was also fueling massive disinformation on the side of Republicans.”

  • Populism & Anti-Intellectualism (24:00): Jeremiah discusses, “Moffitt in the book Populism describes three major communication strategies that populists use. First, he explains that populism goes hand in hand with anti intellectualism, or a resistance to expertise and the scientific process … So what does anti anti-intellectual populist look like in real life?  Again, we have a lot of examples of this. Over the last year, we've been following the banned books process in Florida and other states, where Ron DeSantis and others have railed against critical race theory.”  

  • Moralism v. Moral Critique (30:00): Jeremiah says, “[McKibben] distinguishes between moralism and moral criticism. McKibben defines moral criticism as a well reasoned and thoughtful critique of another person's actions. Most importantly, these reflections acknowledge a basic sense of respect for the other person. Moralism happens when that blame becomes, using her words, inappropriate or excessive. It presents a clear villain or scapegoat who can be blamed for the ills of society. It places blame and namecalls people who may confront or operate differently from the populist actor and suggests that others who join the populist in this blaming absolve themselves from their own issues.”

  • Social Media & Limiting Empathy (33:00): Julia notes, “Mediums of communication such as social media and texting formats exacerbate those forms of dialogue because you cannot see and physically engage with the non verbals and humanities of someone's avatar, which prohibit you from experiencing empathy and other inborn physiological systems of relational checks and balances.”

  • Why We Define Terms (37:00): Julia highlights, “The lack of defining terms could create confusion. Two different people could have different understandings of the word, which gets in the way of finding solid ground. It also opens the door to a populist individual or group, creating pressure to narrowly define the term in a particular way, at the expense of the historical complexity of the term.’

  • Different Sides of the Same Coin (40:00): Jeremiah sharply says, “Evangelism works, populism and jackassdom are all common bedfellows.”

  • Relationship 101 (42:00): Julia discusses our first relationship 101, “All of us to be aware of the times that we have moved into moralistic jackassdom territory.  I really want to spend a moment talking about the myth of the perfect social justice warrior.  So in so many liberal circles, especially with cancel culture being so high, we've set up this standard of what it means to be a good liberal, a good progressive, a good social justice warrior. And frankly, it reminds me a lot of growing up in a highly fundamentalist Christian community.”

  • My Way or the Highway (46:00): Jeremiah shares, ” I've mentioned on this podcast before that I got kicked out of the church, which is 92% very much what happened. The other 8% of that though, I think in my own version of that was as I was learning more about sexuality, learning more about sex therapy, I think rather than kind of saying to church leadership, like this is the direction that I want to go with this and saying, ‘can we have some conversations about this?’ I wish that I had facilitated more of a dialogue between different people in the leadership. And, and who knows what the outcome of that would have been. But I think in general, any time that I move into a space where it looks like I think I have the answers, sometimes it's just like, we need to make a decision and like, I'm just going full steam ahead.”

  • Moral Superiority (50:00): Julia points out, “Liberals in particular tend to use academic words and either one they use it not knowing actually what it means I am sure that many people use language around heteronormativity or decolonization without understanding it Or, they do understand it, choose not to define it, and use that as a moral superiority context.”