S8E04: How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: The Role of Social Media

A series called "How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass" wouldn't be complete without an episode in which we talk about the scene of many crimes of jackassdom: social media.

After all, the ways that we communicate in virtual platforms are quite different from in real life interactions. We can edit the things that we say. We lack the nonverbal context of understanding what happened before the interaction. We don't see how other people respond, which makes it easier to disconnect and dehumanize.

In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah explore:

• Hiding Behind Avatars (11:00): Jeremiah discusses, “I had a client that explained, I talked with this other woman that I met on a dating app about what my fantasies are.  I interrupted.  Actually, you didn't talk with this person. You wrote out an idea of a sexual fantasy on your computer or your phone, and you sent it to this person … you're not present for the response that this other avatar has. You have no idea how they're receiving it.”

• Bodily Responses (15:00): Jeremiah notes, “Your avatar has the emotional status that you as a human being have. When you read something upsetting that someone posts, your cardiovascular system responds in the same way it would if it were to see that interaction played out in real life. Your heart rate picks up, your breathing shallows, and you respond behaviorally and verbally in similar ways. Your fight or flight system is convinced that you're engaging with a real person, and more than that, A real threat.”

• What Not to Do on the Internet (25:00): Jeremiah shares an experience he had trying to solve an internet dispute through conversation: “I re-read one of his comments and he threatened to, quote, blast us on his social media channel. Specifically with the intent to publicly shame us despite our conversation about shared values and similar work interests. Despite the fact that when I shared my full perspective including my own vulnerable stories of navigating racial challenges as a Hispanic person growing up in a white community he was vocally in agreement with me.”

• Social Justice Warrior Olympics (27:00): Julia summarizes, “When you acknowledge perhaps a shortcoming or a blind spot within his own response to you or others, he wasn't willing to engage in self reflection on his end."

• Virtue Signaling (27:00): Jeremiah highlights: “While companies in actual law enforcement use suspension, fines, or contract termination as punishment for bad behavior, in the absence of that oversight from meta, discord, and fellow tech companies, shame becomes the primary consequence for bad behavior.”

• Internet Shame & EMPish Systems (30:00): Julia draws the connection, “This reminds me of what [Jesus] said about praying in your closet versus making ostentatious shows of how righteous you are or how liberal or progressive you are. Sometimes the ex-evangelical world actually repackages the same shitty patterns of behavior that we learned within the EMPish systems.”

• Shame & Virtue Signaling (32:00): Jeremiah notes, “As we've learned from our research on evangelicalism and from the broader shame experts like Brene Brown, shame has a lot of power and not the good kind of power. I think ex evangelicals can be especially susceptible to doling out shame to attempt to resolve their problems because as you said, that's primarily what we were taught in our religious communities of origin.”

• How to Resolve Conflict on the Internet (36:00): After a similar anecdote, but with a happier ending, Julia reflects on how it impacted her, “I was frustrated and burnt out that the world of social media can be so reactive and frankly mean even from those who are potential collaborators, which is true for both Kevin from the internet and Jamie from social media. Sexual health work, especially in ex evangelical spaces, is challenging work, and if our own team can't learn to pass the ball respectfully, what the hell are we actually even doing?” 

• Online Criticism & the Gottman’s (39:00): Jeremiah says, “Criticism invites one of two things. Either for the person to shut down, or, defensiveness, which is another of the Gottman Four Horsemen. The Gottman Institute defines defensiveness as self protection in the form of righteous indignation, innocent victimhood, or any number of processes in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.”

• Gotcha! (41:00): Julia describes: “I'll define gotcha moments, [they] are when folks screenshot or repost some sort of exchange with another person or group showing how they one upped the other […]  So those gotcha moments, although they are trying to solve an important problem, actually reinforce the problem that they're trying to solve.”

• Short Form Content (46:00): Jeremiah urges, “For the love of God, I implore you do not diagnose yourself, your partner, your ex partner, or your relationship with anything that you see in short form content, especially when not posted by a licensed professional. You have ADHD if and only when you have been diagnosed by a licensed professional.” 

• Social Media To-Dos (50:00): Jeremiah says, “Part one, speak within your own scope of practice and experience. Part two, when you are speaking outside of your own scope of practice and experience, when you're giving opinions about things, for instance, please make sure to state that opinion and expertise are not the same thing. And three, be sure to follow people and engage with folks who are doing the same thing.” 

• Lead with Empathy (52:00): Julia notes, “If you would not make that insult in public, and I would like to believe, although perhaps this is naive, that most of us are kinder in person, then don't say it on social media. Check yourself, ask yourself, would I say this to a person if we were sitting across from each other at a coffee shop?”

• Building Community (54:00): Jeremiah ends on a bright note, “Get as personal as possible. Build relationships with other people. We encourage direct messages. We absolutely encourage whenever possible Zoom calls. Or, best case scenario, in person meetings. Take folks out to coffee. Have a nice lunch date with people. Get to know the folks on a personal level to the best of your ability that you're able to.”