Bonus Re-Release: Loving, Living, and Leaving the Evangelical Church, with Sarah McCammon, part 2
Release Date: 02/18/2025
Sexvangelicals
Over the last four years, we've written podcast episodes about the sex education the church didn't want you to have. One of the most threatening things for a high-control religious system is a goodbye, which results in actual transitions away from these groups that are secretive, forced, and avoidant. In this episode, we describe an intentional, proper goodbye, from the perspective of how we structure intentional final sessions with our clients. Also, this is the last official episode of Sexvangelicals. We ask these six common questions to help us reflect on our Sexvangelicals...
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This summer, we've answered the most common questions that we receive as relationship and sex therapists. And this week, we answer one of the most common questions: Does body count actually count? We live in a culture that views your sexuality based on how often you access it. Men who are deemed to have accessed sexuality a lot are viewed as "studs". Women are simultaneously valued and devalued based on how often they have sex. In Evangelical systems, folks who have sex before they get married are sinners. There are tons of psychological and relational problems that develop from this question,...
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This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients. We often hear folks talk about their sexuality in negative ways, comparing their sexuality, consumption of porn, and masturbation practices to that of addiction. We self-diagnose as sex addicts, or we diagnose our partners as sex or porn addicts. And in doing so, we eliminate the opportunity for curiosity, to learn about our fantasies, our curiosities, our erotic templates, and our hopes. In this episode, we talk with , author of , about what we miss when we...
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This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients. Growing up in a high control religious space means that queer people often have to repress their sexuality, and may not come out until their late 20s, 30s, or later, which has significant impacts on sexuality and relationship development. We are thrilled to have , host of the podcast and author of , to talk with us about how Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal communities negatively impact the coming out process. Joe talks with us about: Shame &...
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This summer, we're reflecting on the ten most common questions we hear from our relationship and sex therapy clients. In the last few years, we've increasingly heard couples asking about play parties, sex parties, cuddle parties, and the like. Opportunities to practice touch, sexuality, and play in intentional spaces. We are thrilled to have , founder of , as our guest. Ally helps couples and communities organize play spaces, establish clear expectations for what happens at play events, and explore their own sexual styles and preferences in the process. Ally talks with us about: It’s All...
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This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What if I want to have sex with other people?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges from the practice to talk about factors, considerations, and first steps for those interested in opening up their relationship. High Control Religions & Anxiety (8:00): Julia says, “ I imagine that your excitement is really helpful when you work with couples,...
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This spring, we are answering ten of the most common questions that we hear as sex therapists. This week, we're exploring the question, "What do I need to consider when I have sex for the first time?" We created six different scenarios that a person might have for the first time: A general first time sexual experience, and considering what you disclose (and don't disclose) ahead of time. Oral sex and stimulating another person's clitoris or penis A same-sex sexual experience. Anal sex. A sexual experience that involves vaginal penetration Group sex. And we've invited the...
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This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering the ten most common questions that we receive as sex therapists. In this episode, they explore the question, "How do I have my first orgasm?" If you haven't had an orgasm before and you want to have orgasms, messages about "just taking it off the pedestal" and focusing on other areas of pleasure can be really minimizing and dismissive, even if, in the long run, they are helpful. J+J are joined by the amazing , sex educator and founder of Purity Culture Dropout. Join Julia, Jeremiah, and Erica for an hour long conversation about: Focusing...
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This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What happens if sex hurts?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Dr. Camden Morgante (@drcamden on Instagram), author of the new book Recovering from Purity Culture. They reflect on how to address and reduce the physical and emotional pain that a repressive situation or larger culture, such as Purity Culture, might bring to a sexual experience. Join them for a practical, empathetic...
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This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "Does planning sex kill the vibe?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the distinctions between planned and spontaneous sex. While many of us desire spontaneous sex, the reality is that, for many of us, sex is more planned than we might realize. And that's fantastic! Join Julia and Jeremiah for a hilarious, thought-provoking, and enriching conversation about: Truthiness & Vibes (6:00):...
info_outlineWe are thrilled to re-release part two of our conversation with NPR National Correspondent Sarah McCammon. Sarah is the author of the book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church.
In the age of a second Trump presidency, it's imperative that we discuss the history of the Evangelical Church and politics, purity culture, gender performance, and healing.
In part two of our re-release we discuss how there are a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as Sarah says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church."
The History of Evangelical Christianity and Politics (5:58): Sarah starts us off, “As s I talk about in the book that meant that had implications for queer people. It had implications for how we were taught about science and about sexuality. And so I've organized the book around all of these themes that for me and a lot of others were tension points, or points of cognitive dissonance or breaking points in some cases.”
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What Religion May Offer (8:13): Sarah says: “It never left me. I think about these questions and this is actually something I'm mostly grateful to my parents and my religious upbringing for, is that I feel like it taught me to think about important things, like what's true, what's good, how should we live, what is our obligation to one another?"
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Bill Clinton Era and Purity Culture (15:22): uded to in our first interview was the following of rules in the conversation we're having right now. You're talking about a pastor who broke a sexual rule. And you also mentioned that in that Bill Clinton era during the scandal, you were being told to dress modestly, do this, do that, primarily, don't do this.”
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Evangelical Relationships (17:30): Sarah says: “Evangelical Christianity treats relationships like they're a formula. Do X and Y will come out. And that's not just that's not how human beings are."
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Performing Gender (20:00): Jeremiah offers: “What we've discovered is that evangelicalism is almost exclusively about how well you perform gender.”
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Breaking Down the Title (25:00): Sarah breaks down the title of her book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church. “The title highlights the nuance of all of this because for good reason, it can be easy to demonize the entire system and the entire system of white evangelicalism has caused all kinds of harm for many different people from many different groups.”
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Grief (26:30): Jeremiah says: “That's also the hard choice that a lot of folks are left with. It's really hard to move through talking about deconstruction sociologically, therapeutically, without talking about grief and without constantly that some of the hard decisions that we've all faced.”
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Connection and Trauma Bonding (32:30): Sarah shares: “You meet the other person who grew up Southern Baptist or grew up evangelical or Pentecostal or whatever, and you wind up like in a corner somewhere like, you know, trauma bonding. And I hope that this book will make it a little bit easier for people to feel like they don't have to hide in the corner. They can just talk to each other and also their nonreligious partners or their colleagues in an appropriate way about who people that you run into who might not understand what this is.”
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Healing Through Storytelling (34:00): Julia says: “I am thankful that you, to repackage some Christian language, decided to hold on to the calling and to tell your story, but also allow folks like me to have my own story seen and reflected by someone else. I personally am a fan of live storytelling events, and that's because I believe that so much healing occurs through the power of the human narrative.”
Let's heal together!