Be the 3rd: Communicating the Way God Intended

Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image.” Have you ever thought about what being made in the Image of God really means? I have, and that one thought led me into a beautiful journey of God’s desire for us. The Image of God is multi layered, but here we focus on the relational. God is a God of relationship. As His most precious creation, God desires nothing more than to be in relationship with us. Our greatest commandment is to love Him, the second greatest commandment is to love others. All humans were made in the image of God we are all called to love Him first, others second. We were literally made for relationship. Yet we fail. Relationships aren’t easy, so we struggle. Here we discover God’s design for relationship. We look deep into the communication process, including divine communication, our relationship with Him, along with interpersonal, our relationship with others, and intrapersonal, how we communicate to self. Once we start to understand these relationship dynamics and our unique communication capabilities, loving God, and loving others, relationship, becomes much easier. When we follow this commandment to put God first, others second, we might wonder where we fit? At Bethe3rd, we talk honestly about how we communicate, and how we should be communicating in our relationships with God, others, and ourselves. Join me, Jackie Melvin, here at Be the 3rd every Thursday where we focus on communicating the way God intended and discovering His design for relationship. The Image of God- Imago Dei! - Friends, we are made in the image of God. Wow!

A Closer Look at Jesus' Love Language 10/26/2023

The Value of Storytelling 09/15/2023

The Beauty of the Face 09/04/2023

The Beauty of the Face If we are to love others as ourselves and have been made for relationship and to be in community with others than I can only believe that its true that…. “Our survival depends on understanding the actions, intentions and emotions of others.” (Dr. Giacomo Rizzolatti) We have heard that the eyes are the window to the soul. Although very poetic this just isn’t so. According to most experts in order to know the human soul we must see the face. Today on Be the 3rd we will be discussing how important the face is. Weather the world judges your face as beautiful or homely it just doesn’t matter. All of our faces are beautiful in the fact that they allow others to know us, and understand us, to feel what we feel and to share in our experiences with us. In conjunction with our mirror neuron system our faces are indeed the window into our souls and the very tool that God gave us to truly know others so that loving them like ourselves becomes the easy, selfless act it was always meant to be. God has given us this gift of the face. Regardless of how the world judges it, God has made a beautiful window that allows us to see into the souls of others. With the help of our mirror neurons, we get past our selfishness. Once we feel what others feel naturally, subconsciously it becomes easy to put them just below God yet above us and love them as ourselves. Scripture 1 Pet 3:8 - Finally, all of you, be like minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Rom 12:15 - Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn. 1 John 3:17 - If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in the person? Matt 22:39 - And the second is like it: Love you neighbor as yourself. Matt 9:36 - When he saw the crowds, he had compasisonn on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Luke 7:13 - When the Lord saw her, his heat went out to her and he said, "Don't cry." Psalm 103:13-14 - As a father has compassionn on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 1 Pet 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. John 11:35 - Jesus wept. References The CW, VH1, Bravo, UPN. (2003, May 20). America's Next Top Model. whole. Blakeslee, S. (2006, January 10). Cells That Read Minds. New York Times. Crampton, L. (2016, July 28). The brain: Broca's and Wernicke's areas and the circle of willis. Owlcation. Retrieved February 24, 2022, from https://owlcation.com/stem/Exploring-the-Brain-Three-Regions-Named-after-Scientists Darwin, C., Prodger, P., & Ekman, P. (1998). The expression of the emotions in man and animals essay on the history of the illustration / by Philip Prodger (Anniversary Edition). Oxford University Press. Dimberg, U. (1982). Facial reactions to facial expressions. Psychophysiology, 19(6), 643–647. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-8986.1982.tb02516.x Duchenne, G.-B., & Cuthbertson, R. A. (2006). The mechanism of human facial expression. Cambridge University Press. Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions revealed: Recognizing faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life. Henry Holt and Co. Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (2003). Unmasking the face: A guide to recognizing emotions from facial expressions. Malor Books. Glenberg, A. M. (2006). Naturalizing Cognition: The Integration of Cognitive Science and Biology. Current Biology, 16(18). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2006.08.044 Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The revolutionary new science of human relationships. Bantam Books. Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. T., & Rapson, R. L. (1994). Emotional contagion. Cambridge Univ. Press. Iacoboni, M. (2009). Mirroring people: The science of empathy and how we connect with others. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Keysers, C., & Fadiga, L. (2015). The Mirror Neuron System. Psychology Press. Ramachandran, V. S. (2012). The tell-tale brain: A Neuroscientist's quest for what makes Us human. W.W. Norton. Rifkin, J. (2016). The Sentient Interpretation of Biologica Evolution. In The empathic civilization: The race to global consciousness in a world in crisis (pp. 82–104). essay, Polity. Rizzolatti, G. (n.d.). An Emotional Mirror Mechanism. www.gocognitive.net. Retrieved February 24, 2022, from https://youtu.be/y_KlrOPih9s Rizzolatti, G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V., & Fogassi, L. (1996). Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions. Cognitive Brain Research, 3(2), 131–141. https://doi.org/10.1016/0926-6410(95)00038-0 Siegel, D. J. (2007). The Mindful Brain: Reflection and attunement in the cultivation of well-being. W.W. Norton & Co. WhiteSmoke, W.-L. L. S. by. (n.d.). 11 insane (but true) things about smiling: WhiteSmoke. Retrieved February 24, 2022, from /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27938517

Do Not Let The Sun Go Down on Your Anger 08/25/2023

Part 3 Confrontation vs Conversation: What is the Difference? 08/10/2023

Part 3 Confrontation vs Conversation: What is the Difference? Today's podcast will continue our deep dive into the root meaning of the words confrontation and conversation. If you haven't had the opportunity to listen to parts one and two make sure to go back so you don't miss a thing. (; ). We've been talking about the differences and similarities between confrontation and conversation. When we break these two words down to their roots we realize that they come from the same place and have pretty much the same meaning. Today we will finally address my bold statement that althought we admit to loving converstion while simultaneously hating confrontation we show by our actions that the opposite is actually true. Communication experts, psychologist and our God all agree that when a confrontation is done right it will preserve relationships, bring people together, solve problems, and create emotional, relational, and spritual growth. That sounds an awful like a conversation to me. 1 Thess 5:11 Ephesians 4:25-32 Galatians 6:1 Galatians 5:22-23 Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Cloud, H., Townsed, J. (2005). How to have that difficult conversation: Gaining the skills for honest and meaningful communication. Zondervan Patterson, K., Genny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2005). Crucial confrontation: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. McGraw-Hill. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high. McGraw-Hill. Scott, S. (2004). Fierce conversations: Achieving success at work and in life, one conversatoins at a time. Berkley Publishing Group. Find me on my socials and don't forget to follow, like, comment, and share. bethe3rd.org (coming soon) /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27716256

Part 2 Confrontations vs. Conversations: What's the Difference? 08/04/2023

Part 1 Confrontation vs conversation: What's the Difference? 07/27/2023

Part 1 Confrontation vs conversation: What's the Difference? Most of us admit to enjoying conversation while simultaneously hating confrontation. When we break these two words down to their roots we realize that they come from the same place and have pretty much the same meaning. Regardless of what we say, we tend to particpate more in confrontation than in conversation that is not small talk or agreeableness. Simply put, conversations require much of us including an abundance of self-control Confrontations on the other hand require very little with virtually no self-control. This series will compare and contrast confrontation vs conversations. We will look at not only the root of each word but our misconceptions about them and how a confrontation is simply a misunderstood conversation. Communication experts, psychologist and our God all agree that when a confrontation is done right it will preserve relationships, bring people together, solve problems, and create emotional, relational, and spritual growth. That sounds an awful like a conversation to me. 1 Thess 5:11 Gal 6:1 Gal 5:22-23 Eph 5:33 Matt 22:37-39 Cloud, H., Townsed, J. (2005). How to have that difficult conversation: Gaining the skill for honest and meaningful communication. Zondervan Patterson, K., Genny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2005). Crucial confrontation: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. McGraw-Hill. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high. McGraw-Hill. Scott, S. (2004). Fierce conversations: Achieving success at work and in life, one conversatoins at a time. Berkley Publishing Group. Find me on my socials and don't forget to follow, like, comment, and share. bethe3rd.org (coming soon) /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27557688

Part 4: Self Esteem: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships 07/13/2023

Part 4: Self Esteem: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships If we want to have to have deeper more meaninful relationships we need to start thinking more about our Self's and less about our relationship partner. This goes against everything we know about relationships and is in direct contradiction to our theme here at Be the 3rd. Yet, there are three key components of our communication process that never get the attention that they need, and they all require that we focus quite a bit of time thinking about these three aspects of ourselves. Self-Awareness Self-Control Self-Esteem Once we start to focus and understand these three components of self, not only will our relationships with each other deepen and strengthen but so will our relationship with God. This is the final episode in the series of Key Components to Successful Relationships. If you missed the others you can find them here: , . References: Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S., & Ivy, D. K. (2022). Communications: Principles for a lifetime (8th ed.). Pearson education Ince. Bennett, W. J., & Bennett, E. (2022). The book of virtues: A treasury of great moral stories. Simon & Schuster. Department of Sociology. (2021, June 11). Self Esteem. What is it?. www.umd.edu. www.umd.edu/sociology Holy bible. (2011). Zondervan. Mcleod, S. (2023, July 7). Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html Mussweiler, T. (2003). Comparison processes in social judgment: Mechanisms and consequences. Psychological Review, 110(3), 472–489. Eph 4:25-32 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.26 “In your anger do not sin”[]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Exodus 20:2-17 And God spoke all these words: 2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.3 “You shall have no other gods before[] me.4 “You shall not make for yourself an image 7 “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God,8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.12 “Honor your father and your mother, 13 “You shall not murder.14 “You shall not commit adultery.15 “You shall not steal.16 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.17 “You shall not covet. 1 Samuel 16:7 7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Proverbs 6:16-19 16 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. 1 Cor 6:19-20 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. Find me on my socials. Be sure to like, follow, and share. bethe3rd.org (coming soon) /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27177285

Part 3: Self Control: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships 06/15/2023

Part 3: Self Control: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships If we want to have to have deeper more meaninful relationships we need to start thinking more about our Self's and less about our relationship partner. This goes against everything we know about relationships and is in direct contradiction to our theme here at Be the 3rd. Yet, there are three key components of our communication process that never get the attention that they need, and they all require that we focus quite a bit of time thinking about these three aspects of ourselves. Self-Awareness Self-Control Self-Esteem Once we start to focus and understand these three components of self, not only will our relationships with each other deepen and strengthen but so will our relationship with God. This is part three in the series of Key Components to Successful Relationships. If you missed the first two you can find them here: , References Beran, M. (2018). Self-control in animals and people. Academic Press, an imprint of Elsevier. Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bloomsbury. Holy bible. (2017). Zondervan. Mischel, W. (2014). The marshmallow test. Hachette USA. Walton, D. (2012). Emotional intelligence: A practical guide. MJF Books. Bible verses Romans 8:5-6 "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is all you need, for my power is the greatest when you are weak.” Galations 5:22-24 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." James 1:19-20 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. bethe3rd.org (coming soon) /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27153897

Part 2: Self Awareness: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships 06/08/2023

Part 2: Self Awareness: The Three Key Components to Successful Relationships If we want to have to have deeper more meaninful relationships we need to start thinking more about our Self's and less about our relationship partner. This goes against everything we know about relationships and is in direct contradiction to our theme here at Be the 3rd. Yet, there are three key components of our communication process that never get the attention that they need, and they all require that we focus quite a bit of time thinking about these three aspects of ourselves. Self-Awareness Self-Control Self-Esteem Once we start to focus and understand these three components of self, not only will our relationships with each other deepen and strengthen but so will our relationship with God. Today's podcast is part 2 in this series and focuses on self-awareness the foundation to the other Selfs Self awareness is one of the five aspects to emotional intelligence. A high level of self awareness allows us to know and control our emotions. It gives us an insight into our own behaviors, styles, and sins. It also gives us confidence in our abiliities, talents, and our true calling from God. We must know and understand ourselves wholly before we can know and understand others. When we find our true selves, through intervention from God, He will meet our needs. We then will look less toward others to meet them raising us to the top tier of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. This level of consciousness allows us to move our focus to our relationship partners and away from ourselves. References Daniel, G. (2020). Emotional intelligence. Bloomsbury Publishing PLC. Duval, S., & Wicklund, R. A. (1972). A theory of objective self-awareness. Academic Press. Encyclopedia Britannica, inc. (n.d.). Abraham Maslow Hierarchy of needs. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Abraham-H-Maslow The holy bible. (2002). American Bible Society. Murthy, V. H. (2020). Together: The healing power of human connection in a sometimes Lonely World. Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers. Newell, C. D. (2022, February 10). Seeing Myself Through God’s Eyes. Encouragement Cafe. encouragementcafe.com Silvia, P. J., & Duval, T. S. (2001). Objective self-awareness theory: Recent progress and enduring problems. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(3), 230–241. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr0503_4 Bible Verses Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to bel like God in true righteousness and holiness. 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 Therefore, is anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here. All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. Proverbs 21:2 A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. Psalm 26:2 Test me Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love. Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you; Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” 1 Samuel 13:14 But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” /episode/index/show/43418ee9-a2c4-4a5e-991b-ffc71f9e81d5/id/27029568