Deliver The Profile

The Only Criminal Minds Podcast, hosted by Ronnie and Jazz

Deliver The Profile Episode 307: The Nerding Hour (with Daniel Daughhetee) 11/18/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 307: The Nerding Hour (with Daniel Daughhetee) Guest shots guest shots guest shots. This time Ronnie is joined by Daniel Daughhetee (Thrawnderdome) to talk about "Empty Planet", an episode about a serial bomber whose bombings are based on obscure sci-fi literature. Who better to decode this nonsense than sci-fi nerd Daniel Daughhetee? Along the way we recommend some actual good stuff and explain why Daniel prefers Joe Mantegna to Mandy Patinkin. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33987767

Deliver The Profile Episode 306: Girlfriend 2000 11/04/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 306: Girlfriend 2000 JJ takes a stalking case personally--is it because she's a girl or is there some other culprit? We learn in this episode that the bicep is the penis equivalent for network television and Ronnie recounts his disastrous viewing of My Date With Drew, a real horror show. Also, Rossi and Hotch are letting the kids handle stalking as they interview a battered woman. It's real Grade A stuff. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33780037

Menom on Venom Episode 3: Venom: The Last Dance 10/29/2024

Menom on Venom Episode 3: Venom: The Last Dance The boys discuss the final ever until the next one Venom movie, The Last Dance. Yes, Venom dances, so really the title lives up to its promise. What else does Venom 3 have? More symbiotes, more MCU actors in non-MCU roles, a Maroon 5 song, a road trip that doesn't really go anywhere and, of course, SILLY VOICES. Listen as Ronnie and Jazz talk for more than the length of the actual movie about how you're a loser and a sucker if you like these things about Tom Hardy having a "bromance" with Spider-Man's laundry. Oops, sorry, can't mention Spider-Man. Venom is somebody's old laundry, okay? /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33663557

Deliver The Profile Episode 305: Manimal vs. Jack the Ripper (Seriously) 10/21/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 305: Manimal vs. Jack the Ripper (Seriously) Not a dream! Not a hallucination! Not an imaginary story! Deliver The Profile's victory lap culminates in revisiting two series from the show's past: Manimal and Night Man. They're back, and they're together, in the Night Man episode "Manimal". No description of the insanity that unfolds will do it justice so why don't you click the play button and hear it for yourself? /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33550162

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Road House 10/07/2024

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Road House Ronnie and Jazz spend nearly two hours dissecting the one, the only Road House. The ONLY Road House. When fat and tough were indistinguishable, a bouncer's natural enemy was a John Cassavetes staple, and Sam Elliott was a hard trodden 45 year old. Play us out, Jeff Healey Band! /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33368227

Deliver The Profile Episode 303: Bailey Beer 09/23/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 303: Bailey Beer Here it is, it's finally here: the season finale of Criminal Minds: Evolution Part Deux. Who will live? Who will die? Whose fate will be called into question despite the fact that we know no principal cast member is going to die at this juncture? In "Save The Children", the Gold Stars kidnap Prentiss and it's up to Voit the serial killer to help the team find her. Ronnie and Jazz are just glad it's over. For now. Tune in next week for Deliver The Profile Guest Shots. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33168647

Deliver The Profile Episode 302: Bingo Royale 09/16/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 302: Bingo Royale Ronnie and Jazz discuss the penultimate episode of Season 17, "Stars and Stripes", the new Crow movie (which bombed so badly it's already out of theatres by the time this description is being written), Glover and more. "Stars and Stripes" introduces new villains such as "pedophile mercenary" and "black girl who's shot in the head almost immediately". It's almost over. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/33079082

Deliver The Profile Episode 301: Jillian and Rossi Sitting In A Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G 08/29/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 301: Jillian and Rossi Sitting In A Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G Scandalous! In one of the shortest podcasts in years, Ronnie and Jazz dissect "North Star", episode 8 of this bullshit season 17. Rossi and Gideon's ex-wife kiss! Something happens to Damien! We meet Voit's lawyer, and he's played by a Shield alum! You'll find out why this podcast is under an hour because that's about all there is to this episode. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/32798287

Deliver The Profile Episode 300: Piran-haha 08/15/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 300: Piran-haha It's episode 300, something neither of the hosts recognized while recording, so prepare to be disappointed if you're expecting fanfare. What do we have? Well, there's a guy melting dudes in his basement. You know shit is real when the episode begins with a "Viewer discretion is advised" screen. What else happens? Oh yeah, convicted felon Felicity Huffman joins the show as Mandy Patinkin's ex-wife! We're 17 years in and introducing long dead characters' exes, we've hit rock fucking bottom. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/32590237

Deliver The Profile Episode 299: Episode 420 07/24/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 299: Episode 420 JJ and Prentiss get high in "Message in a Bottle", one of the dumbest hours this show has ever delivered us. Not since "Eyes Wide Shut" has marijuana been portrayed so poorly. But at least there's other plot, such as Tyler running afoul of an ex-girlfriend and David Rossi cleaning a gun. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/32284157

Deliver The Profile Episode 298: The History of Quibi 07/16/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 298: The History of Quibi Jazz is sick (again), explaining the delay in the DTP spigot. Fear not, though, the boys are back and ready to talk about "Conspiracy vs. Theory", the halfway point of Season 17 of Criminal Minds. Psycho Pete returns, Voit joins some sort of Suicide Squad, Politico cares about Paget Brewster beating up Paul F. Tompkins, and Ronnie finds a new favorite character. He also explains what Quibi is to Jazz and why exactly we're not living in a Quibi-run universe right now. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/32161352

Deliver The Profile Episode 297: Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World 07/02/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 297: Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World Eyes are still being taken out in "Kingdom of the Blind", episode 4 of the interminable slog that is Criminal Minds: Evolution: Season 2. This time the enucleator draws little tattoos on herself after committing the act, like Mr. Zsasz. Unlike Mr. Zsasz, nobody even approaching Alan Grant or Norm Breyfogle's talent level is working on this shit. Also, Sicarius meets with his family and Prentiss is bailed out of jail by a Rossi who's still talking to Head Sicarius. Christ almighty. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31984037

Deliver The Profile Episode 296: Waifu Reid 06/23/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 296: Waifu Reid Remember when Voit whispered something to Alvez and it pissed him off something fierce? Well, we find out what it is and it involves porn. Of the BAU. Rossi steamrolling Elle Greenaway while Reid wanks off in the corner. Presumably. There's also a guy who kills people on moving day. As someone who's moved multiple times in their life, being murdered would be a fine respite from moving day. "Homesick" just has Ronnie and Jazz homesick for the greener pastures of regular Criminal Minds, where at least this garbage would get resolved within 40 minutes. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31853527

Deliver The Profile Episode 295: The Dope Show 06/16/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 295: The Dope Show They said it couldn't be done. Yes, it's TWO Criminal Minds recaps in one podcast! Ronnie and Jazz burned the midday oil for YOU, the listener, so YOU could be up to date on the comings and goings of the BAU in Season 17: Evolution 2: Electric Boogaloo. Sicarius the serial killer is in custody, Director Richard Schiff (now regenerated into looking like Clark Gregg) wants to make a deal with him, and all the while a guy or guys or girl named Gold Star is out killing, removing eyes and otherwise causing a ruckus. Will the details of Sicarius' deal with the FBI result in a lot of low grade Hannibal Lecter ripoff bullshit? You bet your ass. Of all the 584 episodes of Criminal Minds, "Gold Star" and "Contagion" are definitely some of them. Join the boys on this adventure to streaming hell, won't you? /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31762173

Deliver The Profile Episode 294: Goobers for Gubler 06/01/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 294: Goobers for Gubler Send in the clowns! Yes, Virginia, Criminal Minds did a fucking clown episode, and it's spectacular. Or stupid. One of those. A clown is killing men and leaving the kids alone, reversing the Pennywise paradigm popularized in Stephen King's child pornography book. What results is a cautionary tale about the death of the American Dream as it pertains to clowning. "The Capilanos" is a load of Italian nonsense, 40 minutes of two brothers who have to resort to crime because they've been blacklisted from the world of carnivals, circuses, rodeos and birthday parties. Matthew Gray Gubler directs, because why wouldn't he. Ronnie and Jazz try to make sense of it all as the countdown to Season 17 trudges on. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31560967

Deliver The Profile Episode 293: Good Grief 05/24/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 293: Good Grief Gubler Month continues with "Alchemy", a not very subtle episode that depicts different kinds of grief. One kind kills men in some ill-fated fertility experiment. The other involves dancing inside your own mind. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31460332

Deliver The Profile Episode 292: Bud Cort 05/17/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 292: Bud Cort This week: child abduction! Sparkle Motion from Donnie Darko and Bud Cort take kids from carnivals and do...something to them. Not what you think, though! Also: Ann Cusack overcomes a drinking problem and Morgan acts like a dick. "Mosley Lane", everyone! Directed by the Gube himself. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31362182

Deliver The Profile Episode 291: Cradle 2 Tha Grave 05/11/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 291: Cradle 2 Tha Grave In "Cradle to Grave", some guy is forcing women to bear his child in a sexual dungeon. Just as important is Hotch training Morgan to take his job now that he's too Reaper-spooked to do it effectively. Season 5, y'all. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31237832

Deliver The Profile Episode 290: More Like The Food Replicator 05/04/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 290: More Like The Food Replicator In "The Replicator", the Replicator finally stands revealed. Is it disappointing? You better BELIEVE IT. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/31124188

Deliver The Profile Episode 289: Hermanos 04/25/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 289: Hermanos This week Hotch has to bail his shitbag brother out of trouble as he's involved in some tainted wine scandal. Look, the only reason we're doing "Brothers Hotchner" is it leads directly into the Season 8 finale that botches the Replicator overarching storyline. Get ready for a lot of eye bleeding. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30982538

Deliver The Profile Episode 288: Nursing A Grudge 04/17/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 288: Nursing A Grudge The Replicator "saga" kicks into high gear with "Carbon Copy", a case about a guy killing nurses and removing their eyelids...replicating the very signature of the blood painting guy from last episode. Zugs get zwanged, Scott Grimes shows up and Criminal Minds proves that the wrongly accused are just criminals that haven't committed crimes yet. All that and more in an all-new DELIVER THE PROFILE! /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30864983

Deliver The Profile Episode 287: #notalljanitors 04/10/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 287: #notalljanitors Leap into Season 8 with "Magnum Opus", an episode about Reid grieving his fake phone girlfriend getting real murdered by Dawn from Buffy the best way he knows how: by solving a serial case that may or may not involve a vampire. All the team knows is somebody in San Francisco is killing people, draining their blood and cutting off their eyelids. Will Reid & Morgan Meet Dracula or is it something dumber? Listen to find out. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30765553

Deliver The Profile Episode 286: Odo! 04/03/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 286: Odo! To Season 7 we go with "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy", which is about a mass suicide at a military academy run by the guy who played Odo on Star Trek. There's some bullying involved, but surprisingly no child molestation, so credit to Criminal Minds. This one is loose so buckle in! /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30668413

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire 03/25/2024

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire Bustin' makes me feel vaguely depressed! Ronnie and Jazz suffer through the fifth Ghostbusters movie, which has like five jokes in it. Why is there a talking ghost girl, and why are the ramifications of that swept aside in favor of an undercooked lesbian coming of age subplot? Does Bill Murray actively want to die every moment he's on screen? Why did EVERYONE relocate to New York City? It's a stupid movie for stupid people. Enjoy listening to the boys try to tear it apart without falling asleep. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30536308

Deliver The Profile Episode 285: Courtney 03/18/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 285: Courtney Season 14 is over...for now. "Sick and Evil" is about haunted houses, a woman heavily invested in her Maine town's "lore" (don't CALL IT THAT), and Rossi still smarts from getting his ass kicked by the Chameleon. More slop from the CBS trough that your inteprid hosts have to pore through for the sake of comedy. What a world. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30420943

Deliver The Profile Episode 284: Lookbook 03/10/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 284: Lookbook In "Ashley", misbegotten main character Ashley Seaver does NOT return. Instead it's some missing child Season 14 bullshit. Ah, c'est la vie. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30311263

Deliver The Profile Episode 283: The Twenty Seven Club 02/29/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 283: The Twenty Seven Club Season 14 rolls on with "Twenty Seven", an episode about machete murders in DC that occur every 27 minutes. Is it stupid or is someone trying to make a dumbass point? Both! Meanwhile, Prentiss gets the least charismatic love interest ever. Good thing we cover these out of order so we already know this romance ultimately goes nowhere. MENDOZA!!!!! (That's his name, not just a Simpsons reference.) /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30166158

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Madame Web 02/18/2024

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Madame Web It's time to stare at the sun, by which we mean return to watching Sony's Spider-Man without Spider-Man movies. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/30005658

Deliver The Profile Episode 282: Another Evil Kid 02/14/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 282: Another Evil Kid I guess the episode title spoils the twist. Oops. Otherwise it's a pretty typical Criminal Minds episode, which is to say it's not good. And there's a Garcia subplot. Why even live anymore. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/29954128

Deliver The Profile Episode 281: The Seed of Simmons 02/07/2024

Deliver The Profile Episode 281: The Seed of Simmons Season 14 slog continues on with "Rule 34", which, yes, we get it. It's terrible but we get it. Somebody is sending body parts in the mail to random women and if you guessed a predatory homosexual was behind it, congratulations. Also, one of Simmons' 17 kids gets in trouble at school and who could possibly care. It's another week in the mines for your boys at Deliver The Profile. /episode/index/show/delivertheprofile/id/29842143

Deliver The Profile

TOPICS