Where Do We Go From Here?
A weekly podcast deconstructing purity culture, sex and other real life stuff for thoughtful Christians and exvangelicals alike.
info_outline
On Premarital Sex Part 4: Sin or Not a Sin?
11/26/2025
On Premarital Sex Part 4: Sin or Not a Sin?
In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together. This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church’s teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our “deconstructed” ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after “deconstructing.” Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify. You’ll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant “unmarried”), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/39019580
info_outline
On Premarital Sex Part 3: Making Sexual Decisions with Wisdom — Not Fear
11/25/2025
On Premarital Sex Part 3: Making Sexual Decisions with Wisdom — Not Fear
In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast’s early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you’ve left purity culture behind? This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack: ✨ Why “premeditation” isn’t sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset. Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers. This episode doesn’t tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom. For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias’ Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/39019560
info_outline
On Premarital Sex Part 2: Reimagining Celibacy
11/25/2025
On Premarital Sex Part 2: Reimagining Celibacy
In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions: What does celibacy really mean? How is celibacy different from abstinence? Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for “other people”? And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between? Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests: Peter Valk A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares: What vocational celibacy is (and isn’t) How he discerned his call Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family Why discernment should be part of every Christian’s vocational life Dr. Dani Treweek Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture: The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence How eschatology (“we will be like the angels”) changes everything Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought. You’ll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture. ✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner Equip Your Community – Peter Valk Nashville Family of Brothers Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry Dani’s doctoral work: The End of Singleness Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/39019495
info_outline
On Premarital Sex Part 1: What are the rules when there are no rules?
11/24/2025
On Premarital Sex Part 1: What are the rules when there are no rules?
In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex? Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered: How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook? What counts as “sexual sin” if I don’t use purity-culture categories? How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment? What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex? …this episode is for you. Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why “What do I actually want?” is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed. You’ll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope. Whether you’re dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion. ✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias’ “Four Paradoxes of Sex” at wheredowegopod.com/partner Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts MathiasRoberts.com Instagram: @mathiasroberts
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/39019470
info_outline
What We Can Learn from a Somatic Sexologist
11/19/2025
What We Can Learn from a Somatic Sexologist
In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality. Lydia shares her journey from believing she was “broken” and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal. This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence. In this episode: Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we’re “born good at” How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure Why orgasm isn’t the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love Resources Mentioned: Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38934715
info_outline
Faith, Feminism & Pleasure: Rethinking the Christian Story of Sex
11/12/2025
Faith, Feminism & Pleasure: Rethinking the Christian Story of Sex
In this month’s Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what’s been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about “saving sex for marriage” to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church. The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women’s bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J’s interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods. They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction. And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question. In this episode: Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex? Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women’s leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast Angela J. Herrington — Website: Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: “Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?” France legal reform on consent — Article: “France’s Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law” (Le Monde)
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38934425
info_outline
Deconstructing Christian Patriarchy and Reclaiming Feminine Energy
11/05/2025
Deconstructing Christian Patriarchy and Reclaiming Feminine Energy
In this episode, EDJ talks with Angela Herrington, author of Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Decolonizing the Sacred Feminine and Reclaiming Your Power. Together, they explore what it means to reconnect with feminine wisdom in a world shaped by patriarchy and Christian purity culture. Angela unpacks: The witch as a metaphor for women’s ancestral wisdom and strength How patriarchy and colonialism vilified feminine power and indigenous knowledge Why rage and pleasure are essential parts of healing The truth about Christian teachings on submission and mutuality How epigenetics reveals generational trauma—and the science behind healing it The difference between equality and equity in feminist theology This conversation dives deep into spirituality, sexuality, and self-trust, inviting listeners to rediscover the sacred feminine in themselves—no matter their gender. 📘 Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods is available wherever you buy books. Follow Angela Herrington on and visit . 🎧 Listen to Where Do We Go From Here? wherever you get your podcasts, and follow for more.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38721020
info_outline
Does Saving Sex for Marriage Set People Up for Better or Worse Sex? - A No Hard Feelings Chat
10/29/2025
Does Saving Sex for Marriage Set People Up for Better or Worse Sex? - A No Hard Feelings Chat
In this month’s No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen take a deep dive into one of purity culture’s biggest promises — that saving sex for marriage leads to better, holier, and more satisfying sex. Spoiler: the data (and lived experience) tell a different story. They explore: The “sexual prosperity gospel” and why it set so many up for shame and disappointment Sheila Wray Gregoire’s landmark Great Sex Rescue study of 20,000 evangelical women The “flip-switch myth” and how lack of education and consent led to painful first experiences The 47% orgasm gap and how theology often reinforces it How purity culture erased queer people entirely — and the lasting impact of that What Christians can teach instead: consent, embodiment, mutuality, and choice A surprisingly wise bit of secular sex advice: “Don’t have sex with anyone you wouldn’t hand your unlocked phone to.” Whether you waited for marriage or not, this episode dismantles the shame, misinformation, and silence that shaped so many of our sexual stories — and offers a better, kinder path forward. Referenced: The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex Dr. Camden Morgante’s “Flip Switch Myth” Santification and Sexual Satisfaction: Guys We F**ed* podcast
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38574145
info_outline
Nobody Wants This Season 1 Recap
10/23/2025
Nobody Wants This Season 1 Recap
In this fun and thoughtful Where Do We Go From Here? conversation, Jessica and Devi revisit one of their favourite RomCom Recap episodes from Patreon — a deep dive into the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. They explore why this show hit such a cultural nerve, how it portrays the complexity of love between two people from different faiths, and what it teaches us about emotional honesty, boundaries, and belonging. From the “hot rabbi” to the spiral-inducing unanswered text, Jessica and Devi unpack how Nobody Wants This manages to make relationships feel real — messy, beautiful, and worth fighting for. If you’ve ever wondered what healthy love looks like after religious conditioning or purity culture, this one’s for you. In this episode: Why Nobody Wants This resonates so deeply with modern audiences How pop culture is reimagining “good men” through characters like Noah The parallels between religious devotion and emotional integrity Why our culture is hungry for models of honest, emotionally mature relationships The power of female introspection in romcom storytelling Mentioned in this episode: Nobody Wants This (Netflix) Fleabag (Amazon Prime) The Faith Adjacent Podcast
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38753035
info_outline
Why ‘Waiting on God’s Timing’ Keeps Women Stuck and other thoughts
10/15/2025
Why ‘Waiting on God’s Timing’ Keeps Women Stuck and other thoughts
In this reflective and wide-ranging Thoughts & Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ explore the intersection of politics, faith, and deconstruction — from the rise of Christian nationalism in the U.S. to the way purity culture still shapes dating and marriage expectations today. Together, they talk about: How Christian nationalism differs between Australia and the U.S. What the Charlie Kirk controversy reveals about polarization and online discourse. Learning when to disengage from unproductive debates — and how that can be an act of wisdom, not defeat. Why waiting for “God’s timing” in dating can keep women passive and disconnected from their own agency. Reflections on The Myth of Good Christian Parenting and the need to unlearn harmful discipline models. Jessica’s bittersweet announcement about stepping back from Where Do We Go From Here? and what’s next for the show. A closing prayer for peace, courage, and connection. ✨ Whether you’re deconstructing purity culture, politics, or parenting, this episode offers grounded honesty, laughter, and a gentle invitation to keep growing. Mentioned: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting by Marissa Franks-Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis April Ajoy interview episode Prayer by Dr Lisa Hancock
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38571395
info_outline
Grace for Parents, Healing for Kids - Chatting to the authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting
10/10/2025
Grace for Parents, Healing for Kids - Chatting to the authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting
Guests: Marissa Franks-Burt – | Kelsey Kramer McGinnis – | | Writer at Christianity Today About the Episode: In this episode, EDJ sits down with Marissa Franks-Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families. Together they trace how James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline shaped decades of Christian parenting and why authoritarian, fear-based models continue to echo in today’s influencer culture. They explore: How “good Christian parenting” emerged from post-1970s evangelicalism Why the focus on control and obedience took hold The theology behind corporal punishment and gender hierarchy How religious parenting ideals became social media aesthetics What it looks like to move toward empathy, autonomy, and grace Trigger warning: Discussion of spanking, strict discipline, and religious trauma. Book release: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting releases October 14, 2025. Pre-order bonuses include downloadable resources making the Christian case against spanking.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38535935
info_outline
April Ajoy on Christian Nationalism and Star-Spangled Jesus
09/24/2025
April Ajoy on Christian Nationalism and Star-Spangled Jesus
This week on Where Do We Go From Here? EDJ sits down with content creator, podcaster, and author April Ajoy to talk about her new book Star-Spangled Jesus: Christian Nationalism in America. April grew up in purity culture as a pastor’s kid, surrounded by the metaphors we all know too well—chewed-up gum, licked cupcakes, torn roses. But as her journey unfolded, she began creating satire on TikTok, co-hosting the Tim and April Show, and now writing a book that helps us understand how Christian nationalism took hold in America. In this conversation, you’ll hear: April’s personal deconstruction journey, from purity culture to politics. What Christian nationalism actually is, and how it has shaped American evangelicalism. Why purity culture and Christian nationalism often go hand in hand. How April and her non-binary spouse live out a faith that embraces authenticity and hope. Why she still chooses to ground herself in the words of Jesus. EDJ also reflects on the contrasts between voting in Australia and the United States, and how compulsory voting changes the landscape of politics and faith. This episode will help you name the forces shaping the evangelical church in America, and it offers hope that change and healing are possible. Find April Ajoy online: TikTok & Instagram: Podcast: Book: Star-Spangled Jesus (available now wherever books are sold)
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38300555
info_outline
No Hard Feelings about Charlie Kirk
09/16/2025
No Hard Feelings about Charlie Kirk
Responding to the Assassination of Charlie Kirk The assassination of Charlie Kirk has shaken Christian communities across the U.S. and beyond. In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess (Melbourne), Emily (Texas), and Kristen (Tennessee) sit with the grief, confusion, and deep polarization surrounding Kirk’s death. Together, we ask: how do we resist letting tragedy harden us into tribalism? How do we hold the tension between condemning violence and naming the real harm of Kirk’s rhetoric? And what does it mean to choose love over retaliation in an age of outrage? In this conversation, we explore: Why reactions to Kirk’s death split so quickly into polarized “camps" The role of social media algorithms in fueling anger and division, with insights from Jonathan Haidt (The Coddling of the American Mind). Mark Noll’s critique of evangelical anti-intellectualism in The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind. A pastoral response from Kristin Mockler Young, reminding us that empathy in the face of enmity is a supernatural calling Reflections on collective grief, generational impact, and the temptation to idolize or demonize leaders. Why stepping away from online debates and reclaiming in-person conversations might be our best path forward. This is not an easy conversation — but in No Hard Feelings fashion, we try to hold complexity, honor grief, and root ourselves in love. Sources:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38235715
info_outline
Devi's Back for the Dr James Dobson Autopsy
09/09/2025
Devi's Back for the Dr James Dobson Autopsy
In this special one-off reunion episode, Jessica is joined by former co-host Devi Abraham to do a kind of “Dobson autopsy.” When Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, passed away last month, his legacy sparked heated debate. Was he the warm fatherly voice who helped parents raise families—or the architect of purity culture and harmful teachings? 📻 Dobson’s global reach — Focus on the Family aired in 164 countries, translated into more than a dozen languages, and reached *200+ million daily listeners (, ). 🧬 Eugenics roots — the surprising connection between Dobson’s mentor Paul Popenoe, a eugenicist, and the framing of Dare to Discipline (). ⏱ The 72-Hour Rule — teaching couples not to go more than three days without sex, widely critiqued as unscientific and harmful (). 🏫 Purity culture & adolescence — how Preparing for Adolescence shaped generations and linked teenage sexuality to loss of faith (). ✋ Masturbation — Dobson’s contradictory teaching that it was “not much of an issue with God,” leaving many adolescents confused (). 🪓 Corporal punishment — “Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked…” (Dare to Discipline, 1970), making spanking mainstream in Christian homes. 👉 Listen in as Jessica and Devi unpack the paradox of Dobson’s life: the man who created a global empire of evangelical family teaching, and the movement that shaped—and scarred—millions. 🔗 Sources & Further Reading
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38141405
info_outline
Kristin Kobes Du Mez on Purity Culture, Patriarchy & Power
09/02/2025
Kristin Kobes Du Mez on Purity Culture, Patriarchy & Power
We're bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of the last 5 years — and for good reason. This riveting conversation with Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, author of Jesus and John Wayne, explores how white American evangelicals came to embrace a model of masculinity rooted not in Jesus, but in militarism, patriarchy, and cultural conservatism. Jess and Devi unpack how purity culture intersects with Christian nationalism and gender roles, and how evangelical ideals of "biblical masculinity" and "feminine purity" were shaped more by cultural warriors than the gospel. Plus, listeners will hear powerful voice memos from men who saw themselves in this book — and whose lives were changed by it. Why listen (again): If you've ever wondered how we got from the church youth group to Donald Trump, or if you’ve struggled to reconcile your faith with the gender roles you were raised with, this episode is a must-listen. What We Cover: The history behind evangelical support for Donald Trump How Christian masculinity became militarized Why “biblical manhood” and “biblical womanhood” aren’t biblical The deep links between evangelicalism, nationalism, and patriarchy Why so many men found healing in Jesus and John Wayne The real impact of evangelical “enemy culture” How power, fear, and authority are used to control communities What it means to resist the us-vs-them narrative in faith communities Listener Stories Included: Throughout the episode, you'll hear from men around the world whose experiences with evangelical masculinity echo the findings in Du Mez’s research. These voice memos are raw, honest, and unforgettable. Resources:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/38051870
info_outline
Submission, Agency, and Shiny Happy People S2: Where Do We Go From Here?
08/26/2025
Submission, Agency, and Shiny Happy People S2: Where Do We Go From Here?
In this month’s Thoughts and Prayers episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica and EDJ reflect on some of the biggest conversations we’ve had together: 🎬 Shiny Happy People: Season 2 — what it reveals about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, and the power of survivors speaking out. 📖 Danielle Taminio Henson on Speaking of Rape — redefining rape, broadening the conversation around consent, and why “agency” may be a better word than “autonomy.” ✝️ A New Christian Sexual Ethic — moving away from “premarital sex is a sin” toward a consent-centred ethic for Christians today. 💍 Submission and Gender Roles — do Christians still believe in wives submitting to husbands? How purity culture and complementarianism shaped this teaching. We close with an Anglican-inspired Prayers of the People, offering space for listeners to process grief, shame, hope, and healing together. 📌 Mentioned in this episode: (Harmony, North Carolina) where EDJ will be speaking on purity culture and sexual ethics. for extended conversations, early releases, and community debriefs. Instagram - @wheredowegopod Whether you’re deconstructing purity culture, questioning old beliefs, or seeking a faith anchored in consent and equality, this conversation is for you.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37957235
info_outline
Submission: The Church Rule We Subconsciously Deconstructed?
08/19/2025
Submission: The Church Rule We Subconsciously Deconstructed?
In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen tackle the loaded word submission in Christian culture. What did Paul really mean in Ephesians 5? How has the concept been shaped by history, purity culture, and translation choices? And is submission a word worth redeeming—or should we let it go? We explore: The Greek word kephalē (head, source, origin) and how translation choices influence theology. Historical context: Roman household codes, women’s legal status, and why Paul’s words may have been countercultural. Women in the early church: Phoebe (Romans 16:1–2), Priscilla (Acts 18:26), and Lydia (Acts 16:14–15) as leaders and patrons. Industrial Revolution & Victorian ideals: how cultural shifts reinforced gendered hierarchies. Modern reframing: mutual submission as respect, humility, and partnership rather than hierarchy. Contemporary concerns: #MeToo, Doug Wilson’s public comments, and the church’s ongoing debates about women’s leadership. References & Links Margaret Mowczko on Ephesians 5 and mutual submission: Christianity Today on Genesis 3:16 translation debates: John Townsend & Henry Cloud, Boundaries
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37873405
info_outline
Consent as a Holy Starting Point: Rethinking Christian Sexual Ethics
08/12/2025
Consent as a Holy Starting Point: Rethinking Christian Sexual Ethics
After years of believing that premarital sex was a sin without exception, Jessica invites us into a vulnerable, thought-provoking solo episode to explore a different kind of Christian sexual ethic — one rooted not in rules, but in love, consent, agency, and mutual care. She reflects on her own journey out of purity culture, dives into the historical and biblical context of sexual norms, and challenges the idea that “no sex before marriage” is a core tenet of the faith. Instead, she suggests we build an ethic that teaches emotional maturity, boundaries, and enthusiastic consent — one that honors human dignity in the way Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Whether you agree, disagree, or are still figuring it out, this episode invites honest reflection, open conversation, and courageous rethinking of how we talk about sex in church communities today. In this episode: Jessica’s personal journey from purity culture to a consent-based sexual ethic Why biblical sexual norms were rooted in property, patriarchy, and survival — not romance What “sexual immorality” (porneia) meant in its ancient context Why the Bible never explicitly calls all premarital sex a sin How consent, agency, and safety might be more holy than virginity Moving from fear-based compliance to love-based discernment in our faith
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37771605
info_outline
Beyond Consent: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Justice - a conversation with Danielle Tumminio Hansen
08/06/2025
Beyond Consent: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Justice - a conversation with Danielle Tumminio Hansen
Content Warnings: This episode discusses rape, sexual assault, purity culture, childhood sexual harm, and childbirth trauma. Listener discretion is advised. In this deeply moving and thought-provoking conversation, EDJ is joined by theologian and author Danielle Tumminio Hansen to explore how our language, theology, and justice systems often fail survivors of sexual harm. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Speaking of Rape, Danielle discusses the need to reframe how we talk about rape, the myths of the "perfect victim" and the "obvious perpetrator," and the damaging intersections between purity culture and rape culture. This episode also tackles the importance of sex education, why impact matters more than intent, how restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment-based systems, and what it means to raise children with justice and empathy in mind. Danielle shares from her own story with remarkable vulnerability, offering theological, psychological, and cultural insight that’s both challenging and deeply hopeful. Topics Discussed: Why our words around sexual harm often fall short The myths of the "perfect victim" and "clear perpetrator" How purity culture contributes to victim-blaming Redefining rape through agency, power, and desire The role of sex education in prevention Restorative justice vs. retributive justice Why survivors' stories reshape culture Teaching justice through parenting Autonomy, agency, and interdependence Understanding impact over intent Resources Mentioned: Speaking of Rape by Danielle Tumminio Hansen South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva & Tom Stranger Know My Name by Chanel Miller Works by theologian Sally McFague and philosopher Linda Alcoff Research on contact theory and restorative justice 🇦🇺 Australia 1800RESPECT Australia’s national sexual assault, domestic, and family violence helpline. 📞 Call: 1800 737 732 💬 Online chat: 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑⚕️ Services: Counselling, information, and referrals State-Based Services Victoria: Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292 (5 pm–9 am weekdays; 24/7 on weekends) Queensland: Sexual Assault Helpline – 1800 010 120 (7:30 am–11:30 pm daily) Western Australia: Sexual Assault Resource Centre – 1800 199 888 (24/7) South Australia: Yarrow Place – 1800 817 421 Tasmania: Sexual Assault Support Service – 1800 697 877 Northern Territory: Sexual Assault Referral Centres – 08 8922 6472 (Darwin) Australian Capital Territory: Canberra Rape Crisis Centre – 02 6247 2525 New South Wales: Full Stop Australia – 1800 FULL STOP 🇺🇸 United States RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline. 📞 Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673) 💬 Online chat: 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑⚕️ Services: Confidential support, referrals, and information Other National Helplines Love Is Respect: For teens and young adults experiencing dating violence. 📞 Call: 1-866-331-9474 💬 Text: Text "LOVEIS" to 22522 💬 Online chat: National Domestic Violence Hotline: For domestic violence support. 📞 Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 💬 Text: Text "START" to 88788 💬 Online chat: Crisis Text Line: For general crisis support. 💬 Text: Text "HOME" to 741741 🇬🇧 United Kingdom Rape Crisis England & Wales Provides the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line. 📞 Call: 0808 500 2222 💬 Online chat: 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑⚕️ Services: Emotional support, information, and referrals Other Support Lines Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone in distress. 📞 Call: 116 123 💬 Online chat: Childline: For individuals under 19. 📞 Call: 0800 1111 💬 Online chat: The Survivors Trust: For survivors of sexual violence. 📞 Call: 0808 801 0818 💬 Text: 07860 022 956 💬 Online chat: 🇨🇦 Canada Sexual Violence Helpline (Canada) Provides confidential support and referrals. 📞 Call: 1-888-933-9007 💬 Online chat: 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑⚕️ Services: Support for survivors and their supporters Other Support Lines Kids Help Phone: For individuals aged 5–29. 📞 Call: 1-800-668-6868 💬 Text: Text "CONNECT" to 686868 💬 Online chat: Trans Lifeline: For transgender and gender-diverse individuals. 📞 Call: 1-877-330-6366 💬 Online chat: Victim Connect: For general victim support. 📞 Call: 1-855-484-2846 💬 Online chat:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37631680
info_outline
Parenting and Re-Parenting Without Sexual Shame with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers
07/31/2025
Parenting and Re-Parenting Without Sexual Shame with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers
Originally released as episode 52. This episode is part therapy, part masterclass. Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers joins us to talk about parenting and re-parenting in a world where many of us never got real sex education. If you’re a parent wondering how to raise kids free of shame—or an adult figuring out how to parent your younger self—this episode is a warm hug and a roadmap.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37424805
info_outline
Shiny Happy People Season 2: Teen Mania, Radicalisation & the Teenage Holy War
07/28/2025
Shiny Happy People Season 2: Teen Mania, Radicalisation & the Teenage Holy War
A raw and cathartic conversation about Shiny Happy People Season 2, Teen Mania, the Honor Academy, and the teenage evangelical pipeline. Episode Summary: Season 2 of Shiny Happy People shifts the spotlight from the Duggar family to Teen Mania Ministries and its high-control youth movement. In this debrief, host Jessica is joined by Kristen (an Acquire the Fire attendee) and Emily (a former Honor Academy intern) to reflect on the docuseries, spiritual trauma, radicalisation of Christian teens, and what it means to deconstruct from inside the movement. We dive into: What Acquire the Fire and the Honor Academy actually were How evangelicalism created a "teenage holy war" The use of fear, control, and purity to recruit and retain young people Why teenagers are especially vulnerable to religious indoctrination What happens when you leave a movement like this And the long road to healing and reclaiming identity Whether you were part of Teen Mania or are just processing what you watched, this is your space to debrief. Timestamps: 0:00 – Introduction to the episode 3:00 – What was Teen Mania & Acquire the Fire? 10:00 – Inside the Honor Academy: unpaid labour and control 20:00 – Radicalisation, binary thinking & purity culture 35:00 – Columbine, martyrdom, and glorifying teenage death 44:00 – From faith to politics: the evangelical machine 55:00 – What happens after you leave the cult? 1:03:00 – Final reflections and advice for healing Resources Mentioned: Join the conversation: Follow us on Instagram: Support this work and get bonus content on Patreon
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37575480
info_outline
Sex, Consent and the Theology of Harm: What if sin is about harm, not rules? We rethink ethics, bodies, and sacred sexuality
07/22/2025
Sex, Consent and the Theology of Harm: What if sin is about harm, not rules? We rethink ethics, bodies, and sacred sexuality
In this episode of Thoughts and Prayers, Jessica and EDJ reflect on three key conversations from the past month — with queer theologian Brandon Robertson and Catholic academic Donna Freitas — while taking a deep dive into the question: Is it time to reimagine Christian sexual ethics? Join them for a vulnerable, theologically rich, and sometimes hilarious discussion on queerness, purity culture, hookup culture, parenting, masturbation, and what Jesus might really have meant when he talked about lust. We finish the episode with heartfelt prayers for those navigating deconstruction and for peace in the wider world. In This Episode: What does it mean to be queer affirming? Evangelicals vs. Catholics on sex: who talks more and says less? Deconstructing lust, sin, and abomination Parenting kids with new sexual ethics Why Jesus might’ve been talking about rape not just lust A buffet of sexual options: beyond purity and hookup culture The grief and grace in letting go of black-and-white certainty Mentions: Brandon Robertson interview Donna Freitas interview EDJ’s upcoming book Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (Coming soon via Sacrosage Press) Support us at
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37424675
info_outline
"Talking About Sex in Church Broke Us" — Donna Freitas on Healing What Religion Couldn’t
07/15/2025
"Talking About Sex in Church Broke Us" — Donna Freitas on Healing What Religion Couldn’t
Author, scholar, and survivor Donna Freitas joins us for a raw and deeply thoughtful conversation on the ways purity culture, religious silence, and institutional failures around sexuality have left lasting wounds — and where healing might actually begin. In this episode, we talk about: 📚 Donna’s personal story of church trauma and spiritual silence ✝️ The impact of purity culture on desire, consent, and autonomy 🧠 Why Christian spaces still struggle to talk about sex without shame 💔 How writing became Donna’s way back to something like prayer 🔍 The difference between sexual ethics and sexual rules 🧎♀️ What healing can look like when religion has been the source of harm 👀 The things that don’t get said in evangelical and Catholic conversations around sex — and why they matter This one is for anyone who's been handed shame in the name of God — and is still trying to sort through what’s true, what’s trauma, and what’s worth keeping. Donna Freitas is an author, researcher, professor, and leading voice in conversations around sex, consent, spirituality, and young adult faith. Website: Substack: Instagram: Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast by Jessica Vanderwyngaard For more content and to partner with the show: Today's Host was EDJ -
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/36858525
info_outline
Is It Time for a New Christian Sexual Ethic?
07/08/2025
Is It Time for a New Christian Sexual Ethic?
Is it time to reimagine a Christian sexual ethic? That’s the big question Jessica, Kristen, and Emily take on in this bold, honest, and expansive No Hard Feelings conversation. Together, we dive deep into the history of Christian sexual ethics—from the Garden of Eden and ancient Israelite practices to purity culture and the modern church. This isn’t just a theology class. We’re asking: What was the biblical sexual ethic really? How has marriage changed over the centuries? What role did empire, patriarchy, and purity culture play? What do we owe to queer theologians in rethinking Christian sexuality? How can we build a framework that values consent, agency, dignity, and inclusion? Whether you’ve left purity culture behind, are raising kids, are single in the church, or just want to better understand how we got here—this episode is for you. 🔑 Plus, Jessica shares a deeply personal vision for a new Christian sexual ethic—available exclusively on Patreon. Join us for this no-holds-barred conversation. Because when it comes to faith and sex, there are no hard feelings—just open hearts and honest questions. 🔗 Links & Resources Jessica’s solo episode: A New Christian Sexual Ethic? → Episode with Brandon Robertson on queer theology → Follow us on Instagram:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37331535
info_outline
Most Downloaded: Sex and Agency
07/03/2025
Most Downloaded: Sex and Agency
Originally released as Episode 49. This episode is all about one word: agency. Jessica and Devi revisit their conversation with Sheila Gregoire about what it really means for women to experience pleasure, make choices, and have autonomy in their sexual relationships. From obligation sex to pleasure gaps in marriage, we dissect the ways purity culture erased agency—and what reclaiming it can look like.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37267885
info_outline
Purity, Paul, and Pride: A Queer Pastor Reimagines Christianity
06/24/2025
Purity, Paul, and Pride: A Queer Pastor Reimagines Christianity
Host: EDJ Guest: Rev. Brandan Robertson – author of Queer and Christian, TikTok pastor, theologian, and public speaker. In this heartfelt and deeply thoughtful conversation, EDJ speaks with Rev. Brandan Robertson about growing up evangelical, discovering his queerness, and finding a theology that held both faith and identity. Together, they unpack: Brandan’s journey from Moody Bible Institute to affirming theology The trauma of purity culture and conversion therapy Why “obedience” and biblical literalism can be harmful What the Bible really says about queerness – including the infamous word arsenokoite Queer readings of scripture and the radical inclusivity of Jesus How deconstruction can lead to more honest, expansive faith What it means to let love—not fear—guide your theology Whether you're curious, questioning, or walking your own road of reconstruction, this episode offers theological insight, personal stories, and radical grace. 🛒 Buy Queer and Christian: 📍 Follow Brandan: TikTok, Instagram, and more via QueerChristian.org 🔗 Support us on Patreon:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37128700
info_outline
Do we still believe in "obedience" after purity culture?
06/19/2025
Do we still believe in "obedience" after purity culture?
In this Thoughts and Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ wade into the murky waters of what it means to engage with faith, critique evangelicalism, and still remain spiritually alive. It’s part deconstruction, part spiritual therapy — with a side of sass. They ask: Can you love Jesus but be done with church? What happens when purity culture gives way to embodied faith? And how do you hold grief and hope in the same breath when it comes to faith traditions that shaped you — and hurt you? This conversation isn’t tied up in a bow — and that’s the point. If you’re craving raw honesty and nuanced faith, this one’s for you. In this episode: Church trauma and the long shadow of spiritual abuse “Healing” and the commodification of it in Christian spaces Why it’s okay to say “I don’t know” The spiritual cost of being a “good girl” Rebuilding a relationship with the divine on your own terms Join the conversation and let us know your biggest takeaway.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/37036425
info_outline
Is Christianity Still Good News for Women?
06/11/2025
Is Christianity Still Good News for Women?
Is Christianity still good news for women? It’s a big question — and in this episode, Jessica is joined by Emily and Kristen for a thoughtful, vulnerable conversation that doesn’t shy away from the tension. Together, they explore: 🧠 How growing up in the church shaped their views on womanhood, sex, and submission ✝️ The parts of Christianity they’ve kept — and what they’ve had to leave behind 💔 The difference between Jesus and the institutions that claim to represent him 🧎♀️ Whether the “good news” can still be good when it’s caused so much harm 🪢 And what hope, faith, and spirituality can look like after the unraveling This isn’t a theological debate — it’s an honest look at what it means to be a woman who still wants to engage faith after everything. No easy answers. No hard feelings. Just an open conversation for wherever you’re at.
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/36949225
info_outline
Can You Still Follow God After Church Trauma? A conversation with Brenda Palmer
06/04/2025
Can You Still Follow God After Church Trauma? A conversation with Brenda Palmer
What happens when saying yes to God means leaving behind everything you built — and trusting Him in the silence? In this deeply moving episode, Jessica talks with evangelist, author, and podcast host Brenda Palmer about her upcoming book The Journey of Yes. But this conversation goes far beyond the book. Brenda opens up about growing up in purity culture, losing her church community after choosing to speak out, walking away from a thriving career, and learning to hear God’s voice in the wilderness of financial uncertainty and emotional pain. With wisdom, joy, and radical honesty, she reminds us: That hearing from God is a process, not a lightning bolt That obedience isn’t about transaction, but transformation And that our trauma doesn’t disqualify us — it’s often where God meets us Whether you’ve walked away from church, are learning to trust God again, or are somewhere in between, this conversation is a breath of Spirit-filled air. Where to find Brenda: Pre-orders: Where to find us:
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/36844795
info_outline
Emotional Affairs & the First American Pope. A No Hard Feelings Chat
05/15/2025
Emotional Affairs & the First American Pope. A No Hard Feelings Chat
This episode of No Hard Feelings is one for the books: we’re tackling two wildly different but surprisingly rich topics — emotional cheating in the age of smartphones, and the global significance of the first American pope, Leo XIV. First, Jessica, Kristen, and Emily unpack what emotional cheating actually is (spoiler: it’s not as cut and dry as you think). From secret texts and blurred lines to purity culture hangovers and relational ethics, we sit in the tension and explore the gray areas of emotional intimacy. Then we shift gears to talk about the newly appointed Pope Leo XIV — what it means for the global church, the far right’s response, and how Catholicism’s center of gravity may be shifting away from Europe. We don’t offer all the answers. But we ask the questions with honesty, curiosity, and no hard feelings. 🎧 Support the show and get bonus content at
/episode/index/show/wheredoweogopod/id/36576585