Coming Out: LGBTQ+ Challenges in Adoption with Joe Toolan - Ep 135

"I had to be OK with the fact that they might not accept me for who I am." - Joe Toolan

 

Transcript

Read this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HQC31S90118VY2NM91EADH9Q

 

Episode Summary

In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption through the lens of LGBTQ+ adoptees. Joined by guest Joe Toolan, a transracial, queer adoptee from Guatemala, the episode explores the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in the adoption process.

Joe shares his personal journey of growing up in a conservative white family in Maryland, navigating his identity as a queer, Latine, indigenous, transracial adoptee. He reflects on the struggles of coming out to his adoptive family and the impact it had on their relationship.

The episode highlights the importance of support and acceptance for LGBTQ+ adoptees, emphasizing the need for adoptive parents to create a safe and affirming environment for their children. Resources such as PFLAG, the Trevor Project, and GLSEN are recommended for allies and family members seeking to educate themselves and support LGBTQ+ individuals.

As Joe recounts his reunion with his birth family in Guatemala, the episode showcases the power of authenticity and self-acceptance in building meaningful connections. Despite initial concerns about acceptance, Joe's birth mother's unconditional love and support demonstrate the transformative impact of embracing one's true identity.

Listeners are encouraged to engage with the LGBTQ+ adoptee community, seek support from advocacy organizations, and participate in upcoming events like the town hall meeting addressing the safety and well-being of adopted children.

Through heartfelt storytelling and insightful conversations, Unraveling Adoption provides a compassionate and informative platform for exploring the intersection of adoption and LGBTQ+ identities, fostering understanding and empathy for all individuals touched by adoption.

Resources mentioned in this episode

• Contact Joe through Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/toolan_joe/

• Find help for LGBTQ+ people and their allies here:

• PFLAG: https://pflag.org/

• The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

• GLSEN: https://www.glsen.org/

• Guatemalan adoptees can find support through the organization Joe works with, Adoptees of Guatemalan Roots: https://www.guateroots.org/

• Attend the Town Hall meeting on Sunday, March 10, 2024, to discuss adoptee murders and what we can do to keep our community's adopted children safe. adopteemurders.eventbrite.com

Other Resources

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
  Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
  Email questions or comments to [email protected]Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTubeSupport Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoptionCheck out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.comCreate your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
  

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Timestamps:

00:00:02 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption
00:01:15 - Embracing LGBTQ+ Voices
00:01:37 - Early Childhood and Adoption Story
00:02:14 - Growing Up in a Conservative Community
00:03:35 - Coming Out as LGBTQ+
00:04:39 - Navigating Relationships After Coming Out
00:05:03 - Challenges of Coming Out Again in Reunion
00:05:42 - Support Systems and Role Models
00:06:57 - Finding Community in College
00:07:53 - Coming Out to Friends
00:08:14 - Struggles with Family Acceptance
00:09:00 - Navigating Authenticity and Acceptance
00:10:10 - Parental Acceptance and Support
00:11:18 - Curiosity About Birth Family
00:12:29 - Beginning the Search for Biological Family
00:13:55 - Receiving Information from Adoptee Groups
00:14:58 - Reunion Process Initiation
00:15:48 - Emotional Response to Reunion News
00:16:00 - Initial Contact with Birth Family
00:17:00 - Concerns About Reunion and Acceptance
00:18:27 - Authenticity in Reunion Process
00:19:00 - Emotional Reunion Moment
00:20:36 - Acceptance and Unconditional Love
00:21:23 - Connecting with LGBTQ+ Adoptee Communities
00:22:18 - Resources for LGBTQ+ Support
00:23:05 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:24:46 - Connecting with the Guest
00:25:26 - Invitation to Town Hall Meeting