From Control to Acceptance: Parenting Through Grief with Jessica Fein - Ep 177
Release Date: 12/30/2024
From Control to Acceptance: Parenting Through Grief with Jessica Fein - Ep 177
Unraveling Adoption
"We followed her lead. And so there was a lot of laughter and there was a lot of beauty." -- Jessica Fein Read the episode transcript here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jessica Fein, an adoptive mother and author of the memoir Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes. Jessica shares her family's deeply moving and complex journey through adoption and the heartbreaking experience of losing her middle child, Dalia, to a rare genetic disorder. We began by discussing Jessica's family's path to adoption, which was...
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Unraveling the Layers of Childhood Trauma with Ron Jenkins - Ep 176
Unraveling Adoption
"I didn't realize how strong I was until, you know, I got into therapy and started to understand all the things that I've overcome." - Ron Jenkins Read the transcript of this episode here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Ron Jenkins, a remarkable individual whose journey through the complexities of foster care and adoption is both harrowing and inspiring. Ron's story begins with the tragic loss of his mother as a young child, leading him and his siblings into the foster care system. He was eventually adopted by a woman who, rather...
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Abortion and Adoption: Insights from Sociological Research with Gretchen Sisson - Ep 175
Unraveling Adoption
"I use the language of supply and demand because this is a market-based system and it's uncomfortable for a lot of people, right? Because you're talking about a supply and demand of human beings." -- Gretchen Sisson Read the transcript here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Gretchen Sisson, the author of the acclaimed book Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood. Gretchen's work stems from a decade-long qualitative sociological study that delves into the experiences of relinquishing...
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Navigating Identity: A Korean Adoptee's Journey with Nathan Nowack - Ep 174
Unraveling Adoption
"I...sometimes I forget that I'm Asian unless I see myself in a mirror." -- Nathan Nowack Read the Transcript: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Nathan Nowack, a Korean adoptee, professional photographer, and co-host of The Janchi Show. Nathan shared his adoption story, having been adopted from Korea at just five and a half months old and raised in a predominantly white community in Oklahoma. He reflected on his childhood, noting the lack of cultural representation and the challenges of navigating his Asian identity in a world that...
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Adoption Songs: Exploring the Complexities of Adoption Through Music with Lori Evans Ermi and Kate Ermi
Unraveling Adoption
"I think now that we have this knowledge, then we can use our story to help create awareness." - Lori Evans Ermi Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JDRMT4Z5RGJ6SD35WBFBT4PM EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of welcoming Lori Evans Ermi and her 17-year-old daughter, Kate Ermi, both of whom are adoptees and co-wrote their new book, Adoption Songs. Our conversation delved into the complexities of adoption from their unique perspectives, highlighting the emotional layers that come with their experiences. Lori shared her journey as a...
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The Male Adoptee Experience: Understanding Anger, Vulnerability, and Community with Tim Perdion - Ep 172
Unraveling Adoption
"I almost feel like there was a blueprint, and I was a character to fit into that blueprint." -- Tim Perdion Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the opportunity to speak with Tim Perdion, an adoptee from Ohio who has spent the last decade navigating his journey of self-discovery and healing. Tim shares his experience of being adopted shortly after birth and the feelings of not belonging that plagued him throughout his childhood. Despite growing up in a loving family, he struggled with anger and a sense of isolation, which led him to seek validation through sports and...
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The Plants Are Calling for the Adoption Constellation with Mee Ok Icaro - Ep 171
Unraveling Adoption
"The plants are always turning everything upside down because our culture is upside down." -- Mee Ok Icaro EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, welcome back Mee Ok Icaro, a previous guest who has shared her profound insights on adoption and healing through plant medicine. This episode is particularly special as we recorded as we prepared for an ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica, where I participated in my first ceremony under Mee Ok’s guidance. We begin by discussing our feelings as the retreat approaches. I express my excitement mixed with a hint of fear,...
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Finding Empowerment through Sex Work as a Korean Adoptee with Kayla Tange - Ep 170
Unraveling Adoption
Finding Empowerment through Sex Work as a Korean Adoptee with Kayla Tange "I can be in my body, and in that moment, I feel safe." -- Kayla Tange EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Kayla Tange, a Korean adoptee raised by Japanese-American parents. She has navigated a unique and complex journey through life as an exotic dancer, performance artist, and sex worker. Kayla shared her adoption story, detailing her early life in an orphanage in Seoul before being adopted at six months old. We explored how her experiences with ADHD and...
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From Ethiopia to America and Back Again: An Adoptee’s Fight for Justice with Mike Davis and Maureen McCauley - Ep 169
Unraveling Adoption
"I thought I'll go to the embassy and I'll clear this up. Yeah, that I was adopted legally and I was US citizen." -- Mike Davis READ THE TRANSCRIPT HERE: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Mike Davis, an intercountry adoptee whose story sheds light on the often-overlooked complexities of adoption, particularly regarding citizenship issues. Mike was adopted from Ethiopia at the age of eight by an African-American single father and grew up in the U.S. However, in the mid-1990s, he discovered that he was not a U.S. citizen,...
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Educating the Next Generation: Adoption Messages in Children's Books with Allison Olson - Ep 168
Unraveling Adoption
"I can read a book and tell you if it's written by an adoptee, written by an adoptive parent or written by somebody who's just a famous author and someone told him to write about adoption and they know nothing about it." -- Allison Olson EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Allison Olson, an adoptee and adoptive parent who has made significant contributions to children's literature on adoption. We explored her personal adoption story, which began in 1979 when she was adopted as a baby in a closed adoption, and how her experiences shaped...
info_outline"We followed her lead. And so there was a lot of laughter and there was a lot of beauty." -- Jessica Fein
Read the episode transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG2GNT8VS6BJTW0VGKSK3 PVA
EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jessica Fein, an adoptive mother and author of the memoir Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes. Jessica shares her family's deeply moving and complex journey through adoption and the heartbreaking experience of losing her middle child, Dalia, to a rare genetic disorder.
We began by discussing Jessica's family's path to adoption, which was initially rooted in a long struggle with infertility. After years of trying to conceive, Jessica and her husband decided to pursue adoption, ultimately leading them to adopt three children from Guatemala. Jessica eloquently describes the joy and chaos of raising her children, but also the challenges they faced when they began to notice developmental issues with Dalia.
As Dalia's health declined due to a rare mitochondrial disease, Jessica opened up about the emotional and practical challenges of caring for a child with a degenerative condition. She shared the struggles of navigating the medical system, the frustration of being more knowledgeable about Dalia's condition than some healthcare providers, and the profound love that persisted throughout their journey.
Throughout our conversation, Jessica emphasized the importance of finding joy amidst the sorrow and the lessons she learned about control and certainty in parenting. She highlighted that while we cannot control the outcomes of our children's lives, we can choose how we respond to the challenges we face.
Jessica's story is a testament to resilience, love, and the complexities of adoption. I encourage listeners to check out her memoir, Breath Taking, and her podcast, I Don't Know How You Do It, where she continues to share stories of families navigating unimaginable circumstances. Thank you for joining us in this heartfelt discussion, and I hope it resonates with anyone touched by adoption or facing similar challenges.
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RESOURCES:
Jessica’s information:
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Browse Jessica’s website, including her book, podcast, and essays: https://www.jessicafeinstories.com/
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Find Jessica on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feinjessica/
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I Don’t Know How You Do It podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-dont-know-how-you-do-it/id1668168226
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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
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TIME STAMPS:
00:00:00 - Introduction
Welcome to Unraveling Adoption with host Beth Syverson and guest Jessica Fein.
00:01:03 - Acknowledging Loss
Beth expresses condolences for Dalia's death and the complexities of Jessica's story.
00:01:55 - Adoption Journey Begins
Jessica shares her family's journey through infertility and the decision to adopt.
00:05:53 - Choosing International Adoption
Discussion on selecting Guatemala for international adoption.
00:08:41 - Bringing Home Their First Child
The experience of bringing their first child home after a long wait.
00:09:41 - Expanding the Family
The couple's journey to adopt three children and their early family life.
00:10:52 - Concerns About Dalia's Development
Early concerns about Dalia's development and responses from early intervention.
00:12:06 - Hearing Loss Diagnosis
Dalia is diagnosed with hearing loss, raising further health questions.
00:13:08 - Rare Genetic Disorder
Jessica explains Dalia's rare mitochondrial disease diagnosis and its uncertainties.
00:14:08 - Navigating Medical Challenges
The family's experience with medical professionals and understanding Dalia's condition.
00:16:41 - Dalia's Hospitalization
The escalation of Dalia's condition leading to a lengthy hospital stay.
00:18:30 - Life with a Tracheostomy
Impact of Dalia's tracheostomy on her communication and eating.
00:19:13 - Communication Challenges
How Dalia communicated with her family after her condition worsened.
00:20:34 - Importance of Connection
Maintaining connection and communication with Dalia despite limitations.
00:21:02 - Finding Joy Amidst Struggles
Balancing joy and sorrow in family life during challenging times.
00:22:06 - Self-Care Strategies
Practical self-care strategies for caregivers.
00:23:33 - Dalia's School Experience
Dalia's participation in school despite her condition.
00:25:14 - Understanding Awareness
Exploring Dalia's awareness of her condition and family efforts.
00:26:32 - Lessons on Control
Jessica reflects on lessons learned about control and certainty.
00:28:22 - Role of Writing
The therapeutic role of writing in processing experiences.
00:30:22 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
Jessica offers insights for prospective adoptive parents.
00:35:09 - Unpredictability of Parenthood
Discussion on the unpredictability of parenting, biological or adoptive.
00:38:06 - Conclusion and Resources
Wrap-up of the conversation and sharing resources for listeners.