Episode 27: What Are the Two Most Overlooked Keys to Recovery?
Release Date: 10/04/2024
Episode 48: 5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet
Ask the Unfaithful
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack five critical signs that the unfaithful partner has not yet reached authentic, pro-active remorse. Whether you’re the one who broke trust and are unsure how to go about truly changing, or you’ve been betrayed and are searching for clarity, this episode is is packed with insight, compassion, and clear markers of where real healing begins. Together, we’ll explore what correctable issues point to a need for the unfaithful to reach a true desire to change and genuine remorse. Most importantly, you will discover what true sorrow and...
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Episode 47: How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery
Ask the Unfaithful
In Episode 47 of Ask the Unfaithful, we continue the conversation from last week’s powerful session on judgment—but this time, we’re unpacking a major roadblock to healing after infidelity: criticism. Whether it’s self-criticism, perceived criticism from your partner, or full-blown judgment, this cycle quietly poisons recovery. And unless you know how to name it, reality-check it, and interrupt it, you’ll keep getting stuck in the same emotional loop—withdrawal, pursuit, shutdown, repeat. This episode is raw, practical, and packed with actual scripts and mindset shifts for...
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Episode 46: How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery
Ask the Unfaithful
Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic inner dialogue that convinces unfaithful partners they are irredeemable, unworthy of love, and incapable of change. We explore how internalized shame, perceived judgment, and self-condemnation erode emotional safety, block empathy, and shut down intimacy. More importantly, we offer tools to help you reframe, reconnect, and rebuild—starting with how you see yourself. In this episode: • The 4 kinds of judgment in recovery...
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Episode 45: Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work?
Ask the Unfaithful
Fear is part of being human—but when you’ve betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal. In this powerful episode, we explore how emotional inhibition, shame, and fear-based expectations keep unfaithful partners stuck—and what it takes to break through. You’ll learn how to challenge fear, dissolve shame, and start showing up with truth, vulnerability, and presence. Healing doesn’t require perfection—it requires courage, responsibility, and a willingness to risk connection again. 🔑 In this episode: • What...
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Episode 44: What People Pleasing Does to Betrayed Partner
Ask the Unfaithful
People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In marriages or relationships, this can mean: Constantly putting family, friends, or co-workers first. Leaving the primary partner, aka the betrayed partner, feeling like an afterthought. Post infidelity, people-pleasing is not only difficult but toxic for the entire recovery process. It oftentimes feels like yet another betrayal to the betrayed partner. When an unfaithful partner prioritizes pleasing others outside the...
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Episode 43: What People-Pleasing Does to the Betrayed Partner
Ask the Unfaithful
People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In marriages or relationships, this can mean: o Constantly putting family, friends, or co-workers first. o Leaving the primary partner, aka the betrayed partner, feeling like an afterthought. Post infidelity, people pleasing is not only difficult but toxic for the entire recovery process. It often times feels like yet another betrayal to the betrayed partner. When an unfaithful partner prioritizes pleasing others outside...
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Episode 42: How Excessive Self-Protection by the Unfaithful is Toxic After Infidelity is Discovered
Ask the Unfaithful
"Imagine building a fortress so strong that not even you can leave it." In our quest as unfaithful to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, or failure, we sometimes build walls so high that they don't just keep harm out—they keep life out, AND our betrayed partners. While self-protection is a natural and often necessary response to past hurt, excessive self-protection can quietly sabotage connection, growth, and authenticity. It can also further complicate the healing process a couple must go through to save their relationship or themselves. While some self protection is...
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Episode 41: Why Do the Unfaithful Take Things Personally?
Ask the Unfaithful
Why do we unfaithful take things so personally? It can feel like every ounce of feedback we receive is taken with an underlying belief that something is wrong with us, or you the betrayed are unhappy with us, or we consider ourselves worthless. Additionally, we unfaithful are masters at making every conversation about us, our feelings, our disagreeing with your concerns or our need for validation. But sadly, we were the ones who went outside the marriage and if anyone has a right to take things personally, it's the betrayed. Today, we explore a variety of both intriguing but also complex...
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Episode 40: What is Toxic Negativity & What Can Be Done About It?
Ask the Unfaithful
Toxic negativity refers to a mindset or behavior where a person consistently focuses on the negative aspects of situations, people, spouses or life in general, often dismissing or disregarding any positive experiences or perspectives. It manifests as constant complaining, pessimism, and an inability or refusal to see the good in anything, including ourselves. This type of negativity can also include being excessively critical, judgmental, or even emotionally draining for those around the person displaying it, especially in the relationship attempting to heal from infidelity or addiction. Toxic...
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Episode 39: How Not Keeping Promises Undermines Recovery
Ask the Unfaithful
In the daily grind of recovery work lies the realization that even the smallest of broken promises can be a trigger to the betrayed. We the unfaithful will constantly refute the betrayed's concerns with responses like 'are you kidding me? it was just the lawns....or the trash cans....or a small bill....or one therapy session or one homework assignment from James or Sam!" We just have such a hard time as unfaithful, making the connection between broken promises and sirens going off in the heart and mind of the betrayed. "Well, if you can't commit to something as small and easy as the...
info_outlineAnyone who has spent a significant amount of time in recovery work, whether unfaithful or betrayed, will tell you that recovery work is simply put, "not for the faint of heart." There's something unique about talking to someone who has 'been there' if you will and lived through either their own self-betrayal or the betrayal of their partner or spouse. While there are several keys to recovery work in the life of the unfaithful, there are two which stand out as the most overlooked and underappreciated.
These two keys unlock hearts of both the unfaithful and the betrayed and have the power to change the entire trajectory of any relationship if implemented. While those are big words and seemingly big promises, the fact is, should you the unfaithful endeavor to utilize and make these two keys a priority in your own recovery work, your life and your healing will take on new momentum and new hope.
There's a popular saying amongst those in the industry of healing marriages from infidelity and addiction and it goes like this: "it takes what it takes."
Today you'll hear not all of what it takes but two key points that when utilized are both life changing and essential parts of anyone's healthy recovery.
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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com
Contact us: [email protected]
Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com
Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...
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