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Episode 28: 4 Harmful Communication Styles of the Unfaithful

Ask the Unfaithful

Release Date: 10/11/2024

Episode 48: 5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet show art Episode 48: 5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet

Ask the Unfaithful

In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack five critical signs that the unfaithful partner has not yet reached authentic, pro-active remorse. Whether you’re the one who broke trust and are unsure how to go about truly changing, or you’ve been betrayed and are searching for clarity, this episode is is packed with insight, compassion, and clear markers of where real healing begins. Together, we’ll explore what correctable issues point to a need for the unfaithful to reach a true desire to change and genuine remorse. Most importantly, you will discover what true sorrow and...

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Episode 47: How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery show art Episode 47: How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery

Ask the Unfaithful

In Episode 47 of Ask the Unfaithful, we continue the conversation from last week’s powerful session on judgment—but this time, we’re unpacking a major roadblock to healing after infidelity: criticism. Whether it’s self-criticism, perceived criticism from your partner, or full-blown judgment, this cycle quietly poisons recovery. And unless you know how to name it, reality-check it, and interrupt it, you’ll keep getting stuck in the same emotional loop—withdrawal, pursuit, shutdown, repeat. This episode is raw, practical, and packed with actual scripts and mindset shifts for...

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Episode 46: How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery show art Episode 46: How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery

Ask the Unfaithful

Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic inner dialogue that convinces unfaithful partners they are irredeemable, unworthy of love, and incapable of change. We explore how internalized shame, perceived judgment, and self-condemnation erode emotional safety, block empathy, and shut down intimacy. More importantly, we offer tools to help you reframe, reconnect, and rebuild—starting with how you see yourself. In this episode: • The 4 kinds of judgment in recovery...

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Episode 45: Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work? show art Episode 45: Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work?

Ask the Unfaithful

Fear is part of being human—but when you’ve betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal. In this powerful episode, we explore how emotional inhibition, shame, and fear-based expectations keep unfaithful partners stuck—and what it takes to break through. You’ll learn how to challenge fear, dissolve shame, and start showing up with truth, vulnerability, and presence. Healing doesn’t require perfection—it requires courage, responsibility, and a willingness to risk connection again. 🔑 In this episode: • What...

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Episode 44: What People Pleasing Does to Betrayed Partner show art Episode 44: What People Pleasing Does to Betrayed Partner

Ask the Unfaithful

People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In marriages or relationships, this can mean:   Constantly putting family, friends, or co-workers first. Leaving the primary partner, aka the betrayed partner, feeling like an afterthought. Post infidelity, people-pleasing is not only difficult but toxic for the entire recovery process.  It oftentimes feels like yet another betrayal to the betrayed partner.   When an unfaithful partner prioritizes pleasing others outside the...

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Episode 43: What People-Pleasing Does to the Betrayed Partner show art Episode 43: What People-Pleasing Does to the Betrayed Partner

Ask the Unfaithful

People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In marriages or relationships, this can mean:   o Constantly putting family, friends, or co-workers first. o Leaving the primary partner, aka the betrayed partner, feeling like an afterthought. Post infidelity, people pleasing is not only difficult but toxic for the entire recovery process.  It often times feels like yet another betrayal to the betrayed partner.   When an unfaithful partner prioritizes pleasing others outside...

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Episode 42: How Excessive Self-Protection by the Unfaithful is Toxic After Infidelity is Discovered show art Episode 42: How Excessive Self-Protection by the Unfaithful is Toxic After Infidelity is Discovered

Ask the Unfaithful

"Imagine building a fortress so strong that not even you can leave it." In our quest as unfaithful to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, or failure, we sometimes build walls so high that they don't just keep harm out—they keep life out, AND our betrayed partners. While self-protection is a natural and often necessary response to past hurt, excessive self-protection can quietly sabotage connection, growth, and authenticity.  It can also further complicate the healing process a couple must go through to save their relationship or themselves.   While some self protection is...

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Episode 41: Why Do the Unfaithful Take Things Personally? show art Episode 41: Why Do the Unfaithful Take Things Personally?

Ask the Unfaithful

Why do we unfaithful take things so personally? It can feel like every ounce of feedback we receive is taken with an underlying belief that something is wrong with us, or you the betrayed are unhappy with us, or we consider ourselves worthless. Additionally, we unfaithful are masters at making every conversation about us, our feelings, our disagreeing with your concerns or our need for validation. But sadly, we were the ones who went outside the marriage and if anyone has a right to take things personally, it's the betrayed. Today, we explore a variety of both intriguing but also complex...

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Episode 40: What is Toxic Negativity & What Can Be Done About It? show art Episode 40: What is Toxic Negativity & What Can Be Done About It?

Ask the Unfaithful

Toxic negativity refers to a mindset or behavior where a person consistently focuses on the negative aspects of situations, people, spouses or life in general, often dismissing or disregarding any positive experiences or perspectives. It manifests as constant complaining, pessimism, and an inability or refusal to see the good in anything, including ourselves. This type of negativity can also include being excessively critical, judgmental, or even emotionally draining for those around the person displaying it, especially in the relationship attempting to heal from infidelity or addiction. Toxic...

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Episode 39: How Not Keeping Promises Undermines Recovery show art Episode 39: How Not Keeping Promises Undermines Recovery

Ask the Unfaithful

In the daily grind of recovery work lies the realization that even the smallest of broken promises can be a trigger to the betrayed. We the unfaithful will constantly refute the betrayed's concerns with responses like 'are you kidding me? it was just the lawns....or the trash cans....or a small bill....or one therapy session or one homework assignment from James or Sam!" We just have such a hard time as unfaithful, making the connection between broken promises and sirens going off in the heart and mind of the betrayed. "Well, if you can't commit to something as small and easy as the...

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If we unfaithful are honest with ourselves, we'll have to admit that we can not only be harmful in our communication styles but also selfish, egotistical and irrational at times. From narcissistic tendencies to blame shifting and deflecting, to shaming and yelling, we just miss the mark time and time again. We often times think we're not being that harmful and we're just communicating but a deeper dive reveals that we're actually making things worse not better, reverting to problematic communication styles we've learned from childhood or early adulthood.

What may feel normal or familiar to us is possibly devastating and wounding, fueled by ignorance and ego, reinforcing to our partner or spouse that we are indeed, not safe. For the unfaithful and betrayed alike, there can be confusion as to what is harmful and what is simply explanation, communication and emoting. Whether you're an unfaithful or a betrayed, today's podcast will go to great lengths to shed light on four harmful styles that we unfaithful use that are both harmful and problematic to both their partner and perhaps even their children and family members.

If you're using one or all of these styles, make no mistake about it, you're harming your partner and actually harming yourself. When we act out or when we regress, we harm ourselves and remain stuck in patterns that quite possible, may have created the infidelity and addiction in the first place. It doesn't have to be this way. There is a better way to communicate and we as unfaithful don't have to revert to these styles of communication which only delay the entire healing process and erode any efforts to rebuild trust.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

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Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

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