Are you dealing with stubbornness leading you the wrong way? How? and Why?

I believe all of us in times have dealt with someone who exhibits stubborn behaviors and we either ignore them or we address them with truth. We have probably gotten cursed out, because people don't want to deal with the truth of their behaviors. Well, the word of the Lord gives us correction, and sometimes we get upset when we read his word, so we begin to overlook different scriptures dealing with our own attitudes, or behaviors so to speak. I know you're asking yourself what does this have to do with stubbornness? My answer to that is a lot! 

Most of us do not handle correction well, we are set in our ways and for so long we haven't had any true friends that loved us enough to tell us the truth about ourselves. 

Proverbs 12:1 says: whoever loves disicpline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 29:1 says: He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.

Stubbornness is defined as having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially in-spite of good arguments or reasons to do so. Refusal to learn from experience, someone that is hard to convince, persuade or move. 

It's also a sign of insecurity and a way to hold onto a very fragile mental equillibrium. It is said that truly strong people know how to compromise when necessary. It is also said that Stubborn people are often fearful of change, which explains the rigidity that characterizes much of their behavior. People who have been wounded hold on to their points of view, because they feel vulnerable or they don't want to feel that they are weak, or that they aren't standing up for themselves. It's their protective mechanisms kicking in to form a barrier wall of protection. Their mindset is that, I'm not going to allow anyone to get the best of me again, and that they are protecting themselves from becoming a victim again. The stinking thinking forms.

Once people have experienced mental, emotional and or physical abuse, they do view things differently. Those that have experienced mental and emotional abuse state that they could have dealt with the physical abuse better, Why? Because, it's just physical scars, and the mental and emotional is worse. They feel that it's harder because they deal with feelings of depression, suicidal thoughts, not knowing what to feel or even how to feel. I can relate, but at the same time I was a victim of all three the mental, emotional and physical abuse. I'm not saying that my case was worse, it depends on each individuals experience and how they dealt with their life while going through it. My physical scars you can't see them, my emotional and mental scars are their, but I have learned to deal with life from a spiritual point. If it wasn't for the word of the Lord I truly don't know where I'd be at this moment in my life. It was only the Lord that healed me from my stinking thinking.

I felt that I needed to vindicate myself and retalliate against those that did harm to me, but reading the word showed me that I had to forgive others, so that I could be forgiven. So, I had to face my emotional, mental and physical abuse issues head on. I took a look in the mirror and I hated what I saw staring back at me. The pain from it all was depressing, and I truly wanted to end the pain, the sufferring, I really didn't think about what would happen to my son, I just wanted to be free from the pain. That was my stinking thinking, before my mindset changed. I thought that I needed to be strong, don't allow anyone to tell me anything, because they're not walking in my shoes, so I developed this strong willed attitude, because I didn't want to be a victim, or feel weak. I made myself not feel, I got angry when something caused me to shed a tear, I was so jacked up mentally and emotionally and dealing with the physical scars that only my husband that I'm married to now, and I can see. I felt worthless at some points in my life. I was determined to not allow anyone to get the best of me again. 

That type of thinking was the birth of me becoming stubborn or hard headed. I had to decide not to allow the pain to cause me to complain or spiral downward into that depressed state of mind, the enemy of our souls will bring past situations up in order to paralyze us from reaching the destiny that the Lord has for us. I was searching for peace, and I didn't want to be robbed of a future designed by the Lord. So, Yes! I thought my stubbornness was actually helping me and keeping me from being abused.

The Lord wants us to be set free from those burdens, those things that so easily besets us. Although we all have had some form of trials, struggles in life, I personally feel that once we get on the other side of the pain, we can begin to see clearer and learn the lesson from it. Now, I look back and I know the difference of being in a healthy relationship compared to a toxic one.

I had to make up my mind to not be a victim over and over again. I had to dig deep down and find strength and courage to get out of situations that weren't healthy for my son and I. I started looking at my life differently to see what I could change about me. I realized that by me being head strong or just plain stubborn caused me to make bad decisions. That was all on me and I had to face it, I grabbed that bull by the horns and faced it. It's hard sometimes to admit to ourselves that we were the cause of some of our pain, but I had to face that if I truly wanted to be delivered and healed. I truly wanted peace to be in my life, and wanted to be out of the personal hell that I placed myself in. 

When you view yourself with the scales removed from your eyes, you will begin to see things clearer, than ever before. That happened due to me reading the word of the Lord and searching scriptures for the issues that I had been dealing with, throughout my life. I needed to be healed from it all. I had to ask the Lord to guide me and to give me peace. Only the Lord knows, why, I asked that question, because it seemed that everything that could arise to cause me discomfort appeared knocking at my door. I didn't realize that in order to develop or attain peace, that discomfort had to come about in my life, to teach me how to handle things differently, then how I handled things before. I really didn't know the extent of my wounds and the damage they caused me emotionally and mentally. I was so bogged down with flaws and emotional baggage that I truly wanted to give up, I saw no way of escaping, but God intervened in my life one night. I was at a shopping center heading to my car after grocery shopping. This man appeared out of no where and said to me John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Once I read that scripture, I took that as God sending me a message to trust him and get my life together. 

It seemed the more I prayed the more was revealed to me about my way of thinking. Yes, Still dealing with head strong, stubborn Tabatha.  I remember running into a Lady, I knew she was God sent, she told me that the Lord will not place burdens on us, and that he is our burden bearer. She was in my life for a season and disappeared, she helped me to understand somethings about forgiving and she really hammered it in, she said because God will then forgive me. The forgiveness wasn't for the other person, it was for me, and, I needed to get passed things in life. I truly thank God for those devine interventions as they showed me to always put my trust in him and he will see me through it. 

The Lord did allow me to go through trials to break that strong willed spirit, being head strong or let me just be real and say that jezebel spirit or withcraft spirit, because I wanted to be in control. In order to be free, you have to face what's looking back at you in the mirror. Everything isn't lovely, I was a wreck. Where I thought strength and being head strong was good, it really was doing me damage not only naturally, but spiritually as well.

We have to be honest with ourselves, our friends and family, because if we all go around living in a fantasy world, noone is living in reality. We're all living a lie, with blinders on. Friends that I look to have are those that are not afraid to tell me what I need to hear compared to what I want to hear. They will not pull back any punches and tell me when my stinking thinking is rising up. If my friends see me doing something contrary to what I confess as a christian they should reprove me. That's what's needed, but not to many really want you to correct them on their behaviors, so how are we learning to be better versions of ourselves created by God, if we choose not to say anything or accept correction. 

Do you know that some of your friends right now know that if they try to correct you, they know you will get salty with them. Guess what? They leave you right there and talk about you later, because they know you won't accept what they are trying to help you with. We need to be those types of friends that would be kind enough to show the love and tell us what we need, in order to save our lives and to do better. 

Proverbs 27:5-6 says: Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Some of your so called friends are actually your enemies, especially if they agree with your negative behaviors. I had to evaluate different relationships and start eliminating those that meant me no good. I didn't want or need a cheerleading squad to cheer my negative behaviors. I need a cheerleading squad of telling me truth, that would set me free from satan's grip. I need people that will ruffle my feathers, tell me the truth in love and help me to get to a place of freedom in Christ, so that I could be used for the Lord.

Stubborn behaviors causes us to pick and choose who we will associate with and won't. If we know someone is going to tell us about ourselves we tend to stay away from them, but the ones that cheer our negative behaviors on, that's who we cling to. Ask yourself this: Do you really want to be healed and set free? Are you willing to face what's looking back at you in the mirror? Are you willing to ask your friends to honestly tell you what they think of you? Are you willing to accept their responses?