Episode 39 | Living Rooms are for LIVING
Hey White Women
In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca unpack what happens when white belief in institutional fairness collides with the lived reality of systemic injustice. Daniella reflects on a moment of betrayal in traffic court and how it cracked open her assumptions about justice, privilege, and whiteness. The conversation weaves through topics like the myth of rule-following as protection, the military's blending of cultural vernaculars, and the unique disorientation white women face when systems stop working for them. They also explore how white women’s fear of “doing it wrong”—especially...
info_outline
Episode 38 | Growth Is Uncomfortable
Hey White Women
In this powerful conversation, Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca unpack how systems—from the military to corporate culture to parenting ideologies—often rely on cult-like tactics to demand obedience, erase individuality, and sell comfort as a virtue. Together, they examine the roles of love bombing, future faking, and authoritarian control in everyday life, and ask what it means to reclaim personal autonomy after indoctrination. We talk about what happens when you stop waiting for permission, why “just doing what you're told” is a dangerous lesson to teach children, and how...
info_outline
Episode 37 | Are Red-Heads Black?
Hey White Women
In this episode of Hey White Women, Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca dive into the layered and surprising discourse around a viral TikTok trend that claimed “all redheads are Black.” What starts as a joke becomes a powerful lens for unpacking themes of othering, cultural belonging, and the danger of conformity in white-dominant spaces. The hosts explore how redheaded individuals are often dehumanized through humor, hypersexualization, and alienation—even as whiteness shields them from systemic racism. This conversation becomes a springboard into deeper critiques of whiteness,...
info_outline
Episode 36 | Growth Before Activism
Hey White Women
In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca engage in a deep conversation about the complexities of white supremacy, the importance of listening to Black voices, and the need for white women to confront their own roles in social justice movements. They explore hypothetical scenarios regarding protests, the significance of community, and the dangers of ignoring the perspectives of marginalized groups. The discussion emphasizes the necessity of personal growth and genuine engagement in anti-racism work, while also addressing the cyclical nature of blame and the illusion of safety in activism. ...
info_outline
Episode 35 | Colors for Community
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Rebecca and Daniella explore the intersections of fashion, identity, and race, discussing how personal expression through clothing can challenge societal norms. They delve into the complexities of navigating whiteness in diverse spaces, the cultural disconnect evident in social interactions, and the significance of color as a form of resistance. The discussion also touches on the importance of critiquing whiteness, understanding cult dynamics through the Byte model, and the value of personal narratives in shaping identity. They emphasize the role of community in fostering...
info_outline
Episode 34 | Boom Boom Beige
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Daniella and Rebecca explore the complexities of platform building, the evolution of ideas, and the impact of cultural narratives on personal identity. They discuss the importance of vulnerability in leadership, the tenets of white supremacy, and the challenges of navigating capitalism and professionalism. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of shared experiences and the need to reopen historical conversations while addressing the dehumanization inherent in capitalist systems. In this conversation, Rebecca and Daniella explore the intersections of capitalism,...
info_outline
Episode 33 | Protest or Parade?
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Daniella and Rebecca explore the complexities of race, activism, and the impact of online criticism, particularly on black women. They discuss the intersection of political identity and extremism, the role of white women in social movements, and the importance of listening to marginalized voices. The conversation delves into the dynamics of whiteness in society, the power of storytelling, and the journey of self-discovery in the context of anti-racism. Ultimately, they emphasize the need for community support and the role of women in driving social change. In this...
info_outline
Episode 32 | "Lickies and Chewies?"
Hey White Women
This conversation delves into the complexities of race, privilege, and activism, particularly focusing on the experiences of black women and the reactions of white women in the context of social justice. The speakers discuss the historical and current realities of systemic oppression, the implications of language, and the importance of listening and learning from marginalized voices. They also explore the nature of groupthink, the illusion of safety, and the responsibilities of individuals in activism. In this conversation, Daniella and Rebecca explore the complexities of group dynamics, the...
info_outline
Episode 31 | Defensiveness and White Identity
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Rebecca and Daniella explore the complexities of race, identity, and the dynamics of power within societal structures. They discuss the defensiveness often exhibited by white women in conversations about race, the impact of language, and the role of white women in perpetuating systems of oppression. The dialogue emphasizes the importance of acknowledgment, healing, and the responsibility that comes with privilege. They also touch on the significance of community and the need for open, honest discussions about race and identity. In this conversation, Rebecca and Daniella...
info_outline
Episode 30 | Speaking equitably with confidence
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Daniella and Rebecca delve into the complexities of cult dynamics, particularly focusing on the Nation of Islam. They explore personal experiences with cults, the intersection of race and cults, and the societal responses to these groups. The discussion highlights the role of white women in these conversations, the importance of listening and learning from diverse experiences, and the manipulative tactics employed by cults. The speakers emphasize that conflict can be a necessary part of understanding and navigating these topics, and they advocate for a more nuanced...
info_outlineThis conversation explores the intersections of capitalism, cultural identity, and the dynamics of power in relationships. The speakers discuss the gig economy as a potential alternative to traditional capitalism, the complexities of cultural appropriation, and the challenges of navigating identity as white individuals in diverse cultural spaces. They delve into the illusions of saving and the societal constructs surrounding consent and autonomy, while also addressing the role of women in patriarchal systems. The discussion highlights the importance of language, the romanticization of history, and the need for new models as patriarchy collapses. Ultimately, the conversation emphasizes the consequences of fear and control in society, particularly in relation to violence and the use of weapons. In this engaging conversation, Rebecca and Daniella explore various themes surrounding conflict resolution, community bonding, creativity, parenting, anxiety management, personal agency, cultural preservation, self-expression, trauma, and collective power. They discuss the importance of making choices that prioritize well-being over societal expectations, the joy of creating rather than consuming, and the significance of natural consequences in parenting. The dialogue also delves into the complexities of living with anxiety and the expectations placed on individuals, emphasizing the need for personal agency and the power of community in navigating challenges. Ultimately, the conversation encourages listeners to embrace joy in everyday life and to confront trauma and expectations with resilience and agency.
Connect with Rebecca at:
The White Woman Whisperer Website
The White Woman Whisperer Patreon
The White Woman Whisperer TikTok
Connect with Daniella at:
You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured
For more info on me:
Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding
Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding
Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured
Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8
Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady
Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_
Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook
Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8
Takeaways
- The gig economy could function outside of capitalism.
- Cultural values are often manufactured and subjective.
- Women's unpaid labor significantly impacts economic measurements.
- Cultural appropriation raises questions about identity and authenticity.
- The concept of saving often perpetuates harmful narratives.
- Patriarchy creates a prison for women, even those in privileged positions.
- Consent is complex and often misunderstood in relationships.
- Deconstructing personal shame can lead to greater understanding.
- Language hierarchies reflect societal biases and perceptions.
- Romanticizing history often overlooks the realities of oppression. Choosing not to engage in conflict can be empowering.
- Community bonds are strengthened through shared struggles.
- Creating things brings more joy than simply consuming.
- Natural consequences are effective in parenting.
- Anxiety often stems from fear of the unknown.
- Personal agency is crucial in making choices.
- Cultural preservation should be inclusive, not exclusive.
- Finding joy in everyday life is essential for well-being.
- Permission to express oneself is often needed.
- Confronting trauma requires acknowledging personal narratives.
Chapters
00:00 The Gig Economy and Its Alternatives
05:48 Identity and Authenticity in Music
11:50 Navigating Relationships and Power Dynamics
17:50 The Role of Consent and Autonomy
23:49 The Fall of Patriarchy and Societal Change
29:01 Understanding Historical Patterns of Mistakes
31:16 Learning from History: Avoiding Repetition
32:15 Facing Fears and Realities of Power
33:48 The Dangers of Cult Mentality
36:06 Preparing for the Worst: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
39:13 The Overton Window: Shifting Conversations
40:35 The Cult Leader's Apocalypse: A Crescendo of Control
41:55 The Trauma of Violence and Self-Defense
44:52 Choosing Not to Engage in Violence
47:58 Creating Bonds Through Shared Struggles
50:01 The Power of Creation Over Consumption
52:17 The Joy of Generosity and Sharing
54:32 Natural Consequences in Parenting and Life
56:40 Defensiveness and the Nature of Cults
01:01:33 Natural Consequences and Parenting
01:01:55 Living Room Kids vs. Perfect Spaces
01:03:21 The Value of Everyday Items
01:05:37 Cultural Preservation and Community
01:07:37 Dressing Up and Self-Expression
01:09:16 Opening Doors to New Perspectives
01:10:22 The Fear of Judgment and Performance
01:12:26 Permission to Create and Express
01:13:43 Agency and Personal Beliefs
01:16:23 Preparing for Disasters and Community Action
01:19:24 Confronting Anxiety and Control
01:21:00 Living with Trauma and Expectations
01:23:35 The Burden of Storytelling and Happiness
Produced by Haley Phillips