282 - Grief and Why Words Matter

Join Jill for the five-year anniversary of Be YOU - a special live podcast event celebrating 300 episodes of the podcast - on Saturday, October 25th from 1–5 p.m. in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Tickets are selling fast at jillherman.com/beyou, and discounted rooms are available at a boutique hotel right next door!

Jill truly gets profoundly personal in this episode with a heartfelt discussion, sharing her recent and emotionally devastating discovery that her vibrant, health-conscious father has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. Known for his athleticism, emotional openness, and joyful presence, her father has always been Jill's hero, and she is now facing the stark reality of having to say goodbye.

What Jill shares in this episode of Be YOU, though, is more than a story about illness and grief. She reflects on the experience of witnessing death up close for the first time, despite a long career in nursing where she has comforted others through it. She explores the emotions of loss that she knows is coming, the resurfacing of old wounds, and the pressure that we sometimes feel to minimize our own pain in the face of others’ suffering.

This episode is also an honest and needed look at how we respond to people who are hurting, with Jill challenging some of the well-meaning phrases that we often default to such as “Keep me updated,” “Let me know if you need anything,” and “Thoughts and prayers,” explaining how even well-meaning words can unintentionally shift the burden to the person who is already struggling as it is. Instead, she offers practical, heartfelt alternatives that prioritize sincerity and tangible support.

Listen in for a chance to reflect on how to show up for others and, of course, how to receive care, too. Whether you’re in a season of grief, supporting someone who is, or simply want to communicate with more intention and love, this episode is one that you don't want to miss!

Show Notes:

[01:30] - Jill expresses that she looks up to her father because of his emotional openness, positivity, and self-care.
[03:23] - We learn that Jill just discovered that her beloved dad is dying from silent, aggressive pancreatic cancer, her first deep loss.
[05:32] - Jill stresses that our words carry weight, especially in grief, and deserve honesty but consideration.
[07:27] - Saying "keep me updated" or "let me know" places the burden on the grieving, so check in and make specific offers.
[08:40] - Jill offers some specific examples of what can be said instead.
[10:14] - Asking someone the age of the person dying can minimize grief; every loss is valid, no matter the circumstances.
[13:35] - Despite grief and exhaustion, Jill reminds listeners of the upcoming Be YOU event in October.

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