Ep08: Elevate to CoCreate

In this episode, Mike talks about the Elevate to CoCreate Phase of Conversation. This is where the magic happens!

--Transcript--

(Intro)
 This is the conversation Iq podcast. I’m your host Mike Ford. Are you sick and tired of dealing with social anxiety? Do you want to overcome your fear of feeling awkward or looking silly in social situations? Do you struggle with just saying hello or maybe keeping a conversation going? Well, welcome to our community of communicators where we are on a mission to rid the world of loneliness by sharing tips, tricks, and techniques from some of the world’s best conversationalist. Super excited to have you guys on this journey with us. We’ll see you on the other side of this episode.

(Episode)
All right, welcome to another episode or the conversation Iq podcast with your host Mike Ford. Last episode we talked about the next portion of the conversation ladder, the making a connection, and now if you all haven't had a chance to listen to it again, I related it to digging for gold, right? You know, being able to be in a conversation, ask enough questions that take conversation to a certain depth and then to relate on certain topics. You know, ask someone to sharing your story with you and then being able to go deeper. And that all has a purpose for some folks as they are working on developing their conversation IQ just being able to have that kind of going back and forth and good flow in the conversation is success for them. And that'll be it. But for this episode I want to talk about what do we do after that?

Cause there is some really incredible magic that happens if you're able to connect and you're able to relate and drive a conversation deep. So let's get into him. So this is the phase of the conversation where we elevate and we co create with the person that we're talking to. The elevated cocreate phase of the conversation is a indication that you have a high conversation Iq if you're able to maintain safety in the dialogue that you have with your conversation partner. What I mean by safety is if there's a shared pool of meaning between you and the other person that you're talking to and the both of you are equally putting, you know, you're understanding your meaning. And today that shared pool and as long as everyone that there's freely meeting is being added to the pool freely. So no one's withholding information and no one is forcing information to the pool.

That's how you know that safety has been sustained throughout the dialogue. And so if you're able to sustain safety through breaking the ice into deepening the conversation, following the making a connection, and then coming into this phase of the conversation, which is elevate to cocreate, you're now going to be able to uncover a couple of things. People will start to talk about some of their hurts. People will talk about their pain, people will talk about their motivations, their desires, their dreams, their values, the things that they are excited about. That's when you start to now communicate with that individual's true self. And we're no longer talking to the facade that they put up, the saboteurs that show up like I talked about in the last episode. And so when you start communicating with that person, his true self, and they started identifying some of those things, their hurts, their desires, their motivations, their ambitions or dreams and all that.

You now have an opportunity to provide three things, I call them the three s's, right? You could provide a solution or you could provide a solution to the problem that they're experiencing. You could provide a sanctuary for the worry and anxiousness and the ND negative things that they're, are you provide them a sanctuary or you supplement their ambitions and their dreams and their goals that they've expressed to you. And so let's talk a little bit about how do we actually maintain safety and what does it look like when someone gets to that point in the conversation. The best way to do it is to share an example. Would you guys have a couple of conversations that I've had? So one of the conversations was a with a gentleman that I met at target, my wife and I, we enjoy playing board games. So I'm, I'm checking out the board games and target some.

And I, there was another guy there who was also looking at war games and my way to a break the ice. I just said, hey, you know, he was looking at, um, I think he was looking at a game called exploding kittens, which by the way, if you haven't played it as pretty fun, uh, my wife and I, we played at every so often. And so he's looking at this, this card game called exploding kittens. And I say to the guy, oh Mary, are you thinking about getting this bloated? Kins my wife and I play that game all the time. And he was like, Oh yeah, you know, I'm, I'm just kind of looking at a couple of things, not sure what I should get. And I said, well, I highly recommend it if you guys are looking for something that's fast paced, easy to get into and all that.

But he was like, oh, I really appreciate the recommendation. And then I said, are you guys just kind of doing like a, you know, like a date night kind of deal? You got some friends coming over to play board games and stuff and he's like, some friends are coming over. We're looking for something that you know, will, will be, um, a little bit more engaging and fun for a group of us to play together. And it's just something that we do periodically. And so that's why we're doing it. And I was like, oh, that's really cool. My wife and I, we usually have folks that come over, you know, that's, that's part of the reason why we play so many board games. We enjoy playing things together, but we also enjoy having folks over in that type of stuff. So yeah. Are you guys from the area boom?

You know, I'm not, I'm kind of transitioning the question right? He's like, yeah, you know, we're actually from here and you know, live in the city. We've been here x amount of time or x amount of years of whatever. Real quick. The reason why someone is openly are willing to share that with me is because I've already started to address any of the concerns that they've had right there. Their brain was quickly trying to process and Maya threat, right? And my a threat to their survival or am I, am I safe? Someone that talked to, right. And my body language was expressing all of that. I'm not face to face with the dude, right? Cause when you talk to men, it's actually more beneficial for you to be standing at a 45 degree angle with the guy that you're talking to. So kind of side by side but facing in the same direction because guys are fixers and it's like you're fixing a problem together.

That's a little bit of a, of a nugget there. He's openly sharing with me and giving me a little bit more information. And so as he's, as he's telling me more, I'm, I'm taking a mental note and I'm able to say, okay, I can ask questions on, you know, he's been here for a few years, where was he before, you know, and those types of things. Right. So he's telling me about how they'd been here for a couple of years. They, they like to hear, his wife is going to school here, he's working at a couple of different places around the corner from here. And so when they get free time, when they can, they get to get us so that they can spend some time with each other and which it doesn't happen often because of all the work that he's doing. So here we go. I'm starting to hear a little bit of our hurt or discomfort, lack of time, right.

Lack of quality time with his wife or his, his significant other. Okay. And so I started asking some additional questions. Okay, cool. You know what, what's your wife's studying? Oh, my wife, she's going to school for us, you know, degree in psychology and, and uh, you know, she's coming up on her last semester and when she graduates, she's going to go back for her master's degree. And I was like, oh, what, what's the, what was the motivation for her going back for a master's degree is that she knows she can't immediately apply her psychology degree. So she wants to get something that falls in line with that so that she can earn more money when she, when she gets a job for us, you know, and, and we can bring more money into the household, that type of stuff. Okay. A mental note. They're making decisions because they want to create more income.

Right. So I am listening for hurts, pains and motivations and desires, dreams and those types of things as he's talking to me. But we continued the conversation and, and I was like, okay. I said, what about you? Are you, are you going to school right now or are you just working? And he's like, God, you know, I'm just working, I'm working two jobs and working at these two restaurants that are right around the corner. And you know, it's just something that I would like to do more, but you know, it's just I got to do it. Just we can take care of the family. Now. I know when my wife graduates, we're really going to be being able to work or create more income for the household. So it was going to be, you know, a pretty better deal for us. So I'm just kind of support and everything and you know, she is continuing to finish her degree and everything like that.

So now he has given me enough information. I am understanding this is how I can add value to this person's life. Does he need a sanctuary? Doesn't need a place to offload all of his worries and concerns. That doesn't really sound like it. Right. Is he looking for a solution to his problem? Maybe he hasn't really said, would you help me? But he, he's telling me enough of what he's got going on that if I were to ask a couple more questions to provide a solution, he wouldn't look at me sideways. Right. He wouldn't ask, why are you asking me those questions? Is there something that I could supplement? I don't know really what he's pursuing it. I know that his wife has gone through school. Um, it sounds like they, they want to create some more income. So I could supplement that by making a couple of recommendations.

What I've learned in my wealth developing, pursue, what have I learned from, from my mentor, from my coaches, from people that have influenced my financial future, people who have helped me increase my financial Iq to help us find a solution or to supplement what he's trying to do. But I don't just launch into that. I need to ask enough questions where he asks me, Hey, what about you? Because that moment that he asked me about what do I do is because he is trying to identify if there is something that I do that I can turn around and provide them one or three of those ss, he says, yeah, I work at a couple of restaurants. You know, I asked him a couple of questions. I imagine it sounds like you're working really hard or is there anything else that you're doing to try to create income that's more effective than just giving a whole bunch of your time for a couple of jobs and stuff.

And he's like, there's nothing really that I thought of. I've been trying to do this, that and the other, you know, and it kind of drives me crazy because one of the restaurants that I work at is our kind of like a fancier restaurant end. The people that come to these restaurants, like I can, I hear their conversation and they're all like, you know, Oh this week I just bought a casino or I just, you know, bought $1 million horse or I just put a bunch of money into this real estate here and there and I catch these little bits and I'm always asking the question, how do they do those things? And for me, I don't understand like how they go through that process. How did they get there? And I asked him a question again and I said, I empathize right? And I say, man, that's, that sounds crazy.

Like, so you said that you don't know how they do that. Is there any reason why you would want to find out why they do that guy? That's a good place to start. Like why do you even care about how they do those things? And he said, because I really don't want to be working for the rest of my life. Like I would like to be able to, to have those kinds of conversations. It give my wife the life that she wants to to support my kids, to be able to have them go to any school, any callers that they want to not have to work two jobs to be home with my family. Yes, conversations get debt deep and yes, people do talk about those things if you ask enough questions and if you take a genuine interest and if you have a solution for them because you're going to be able to guide the conversation in that route.

Do I know people that can help them? Absolutely. Do I know strategies that can help them develop wealth? Yes, I do. Do I have a solution? Can I supplement? Yes. Am I sanctuary for some of that stuff? I can be. And so I am positioning myself like that into conversation so I can do what I have been created to do, which I truly believe is to connect a billion people to the person that he is going to be the next person that I connect to his purpose. So I asked him, why do you even about that stuff? And he told me what, why he cares about it. I said, uh, have you taken any steps to start to pursue that stuff? He's like, I'm just thinking about it now cause you know this conversation. I said, well, let me ask you a question. Do you know who Bill Gates is?

He's like, yeah, no, I know who Bill Gates is. I was like, what am I'm Mark Zuckerberg? He's like, Yep. I was like, if you had an opportunity, right? If Mark Zuckerberg walked in, you're right now and he walks up to you and he's like, boom. You know, at that point I want to know his name for this as like, Hey, you know, I'm sorry my, My name is Mike, my name is Orion. Okay. Hey, you know Ryan, if Mark Zuckerberg walks in here right now and says, Hey Ryan, I want to do something for you, I'm going to give you $10 million right now. You do whatever you want to do with it. It's up to you. I'm Outta here. I'm just doing it as a good faith deal. Take it and run with it. What would you do with that money? Now I'll future pacing Ryan and it'd be right.

I'm creating a situation, a scenario where he can position himself in a place where he's got an abundance of income and he can make a decision as to how he would move that around. Ryan starts telling me, well, I'm not really sure. I've never had that kind of money before. You know, maybe I pay off debt, but it's just so much, I don't even know why I couldn't even imagine what to do with that. I just took a mental note. He, his financial Iq needs some work, so do I have a solution for that? Yes, I do. Can I supplement his desire to increase its financial Iq? I don't know if he even has a desire to. I can ask them a couple of questions to find out again, am I a sanctuary for him to offload some of that stuff on me and his, his lack of whatever.

Okay, so then I asked Ryan and I say, enough of a financial education for you to be able to manage that kind of money, and he's like, yeah, that's right. I was like, well, what if Mark Zuckerberg came back and said, you know what Ryan, I thought about this on my way out. How ridiculous it would be to give you $10 million and you have no idea how to manage. That's going to hurt you more than help you. What if for the next five years you had access to me, to my team, and I mentored you and I taught you how to manage that money over the next five years. You know, it wouldn't be for free. You. You'd obviously have to be willing to invest in yourself. You'd have to be able to buy things to teach yourself. You'd have to be able to, you'd be willing to take risks.

Of purchase, you know, things based on recommendations that I make so you can purchase stocks, are you can you know whatever the asset is that Mark Zuckerberg is his mentor union. What do you think about that and now his responses. Yes, that sounds like something I would absolutely appreciate it. You know I, I mean I would do whatever to poop. Boomi lays out the unit starts to justifying why and whatever and now what I have done this connected him to bring in more of a realization or a tangible sense to what is it he thought was just conversations at a table is that now there's an opportunity for him to be mentored by a mark Zuckerberg. Now my next objective is who do I know that can be a mark Zuckerberg. I may not be a multibillionaire, maybe as a multimillionaire, maybe he is someone who has achieved incredible financial success and I know is open to mentoring people to sharing their knowledge.

And now I have an opportunity to share a Ryan Ryan. This is the reason I asked that question is because, yeah, this is what my wife and I have gone through and we've been in that place, man. And it wasn't until we got connected to these folks who have helped us develop cash producing assets that have taught us how to manage our money and multiply our income. And I've taught us how to get back our time by duplicating ourselves through different things online, through developing visit and all those things, right? Demonetizing our expertise. And at that point I am demonstrating to Ryan that I have a solution and I have a way to supplement what he's doing. I could potentially be a sanctuary for him. And now Ryan is his, now he changes is his position in the conversation. He starts asking me questions. Well, how'd you guys do that?

What were the steps that you went through? You know, how do I do something like that? Boom, boom, boom. And now I have a chance to take that conversation to a place where I can let Ryan know, hey, I would love to share that information with you. I don't, I mean I don't want to spend hours cause it take me hours to to describe that stuff. But yeah, if you really truly are serious about that, we can exchange numbers for us to sit down. We can grab coffee, we can meet up later. I can connect you with folks. Well we have a conversation later on about that. We exchanged numbers. Oh and how do I close the conversation where I closed the conversation is very simple. I really appreciate you taking some time man. It was really great talking to you and we'll definitely be in touch.

And that's that. And that is how we move through the conversation ladder to get to a part where we're cocreating and it does a couple of things. It's a win, win, win situation. One, it's a win for the person that we're talking to because we have now created the light at the end of the tunnel for that person to, for you, you have now increased your image that you have about yourself and a belief in your ability to connect people with somebody else. To be a a cocreator was some month could I are creating, you are creating a new space in his life for him and three for the people that you know, you're adding value to their lives, right? You're at, you're able to connect them with, with someone that they can help. So that is the beauty of navigating through a conversation, breaking things down into phases, deconstructing that skill of having a conversation to approach, increasing your conversation Iq in a step by step or a broken down manner so that way you can measure and you can qualify and quantify each phase to see how you're doing to improve that. And the results at that, at the end of all of that is, is just a beautiful thing of just seeing people be connected to their purpose and changing people's lives. So, uh, that's all I want to share with you guys. That's it for this episode. I'll definitely see you guys on the next one.

(Outro)
 Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Conversation IQ podcast. It’s always a pleasure just to spend time and share and to encourage and empower folks to be better conversationalist. If you aren’t picking up things that you can implement and you had positive results from that, please share with us. We love to hear about your successes. We’d also like to hear about any challenges you are experiencing so that way we can continue to serve the community. We can continue to provide value and continue to equip you with the tools you need for you to be an awesome conversation list. Please check us out at www.conversationiq.co for an opportunity to be a part of our Facebook group Increasing Conversation IQ. It is www.conversationiq.co we’ll see you guys on the next episode.