Ep09: Conversation Types (Part 1)

In this episode, Mike talks about identifying the different types of temperament and how they impact your conversation.

--Transcript--

(Intro)
This is the conversation Iq podcast. I’m your host Mike Ford. Are you sick and tired of dealing with social anxiety? Do you want to overcome your fear of feeling awkward or looking silly in social situations? Do you struggle with just saying hello or maybe keeping a conversation going? Well, welcome to our community of communicators where we are on a mission to rid the world of loneliness by sharing tips, tricks, and techniques from some of the world’s best conversationalist. Super excited to have you guys on this journey with us. We’ll see you on the other side of this episode.

(Episode)
All right. Welcome to another episode of the conversation Iq podcast with your host Mike Ford. So today's episode is about personality and temperament and conversation types and just really focusing in on how to communicate with different types of personalities. I mean, people are different and the way that they communicate vary from person to person. And so my objective is to demonstrate how we can identify the person's temperament, things like their pace, things like, you know, being able to have a conversation knowing that someone's natural tendency may be to contribute more to the conversation than somebody else, you know, and then not taking anything personally because you can see and understand and know what to expect in the conversation. So overall it'll make you an absolutely more intelligent communicator and it makes your, your conversational partner feel really valued in a process even though they may not be, be as aware, right as self aware as you, the conversation improve or the practitioner of conversation skills.

But for them to benefit is that they feel heard, they feel listened to, they feel loved. It's an overall great experience. So let's go ahead and get right into it. So what are the first things to keep in mind is what does it mean to be introverted, extroverted, fast paced, slow paced, people oriented, task oriented. Let's first start with the introvert. And you know Andy extroverts are, I saw, one of the misconceptions people have is I've heard people say, hey, I'm introverted, so I don't like people. That is not true. That is not how introversion works. Just because you're introverted does not mean you don't like people. It's the way that you process information, right? So being introverted means that you process information internally and being extroverted needs the opposite, right? You process information externally. So what does that look like for an extrovert like myself, I received some sort of stimulus from my environment.

I hear, I see taste, smell experienced something, a stimulus from my environment that goes into my receivers, right? My sensory parts of my brain and everything like that. And instead of processing that information, running you through my longterm, short term memory, my prefrontal cortex and all that stuff immediately comes out. I externalize that, right? So I either speak out loud or I just, it's almost like I don't have a filter and my feedback mechanism are the people around me. So the reaction that I get from somebody is my indication as to whether or not my thought or the words I'm saying it'll site, if they make sense that they don't make sense and that's how I receive my feedback. So now I take that information and I eh, I now receive a new stimulus and it allows me to go through that again and, and so what it looks like real time, it looks as if I'm able to think really well on my feet.

I'm always coming up with ideas. It might seem like I'm off track on things or like I'm committing to a lot of different things. An extrovert that has not matured. Their ability to process information, they tend to commit to a lot of things or other people. The way that they say things makes it sound like they are committing to things. And so I have to regularly tell folks that I talked to, Hey, I'm just so, you know, I think out loud, I think out loud or I have to externalize something. I have to get it on the whiteboard. I have to write things down on paper. And because of that, I don't want you to think that I am committing to anything. So whatever I say here, please don't take that as a commitment. Allow me to, you know, get it out of my brain.

Let's talk about it out loud. Let's take some time to really chew on things and then we'll come back around and make a decision. So that is what it is to be an extrovert. Also, the way that my energy fluctuates, right? When I, when I walk into a room, the longer I'm in their room and around other people because I need the external stimulus to continue to feed into, to feed my creativity, to continue to keep my mind working. Right? Cause it feels like I'm always getting answers. I'm always coming up with new ideas. As long as I'm in a group of, you know, people in the long run dear, the more my energy increases. Right? So those are kind of like just some very topical things to know about. Extroverts. Extroverts tend to be fast paced as well. So when I say fast paced, I mean in the, in the pattern, the speed.

My speaking. Right. So right now I talk a lot. You'll probably hear if you know, if you're speaking to an extrovert, there may be a lot of fillers that they use when they're talking because their mind is trying to catch up to the pace of their mouth. All right, let's switch gears for a moment. So we talk about introvert, same deal, right? We both receive a stimulus. The introvert, when they get their stimulus, what happens is instead of it just being received by their sensory portions of the brain and everything like that and then just leaving, just being expressed externally, it comes in and it actually moves through all of those parts of their brain to longterm memory. Their short term memory, it goes through their high road, their prefrontal Cortex, uh, depending on how much time they spent growing and strengthening to thinking parts of their brain.

Because sometimes people who are internal processors, if they don't have kind of a structured or a, a mental model that they've practiced and refined over time, they can by default taking the emotional route when they're making decisions, which doesn't turn out to La Right? Cause it tends to look like just they're ruminating on an idea and the narrative that they create up there tends to take a toll on their physicality. Now what I mean by that is for someone who's internally processing, you ever caught yourself in a loop where you're telling yourself the worst case scenario of any situation and that is producing an emotion for you that is like driving you to feel sad and feel upset or whatever the case is. And then by the time it comes around to making a decision or talking to the person that initially that thought came from, it tends to be a not pleasant experience.

And what it looks like on the outside is that the introvert is behaving irrationally or they're being overly emotional, overreacting to something. And the reality is is that that's probably the case because they've spent so much time thinking about this idea and they have not strengthened the positive parts of their brain to come up with an optimistic conclusion to things. And so information comes in, it all gets processed in there and by the time it comes out, it's generally a well thought. Thought, unlike the extrovert, which as we're talking, it may not be a completely formulated idea so it doesn't come out always clear and concise. However, for an extrovert, because of the amount of time that they've spent thinking about whatever the stimulus was generally comes out pretty well. It takes longer for an introvert to have a response than it does for an extrovert, right?

Cause they take more time to think. They may take minutes, seconds, hours. They may take date, they may come back a few days later like, Hey, I thought about that thing you said bye to bumbumbumbum and they'll give you whatever they thought about. Same scenario, right? An introvert walks into a room because they need quiet time to recharge. Their energy works a little differently, right? If during a room, same amount of time as an extrovert around the same people, my energy level's going up, the introvert, their energy level is depleting. The longer they're around. A lot of people, that's too much stimulus that they're receiving and too much that they're trying to process and it the pleats them. It is very draining for introverts to be in a room that they're filled with people and just so much energy all the time. And so for them to take a break, to get quiet time, to just read a book, to just relax and allow themselves to be with their thoughts, that is refreshing them.

So again, you'll start to see why it's so important that when you're in a conversation with someone to identify, Hey, am I talking to someone who is extroverted, their energy level is high, their paces fast? Are they, do you know, jumping from idea to idea, you know, or am I talking to someone who's an introvert? Is it going to take time for me to get a response from that person? And I can't be offended that they are not immediately contributing to the conversation, but that they're thinking or even at their answers are short yeses or nos because they just require time to think. The other day I was in a conversation with someone introverted during a conversation, uh, would ask a question and they wouldn't answer for awhile or I would kind of get my piece right. I wouldn't talk about whatever. I put my meaning into the shared pool of meaning and they wouldn't contribute anything.

Right. They were kind of waiting for awhile and I knew that if I were to interject or mess up that moment that they're spending thinking that I will derail the whole conversation. So I had to be mature enough to say, Hey, I am communicating with someone who is introverted and I need to take some time to allow them to think and to come back with a response. So I waited and it feels like 30 seconds a minute that you're waiting, but it's okay. And to be comfortable in that silence when you're having a conversation with someone, that does not mean that they don't like you. I mean to allow him to work in, in their natural tendency. You know there are other signs that we look for like we talked about before, you know, body language does a lot to demonstrate if someone is still interested, wanting to continue to talking to you.

If not, is there body facing you? You know, they're a really good indication or someone is still wants to have a conversation with you is if you look at their feet, you know, are their feet pointed at you, right? Check out their hands or their hands blocking any vitals, parts of their body. Are they covering their neck to protect their vitals? Are they covering or horror the arms cross covering their heart, right? Those are some of the things that we're looking for that are better indicators and someone is not contributing to the conversation as to whether or not they want to continue communicating with you. So that's kind of the first things that kind of get our head wrapped around as we are improving our conversation Iq, we're thinking about the pace that we're talking to someone we're communicating with somebody and also just their preferred method of coming back, you know, with the response and all that.

So we can determine whether or not someone is introverted or extroverted. Also when it comes to pace, so there's this thing called mirror and matching, right? So the recently discovered mirror neurons. They did this study where there was a monkey that was like scientists, I think it was in Italy or something like that. They basically had a monkey. They had him strapped to measure the monkey like brain activity and they wanted to see what would happen as the monkey is trying to open up peanuts. So in the process of of watching this monkey working to get the peanuts open and they were seeing that, you know, specific parts of the brain, we're lighting. Okay. During the experiment and other researcher walked in and you know, goes over to the peanuts and he grabs a couple of peanut. They opened them and he's eating them open and eating them.

And a monkey is observing this individual eat the peanuts and what's happening, which they did and they anticipate or expect to see was that the same parts of the brain that would light up if the monkey was doing the steps were lining up and the monkey was just watching the other person successfully open peanuts. They later coined it. The mirror neurons, the things that allow the person to experience and humans have it too, which allow us to feel what the other person is feeling, to be able to, to see someone and to mirror and match what that individual is doing. Because that puts us in the same kind of feeling as if we're connected with that. So it's a survival mechanism because usually when you experienced something that doesn't mirror and match, there's this disconnect that happens and that disconnect send signals subconsciously that there is no compatibility between you and that other person that you're not matching.

Right. And so in conversation that happens as well. And you can see if someone is matching your body to wait at your standing, the way that you're moving. If you're rocking back and forth, you know, you're rocking back and forth like you're, it's almost like you're, you're in a dance with the other person if you've never paid attention to it. When you start becoming more aware of that stuff, it's kind of weird, right? Cause you're like, why are we doing the same thing? Oh I, you know, but she didn't even realize it. And that's because you are mirror and matching that individual. So those are some of the things that you'll start to experience as you continue to develop your conversation Iq. And the more that you can understand how mirror matching works, you understand how to match someone's pace. So right as someone steps into the conversation and their pace is fast, you know, you as the initiator, that conversation, you kind of have responsibility to increase the pace that your speakers so that way you are connecting intentionally with that person.

And you know later on as you are in conversation, you're actually able to drive the conversation to slow down the pace and everything like that. Anyways, it's just really cool as you start to experiment with your new found, you know, conversation skills and everything like that. So that's where we want to kind of get these rocking and rolling over, moving into the different temperaments and conversation styles that Tif for this episode. Check out the next episode. Um, as we continue to talk about, you know, personalities and temperaments and all that when it comes to your conversation, conversation skills, and overall increasing your conversation. Iq, I'm excited to you know, be what you guys in the next one.

(Outro)
 Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Conversation IQ podcast. It’s always a pleasure just to spend time and share and to encourage and empower folks to be better conversationalist. If you aren’t picking up things that you can implement and you had positive results from that, please share with us. We love to hear about your successes. We’d also like to hear about any challenges you are experiencing so that way we can continue to serve the community. We can continue to provide value and continue to equip you with the tools you need for you to be an awesome conversation list. Please check us out at www.conversationiq.co for an opportunity to be a part of our Facebook group Increasing Conversation IQ. It is www.conversationiq.co we’ll see you guys on the next episode.