4064 What If The Problem Isn't Your Spouse?

Release Date: 05/16/2026

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

There's a moment — and if you're honest, you know exactly the one I'm talking about — where you catch your reflection and the first thing that crosses your mind isn't kind. It's not always about what you look like physically, although sometimes it is. More often, it's deeper than that. It's the look in your own eyes that says, I thought I'd be further along by now. It's the quiet measuring of the woman in the mirror that happens when you compare who you are today against who you imagined you'd be at this point. And just like that, the woman staring back at you becomes not enough....

4151 Design Your Day

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Why is it that we can pour ourselves into everyone else's schedule, everyone else's crisis, everyone else's to-do list, but when it comes to our own day, we just… wing it? We wake up, already behind before our feet hit the floor, and we spend the next twelve or sixteen hours reacting. Putting out fires. Managing the chaos. Surviving until we can collapse back into bed and do it all over again tomorrow. And somewhere in the middle of all that surviving, we forget the most important thing. Our own day. The one God gave us. The one we will never, ever get back. So design your day! Psalm...

4150 Stop Going Back

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Have you ever made a decision, felt good about it for a moment, and then spent the next three days replaying it in your mind like a movie you can't turn off? You made the call. You weighed your options. You moved. And then — almost out of nowhere — the doubt crept in. Did I really think that through? What if I'm wrong? Maybe I should have waited. Stop going back! When we make a decision and clarity stalls, something uncomfortable starts to bubble up. It's the fear of being stuck. Not stuck because the decision was wrong, but stuck because we won't let go of it long enough to see where...

4149 Overflow with Hope

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

When you feel like all you're doing is running away from or toward all the things, it's hard to find joy and peace in life. You can get down and out about your circumstances, and all hope feels lost. But as Paul says in Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Have you ever had one of those seasons where it feels like you're just running? Running toward the next thing on your list. Running away from the thing you don't want to face. Running in circles because you're not even sure...

4148 Look For Something To Work With

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

There's a moment in every marriage where you have to make a choice. You can stand there replaying every missed pass — every time your spouse came up short, every promise that got fumbled, every "we'll get to it" that never got to anything. Or you can do what the good ones do when the clock is running out. You can look for something to work with. Think about what you do now. Are you one who focuses on what doesn't work? Or are you willing to see what's possible? Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the . #RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow...

4147 Never Miss A Beat

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Parenting is a never-ending, rhythmic song that plays over and over again. Some of the melodies are soothing to the heart — a sleepy child curled into your shoulder, a shared laugh over something silly at the dinner table, a "thank you, Mom" that comes out of nowhere and undoes you a little. But many more of the notes disrupt the nervous system. The 2 a.m. cries. The slammed doors of the teenage years. The days when you've given everything and it still doesn't feel like enough. However you hear it, you can't run from the most important responsibility in your life. Never miss a beat. Parents,...

4146 The Circle Isn't Wasted

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

There is a particular kind of tired that comes from walking in circles. You look up and realize you have passed this same tree, this same doubt, this same conversation with yourself, more times than you can count. You are moving; your legs ache to prove it, but the scenery refuses to change. And somewhere in that repetition, you hope that the circle isn't wasted. Because the real question, the one that keeps you up at night, is "does any of this matter if I don't even know where I am?" Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the . #Inspiration...

4145 Just Because Life Takes An Unexpected Turn

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Life doesn't always unfold the way we planned. One day the road looks clear, and the next, it curves somewhere we never saw coming. Unexpected turns can leave us feeling disappointed, confused, or uncertain about what is happening in our world and what God is doing in the middle of it. But here is what remains true even when everything else feels shaky: God is never surprised by the path ahead. Just because life takes an unexpected turn, God was not caught off guard, and He is not scrambling to figure out what to do next. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord in...

4144 Keep Walking When the Miles Feel Long

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

There is a particular kind of tired that has nothing to do with sleep. It's the tired that comes from carrying a dream for longer than you expected to carry it, from praying the same prayer for the hundredth time, from showing up to the same unfinished work day after day and wondering if today is any different from yesterday. If you're in that kind of tired right now, know that you are not stalled. You are in the middle. And the middle is where most of life actually happens. So keep walking when the miles feel long. We tend to picture progress as a straight, visible line — one clear step...

4143 You Didn't Come This Far to Come This Far

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

A journey lasts a lifetime. It requires a chosen mindset, intentional thoughts, and actions that put an exclamation point to movement. Not a comma. Not a question mark. An exclamation point—a declaration that you meant to keep going. As you travel the various paths set before you, let this settle into your spirit: you didn't come this far to come this far. You kept what was valuable in front of you. You pivoted where necessary. You became consistent as time moved on, even when consistency cost you something. Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at...

More Episodes

When tensions escalate, and all you feel is defensive, it's easy to point fingers rather than look in the mirror. Marriage takes intentional decisions with love at the root of all actions. But what if the problem isn't your spouse? Maybe what’s missing or what’s blocking your marriage from thriving is something inside of you.

Marriage isn’t a passive ride. It’s an ongoing, intentional commitment that demands honest work, with love as the foundation for every decision and action.

Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com

And that means owning your side of the story.

That’s uncomfortable. It’s hard. You might feel like you’re already giving all you’ve got—loving, forgiving, serving—yet things still stumble.

But that gap is often where self-reflection becomes a non-negotiable.

THOUGHTS: How do you handle tensions in your marriage now?

If you truly want a marriage that holds tight through storms—both the ones raging now and the ones yet to come—you have to be willing to do the toughest work there is: looking in the mirror with an unfiltered gaze and asking, “What role am I playing in this story?”

The K.I.S.S. ~ What is your role in the story!

Your story is being written every day! And you get to choose what character you play and the role you want to excel in.

You could be one who chooses to be the jerk in the relationship and push back on everything with the intention of proving you're right.

Or you could be the one who chooses to see all sides, takes in the moment, and accepts ownership for the actions and words to come.

Marriage is rough and beautiful all at the same time. Smooth the edges with love that flows from a heart healed, not hurt.

Three Steps to See Yourself and Shift Your Marriage

Own What You Can Control
You can’t change your spouse’s actions or feelings—but you can control your own. Shift your focus from what’s “wrong” with them to what’s within your power. This means noticing your reactions, your words, and how you show up emotionally. When frustration rises, ask yourself: Are my expectations realistic? Am I communicating clearly? The moment you take ownership here, you reclaim power and open the door to change.
Get Curious About Your Blind Spots
We all have them—patterns and behaviors we don’t see without an honest, sometimes painful, look. Maybe it’s your tone when you speak up, how you handle conflicts, or the way you shut down emotionally. Ask for feedback from your spouse, a trusted friend, or a coach. Listen without defending. That feedback might sting, but it’s the kindling for growth and connection. Seeing yourself clearly is the antidote to repeating the same fight over and over.
Commit to Consistent Self-Improvement
Change isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a daily commitment. Identify one behavior or mindset that’s sabotaging your peace. Then replace it—not just once, but repeatedly until it becomes your new normal. This could mean practicing patience, choosing forgiveness over resentment, or saying "thank you" aloud daily. Small, persistent shifts ripple out into huge transformations for your marriage.

Here’s the truth nobody else will say: Your marriage is your job. Not 50/50, but 100% ownership of your role in it—no excuses, no deflections.

When you lean into that responsibility, you become part of the solution, even if your spouse isn’t yet ready to do the same.

Your marriage deserves this fight. It’s worth every ounce of energy to craft a relationship rooted in connection, respect, and real, true love. Start with you—because the strongest marriages start from the inside out.

"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage

🔔 Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com

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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson

Photo by Canva.com

Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

http://www.mandisaofficial.com

Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music -
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.

The K.I.S.S. ~ What is your role in the story!

"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

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