494-Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence (Re-Release)

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence
(Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact)

It’s easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage.

But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away.

Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence?

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity.

Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life

Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health.

That’s why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It’s your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live.

Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds

We often think influence must be grand—but it’s the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit.

Whether it’s trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude (“count it all joy when you face trials”), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy.

The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again.

Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone

Influence is not control. It’s not demanding. And it’s certainly not harsh.

If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they’ll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down.

Instead, remember this:

• Soft Eyes

• Gentle Tone

• Slow Pace

No, it’s not an acronym yet—but it’s a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected.

Faith Isn’t Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It

Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn’t support that.

Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God’s love. You don’t need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He’s not just a Sunday idea.

He’s your daily King.

Character First. Ministry Second.

The Bible is clear: if you can’t manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1)

Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness.

Don’t Waste the Great Gift of Influence

If you’ve ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down.

We won’t be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously.

Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you.

Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse’s eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness.

Final Thoughts

Friend, your influence is real. And it’s powerful. You don’t have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you.

One seed of kindness.

One soft-eyed response.

One patient, Spirit-led pause.

These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.

 

Love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc.

PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training.

PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:
"There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"