495-Years of Counseling Didn’t Help, But Now After 35 Years They’re Better Than Ever

After nearly four decades of marriage, Kim and Russ had done the hard work. They had raised five children, invested in professional counseling, read marriage books, and sought spiritual guidance.

And still, something was missing.

The breakthrough moments they experienced through the years never seemed to last. They still longed for a deeper connection and the kind of love they had always dreamed of.

The Pain of “Almost” Fixing It

Kim felt emotionally unsafe for far too long. Arguments were frequent, and intimacy had become something to endure rather than enjoy. She said, “We spent tens of thousands of dollars on counseling… but nothing stuck.”

They had learned communication tools, gone on retreats, and practiced new habits—but it felt like patchwork. They both feared they’d never experience the closeness they longed for.

What Made This Marriage Transformation Different

When a close friend experienced radical transformation in her marriage through our program, Kim and Russ took notice. Russ joined the men’s program first—not out of crisis, but out of conviction. He realized he hadn’t been loving Kim as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5), and he wanted to grow.

As Russ surrendered his old ways, Kim noticed a clear shift. He was more present, more loving, and no longer reactive. Over time, her heart softened too.

Though initially hesitant, Kim eventually joined the women’s program, encouraged by the changes she saw and her own desire to grow.

"I wanted to catch up," she shared with us.

The Breakthrough They Couldn’t Find Anywhere Else

What set this experience apart wasn’t just the information—it was the biblical framework, practical tools, and deep community that made lasting transformation possible.

Together, they:

• Ended their cycle of arguing

• Rebuilt emotional safety and trust

• Restored intimacy in every sense—physical, emotional, and spiritual

• Learned how to love and respect one another as God intended

Russ shared with us, "I’ve been in church all my life, but I never really learned how to live out Scripture in my marriage. This taught me how.”

A Marriage They Never Thought Was Possible

Today, Kim and Russ say their marriage is “a 9 or 10.” Not because it’s perfect—but because they’ve been changed from the inside out.

They speak with laughter and warmth. They tease each other. They still work through conflict—but without yelling, shutdowns, or spirals that last for days or weeks.

Now? They hold hands again. They share their hearts freely. They support each other’s needs—spiritually, emotionally, physically.

Russ opens the car door for Kim every time. And she waits for him to do it.

Healing Beyond Just the Two of Them

The impact of their transformation has rippled outward—into their relationships with their grown children, with friends, and even in their church.

What used to feel tense or guarded has become relaxed. Warm. Full of grace.

When asked to describe their marriage today, each responded with one word: 'Delight' (Russ) & 'Thankful' (Kim).

That’s not where they began. But by God's grace—and a willingness to grow—they now live in daily gratitude.

For the peace in their home. For the tenderness in their marriage. And for the God who redeems all things.

 

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Are you were Russ & Kim were before? 35+ years into marriage and feeling defeated and discouraged? You are not alone and your marriage story isn't over. Schedule a free Clarity Call to take the next step.

PPS - We are launching a Church Training pilot program this Fall! All the incredible material of DYM, created for weekly church trainings. It's going to change lives and we are so excited to see it! If you'd like your church to participate, check out our Church Training page for more info.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"Often my wife would complain that I wasn't listening, didn't understand her well, and that she was walking on eggshells all the time (that feeling was mutual). Even though we were good friends and we had regular dates and romantic times together, she didn't see any depth to 'us'...I realized that more than our intimacy, God wanted to meet me and change my heart…Finally God had my attention and He started working in many different areas of my life, that had just been swept under the carpet for far too long…[I] learned to truly put myself on the cross, to draw close to my wife and seek to minister to her needs first."