Empathy Without Fixing: Grief, Emotional Support, and Breaking Self-Sabotage
Release Date: 04/08/2023
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info_outlineIn Episode 6, Kim is joined by relationship coach Mason O’Sullivan to answer listener questions about empathy, emotional support, grief, and long-standing self-sabotage patterns.
This episode focuses on one of the most common breakdowns in relationships: trying to fix emotions instead of understanding them. Kim and Mason unpack why empathy is not agreement, why problem-solving too fast makes partners feel alone, and how learning to sit with discomfort can change the entire tone of a relationship.
The conversation also explores how to show up for someone who is grieving when you feel awkward or unsure what to do, and how to begin untangling self-sabotaging behaviors that have been in place for years, especially when disability, shame, or past mistakes are involved.
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Time Stamps & Topics
00:00 – Listener questions preview
• Struggling to empathize instead of fixing
• Supporting someone who is grieving or sad
• Long-term self-sabotage and accountability
01:00 – Introduction to Mason O’Sullivan and his coaching background
02:30 – Why people seek coaching and therapy
03:35 – Creating safe spaces for vulnerability
04:30 – Finding your voice, identity, and boundaries
06:05 – What authenticity actually means
07:25 – People-pleasing and not knowing your needs
08:57 – Question 1: “I don’t know how to empathize if I can’t fix it”
10:23 – The urge to problem-solve and prove value
11:26 – Empathy vs sympathy explained
12:33 – Why solutions often miss the point
13:36 – Guessing needs vs asking directly
14:50 – Role play: what not to do
16:22 – Why reassurance can still feel invalidating
17:44 – Role play: responding with empathy
19:36 – Paraphrasing emotions and checking understanding
21:02 – Empathy is not agreement
22:30 – How validation opens the door to repair
24:09 – When and how to move into solutions
25:42 – Question 2: Supporting someone who is grieving or sad
26:35 – Awkwardness, nervous laughter, and discomfort
27:45 – Why grief is hard to sit with
28:21 – Letting someone lead with what they need
29:14 – Holding space instead of fixing
30:10 – Why silence can be supportive
31:10 – Grief, avoidance, and freezing time
32:42 – Talking through grief as healing
34:11 – Exploring your relationship with sadness
36:10 – Question 3: Breaking a decade of self-sabotage
37:41 – Disability vs avoidance as a coping strategy
39:13 – Realistic goals and self-assessment
40:08 – Self-fulfilling prophecies and sabotage
41:31 – Choice, agency, and accountability
42:22 – Core beliefs and self-worth
43:34 – Forgiveness, mistakes, and lovability
45:24 – Awareness as the first interruption
46:03 – Self-sabotage as predictability and protection
47:25 – Leaving before being left
48:37 – Encouragement and counting progress
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This episode is especially helpful if you’ve been told you’re “bad at empathy,” feel helpless around grief, or recognize patterns of self-sabotage you’re ready to change.
Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/
Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/
Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast