ERP 542: The Deep Human Need to Matter: Why Feeling Significant Changes Your Relationship — An Interview with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 08/18/2026
ERP 550: When Desire Doesn’t Come Naturally: How Couples Can Intentionally Create Pleasure and Connection — An Interview with Elana Auerbach
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Is your relationship’s spark starting to flicker instead of burn? Many couples find that as life gets busier and routines take over, the effortless intimacy and passion that once defined their connection begins to fade. Questions arise—Is something wrong with us? Is a declining libido just an inevitable part of long-term love? The pressure to fix or revive what used to feel natural can create even more distance, leaving partners feeling alone and disconnected. In this episode, listeners are guided through practical steps to reclaim pleasure and intimacy by reframing how they approach...
info_outline
ERP 549: Beyond Emotional Intelligence: How Spiritual Intelligence Deepens Love and Connection — An Interview with Dr. Yosi Amram
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
What if the very challenges that frustrate you in your relationship could become stepping stones to deeper intimacy and connection? For many couples, the cycle of conflict, misunderstandings, or emotional distance can feel endless—leaving each partner feeling unseen or unsupported. At the root of these struggles is often not just a lack of communication, but a missing foundation of shared purpose, inner trust, and the ability to show up authentically—qualities that can transform relationship dynamics from the inside out. In this episode, listeners will discover how embracing spiritual...
info_outline
ERP 548: Your Brain in Love: How Brain Health Shapes Connection, Conflict, and Intimacy — An Interview with Dr. Majid Fotuhi
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Is your relationship running on autopilot, derailed by misunderstandings, stress, or simply the exhaustion of daily life? Too often, we fail to recognize how the health of our brains—our most vital organ—directly shapes the way we connect, love, and even argue with those closest to us. What if the difference between disconnection and deep intimacy has to do with our brain health? In this episode, listeners will discover how brain health impacts everything from emotional regulation to sexual intimacy, and why tending to your mind’s well-being is foundational for thriving relationships....
info_outline
ERP 547: When “Having It All Together” Keeps You from Being Known: Perfectly Hidden Depression in Relationships — An Interview with Dr. Margaret Rutherford
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you the person everyone leans on, appearing to have it all together—successful, reliable, always in control—yet quietly wrestling with loneliness and hidden pain beneath the surface? The struggle of perfectionism and emotional hiding can create a silent barrier, making true intimacy in relationships feel just out of reach. It's a paradox: the more polished our outer lives become, the more isolated we may feel on the inside. In this episode, listeners will explore how the pressure to be perfect and the tendency to conceal emotional pain can undermine connection and authenticity within...
info_outline
ERP 546: When Parenthood Awakens the Past: Turning Triggers Into Healing and Connection — An Interview with Dr. Angele Close
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Motherhood changes everything—and not just in the ways we expect. While welcoming a child can bring immense joy, it also stirs up unseen emotions, hidden wounds, and internal struggles with guilt, shame, and the daunting pressure to “get it all right.” Far from the sugar-coated images often seen on social media, the journey into parenthood can leave many feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and silently wondering, “Is it just me?” In this episode, listeners are invited to explore the nuanced realities of becoming a parent and the powerful, often unspoken, shifts it triggers within. You'll...
info_outline
ERP 545: Why We Hold Back from the People We Love: The Surprising Power of Revealing More — An Interview with Leslie John
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Do you think your partner truly knows what’s on your mind—or are you just hoping they’ll pick up on your unspoken cues? The gap between what we feel and what we actually communicate can quietly sabotage intimacy, leading to misunderstandings and missed chances for genuine connection. Expecting our loved ones to read our minds often leaves both sides feeling unseen and disconnected. In this episode, listeners will uncover why it feels so risky to open up and how sharing even small, vulnerable truths can transform relationships. Through behavioral research, personal stories, and actionable...
info_outline
ERP 544: When Love Activates Our Defenses: How Couples Move From Protection to Connection — An Interview With Dr. James Cordova
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
The paradox of intimacy is that our yearning for closeness often puts us at risk of pain, creating a delicate dance between connection and self-protection. As we draw near to those we love, our natural defenses can surface—sometimes in ways that inadvertently push each other away, leaving us feeling misunderstood or isolated even in our most important relationships. In this episode, the conversation dives into this very dilemma, exploring how our protective instincts can unintentionally create distance within our most cherished bonds. Listeners will discover why vulnerability feels so risky,...
info_outline
ERP 543: From Betrayal to True Intimacy: Building the Foundations That Last — An Interview with Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Broken trust in a relationship can feel like an earthquake, shattering the very foundation you once believed was unshakable. The pain, confusion, and sense of being lost can leave couples wondering if true intimacy is even possible after betrayal. Many couples long for closeness but find themselves stuck, not knowing how to rebuild what was lost or where to even begin. When wounds run deep, is it ever possible to truly reconnect and create real, lasting intimacy? In this episode, listeners will discover a step-by-step approach designed to guide couples through the difficult process of healing...
info_outline
ERP 542: The Deep Human Need to Matter: Why Feeling Significant Changes Your Relationship — An Interview with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Do you ever find yourself wondering, deep down, “Do I really matter—to anyone?” In our fast-paced, achievement-driven world, the quiet ache of wanting to be truly seen and valued can ripple beneath even our closest relationships. So often, beneath arguments or emotional distance, lies an even deeper longing: the human need to know that we are significant to those who matter most to us. In this episode, listeners will dive into the heart of what it means to matter in intimate relationships. Through stories, philosophical insight, and practical examples, the conversation uncovers why our...
info_outline
ERP 541: Breaking the Shame Cycle: How Couples Create Safety and Connection — An Interview with Brannon and Tyler Patrick
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Shame might be the silent architect behind our biggest relationship struggles—fueling secrecy, driving distance, and making genuine intimacy feel just out of reach. When the fear of rejection or not being enough sneaks in, it often keeps us locked in painful cycles of criticism, defensiveness, and disconnect. But what if the way we react to shame is the very thing sabotaging our deepest connections? In this episode, the discussion dives into how shame operates beneath the surface of issues like betrayal, addiction, and disconnection, and offers concrete strategies for transforming these...
info_outlineDo you ever find yourself wondering, deep down, “Do I really matter—to anyone?” In our fast-paced, achievement-driven world, the quiet ache of wanting to be truly seen and valued can ripple beneath even our closest relationships. So often, beneath arguments or emotional distance, lies an even deeper longing: the human need to know that we are significant to those who matter most to us.
In this episode, listeners will dive into the heart of what it means to matter in intimate relationships. Through stories, philosophical insight, and practical examples, the conversation uncovers why our drive to feel significant shapes the way we connect and sometimes divides us. Listeners will discover ways to recognize their own “mattering map,” address imbalances, and create daily rituals that affirm each partner’s worth—moving beyond surface tension to cultivate true belonging and meaning with the people they love.
Rebecca Newberger Goldstein is a professor of philosophy and a novelist, and the author of eleven books, the most recent of which is The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us. She has received numerous awards for both her fiction and scholarly work, including a MacArthur Fellowship ("Genius Grant") and the National Humanities Medal, which was presented to her by President Barack Obama.
Episode Highlights
03:11 What is the mattering instinct and how does it shape our lives?
06:44 Different paths to mattering: Individual strategies and social dynamics.
12:03 The role of mattering in attachment and intimate relationships.
15:26 Self-mattering and internal validation: The foundation for flourishing.
17:14 Childhood roots: How early experiences influence our sense of mattering.
20:54 Societal reflections: The impact of community and acts of kindness.
25:49 Mattering in the intimate space: Attention, presence, and relational dynamics.
27:10 Balancing mattering: Navigating imbalances within couples.
31:17 Honest conversations and rituals to restore relationship equality.
34:43 Valuing the invisible: Acknowledging domestic roles and everyday struggles.
40:47 Diversifying mattering: The need for meaning beyond partnership.
45:25 Negotiating differences: Working through mattering expectations in relationships.
47:57 Moving forward: Communication, understanding, and resources for deeper mattering.
Your Checklist of Actions to Take
-
Acknowledge the Mattering Instinct: Have an open, honest conversation with your partner about how both of you experience the desire to matter in your relationship.
-
Map Your Mattering Profiles: Reflect together on the ways each of you seeks meaning and validation, recognizing how your “mattering maps” might differ.
-
Be Explicit About Needs: Communicate directly if you’re feeling unseen, underappreciated, or if there’s an imbalance in attention or validation within the relationship.
-
Ritualize Daily Check-ins: Set aside time each day to ask each other about meaningful events, feelings of accomplishment, or struggles—aim for sharing three significant moments per day.
-
Appreciation Exercises: Practice exchanging specific appreciations with your partner about each other’s actions and character, as well as sharing appreciations about yourselves.
-
Attend to the ‘Hidden’ Work: Explicitly recognize and affirm the effort and value in less visible roles or tasks your partner undertakes, such as parenting or domestic duties.
-
Diversify Sources of Mattering: Encourage each other to cultivate interests, friendships, or projects outside the relationship to avoid making your partner your sole source of significance.
-
Address Imbalances with Compassion: If you sense an ongoing disparity in felt importance, approach your partner with empathy and explore together ways to rebalance and affirm each other’s worth.
Mentioned
The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
The Mind-Body Problem (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free relationship guide)
Connect with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Website: rebeccagoldstein.com
Substack: rebeccanewbergergoldstein.substack.com
Instagram: instagram.com/rebeccanewbergergoldstein