ERP 542: The Deep Human Need to Matter: Why Feeling Significant Changes Your Relationship — An Interview with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 08/18/2026
ERP 546: When Parenthood Awakens the Past: Turning Triggers Into Healing and Connection — An Interview with Dr. Angele Close
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Motherhood changes everything—and not just in the ways we expect. While welcoming a child can bring immense joy, it also stirs up unseen emotions, hidden wounds, and internal struggles with guilt, shame, and the daunting pressure to “get it all right.” Far from the sugar-coated images often seen on social media, the journey into parenthood can leave many feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and silently wondering, “Is it just me?” In this episode, listeners are invited to explore the nuanced realities of becoming a parent and the powerful, often unspoken, shifts it triggers within. You'll...
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ERP 545: Why We Hold Back from the People We Love: The Surprising Power of Revealing More — An Interview with Leslie John
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Do you think your partner truly knows what’s on your mind—or are you just hoping they’ll pick up on your unspoken cues? The gap between what we feel and what we actually communicate can quietly sabotage intimacy, leading to misunderstandings and missed chances for genuine connection. Expecting our loved ones to read our minds often leaves both sides feeling unseen and disconnected. In this episode, listeners will uncover why it feels so risky to open up and how sharing even small, vulnerable truths can transform relationships. Through behavioral research, personal stories, and actionable...
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ERP 544: When Love Activates Our Defenses: How Couples Move From Protection to Connection — An Interview With Dr. James Cordova
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
The paradox of intimacy is that our yearning for closeness often puts us at risk of pain, creating a delicate dance between connection and self-protection. As we draw near to those we love, our natural defenses can surface—sometimes in ways that inadvertently push each other away, leaving us feeling misunderstood or isolated even in our most important relationships. In this episode, the conversation dives into this very dilemma, exploring how our protective instincts can unintentionally create distance within our most cherished bonds. Listeners will discover why vulnerability feels so risky,...
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ERP 543: From Betrayal to True Intimacy: Building the Foundations That Last — An Interview with Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Broken trust in a relationship can feel like an earthquake, shattering the very foundation you once believed was unshakable. The pain, confusion, and sense of being lost can leave couples wondering if true intimacy is even possible after betrayal. Many couples long for closeness but find themselves stuck, not knowing how to rebuild what was lost or where to even begin. When wounds run deep, is it ever possible to truly reconnect and create real, lasting intimacy? In this episode, listeners will discover a step-by-step approach designed to guide couples through the difficult process of healing...
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ERP 542: The Deep Human Need to Matter: Why Feeling Significant Changes Your Relationship — An Interview with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Do you ever find yourself wondering, deep down, “Do I really matter—to anyone?” In our fast-paced, achievement-driven world, the quiet ache of wanting to be truly seen and valued can ripple beneath even our closest relationships. So often, beneath arguments or emotional distance, lies an even deeper longing: the human need to know that we are significant to those who matter most to us. In this episode, listeners will dive into the heart of what it means to matter in intimate relationships. Through stories, philosophical insight, and practical examples, the conversation uncovers why our...
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ERP 541: Breaking the Shame Cycle: How Couples Create Safety and Connection — An Interview with Brannon and Tyler Patrick
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Shame might be the silent architect behind our biggest relationship struggles—fueling secrecy, driving distance, and making genuine intimacy feel just out of reach. When the fear of rejection or not being enough sneaks in, it often keeps us locked in painful cycles of criticism, defensiveness, and disconnect. But what if the way we react to shame is the very thing sabotaging our deepest connections? In this episode, the discussion dives into how shame operates beneath the surface of issues like betrayal, addiction, and disconnection, and offers concrete strategies for transforming these...
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ERP 540: Healing After Betrayal: Why Truth Comes Before Trust — An Interview with Tammy Gustafson
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Is true healing after infidelity really possible? When trust is shattered by betrayal, the pain often feels insurmountable—turning love and certainty into confusion, grief, and self-doubt. The world seems to shift on its axis, leaving many to quietly question whether relationships can ever fully recover or whether individuals can truly reclaim safety and a sense of self after such a rupture. In this episode, listeners will discover compassionate guidance for facing the aftermath of intimate betrayal and pathways toward real healing. The conversation explores why facing uncomfortable truths...
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ERP 539: When Work Follows You Home: Protecting Connection Before Stress Becomes Disconnection — An Interview with Dr. Guy Winch
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you bringing home more than just your briefcase at the end of a long workday? For many, the hidden toll of workplace stress doesn't stay behind at the office—it seeps into our most intimate relationships, silently undermining connection, emotional safety, and even physical closeness. It's a problem so common and subtle that many don’t realize work is affecting their love life until the damage is already done. In this episode, listeners are invited to uncover the overlooked ways that work stress spills over into the home, affecting both partners’ emotional well-being and the overall...
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ERP 538: The Agreements That Hold Love Together: What a Divorce Attorney Sees Couples Learn Too Late — An Interview with Diana Romanov
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Is it ever just one big betrayal that ends a relationship—or is it those little, silent compromises and unspoken problems that slowly unravel the love you built? Too often, couples find themselves at a crossroads, wondering when things started to go wrong and why the issues weren’t tackled before it was too late. In this episode, listeners will hear stories pulled straight from the front lines of relationship dissolution and learn how to recognize the warning signs before they escalate. Through real-life examples and expert insights, the conversation shines a light on why negotiating...
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ERP 537: The Relationship Mirror: How Dreams Reveal What We’re Not Seeing — An Interview with Dr. Bonnie Buckner
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever wonder why certain conflicts keep resurfacing in your relationships, or why you wake from a vivid dream feeling shaken without understanding why? Sometimes, the real roots of our struggles with loved ones aren’t just out in the open—they're buried in the deeper layers of our own subconscious. When we ignore these internal signals, challenges can feel insurmountable, and solutions remain out of reach. In this episode, listeners will explore how dreams and moments of inner reflection can act as a mirror, revealing hidden emotions and unresolved patterns that shape the way we connect...
info_outlineDo you ever find yourself wondering, deep down, “Do I really matter—to anyone?” In our fast-paced, achievement-driven world, the quiet ache of wanting to be truly seen and valued can ripple beneath even our closest relationships. So often, beneath arguments or emotional distance, lies an even deeper longing: the human need to know that we are significant to those who matter most to us.
In this episode, listeners will dive into the heart of what it means to matter in intimate relationships. Through stories, philosophical insight, and practical examples, the conversation uncovers why our drive to feel significant shapes the way we connect and sometimes divides us. Listeners will discover ways to recognize their own “mattering map,” address imbalances, and create daily rituals that affirm each partner’s worth—moving beyond surface tension to cultivate true belonging and meaning with the people they love.
Rebecca Newberger Goldstein is a professor of philosophy and a novelist, and the author of eleven books, the most recent of which is The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us. She has received numerous awards for both her fiction and scholarly work, including a MacArthur Fellowship ("Genius Grant") and the National Humanities Medal, which was presented to her by President Barack Obama.
Episode Highlights
03:11 What is the mattering instinct and how does it shape our lives?
06:44 Different paths to mattering: Individual strategies and social dynamics.
12:03 The role of mattering in attachment and intimate relationships.
15:26 Self-mattering and internal validation: The foundation for flourishing.
17:14 Childhood roots: How early experiences influence our sense of mattering.
20:54 Societal reflections: The impact of community and acts of kindness.
25:49 Mattering in the intimate space: Attention, presence, and relational dynamics.
27:10 Balancing mattering: Navigating imbalances within couples.
31:17 Honest conversations and rituals to restore relationship equality.
34:43 Valuing the invisible: Acknowledging domestic roles and everyday struggles.
40:47 Diversifying mattering: The need for meaning beyond partnership.
45:25 Negotiating differences: Working through mattering expectations in relationships.
47:57 Moving forward: Communication, understanding, and resources for deeper mattering.
Your Checklist of Actions to Take
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Acknowledge the Mattering Instinct: Have an open, honest conversation with your partner about how both of you experience the desire to matter in your relationship.
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Map Your Mattering Profiles: Reflect together on the ways each of you seeks meaning and validation, recognizing how your “mattering maps” might differ.
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Be Explicit About Needs: Communicate directly if you’re feeling unseen, underappreciated, or if there’s an imbalance in attention or validation within the relationship.
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Ritualize Daily Check-ins: Set aside time each day to ask each other about meaningful events, feelings of accomplishment, or struggles—aim for sharing three significant moments per day.
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Appreciation Exercises: Practice exchanging specific appreciations with your partner about each other’s actions and character, as well as sharing appreciations about yourselves.
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Attend to the ‘Hidden’ Work: Explicitly recognize and affirm the effort and value in less visible roles or tasks your partner undertakes, such as parenting or domestic duties.
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Diversify Sources of Mattering: Encourage each other to cultivate interests, friendships, or projects outside the relationship to avoid making your partner your sole source of significance.
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Address Imbalances with Compassion: If you sense an ongoing disparity in felt importance, approach your partner with empathy and explore together ways to rebalance and affirm each other’s worth.
Mentioned
The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
The Mind-Body Problem (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free relationship guide)
Connect with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein
Website: rebeccagoldstein.com
Substack: rebeccanewbergergoldstein.substack.com
Instagram: instagram.com/rebeccanewbergergoldstein