BBC Best Bits | Ep 2 | Empathy Isn't Soft

Empathy Isn't Soft 

When did you last ask someone how they actually were, and really listen?

Everyone says empathy matters. Nobody actually teaches it. In this best-bits episode of Building Better Cultures, Scott McInnes goes back to two conversations about why that needs to change: Rob Volpe (EP092) on empathy as a practical leadership tool, and Niamh Fitzpatrick (EP084) on the emotional aftermath of the pandemic.

Rob Volpe starts by taking apart the definition most of us use. Walking in someone else's shoes is only half the job, and the half everyone skips is taking your own shoes off first, setting down your judgement and your own perspective before you step into theirs. He makes the business case without flinching: empathy is the secret ingredient in communication, decisions, problem solving and trust, and the organisations that have it see more loyalty, more innovation and a stronger sense of belonging. He also names the trap leaders fall into, worrying that being empathetic will cost them respect, and the stereotype of the strong leader that keeps the whole thing stuck. Niamh Fitzpatrick comes at it from psychology. She talks about tribe, why belonging is something you find rather than something you are assigned, and the people she deliberately gravitates towards: the ones who acknowledge how they feel. Then she answers the question of why it took a global pandemic to put mental health into everyday conversation.

The common thread? Empathy is a skill, not a personality trait. It can be learned, and it is doing real work whether or not anyone names it.

Key Takeaways

• Take your own shoes off first. Empathy is not just imagining someone else's position, it is setting down your own judgement and perspective long enough to understand theirs properly.

• There is more than one kind of empathy. Cognitive empathy is perspective taking, not emotion, and it is the one most of us need at work. Confusing it with feeling other people's feelings is why so many leaders back away from it.

• Empathy is a data point, not a distraction. If you are making decisions without understanding how they land on people, you are working with incomplete information.

• Self-awareness is the missing ingredient, and calendars have squeezed it out. Back-to-back calls removed the breathing space between stimulus and response, and scrolling in the two minutes you do get is not a reset.

• Leaders are stuck between knowing and fearing. Most accept that building empathy is part of their job, most find it hard, and many quietly worry that showing it will cost them respect. The opposite is true.

• Empathy is not new, it just stopped being championed. Henry Ford wrote in 1918 that the secret of success lies in seeing the other person's point of view as well as your own. It got squashed out of us since, and it is time to bring it back.

• Your tribe is more dispersed than you think. Family, friends, colleagues, even people you have never met online. Knowing what you value is what lets you find them.

• Work can absolutely be a tribe, and there is nothing wrong with that. Belonging at work is not a lesser form of belonging.

• We lost the things that were quietly holding us up. When life changed overnight, the props that kept people's mental health going, sport, gatherings, a walk somewhere further than two kilometres away, were taken away.

Timestamps

00:00 – Introduction: empathy keeps coming up, but nobody teaches it
00:28 – Rob Volpe: what empathy actually is, and why "walking in their shoes" is only half of it
02:35 – Self-awareness, and the breathing space we lost between meetings
04:12 – Why empathy is the secret ingredient at work
05:02 – The business case: loyalty, innovation, belonging and the empathy gap
06:45 – Cognitive vs emotional empathy, the strong-leader stereotype, and Henry Ford in 1918
07:55 – Niamh Fitzpatrick: tribe, belonging and finding your people
12:32 – Why it took a global pandemic to put mental health on the table
13:20 – Wrap-up

Hear the full conversations

EP092 Rob Volpe: https://inspiringchange.libsyn.com/107-empathy-compassion-in-organisational-culture-rob-volpe

EP084 Niamh Fitzpatrick: https://inspiringchange.libsyn.com/99-the-pandemic-pushed-mental-health-out-of-the-workplace-shadows-niamh-fitzpatrick

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Tags

empathy, empathetic leadership, leadership, workplace culture, psychological safety, belonging, tribe, mental health at work, wellbeing, emotional intelligence, cognitive empathy, self-awareness, employee retention, employee engagement, internal communications, pandemic recovery, Rob Volpe, Niamh Fitzpatrick, Scott McInnes, Building Better Cultures, Inspiring Change, best bits, podcast compilation