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Infertility and Self-Blame: It’s Time to Let Go

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Release Date: 02/12/2025

The Story a Childless, Infertile Woman Tells show art The Story a Childless, Infertile Woman Tells

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility.  When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly could—fertility treatments, doctors’ appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility. In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you...

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Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable show art Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments. But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman. Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman. Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels...

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IVF Failed: Calm Your Brain and Find Peace when Childless show art IVF Failed: Calm Your Brain and Find Peace when Childless

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace. Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just...

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Childless Legacy – How to Create One show art Childless Legacy – How to Create One

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Episode 181: Childless Legacy – How to Create One If you are childless after infertility, what kind of legacy are you leaving? When IVF, IUI, or years of trying to conceive did not lead to the family you dreamed of, it can feel like your story has nowhere to go. Like your legacy disappeared along with the possibility of motherhood. But what if you could create a legacy that does not depend on having a child? In this episode of The “So Now What?” Podcast, Lana shares a deeply personal reflection on what legacy really means when you are childless not by choice. Inspired by her...

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Infertility and Othering: When You Don’t Belong show art Infertility and Othering: When You Don’t Belong

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Infertility and Othering: When You Don’t Belong Have you ever walked into a room and instantly thought, “I’m the only one here without kids”? That sinking feeling in your body is what is known as othering. Othering happens when you are seen, or you see yourself, as separate because you do not fit a societal mold. If you are childless after infertility or your IVF journey ended without the child you dreamed of, you know how often othering can happen. You get left out of conversations, your life experiences are dismissed, or someone makes a comment that forces you to explain why you do...

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Your Infertility Journey: How to Stop Explaining It show art Your Infertility Journey: How to Stop Explaining It

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Your Infertility Journey: How to Stop Explaining It If you are childless after infertility, you have probably been on both sides of the spectrum: staying silent because you do not have the words or emotional energy to talk about your journey, and then overexplaining to justify that you “did enough” to try to become a mom. In this episode of The So Now What? Podcast, we talk about the exhausting pressure to explain why you did not keep going with fertility treatments, adoption, or donor eggs, and how to protect your peace when people ask intrusive questions. I share a personal passage from...

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IVF Without a Pregnancy — No One Saw You Trying show art IVF Without a Pregnancy — No One Saw You Trying

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

What if the hardest part of infertility wasn’t just the treatments… but the fact that no one even knew how hard you tried? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, we’re talking about an overlooked reality: what it feels like to go through years of IVF and fertility treatments and never even get a positive pregnancy test. No bump. No loss others can see. Just you, quietly rearranging your life around the hope of motherhood… with nothing to show for it when it didn’t work. This is for you if you’re childless after infertility and have felt the sting of being dismissed,...

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Friendships When You're the Only Childless One show art Friendships When You're the Only Childless One

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

You love your friends. You’ve grown up together, lived through milestones, and shared so many memories. But now they’re raising kids, and you’re navigating life after infertility. You’re the only one in the group chat without a child, and suddenly, the conversations feel distant. Do you go and feel left out? Or do you stay home and feel even more alone? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana shares the story of reuniting with three of her closest college friends (all moms) and what it now feels like to show up to these friendships as a proud, childless woman. Years ago,...

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Infertility and the Shame, Secrecy, and Guilt That Haunts You show art Infertility and the Shame, Secrecy, and Guilt That Haunts You

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

If you are a woman who is childless not by choice, you know the heartbreak of infertility does not end when treatments stop. You might still feel like shame and guilt are following you around every day. In this episode, you will hear why infertility shame and secrecy can stay with you for years after IVF or other fertility treatments. Lana shares insights from a 1998 doctoral thesis that described shame as the central emotion of infertility and explains why so little has changed in how women feel about themselves today. You will discover how guilt convinces you that infertility was your fault,...

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Childless After IVF: When the Path to Your Dreams Feels Impossible show art Childless After IVF: When the Path to Your Dreams Feels Impossible

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

If you have spent years going through fertility treatments like IVF, pouring everything into your dream of motherhood, and still found yourself without a child, you know how heavy it feels to imagine a future that could ever feel as meaningful. In this week’s episode, Lana shares a deeply personal story about standing on a piece of vacant land in Michigan, a place she and her husband dreamed of building their future home, and realizing that the path to something beautiful isn't coming without obstacles. If you’re childless after infertility, it’s so easy to believe your life will always...

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More Episodes

Infertility and Self-Blame: It’s Time to Let Go of Guilt After IVF and Fertility Treatments Failed

Have you ever found yourself questioning every decision you made on your fertility journey? Wondering if you should have started trying sooner, chosen a different doctor, lost more weight, or pursued another round of IVF? If self-blame has become a constant companion after infertility and failed fertility treatments, you are not alone. So many women who are childless after infertility carry a heavy burden of guilt, believing that somehow, they could have done something differently to change the outcome.

But here’s the truth: infertility was never your fault. You did the best you could with the information, resources, and circumstances you had at the time. Blaming yourself isn’t helping - it’s keeping you stuck. It’s time to stop carrying the weight of guilt and start moving toward a future that feels fulfilling, even without the children you dreamed of.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

💔 Why infertility and self-blame go hand in hand—and how to break free from the cycle of guilt
💬 The most common thoughts women have after failed IVF and fertility treatments—and why they aren’t true
🔗 How guilt impacts your relationships, marriage, and self-worth—and how to rebuild confidence
The truth about control—why infertility was never in your hands and why it's time to let go of the illusion that you could have changed the outcome
🌱 How to release self-blame and start moving forward—without the weight of infertility guilt holding you back

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in Guilt

If infertility has left you feeling like you failed, it’s time for a new perspective. You are not broken. Your worth is not measured by motherhood. And most importantly—you don’t have to carry this guilt alone.

If you’re ready to move forward and release the blame you’ve been holding onto, I invite you to join me for a free Thrive Call. This is your opportunity to talk about where you are, how self-blame is impacting your life, and what it would feel like to finally let it go. Together, we’ll create a plan to help you take the first step toward a future that feels meaningful, even without the children you longed for.

🔗 Schedule your free call here: Book a Thrive Call

Exciting News!

📖 My book So Now What? launches on April 2nd! I need your help choosing the final back cover design. Head over to my Instagram (@lana.manikowski), check out my latest reels, and vote for your favorite. I’m also giving away signed copies—stay tuned for details on how to enter!

💌 FREE RESOURCE: If you’ve ever struggled with what to say when people make insensitive comments about your childlessness, I have something for you. Download The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and how to respond) for free: Get Your Copy here!

You Are More Than Your Fertility Journey

Infertility and failed fertility treatments may have shaped your past, but they do not define your future. It’s time to release the blame, let go of the guilt, and start embracing the life that is waiting for you.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Your story is not over—it’s just beginning. 💛

🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward healing, self-acceptance, and a future filled with possibility.