342: Finding Your Natural Allyship Rhythm with Dr. Meg Warren

I’ve always said that allyship isn’t a proclamation you make—it’s an aspiration that lives in the eye of the beholder. For a long time, we’ve been told that to be a real ally, you have to be this fearless, extroverted warrior constantly jumping into the line of fire.

Let’s be real: most of us are just trying to hit our step goals and remember to eat less salt without feeling like we’re failing at life! In this episode, the brilliant Dr. Meg Warren joins me to flip the script. We’re moving away from that check the box mentality and diving into the baby pool of self-awareness to see how your unique personality—yes, even if you’re introverted or conflict-avoidant—is actually your greatest superpower for change.

Key Themes from the Conversation

The Personality Myth in Allyship. Many people believe they aren't built for allyship because they don't fit a specific, extroverted, or courageous mold. However, research indicates that about 91% of the population has a personality profile that is workable and well-positioned for allyship.

"I regularly hear from people saying to me that... I don't have the personality for it. We see this in our research... people say, for instance, I'm too introverted, I'm too agreeable, I'm too conflict-avoidant, I'm too risk-averse to really be an ally. But that's not true. You can still be an ally in your own way."

Diverse Definitions of Support. There is a significant disconnect between what potential allies think is effective, such as public confrontation, and what marginalized groups actually find most useful. While many men view calling out bias as the primary method of allyship, women often find other strategies more beneficial, and confrontation may not even be on their list of useful actions.

"Most men across the board said that the most important way to be an ally is to confront bias by calling out bias. And then when we asked women, they gave a ton of other strategies of what's actually useful for them, and confrontation and calling out did not even feature."

Sustainability Through Natural Traits. Allyship becomes sustainable when it feels like an organic extension of one's existing character strengths and personality rather than a forced or difficult change. Using strengths that already come naturally allows individuals to be more successful and handle constructive feedback more effectively.

"Allies can start by asking how can I do this in a way that just naturally flows for me? And I'm not looking at big changes right now, I'm making small changes, just a little tweak here and there, to start becoming more active." 

Starting Small to Scale Big. While systemic change is the ultimate goal, successful allyship often begins at the micro-level within an individual's sphere of influence. Scaling these behaviors up to systemic levels is more manageable once a critical mass of individuals is practicing allyship in their daily interactions.

"Start with doing allyship at a micro level, and then scaling that up to systemic levels, especially when starting at the systems, it almost feels like a non-starter." 

Actionable Takeaway

Identify your top character strengths using a tool like the Values and Action (VIA) assessment, and then choose one allyship micro-behavior—such as checking in with a colleague or offering support—that feels like a natural extension of those existing strengths.

Assess your Personality: https://bigfive-test.com/

Assess your Character Strengths: https://www.viacharacter.org/

Research paper on how to match personality and character strengths to allyship strategies: https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/vt7bf_v3

Additional free research-based resources: www.megwarren.com

Contact Meg: https://www.linkedin.com/in/warrenmeg/