#450 Loneliness and My Plan To Conquer it.

Loneliness and My Plan To Conquer It

The Revolutionary Solution to Loneliness That Actually Works

Feeling isolated? Struggling with loneliness? You're not alone. In this powerful episode, Paul Clough reveals his breakthrough plan to conquer loneliness once and for all – and it's not what you think.

Why This Episode Matters:

Loneliness has become an epidemic affecting millions worldwide. Whether you're personally struggling with isolation, know someone who is, or simply want to future-proof yourself against loneliness, this episode is essential listening. Paul's unique approach offers real hope and practical solutions that work – because everyone deserves meaningful connection.

What You'll Discover:

The Counterintuitive Approach: Why creating a plan for someone ELSE might be the key to solving your own loneliness crisis

The Small Steps Strategy: How tiny actions like visiting coffee shops without your phone can transform your social life

The Ikigai Framework: Paul's proven daily/weekly/monthly system that keeps you connected and engaged

Real-World Action Steps: From library visits to cookery courses, yoga classes to reading groups – discover dozens of practical ways to rebuild your social connections

Key Takeaways:

• Start Small: Begin with 60-second conversations and people-watching in public spaces
• Explore Interests: Use libraries and bookshops to discover what genuinely attracts you
• Join Communities: Wine tasting, art classes, meditation groups, and more – find your tribe
• Create Structure: Build a progressive plan with daily, weekly, and monthly social activities
• Take Action: Stop doomscrolling and start connecting with real people in real spaces

Perfect For:

• Anyone experiencing loneliness or social isolation
• People who want to help lonely friends or family members
• Listeners seeking practical strategies for building community
• Those ready to break free from digital isolation and create real connections

Take Action:

Grab a pen and paper – you'll need them for this interactive episode. Paul guides you through creating your personalized loneliness-busting plan that actually works.

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Ready to transform loneliness into connection? This episode gives you the tools to make it happen.

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Need support? Email Paul directly – he responds personally and has your back on this journey.

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Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

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Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

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Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

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Music Credits

Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay.

 

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism 

Warning. You are entering into the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. Too late.

 

Personal development unplugged. Welcome my friend to a longer podcast. And yeah, the solution to loneliness.

 

Loneliness again. Yeah, solution. And this, I guess, is for anyone who is lonely.

 

Or if you know anybody who is lonely. Or even for you. Because you might be lonely one day.

 

So basically, it's for everyone. Yeah, that is. So let's start from the very beginning.

 

Where did this get into my brain? I guess we've done a couple of episodes on loneliness. But something different happened to me. You see, here's a question.

 

Have you ever doomscrolled? I think we all have, haven't we? And we all do. And there I was the other morning. Aimlessly scrolling.

 

Just flicking that bloody phone. And then, it's as if the multiverse, the universe, the Akashic field, something, even my unconscious mind, sent me a message. But it wasn't.

 

It was, I started to see videos of lonely people talking on things like TikTok. Wherever I scrolled, there was a sad person talking about their loneliness. They were depressed talking about their loneliness.

 

And the other thing that got me was, they were all very brave to talk about their loneliness. And it kept coming. It was weird because you flick a couple, and then there was another one, and another one.

 

And so it got to me. I don't know what it was. But I remembered.

 

I remembered something that, ah, this could help. This could help. So, especially if you're lonely.

 

If you're the lonely person, experiencing loneliness, and a lot of people do, so you're not alone. Let's go, and let's get through this together. Because I've got a plan.

 

And I need your imagination. That's all I need from you. Your imagination.

 

Oh, oh, a paper and a pen. It could be a pencil. I don't mind.

 

But you need something to write with, and something to write on. Because I want you to come with me and create a plan. But a plan for somebody else.

 

Weird. What do you mean, Cloughie? I'll tell you what I mean. I want you to make a plan for someone you know who is isolated, lonely, suffering.

 

Or maybe that's something you don't, someone you don't know. But I want you to make this plan anyway. But everyone knows a lonely person.

 

But if you don't, you're going to still make this plan. Because when you meet a lonely person, you're going to have that plan in mind. You're going to help them.

 

You're going to help them by planning. And giving guidance. You're going to make a programme to guide them back into being okay.

 

So just go with me. Come with me on this little merry-go-round of imagination. We're going to create a programme, as it were, to get them back on track.

 

So, get your paper and pencil ready, or your paper and pen, because we're going to create this programme. And I want you to begin to imagine in a moment, what steps would work? What things could they do to get them back on track? And it's going to be small stuff first. No good going full hog.

 

Let's think of small things that they could do. What about going to a coffee shop? But going to a coffee shop, maybe, without that bloody phone in your hand. It's been banned.

 

And because of that, and it doesn't have to be a coffee shop, but that type of thing. Getting used to just sitting in public. That's it, just sitting in public.

 

You can't hide behind your phone. You're just there. You're watching.

 

People watching. And you definitely have to just do a little bit of small talk. Not a lot.

 

With the staff. Hi there, how you doing? Oh, that was a lovely cup of coffee. I wish I could do designs like that with the milk.

 

How did you learn that? Just little things that will only last, maybe, I don't know, 60 seconds, yeah? What else? What else is another small step? You're making notes, aren't you? You are making notes. What else? Well, I thought of going out to a library or a bookshop. No, I don't mean getting the phone out or your PC out and your Mac and start looking at Amazon or whatever.

 

No, physical. There's always a bookshop somewhere in town. There's always a library somewhere nearby.

 

And you don't have to be a member, by the way, because you don't have to take these out. So what's the step? If it was me, I'd say, right, I want you to go to a library and just walk around the, what do they call them? They don't call them aisles. The bookshelves.

 

That was difficult, Cloughie. Because those bookshelves have got different sections in, haven't they? I mean, you've got the fiction and nonfiction, but you've also got that other stuff. I like the nonfiction because you can start thinking about autobiographies and things like that.

 

That's inspiration, isn't it? But there's also so many different things that people do. And each one is on that library shelf as a thing. It'll have a little label, railways, animals, whatever.

 

I don't know, but there's millions. Well, I don't know if there's millions, but there's loads. And I would put on this programme, I want you to go to the library and just look.

 

Look at all the different things that people do or people are interested in and notice what attracts you and make a note of it. And again, you might have a little bit of small talk with the people there and then you have to be quiet, whisper. Say, hello, hello there, I'm new here.

 

You might even ask the attendant there, the librarian, not an attendant, they're a librarian. You might even say, how do I join? Just as the way, how did you get into librarianship, ship, ship? But a little bit of small talk, but not with the phone, a little notebook making a few notes of what would attract them. There you go.

 

What other thing could we put on this programme for them to do? Well, I would do a little bit research. I would start to look locally for groups that do those type of things, you know, where the books go and the things you found and find a group and bookmark it. Find those places where they hang out, maybe even book a place on that group.

 

There's a lovely thing where I am, it's called the University of the Third Age and it's for retired people and for retired people to share the skills to other retired people. So if in my work, I was an artist, I share how to do art to people who would love to do art. Now that's for people who are retired, but I know there's other groups like that.

 

For non-retired people, you just have to look. So what else? What else is there things that... I'd ask them the question, what have you always wanted to learn? And you've been too scared to maybe, or you just put off, but now you're fucking lonely, you could think about these things. Sorry about the swearing, but it just came out.

 

So I thought to myself, well, what about me? Just for example, because you think about yourself, maybe one of the things that I've put off that I'd like to learn. Well, I love cookery. So maybe a cookery course.

 

I don't mean a real cookery course, not an online thing. I like art, drawing. So what type of art courses, what drawing courses are there locally to me? But it could be different art.

 

Maybe it's a general. Things like that, I just want art. Maybe it's reading.

 

I love reading. That's a thing. We'll go back to the library, maybe.

 

What about wine tasting? Now we get on the alcohol, Cloughie. You can get into gin clubs. Oh my.

 

What else? And I want you just to write them down on a piece of paper. As you think of these things, I mean, it's great to go through your life, just like I have, to find out the things that a lonely person could consider. And when you write them down, you put your critic head to one side.

 

Because there are no bad things in this. Wrong things. They're just things.

 

And I was thinking then, you know, when you get this thing, like cookery, art, reading, wine tasting, gin tasting, you could find courses on that, couldn't you? Groups, meetings. I mean, there are cookery courses, there are art courses. I mean, there are reading groups where people go, they find a book to read, obviously, then they come back and discuss their thoughts.

 

And they're such wonderful people because they've all got a like-minded interest. I know there's some bars, I don't know why it keeps coming up, that do show you around how to make beer. Gin tasting, wine tasting.

 

You know, you get these sommeliers who will tell you all about wonderful wines. And the thing is, when you go, you meet people of like-minded interest. But the other thing is, say you don't, but you've gone through it.

 

So what have you done? Well, I actually learned to cook because I love cooking. I've learned to draw because I like drawing. I've learned to think about what type of books I read.

 

I've learned how gin is made. Oh, there's the other one. What about a personal trainer? One-to-one personal training to get fit.

 

I mean, it's one-to-one. You ain't got to meet a lot of people there. But then you can go into maybe groups because there's things like spin classes on those old bikes that don't go anywhere, but you pedal like mad.

 

You go to yoga groups. And you see, when you're in a spin group or yoga group or meditation group, there's not a lot of talking goes on, but there is maybe a little bit after where you can have a little bit of small talk. If you're a bit more adventurous, you could go to improv classes.

 

I mean, that'll get you out of your little closed up barriers, wouldn't it? And the thing is, you probably wouldn't see those people from day in, day out. So it doesn't matter, does it? Acting groups. Because acting groups, choirs.

 

Because they're such lovely people. All these groups, by the way, have such lovely people in them. They're so friendly.

 

Maybe if you like music, there's, you find a guitar group or a ukulele group. Oh, I haven't got a guitar, I've got a ukulele. They'll lend you one, if you ask.

 

There's music groups to appreciate music. We have just gone through, I don't know how many, but there's bloody loads, isn't there? And the thing is, you keep writing on the piece of paper all these different things because you're going to create a programme that they're going to do most of them, if not all of them. But bit by bit.

 

So, now you've got to create a plan. You've got to advise them. Advise them what to do first, second, third.

 

I mean, what I did for myself was when we've talked about this before, called Ikigai, where you get circles, intersecting circles. And those circles are meaning of one thing or other. So my three circles were things I was going to do daily, things I was going to do weekly, and things I was going to do monthly.

 

And then you'd find things that overlap. But at least then you know, you're not going to do everything every day. I mean, if you go to like a cookery course, that might only be once a month, if that.

 

But if you go to maybe an art course, it could be weekly. Meditation, yoga classes, things like that. Groups, reading groups might be only weekly.

 

But like one-to-one training, getting fit, getting healthy. Nutritionalists. Oh, I just thought another one.

 

They could be a daily thing. Certainly, just going for a bloody walk is a daily thing. And each one is going to be then made a note of, of what's the smallest step they could do.

 

What's the smallest step for each one to do? Because it's a progression, isn't it? So maybe the first week is just getting out and doing the library. Just getting out there. Going to the coffee shop.

 

Sitting around. People watching, small talk. And then maybe in the weekly thing, it might be just, let's go and find that, that reading group.

 

Finding it. And then you get all these smaller steps. And then the next time, the icky guy will, will change.

 

Because then you get used to it. Or they get used to things. You're going to do a little bit more each day, each week, each month.

 

And you'll set it out in a diary for them. And if they need support, you see, the thing is about that diary is you're scheduling it out for them. So here's what I want you to do.

 

These are the small baby steps and they are little steps. So everything is going to be okay. Bit by bit.

 

Because I'm going to get you to feel so good about yourself. So I've come up with this program for you. And the thing is, if they need support, well, you could go with them, isn't it? Because it is your plan after all.

 

Have you got it yet? Because there's two options, isn't there? There is two options to all of this. And the question is, have you got it? Well, what are the two options? One, find that lonely person and mentor them through your plan. Mentor them with your plan.

 

Support them. Simple as that. And what's the other one, Cloughie, you say? Well, oh, I forgot.

 

If you're the lonely person, you've got a plan already now. Go do it. Gotcha.

 

Because it's that easy. Well, it's easy, but it takes effort, doesn't it? But think of the rewards. And look at those wonderful things you're going to be doing.

 

Because you've created a plan. We've created a plan. I've created a plan with you.

 

Because I do some of this stuff. Because there are things that I want to do. Things that I know that I need to guide myself out of.

 

And I create that programme. The Ikigai is not something I just made up. It's a thing that I use more and more.

 

Things I want to do weekly. Things I want to do daily. Things I want to do monthly.

 

Keeps me on track. Keeps me, you know, one of those ones is socialising. Socialising weekly.

 

Going to the gym daily. Walking daily. Exercising.

 

You know, treating people. Meeting people. Reading.

 

All that stuff. So this is me as well. So I'm with you.

 

I'm with you all the way. And the thing is, because I'm with you all the way, if there was anything that you want a little hand with, you can email me. Because when you email me, it only comes to me, by the way.

 

Because I'm the only bugger here. So you could just give me an indication of where you want a little bit more help. Or a little bit more support.

 

Because I've got it for you. I've got your back. And we'll do it.

 

And we'll do it. We'll come up with something for you. A bit of advice.

 

Maybe a hypnosis track. Maybe we'll do a longer podcast. Anonymous, of course.

 

You know, but you'll get the benefit of it. And so do I, by the way. I get the benefit when you ask a question because I have to think of things.

 

And sometimes those questions hit home to me and I've got to do it as well. I've got to do the work. So if you could do that, that would be absolutely brilliant.

 

Obviously, there's that thing. If you do know of someone who you feel might be lonely, maybe just send them a link to this podcast. I know you don't need it, but I think your friend does.

 

Maybe you'd like to listen, that type of thing. Maybe you'd listen to it together with them. Nice to support people, isn't it? That's being kind.

 

We love kindness in this world. Making a difference by being kind. So if you could share it, that'd be great.

 

And you know, I get lonely too. And what breaks my loneliness is for people who follow and subscribe. So that's what we do.

 

That's what we do. Have more fun than you can stand. And let's get this loneliness out of our lives forever.

 

See you soon, my friend. You got this. You've got it.

 

See you soon. Time to fly. Warning.

 

You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly now. Be brave, my friend.

 

Personal Development Unplugged.

 

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