Resetting & Reducing Social Distance with Karen Riddell

Social distancing is a term that took hold during the pandemic as a descriptive way of creating boundaries from each other. But after two years of distancing and now going back to offices and social settings with colleagues and friends, social distance may take on new meaning. At a minimum, the re-engagement in groups feels awkward at first. We’ve forgotten some of the social norms and feel a little rusty at small talk. In a corporate setting, we realize that Zoom calls didn’t allow for much of a relationship with colleagues. So, we aren’t quickly at ease as a member of the team. Virtual events just aren’t the same as taking time for lunch or going on a walk with a colleague or friend. 

And now, we’re somewhere between anxious about reconnection, stressed about being left out or lonely because many of our friends have moved on. Our social life and world didn’t just relaunch or reset to where it may have been two years ago. We continue to hear from managers and leaders who are trying to accelerate connection and strengthen relationships across new work settings. And I think we’re all looking for some confidence in connection and some new ways of getting there.

In this episode, Sally talks with Karen Riddell, Sally’s long-time friend and Positive Psychology Life Coach who has taken a special interest in social connections.

More about Karen Riddell

Karen Riddell is a Positive Psychology and Life Coach, who started her business after her interest in friendship led her to become certified in applied positive psychology and life coaching.  

In her coaching practice, she works with groups and individuals to find the sweet spot where their strengths, purpose and passions align. Karen partners with clients to clearly conceptualize their goals, envision the possibilities, and map out a concrete action plan for thriving. Karen’s practice centers on positivity, engagement, connection, purpose and vitality.

In December 2020, Karen published Friendship Matters, a book extolling the miraculous power of friendship to transform your life. The how-to book details specific, simple ways to find, make, and build new friendships as well as ways to enrich, deepen, and strengthen existing relationships. It also contains an easy-to-use workbook that allows the reader to create their own personal path to joy through friendship.

Prior to this, Karen received two degrees from The University of North Carolina, moved to Atlanta with her husband, where they had three daughters, and Karen became a prominent community volunteer. She is now writing her second book for mothers-of-the-brides sharing tips on how to navigate the complex process of wedding planning, and doing it with joy.

Show Notes

• Karen Riddell - Positive Psychology Life Coach
• After social distancing, people now feel awkward with re-engagement and out of the practice of social norms. They are anxious about reconnecting, stressed about being out, and lonely. Social distance is more than just physical space.

• For managers and leaders:
  • What are some of the most significant challenges with the limited socialization over the last few years?

• The impact of social distancing is underestimated.
• We are experiencing a double pandemic - Covid is threatening our physical health and social distancing is threatening our mental health.
• Work is a structured social setting that fell through.
• Social connection strengthens us in all the vital facets in our lives. It brings us physical and mental health, stronger families and relationships, and success in the workplace. Social disconnections weaken us in all those areas.
  
  
• What about social anxiety?

• • Pre-pandemic - FOMO (Fear of missing out)
  • People now feel FOBI (Fear of being included)

• Social anxiety can feel different:

• embarrassed
• awkward
• uncomfortable in crowds.

• Social anxiety can be felt physically:

• heart racing
• sweating
• panic attacks

• Negative emotions cause us to want to avoid social settings, so we are reluctant to jump back in.
• People who live alone or had smaller social circles to start have struggled the most with social distancing—singles or anybody residing with an immunocompromised individual have as well. People with larger social circles or a family did not struggle as much.
  
  
• What can most individuals do to reacclimate to social connection?
  • Start by taking a strategic approach to social interactions:

• Before an event or activity, think of simple ways to ease its pressure.
• Limit the time at the event.
• Plan to go with someone else.
• Think about who you will see and what you will talk about.
• Plan how to recharge batteries after.
• Plan at your own pace - start with people you know well.
• Be compassionate and patient with yourself. If you start to have negative thoughts, try to reframe the thoughts.
  
  
• New ideas on how to bring socialization into a virtual workgroup?
  • Most success comes from communication, not how but what you communicate about—balance work-related materials with social interactions.

• Internally and strategically interact virtually - using programs like slack
• Collaborate and create with virtual programs in real-time
• Grouping people in subsets and prompting group ice breakers
• Host contests and challenges
• Send humorous videos
• Host a lunch and learn
• Play up holidays
• Talk about families and hobbies
• Work to replace something spontaneous with something structured.
  
  
• What piqued Karen Riddells' interest in this work?
  • All the things she had done were not activities and jobs that she was particularly interested in, but she did them because of the people she enjoyed being around. This realization got her interested in the power of friendship.
    • Friendship Matters by Karen Riddell
    • https://karenriddell.com/https:/karenriddell.com/book/friendship-matters/

• Friendships are vital to health and happiness and are the key to physical and mental health.

• People with a strong network:

• have a better sleep experience
• less chance of getting a cold/flu
• teeth and skin are healthier
• less likely to have stress
• heal faster
• better cardiovascular health
• stronger immune system
• more likely to take preventative health manners
• stronger working memory
• less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression
• People with a solid social network will have up to a four times greater chance of survival. The hills and hurdles in life are easier to manage with friends by your side.
  
  
• How can you get a strong social circle?

• Start by getting a friendship/positive mindset - you need to be ready to get in the right space.
• Put your passions and interest in play.

• Introverted leaders- What if you don't have time to develop strong friendships?
  • Any leader in a business environment needs to make it a priority to develop friendships - Streamline your efforts to what will be the most successful.

• The formula of great friendships

• 1. mutual respect and reciprocity
• 2. trust and vulnerability
• 3. devotion and commitment

• Companies struggling with employee retention - is friendship a retention tool?
  • Gallup organization research shows:

• An employee with a friend at work is 7 times more likely to be engaged in their job. No friends, your chance of being engaged plummets to 1 in 12.
• Work friends reduce stress and burnout - friendships at work increase job satisfaction by nearly 50%.
• People with 3 or more friends at work are 96% more likely to be satisfied with their lives overall.
• Create the moments and allow people to use them in a way that works for them.

*Please note the following story does contain sensitive material. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Karen shares a story of being a new mother and getting out of a funk by getting active and developing a community. She then shares a similar story of her mother, who needed a community as she struggled with loneliness. She was suffering from postpartum depression in a new town.

Even just one friend has the power to make a difference.