Red Heat: Republican Mustache

NSFW

Smack My Pitch Up 95 - Red Heat: Republican Mustache

Transcript at the bottom of show notes

Hobbit and Thandi start a new cold war as they fire of remakes and reimaginings of the 80's action classic Red Heat starring Jim Belushi and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Subscribe to Smack My Pitch UP! https://link.chtbl.com/smpu_gui_subscribe

Check out tons of merch for the GUI Network on TeePublic:
http://bit.ly/teepublicGUI

GUI Network Hotline: [phone]GUI (4484)

(Message & data rates may apply)
_________________________________________________

● Track Info ●

"In A World" "Bustin Loose" and "Assassins" by Jason Shaw (audionautix.com)

These works are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US

"Steve Combs Through" Theme by Steve Combs
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

[email protected] for sponsorship inquiries

 

Transcript:

 

===

Hobbit: [00:00:00] Hello geeks and welcome to another amazing episode of Smack My Pitch Up, the podcast that reboots remakes, reimagine sequels cycles, and adapts some of your favorite and least favorite properties from film, television, and whatever else we decide to do that week. And with me as always, my fateful companion into the realms of remakes.

We got Thandi Woodard here.

Thandi: How do,

Hobbit: How

Thandi: I wanted to say hello and Russian, but I could not remember what Hello and Russian is, 

Hobbit: Yeah. I think I have was it nine? No, that's German. I don't know any Russian, actually. 

Thandi: we all know Das Vidanya.

Hobbit: Yeah. Sag. Yeah. There we go. That's all I've got and that's about as close to Russian as Arnold Schwarzenegger. In this next movie that we are talking about, I'll smack my pitch up.

I was about to say, he does his best. He doesn't even try.

Thandi: Can I tell you that I I chose this movie and I'm sorry, like it's not it's not. I [00:01:00] remembered it being fun and it's not unfun, but it's not good. It's not like eighties movies have their own vibe or whatever, and this is like the ultimate mediocre representation of mediocre eighties.

Hobbit: I know a lot of stuff happens in this movie, but it does feel like nothing happens in this movie. It's just like they, they walk from point A to

Thandi: said, everybody's. Just doing eighties. The Walter Hill's you know what guys? Just do just be eighties guys. Just be eighties guys and that'll be the movie that we put out as you guys being eighties guys. Just do that.

Hobbit: It should have been understood just by the casting that they had the lesser belu. In this movie, and that should have been enough to know that, okay, we're just phoning this in. This is not nobody needs to really go for it on this one. Cuz Belushi, he's clearly the comic relief character like the smart ass, grizzled cop from Chicago character.

But there's nothing funny about him at all. Like he's just he, it's not, he's not even annoying. He's just a [00:02:00] non-existent

Thandi: And he's supposed to be funny because he's supposed to be like ably charming or whatever, but he's n he's just irritating and it is yeah. You feel what they're going for with this as an eighties movie, and it just, it doesn't all the way work. It's not bad. It's not terrible.

It's just a wet fart of an eighties action.

Hobbit: I will say the best part of this movie for. Has to be hands down. Not that there's a really big competition here, but when they're playing chicken with buses, that was really, I'm like, okay, you know what? That's new. I'm, I've not seen that there's a whole movie about a bus driving fast.

Didn't go against another bus. It was just one bus.

Thandi: sure. Why not? Yeah. Everybody should die here, but they're not or whatever, and it doesn't matter. Like I feel like the climax is really anti-climactic it, even though it's a big set piece. It doesn't go hard. It doesn't feel hard enough when it ends, and Schwartzenegger just ends the movie.

He just ends [00:03:00] the Oh, the guy. Okay. You're gone. Needs a fight or something like schwartzenegger and Belushi fighting like 50 guys or something.

Hobbit: That's the thing. Schwarzenegger doesn't even really fight a lot of people in this. He shoots a couple folks, but there's not a whole lot of hand to hand. Yeah. And

Thandi: The naked fight in the snow, which is, it's fun. That's fun.

Hobbit: That's fun. That is fun. Yeah, definitely. But we are talking about, if you didn't realize from the title of this episode we're talking about the movie Red Heat some classic eighties, Arnold Schwartzenegger. Buddy cop movie from Russia meets Chicago, I guess was the

Thandi: What are the most eighties that ever aided with the lesser belu?

Hobbit: also, this is like the tail end of the Cold War. This movie's coming out and you're rooting for the Russian operative this whole time, which is, that's a weird, that's a weird choice. There's No. [00:04:00] So it's not about rooting for the Russian operative. It's about rooting for the police. He's the police and you're supporting the, it's the, because even he's ah, we are not politicians. It's okay for us to be to like each other. Whatever. It's about respecting the police and supporting the police.

Thandi: The working man basically. It's the work, it's the respect for the working man, whether they're Russian or American or whatever. And the heroic eighties style police that don't do anything wrong, it's just they're fighting against a corrupt world no matter what country they're in.

Hobbit: I had a rollercoaster of emotion at one moment in this movie where they're talking about drugs in their countries

Thandi: Yeah. Miami with, they're turning into Miami. Yeah.

Hobbit: And Arnold is like in. Our country, we, you our country, I'm not gonna do it. Aye. Aye. Aye.

They were having issues with like drugs coming in from China. So they rounded up all of all the drug Addicts, [00:05:00] all of the drug dealers and took them to the square and sh killed them. Like just shot 'em.

And Belushi's response to that wasn't like, oh fuck, that's hardcore. He was like, yeah, they won't let us do that here. It's unfortunate. Like the politicians won't let us do that. And Schwarzenegger's then you tie them up and shoot them first. And she's huh. And so first he's talking rounding up the drug dealers and the drug addicts and like shooting.

And I'm like, fuck, that's hardcore. And then he is like, just murder the politicians. I'm like, That

Thandi: Yeah. And Belushi's no we. We gotta kind of follow the law and it they make light of the American justice system as it stands to protect the citizenry. I, in this movie, basically it's super hardcore like pro police state,

Hobbit: It really is.

Thandi: The, they're like the world's on fire because of darkies and foreigners, or, And the only way they're protect it is to have this hardcore, [00:06:00] no rules, no holds barred.

Police state,

Hobbit: and everybody's on board like that. That is, I really didn't dive that deep into the thought process between the Chicago police and these Russians that are showing up that are the enemy of the country. But they're all cops, so they're like, oh, you kill innocence too. Cool. Great. Okay. We're like, That is Buck Wild.

What is nice about a movie? Yeah. . With a movie like this though, there is so much room to build from it that it does make for an interesting choice, for a smack my pitch up. Because

Thandi: does because it you, you don't have to respect the movie. There's nothing to hold sacrosanct in this circumstance. You can go hog wild.

Hobbit: And one thing that I really wanted to dig into more with mine is That Russia and the states aren't on the best of terms like that just kind of gets glazed over. If anything, it was more of they acted almost like they were buddies, but you still gotta be careful about your state [00:07:00] secrets.

That was the kind of energy that they were playing with each other. It was like don't trust Americans don't trust the Russians. And that's it. I really want to inject a little bit more of. Cold War Energy back into this. Although my version is a modern take, it takes place in the modern day.

But I just, there's so many weird choices in this movie for it to come out as just like a perfectly fine, mediocre movie. Tom or Jim Belushi,

Jim Belushi and and Arnold. Hanging out together. It was like the Kmart version of True Lies with Tom Arnold.

Got the the kind of like rubenesque like cop and then the the hardcore badass dude working together.

But True lies worked.

Thandi: Yeah. Yeah. The it's interesting because Walter Hill has directed some of our favorite movies, including a movie we've done a pitch on before. He was the director of the [00:08:00] Warriors.

Hobbit: Oh, wow. This is so far removed from from the whimsy of the warrior.

Thandi: Yeah it's so different from the Warriors. He was director of Streets of Fire. It's different from that. He directed both 48 hours, which are actually pretty decent. But tonally are very similar to this. They just the stars, they work better. They have better synchronicity maybe, I don't Because Arnold Schwarzenegger is a big freaking movie star. And actually Jim Belushi can be okay, as I remembered, cuz I saw this in the theater back in the day. I thought he was okay in this. But yeah, this is a little bit obnoxious. Maybe it's just a product of so much time having passed, but.

Hobbit: I don't know, but I am interested to see how we decide to build upon this this very simple structure. Basic gist is there is a Russian former operative or current operative that goes to the states to work out a drug deal to move Koch into [00:09:00] Russia. And Arnold is tapped to go get

Thandi: Oh, he's a career criminal. He's a career

Hobbit: oh, career criminal.

Yeah. And he's mother Russia doesn't wanna look bad in the face of the Americans and the rest of the world by having drugs like brought into their country. Arnold goes to stop him basically to get him without airing the dirty laundry of what he gets stopped for. Cuz he's gets stopped for like an unregistered gun.

Right. Is that the

Thandi: Arnold goes after him because he killed his partner.

Hobbit: Sure. That's why he gets, that's why he gets tapped basically. Is that yeah you're gonna do a good job here going after this guy. And and he kind of does. I like this. Injecting a little more plot into this. Mine is a modern day take it has a stylized action kind of vibe to it where everybody is able everybody looks good, nobody's tripping over themselves.

It's not like a it's not so much comedic [00:10:00] as it is kind of fun and it's approach. Some comedic moments, but definitely more of a just straight up, like over like stylized action kind of movie. For me, I, Ivan Danco was a very hard casting choice. I needed somebody that was, if not Russian, able to do a decent Russian accent.

So that required a little bit of research. I decided to go with a kind of a, you think of him like he would be an action star and he is done some action movies, but he is done more dramas than he's done action movies is Tom.

Thandi: Oh, yeah, Tom Hardy is an action star and he's a great dramatic actor. He's both things.

Hobbit: And I think there's a stoic sense that he has, especially if you saw Lawless. He's really good in that that I think would lend itself to playing an Ivan Danco kind of character. And he was in a movie called Child 44, where he had a Russian accent and it was good. It was a decent Russian accent.

It wasn't too over the [00:11:00] top. It. My favorite Russian accent, which is clearly John Malkovich and Rounders. That is definitely

Thandi: still made fun of today. Yeah.

Hobbit: I need to find the shirt. I found a shirt that it says on the shirt. I need that shirt. It's brilliant. If you haven't seen rounders, the movies, whatever it's a fine movie, I guess, but

Thandi: Was it you that No, it was a YouTube video I saw recently. Who was in that movie with him? One of his co-stars.

Hobbit: There was oh, who was in it? Matt. Matt Damon was in it, I think. And it was Matt Damon. So. Malkovich is doing the pee Him he's doing the horrible Russian accent or whatever, and everybody's oh, yay, John Malkovich and Matt Damon's what the fuck is this guy doing? And then there's a they, this, there's a scene break and Malkovich sees the confusion on Matt Damon's face and he looks across the table at him and he is I'll tell you a secret. [00:12:00] I'm a terrible actor. That's it.

That's incredible. That is incredible. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. I thoroughly suggest, if you haven't seen Rounders is worth it just for. Malkovich is bits in it, it's so fucking good. But yeah, Tom Hardy can actually do a Russian accent play. Ivan Donk. This version of the film Ivan is drafted to go after a former military asset Victor Rust roti that, yeah, former former Ukrainian.

Picked up by the, by Russia to do cyber warfare. Basically, he's a hacker type person. He, his estranged daughter and not wife. The Gina Ghan character, I switched from wife because they never even have any moments of chemistry or anything. And it doesn't matter. I feel like a daughter has a little bit more like ooph [00:13:00] to it, and their relationship are a little different here.

He's a strange daughter is young adult living in the America, is doing her thing. He really just has been absent from her life, wants to do stuff best by her, and is seeing this vast amount of corruption that's happening within his country and also within the United States. Partly a cocaine shipment that is getting ready to be shipped to Russia courtesy of the CIA as a means of trying to like they did with KRA in.

In the in the eighties destabilization. Yeah.

what they don't realize is that Russia's already got crocodile. So Coke doesn't do dick for them. Like coke, cocaine is like a cup of coffee. But

Thandi: could you sprinkle some bath salts on this?

Hobbit: right? But he decides since there's this large amount of cocaine and money being exchanged between governments in a super secret way, that he has access to the information on where it.

He can steal it or, and use [00:14:00] that as a means of getting money from both governments, pitting them against each other and getting out a dodge with his daughter while they go fighting one another. He's basically setting up the governments to blame each other for the disappearing coke and u and using the money that he gets from extorting to basically disappear off the map of his daughter.

That's his. And it goes awry. It does not work. Ivan NCO gets sent out by the Russian government to stop him because if he gets caught by the Americans, he has a ton of Russian secrets that he would probably very handily hand over exchange for his freedom. So he's a danger to the Russian military. And the CIA is doing something super fucking underhanded and he knows about it.

And so they want to quiet him before the word gets out that the c a is trafficking cocaine to Russia. So both governments are after him. Ivan Danco is kind of in the middle, not realizing after he gets to America that this is some dirty pool that's being played. And Victor [00:15:00] Lev is a unhinged weirdo that he has to basically track down and try to get the information from without everybody dying.

So Ivan NKOs, Tom Hardy his partner played by Jim Pucci in the original Art Riddick. I'm gonna go ahead and do Chris Pratt for this one. He is married to Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter. And I thought it would be kind of fun to cast him in this and just him putting on like a shitty mustache like he had in one of the Guardians movies.

He had a mustache for two. In one of the Avengers movies or something give 'em a shitty mustache, make them like a grizzled Chicago cop that's trying to do one-liners, but they don't land very well against Tom Hardy, who's stoic and just not having any of it. And I think the uncomfortable nature of that relationship would make for actually really funny moments.

Thandi: That would be a man Tom Hardy would eat Prat alive,

Hobbit: Would eat him a [00:16:00] lot. Absolutely. Pratt would be like, stupidity, dude dance or something, and Tom Hardy would just stare through him be incredible. In the meantime, they're trying to chase down Victor Roli, who is played by the incomparable Peter Stormeyer.

Thandi: Oh, perfect. That's basically Peter Stormeyer of his career is playing that guy.

Hobbit: He is playing the big old weirdo like Eastern European guy. Don't even give him fucking lines. Let him just make them up and it will be a better movie. Honestly. Peter Stormer, if you're not familiar, he was one of the nihilists in the Big Lebowski.

He's, he was the devil in Constantine. He did the, was it the VW commercials for a little bit, right? I.

Thandi: Did he

Hobbit: I think, yeah, he's, he is done everything. He is incredible. He is such a blast to watch on screen. He'll steal every moment. Then Lieutenant Stops played by Lawrence Fishburne in a horribly underutilized role.

They didn't do shit with him in this movie.

Thandi: He was just there to be that [00:17:00] guy. wasn't lo, he wasn't Larry Fishburn yet. So But I wanted to give, I wanted to give the little more gravitas to the lieutenant in the fishburn can do don't get me wrong, but I wanted to give the role a little bit more gravitas and still have an actor that can have that kind of intensity that you want from a lieutenant so Denzel all day make him like angry lieutenant.

Hobbit: And then the daughter, Kat Manetti is, her mother's name was Manetti. She took her mother's name the daughter of Victor Rostovetti. I went with Mia Kunis, who is actually fluent in Russian and is part

Thandi: has the.

Hobbit: and she has the look. So I think she would make for a good estranged daughter character to Peter store.

Mayor would

Thandi: Definitely I could a hundred percent see that, that relationship.

Hobbit: And with Chris Pratt with Denzel Washington stylized action movie. I [00:18:00] went with the director Anton Fuqua to set this up and hit it outta the park. Oh, that'd be a good time. And. It's interesting cuz Anton Fuqua, I don't think has ever made like a movie that has fun energy. I think his movies do have lots of energy, but it's all threatening.

It's all a little bit more intense, but he has done the straight ahead action film that doesn't have a lot of depth to it, and he's also done the really good. Thoughtful like borderline artistic action film as well. So I think him being able to play with the full speed ahead action film, but have an awkward comedic tone to it, I think would be, he got close with Magnificent seven, like he did almost get there just because of the kind of actors that he had in those roles.

This casting, I think he would be impossible not to get some funny moments between Tom Hardy and Chris Pratt, Peter store Mayer, [00:19:00] talking to Mia Kuni Mia Kuni talking to Chris Pratt and Tom Hardy and Chris Pratt flirting a bit, and Tom Hardy being very, not okay with it.

And just their, all the relationships I think would be very fun to see on.

Thandi: Now, there'd be some fun energy to see them play off of each other.

Hobbit: Yeah.

Thandi: little intensity there too. Anybody with Tom Hardy? There's gonna be some some intensity.

Hobbit: absolutely, and that's why I wanted Tom Hardy is to be the anchor of this, because with those other actors, there is a good chance that this would just get away from the director. But Tom Hardy, he's a really good actor and he is able to play that intense character. And if he. Holds that down.

It keeps everybody at a level where the fun can still be there, but it's still held down as a straight ahead action film.

So yeah, that is my pitch for for red heat.

Thandi: I would enjoy seeing that. I only have one beef, which is that you made old ass Denzel, a lieutenant. [00:20:00] He should be the police captain.

Hobbit: That's okay. That is a fair assessment, but also police captains not going out and getting shotgun shot at him on the street. So yeah, he's in the office asking for guns and badges for cops that do things their own way.

Thandi: turn in your badge.

Hobbit: turn

Thandi: You're the best we got. It's a damn shade. But we have rules in this department.

Hobbit: I don't like, I don't like how you do things, but Damnit you get results. Yeah.

Thandi: Oh, eighties. Captain you're a treasure

Hobbit: why isn't there a parody movie just called eighties Police Captain and it's just this like wide open, disgruntled police captain would be fucking incredible. I'd be there for

Thandi: because not enough people still smoke cigars maybe. I don't know. But yes, that would be a lot of fun.

Hobbit: Because Tom Sellek has retired his mustache and

Thandi: I don't know if you've ever watched Blue Bloods, but Tom Sellek is awesome. Tom Sellek makes you want to be Republican. [00:21:00] That's how

Hobbit: Oh wow.

Thandi: is like a, is like an old like state and respectable white man. You're like, man, you guys have some really good ideas. Tom Sellek is good. He is good at his.

If you watched him on Magnum PI and you saw him now, you'd be like, wow, that is quite a transformation. But he is, he's a joy to watch as like the respected you remember back when John McCain was running for president, you saw John McCain. You were like, you know what, I wouldn't, I'm not gonna vote for you, but I respect you, John McCain.

I almost felt the same way about Romney. also, like guys who present respectability. Even if I don't agree with their policies, I'm like, oh, you won't be a monster. Especially now in retrospect when actual monsters have taken over the landscape of the right of American politics and yeah. Tom Sellek as a human being, as a callback to a different time. [00:22:00] You only use the N word at home in Tom Sellek's world. It's just you don't take it out into public.

Hobbit: I pictured old Tom Sellek as living in a log cabin near a creek with his dog, and he wears like one of those puffy vests on Dewey, slightly chilly mornings as he's out there fishing.

Thandi: Yeah. And then he comes down the street and he is you got some problems with your house. I see your roof needs some work. Let's get up there. But I'm sleeping. I'm tired, Tom Sellek. I'll be up on the roof. I'll meet you up there when you get up and Tom Sellek like fixes your roof cuz he's that kind of neighbor that's the kind of Tom Sellek that lives in my mind.

Hobbit: That's the one that, those Hallmark movies where there's like the racist neighbor, but he's not actually racist. He just he like treats everybody with respect, but he just doesn't like, like blacks or something. But there's no example of him being shitty at any point to anyone. But that's just like a thrown in character thing.

That doesn't make sense. That's [00:23:00] Tom Selleck where.

Thandi: Yeah he is Clint Eastwood. If Clint East Wood's characters didn't actually actively complain about yellow people and black people

Hobbit: Oh man. Whew. I'm just thinking of grand Torino and some of the moments in that movie were, whew a lot.

Thandi: Man it's kind of a shame, this is a little tangent, but it's kind of a shame that all of our our grizzled like old school actors have been become monsters over the course of time. You can be that person. You're old, of course you're that person. That's fine. Just shut the fuck up.

Just shut the fuck up and be awesome. You know who I think of all the time because I'm like, man, you are just a treasure on screen and you should be in real movies and not these things produced directly by like conservative interests. James Woods. James Woods is a, an incredible screen presence and the dude's a monster.

It's okay to be a [00:24:00] monster. Just be a monster silently and get your paper and continue to entertain us.

Hobbit: I don't, I think he kind of showed his hand a little bit in John Carpenter's vampires, cuz he was such a prick in that movie and you're like, he's doing this too. Like James Wood is a good actor, but he's not, that he's not that good of an actor. That was just him. Killing the vampires. That wasn't, he wasn't playing a character at that point.

He was like saying racist shit. Like he just smoking a cigar and just being an asshole at everybody. You're like, that's the, that's actually the most real James Wood has ever been on screen

Thandi: incredible asshole. He's an incredible asshole, but all right, tangent over my pitch.

Hobbit: Okay. All right. So

Thandi: got lost in the

Hobbit: doing the serious take. The remix is all on you.

Thandi: remix.

Hobbit: Wiki.

Thandi: So my inspiration for this pitch came from Schwarzenegger's line that I mentioned earlier where he is it's okay to like each other. We are not to politicians. And I'm like, but what if they were politicians? And so the angle I'm coming [00:25:00] at this from is because it's not a good movie. I don't have to respect anything.

I'm going batshit crazy balls to the wall. My movie takes place in a world where, what if they were politicians? But in this world, politicians are, they're all Chuck Norris. Basically. Every poli every world leader is like Teddy Roosevelt or like Vladimir Putin. They're like, oh, you could probably kill a guy with your bare hands.

And in this world, they come into direct conflict. So there's like fisticuffs and tough, everybody's like an eighties tough. With eighties tough guy interactions, direct conflict, like old white dudes and old white ladies beating each other up directly because that's just the tone of this world, that the leader is the strongest person basically.

Hobbit: Like Sunday Church every week is the church scene from the Kingsmen. That's okay. Cool.

Thandi: Whipping some ass. Yes. So in my skew of this movie what [00:26:00] if they were. Politicians. Basically what happens is that the premier of Russia who is played by John Cena and he is Russian premiere Victor Resta Rust is involved in a situation where he's basically trying to get access to some crypto, and In that conflict, he comes into direct conflict with Mickey Rourke, who is the president of Belarus. Yuri Oga Carav, which was the partner of Schwarzenegger who got killed. And he kills him. He kills him with his bare hands and his best friend, the president of Poland, is out for revenge and what they find out is that the crypto keys are actually in America. The physical keys are in America. They're stored on a server somewhere in America. That's the information he has. So he does like what is kind of disguised as a a [00:27:00] political visit to America. John Cena's character, the Russian Premier does, and the Polish president, Ivan Danko, who is played by.

Not doing a Russian accident or a Polish accident at all. Gerard Butler is Ivan Danko.

Hobbit: Yes.

Thandi: follows the Russian Premier to America and has a coming together scene with a former American president, former president, art Riddick. You son of a bitch. I need help. And they do the predator handshake, that kind of thing.

And art Riddick is played by will. Who is doing a very thinly veiled, basically Barack Obama Will Smith is playing action Barack Obama.

Hobbit: Yes,

Thandi: So they they come.

Hobbit: Because just to have a sidequel where it's just a UN meetup and it's just a royal rumble, like that's all it is. It's just royal rumble. Every time the UN gets [00:28:00] together, it's just them in a ring beating the shit out of each other.

Thandi: Perfect for the world stage that I have set here. But so they meet in America, do the muscle handshake they bring in the former Secretary of State, Maxine Gallagher, who was Ridley's partner in the first movie, Maxine Gallagher's, played by Charlene Theron, and she's basically doing Hillary Clinton. 

Hobbit: Bill wishes 

Thandi: They bring in this third to help huge action scene. She is killed by the premiere of Russia. So they get in a huge set peace fight, and he beats the shadow of her and kills her. And then that murder necessitates the involvement of the current presidential administration. Which is as President Lou Donnelly, who is the captain president.

Lou Donnelly is Liam Neeson. Basically Liam Neeson doing Joe Biden And he can't help directly, he can't be involved directly. So he gets his vp, his lieutenant to oversee [00:29:00] the the operation of these two world leaders coming together to, to try to take down the Russian premiere in America cover. His vice president Louise Stubs is Aisha, Tyler

Hobbit: Yes.

Thandi: So they have they have action scenes through DC into some other parts of the country back to dc in their little game of cat and mouse. Ross has American allies his American allies taking the place of the black nationalists or whatever they were in the original movie . Ultranationalist Whites known as the hard lads, and their uh, congressional ally is a person known as Porsche Adams Veld.

And so that's their congresswoman that's helping the Ultranationalist Hard lads help Raeli kills ve because she can't actually help him. She fails in, when you fail a Russian, you get murdered. So he, she kills Veed or he kills. And the game of Cat and Mouse [00:30:00] continues, and then it ends with a big ass fight on the steps of the Lincoln Monument with Danko and Riddick tag teaming to beat the shit out of the bigger, stronger rust.

And they beat the Russian to premiere to death in front of the Lincoln Monument and And then Not enough. Not enough people get beaten to death in front of the Lincoln Monument. Really like I

what I'm saying. So the movie's almost over and, but basically they're like, oh, but what happened to the crypto keys? And then Danko finds out that former President Ridic had the keys all along. He passes them off to the Polish president, who then takes the crypto keys and the money that comes with that back to his country and scene.

Hobbit: Yes, I'm here for just, I want. A series of movies to exist in this world that you've created. You can just take whatever eighties action movie and just do a version of it in [00:31:00] this eighties action, hero politician world that you've created. I wanna see it. 

Thandi: It would be big fun. And so my directors for this a lot of their brand is just like paring eighties action. Iconography, it drives a lot of what they find humorous. Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I'm thinking like a Team America vibe going through this movie and I was like, man the idea itself is very Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

So those are my directors for this project.

Hobbit: I am now realizing that the thing that the world has missed is them doing an action movie. They've done Team America with puppets, but I mean like a live action movie. I think the world is ready. I think we're ready for it.

Thandi: Yeah, I would love to see, because it'd be a good time. They I don't think they would do a straight action move. They'd still try to parody something and it would be a good.

Hobbit: Hell yeah. I'm here for it. Sweet. Red heat. I don't know man, like this could be paired with basically any eighties action movie, especially buddy cop thing. I was thinking like running Scared [00:32:00] Oh, definitely. They could go on vacation. They could go on vacation for 40 minutes with the fellas in the middle of the movie.

I've always wanted to see that action movie where you just have two separate movies that come out around the same time and there's just one scene that is in both movies where like they kind of enter into each other.

Thandi: kinda walked by each other. How you doing?

Hobbit: Or they're chasing their own bad guys, but they end up driving next to each other during a car chase or something and looking at each other like, huh. And then they just trail off into different directions and then the movies continue. But there's just that one shared moment in both movies would be incredible.

Thandi: Yeah, that would be incredible. That'd be incredible. I feel like that is the kind of thing that would take place probably in the past 20 years. I feel like there could easily have been a scene like that with the mocking of pop culture generally and also the crossover culture because crossovers bring money.

So, yeah,

Hobbit: Yeah, true. Very true. Hell yeah. We've got one last little bit to do here, and that is our trailer. [00:33:00] Some people's favorites, some people's least favorite from from the show. I'm gonna get some music together and we'll get that going

From Visionary Director Anton Fuqua comes anew. Cold War this summer. Ivan Danko, played by Tom Hardy teams up with Hardened Chicago, detective Art Riddick, played by Chris Pratt as they try to stop the world from being handed a Coke this summer, Peter Storm Air plays Victor Roli, a broken man. Just trying to find a way to.

Insert himself into his daughter's life and one big secret Coke deal could be the answer. Watch as Russia and America team up to fight the drug trade and that they also are facilitating a bit. It's kind of a problem this summer. Red heat.

Thandi: Iran Contra,

Hobbit: [00:34:00] Yeah, part two.

Thandi: That is that is good times. I'm not ready for this at all. You know how I used to write all my trailers? I haven't written a trailer in a while, so I am wing it yet again.

Hobbit: You wing it a little better than me though. So I still have faith. I used to say that I did the Justin Rowland thing, but I don't think that is a phrase that I can use anymore. 

Thandi: Ooh. Yeah. You should probably not say that out loud.

Hobbit: that loud . What I mean

Thandi: people will start looking at your text messages if you

Hobbit: Yeah, right. what I mean is that I just go and then stuff happens.

So let's see. So you're doing your wackadoo eighties action hero politician. Version here with Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Thandi: That is correct.

Hobbit: Excellent. All right, let me cue up the music.

Thandi: The 44 Magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world. No, the most powerful hand weapons in the world are these four fists. [00:35:00] Let's get him from the minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone coming at you. President Will Smith President. Oh God. Scottish guy, other president. Brain farting and Premier John Cena, Andrew R.

Butler are in a three-way conflict to make the world safe for cryptocurrency as they bring the red heat

Hobbit: You'll the Scottish guy. I love it. I love it. That's great. all. You have, you've done Russia proud with that retelling of their national movie red heat.

Thandi: Yeah, it is a national treasure. It's like the Battleship Potemkin, and then red heat is a [00:36:00] close

Hobbit: Yep. Exactly. So that was a really good time. I think we, not that the bar was very high, but I think we actually outdid the original, much like John Carpenter's the Thing. The, sometimes the remake is better than the original. We're

Thandi: Yeah, I think we did.

Hobbit: jumping rope

Thandi: we should do more shitty movies I think. I think we should stop doing these darlings and just start picking stuff from the 99 cent bin. And that's what we do. The pitch max on 90 site, 99 cent bin movies.

Hobbit: I don't think that's a bad call, but you do know that path leads to, at some point, doing battlefield Earth. 

Thandi: Oh I don't wanna do the Scientologist movie.

Hobbit: don't either. But I think honestly there are a few movies where 

the premise is decent, but the execution was terrible that we could possibly have a lot of fun putting our own little spin on.

So I think we're gonna dig in a little bit deeper into this territory for future episodes.

Thandi: It's a new podcast.

Hobbit: Woo. Thandi, thank you so much again for [00:37:00] joining me on this adventure through Chicago's Mean Streets This time. Although not Mean Streets, that's a far superior movie. But yeah. Make sure to rate, review, subscribe, all the things you do for podcasts for this show.

We are gonna be releasing regularly, so you can definitely expect a lot more weird and fun content coming your way from smack my pitch up. Make sure to check out all the other shows on the network at guipodcast.com. Make sure to check out Thandi's other show.

Thandi: My handle is Jonathan Blade. It's about the musings of internet citizen Jonathan Blade, who happens to be me. Me,

Hobbit: Me. So check all that stuff out and we'll find you next time for another episode. I'm Michael Hobbit

Thandi: and I'm Thandi.

Hobbit: and uh, you just got this pitch smacked out of ya.

Thandi: Yeah, just like your communism bitches.

Hobbit: Get to the remake. Now that was terrible.