Normal is Not Always What it is Cracked Up to Be

We are experiencing a pandemic that has disrupted our way of life. We are yearning for normalcy! Today I will discuss how we can use this time to make a mental shift that will allow us to move from our yearnings to be able to see new opportunities.

For much of my life, I did not feel normal. This feeling was rooted in childhood circumstances that resulted in patterns that kept me wishing I was different. Wishing that I was what I thought was normal. Normal meant that I would fit in. Have lots of friends. Be shorter and thinner! It wasn’t until I was well into my 30’s that I realized that normal was not all it is cracked up to be. I began to look for an alternative to normalcy.

In my 40’s I started my yogic journey and learned more about the mind and how our fears and subconscious patterns tend to dictate our behavior. How we function in life primarily from this undercurrent of subconscious feelings and beliefs instilled in us from our childhood. Unfortunately, this results in a reactive approach to life that tends to be very self-centered. Classical yoga teaches us how to take a wiser, more inclusive, more proactive stance. Through my studies of yoga, I’ve found that what makes me feel “normal” is to be more present with fewer expectations.

How is this relevant to the pandemic? Well, let’s flash back to New Year’s Day of 2020. Another year. Another set of goals. This year, I am going to….fill in the blank. I’m going to be that person that I have always wanted to be!! Then boom! We are in a pandemic!

We didn’t know that we would soon be experiencing a pandemic with all of the fears, restrictions and economic fallout.  And who would have thought that people would become so divisive, so mean, rather than pulling together in an effort to face the unknown together?

In this country we are proud of our individual rights, our freedoms, but then each of us may only function from our own individual version of “this is how I’m going to survive this.” Well it’s not working!

In yoga philosophy each of us is a part of a greater whole. In the yoga sutras, when we lose touch with that concept of wholeness, we develop avidya, or ignorance. And this is one of the great sufferings described in the sutras.

So the first step to relieve the suffering happens when we can put aside our “individualism” and begin to move into ”collectivism”. It’s only when we realize that we are a part of this greater, universal consciousness that we can begin to alleviate our pain and fear. Easier said than done. 

I don’t know about you, but I know that I have had some serious low points over these last several months when I have nearly lost hope. Hope that people would just suck it up, find more humanity, and realize that if we can look at the “greater good” instead of our own personal desire for everything to get back to normal, we might even come out the other side of this in a better place.

So when I slip into those places of darkness and hopelessness, I quickly become aware that I’ve “slipped” and that I need to pick myself up and move forward. This is not always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary. And moving forward means giving up the notion of “normal.”

Now I don’t think there’s a person alive that isn’t longing for everything to get back to “normal.” But I’m here to tell you that “normal” is not going to happen.

Even if this virus suddenly disappeared, the virus and its results have laid bare our souls, creating a level of fear and trauma that will need a very long time to heal. And if you don’t believe that, then  you are probably in denial. Denial! It’s one of our favorite coping mechanisms, after all. Denial can help us cope for a while, but not over the long haul.

So what do we do? How do we step out of denial? How do we make a proactive shift that will begin to relieve our suffering? 

The first thing that needs to be done is to stop! Stop, take a deep breath and accept what’s happening! 

We need to ACCEPT that this is happening to everyone -  in every home, every town, every state, every country. We are actually all connected through this pandemic. And if you aren’t able to feel that connection, it’s as though you are saying, “Look at me! I’m a wave. I’m special. I’m not a part of the ocean!”

We are connected through our pain. If you are fortunate enough to escape the virus you cannot escape the pain that exists and permeates our lives. The pain from those whose health has failed, the pain of those who have lost loved ones, the pain of the economic fallout,  the pain from having our lives turned upside down, and the pain born out of fear from those who challenge, deny and reject the reality of what’s happening,

We must truly accept what is happening - that normal is not coming back! It is only when we practice acceptance that we can move out of fear and move forward into creating “a new normal or what I’d rather refer to as “a new opportunity.” 

How can we create a new normal when we are clinging to the past? It will take awareness and courage! Life is full of dualities. Day and night. Love and hate. Pain and pleasure. Be aware. And use your courage to step out of discomfort and step into opportunity. 

See this as a time for opportunity. 

An opportunity to find new ways to connect. An opportunity to show the pain and to ask for support. An opportunity for gratitude. 

What I’m going to say, may sound simplistic. But it has been my life experience that many of the answers ARE simple if we can just stop and create the mental space to look for them. to take the time away from our busy lives to allow the answers to come to the surface of our minds by getting out of the way of our usual mental  ruminations that tend to be negative. To be still, to breathe, to feel and to let go. This is where classical yoga can be such an amazing tool to navigate through this time.

See this as an opportunity to deepen your experience of life, rather than seeking to widen life’s experiences through distractions and busy-ness.

Simple yogic meditation techniques can help us see and reframe our internal messaging. 

Feeling isolated by stay at home orders? Be grateful that you have a home. Explore your home, open those drawers and closets full of stuff, donating things that you aren’t using and that might support others. You will feel lighter and more positive.

Don’t like wearing a mask? Imagine how uncomfortable it is to be on a ventilator. I used to be an anesthetist and put those tubes down into people’s lungs to breathe for them. You don’t want one. And you shouldn’t want anyone else to end up with one either. Wear a mask. 

Don’t want to social distance? Realize these precautions are not just about you. They are acts of kindness and respect for others. Maybe you’ve heard the word namaste? It basically means that “I see you as I see myself.”

Don’t get me wrong. I do like a good hug, both giving and receiving one. But I don’t think about what I’m lacking, rather I think about how it’s not safe for the person that I care enough to hug so it’s not available to me right now. It’s not about me. It’s about more than me.

Deepen your experiences rather than widen them?

Last week I received an email from my teacher in India after relaying some information about teaching and holding programs via the internet. 

Part of the email said:

“In the current situation, modern technology, used appropriately and with a positive intent, is the way
to connect, relate and uplift each other. There is only a need for physical distancing, however our social interactions should become more meaningful, supportive and caring.”

Let me repeat that.

“Our social interactions should become more meaningful, supportive and caring.”

So I might not be able to hug someone physically, but I can still send virtual hugs. I can reach out to people I haven’t seen for a long time. I can actually call people rather than texting. I can tell people I care about them. I can listen.

And it’s important that we begin now. Remember normal is not coming back. Start planning ahead. 

Right now since it’s summer and we can easily do socially distanced coffee dates and dinner outside. What about when the snow flies? Start deepening your connections now. Commit to others. Maybe create a pod of a few people and figure out how to continue to support each other when it’s cold and snowy. Open up to possibilities. New ways of being.

Can you do it? Can you express your feelings and concerns to those around you that have remained unexpressed? Now is the time.

Can you be a positive force, setting an example for others? Can you step into your higher self and away from the self-absorption of what you like and don’t like? The opportunities are here, waiting for you. Now is the time.

And now is the time, even if it’s just 5-10 minutes, now is the time to do some form of meditation. It will help you see your thoughts in a new way. It will prevent your negative thoughts from defining who you are. If you don’t know where to start, I have several short meditations available for download on my website.

So remember, normal is not what it’s cracked up to be so let it go. Think about the opportunities coming your way if you can accept what’s happening, realize that you are a small part of a greater whole, and do a little meditation. Then you will be able to deepen your experience of life by interacting with others in a meaningful, supportive and caring way. Won’t that be better?