5 Keys To Improve Discipline

When you think or hear about the word discipline what comes up for you? “Oh, I wish I had more of it,” or “I don’t have time for discipline,” or even “did I do something wrong?” The last implying that the word discipline is a form of punishment.

Today we are going to discuss our misperceptions about discipline, its importance, and how we can improve our discipline to be more successful in our lives. 

Let’s start with the dictionary definitions. 1)  the practice of training people to obey rules using punishment to correct disobedience or 2) a branch of knowledge, typically one studied in higher education.

Both of these definitions imply that discipline is a learned behavior. It’s not something we are born with although we may think it is, especially if we grew up in an environment that lacked discipline. But remember that so much of who we are is established in those first years of life. If we were surrounded by people who were undisciplined or only used discipline as a form of punishment, that’s what we learned.

Another definition comes at the very beginning of the Yoga Sutras, one of the major texts of yoga psychology and philosophy. In Sanskrit it is, “Atha yogah anushasanam” which means “now yoga is to be understood as a form of discipline.” In yoga, this concept of discipline can be further explained as the ability to govern the subtle processes of one’s personality. In other words, it’s a process to know the subconscious patterns that manifest as our personality and how to be in charge of how they play out in the world. It is not something that is meant to be imposed from the outside. Rather it is developing the ability to see ourselves at a deeper level, to understand where undesirable behaviors come from, and to create a more appropriate response to the world around us that will result in a more harmonious, healthy, and successful life.

As my guru has said, “We tend to identify with the weaknesses rather the strengths of our character. This promotes won’t power – I won’t do that, I can’t do that, rather than will power – I will do that. We need to reduce the weak and limiting characteristics of our personality and develop the positive and creative characteristics. Yoga is what will lift you up and guide you.”

True discipline must come from within even though it may be influenced by the world around us. So how do we reduce those influences and find the inner strength and will to feel disciplined?

Let’s start by assessing where you are according to the Yoga Sutras and how they define the stages of mind. In the Yoga Sutras there are five stages of mind: 1) Dull – mired in ‘darkness’ meaning full of negativity and stuck in the patterns so deeply that there’s no desire to change; 2) Dissipated – some ‘light’ peeks in, meaning the darkness is pretty consuming but there is an awakening to the possibility of some change might be a good thing; 3) Oscillating – action rotates with inaction, and this is where most of us find ourselves – we try to make a change toward a goal and then we slip back into our old patterns – we try something again or something different and then we slip again – we oscillate; 4) One-pointedness – focus without dissipation, this is where we begin to truly develop discipline – we have a goal, we know the self-sabotaging behaviors, we have the energy and will to stick to the plan; 5) Controlled – balanced with discernment – at this point discipline is a natural part of who we are! 

If you are listening to this podcast, I’m assuming that you are in the oscillating stage of the mind. You are interested in finding a different way of being in the world. You’re a searcher, and that’s a great attribute! But you may also find that your goals are hard to achieve, that you may think that others must have something that you don’t have? Well, I’m here to tell you that you have everything you need inside of you – now the work begins as to how it can be accessed!

Let’s start with 5 keysys to begin the work in developing more discipline in your life! These are 1) set a goal, 2) understand your motivation, 3) identify obstacles, 4) replace old habits, and 5) get support from appropriate people.

Set a goal. Remember that self-discipline is the bridge between goals defined and goals accomplished! It’s very important to not just set a goal but to develop and execution plan. This plan needs to be kept simple, broken into small bits that are defined and doable. If you listened to my previous podcast, I talked about the goal I set to “get healthier” and just one component or “bit” of that was to lose weight, another bit was to move more, another bit was to prepare my meals and eat healthy, another bit was to declutter my life to reduce stress. I also set “markers” for success. Celebrate when I lost certain amounts of weight, such as 30 lbs, 50 lbs, 75 lbs, and I’ll soon celebrate 90 lbs! I bought a treadmill and put it in the middle of a room and vowed to walk on it at least 4 out of 7 days per week – started with 10 min/1 mile per hour and now doing up 6 days per week for 30-40 min/2.5 miles per hour. I’ve reestablished buying healthy foods only, my ability to cook, and have learned that my food is like medicine – I feel better, and I’ve lost food cravings. I’ve also decluttered my life by leaving a volunteer position as an officer of a non-profit organization, I’m quitting teaching regular yoga studio classes at the end of the month, I’ve sold a commercial building that I own, and I’m decluttering the “hidden” spaces of my home, such as closets, files, and most recently the basement which had remained untouched since I moved in 10 years ago. 

This was an interesting “bit” of getting healthier that was rather unexpected because I used to create stained glassed pieces and had simply moved all my old studio and glass inventory and left it all down there with the plan to someday sell it all. But everything was dusty and dirty and totally disorganized with sheets of glass leaning up against all of the walls, equipment in boxes or scattered about in disassembly. I cleaned it all up and with each piece of the work I became reinspired! Reinspired by the beauty of the art glass sheets I had purchased decades ago. Reinspired by my own creativity and talent! A part of me that I had put down into the deeper recesses and closed the door – a metaphor for how we sometimes lose parts of us that need to be given permission to reemerge to bring balance into life. The studio is almost set up. Just a little more clearing out of unnecessary things.

Once you have set a goal and have a plan, the next key is to find out more about what motivates you. Motivation is not something that will spontaneously appear! There needs to be some time spent on self-reflection to delineate your strengths and weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses. And you can’t ignore your vulnerabilities thinking you are the only one that has them! Over the decades of teaching yoga classes, I would always try to encourage people to do what was right for them and not to look at others around them. I often said, “it doesn't matter what someone else can do or not do, you aren’t in their body, nor do you know what they are thinking!” Sometimes to emphasize how we think about what we should be doing, I would ask everyone in the class to raise their hand if they had no physical or mental limitations – at which point, everyone would look around to find that no one had their hand raised - ever!

Motivation comes from shifting your mindset and behaviors. Baby steps – the importance of breaking your goal into manageable bits! A little motivation based on manageable steps done with consistency and repetition will gradually increase your motivation. It’s like strengthening a muscle. You don’t start by deadlifting 300 pounds, yet we often try to deadlift 300 pounds of change in our thinking! No! You will fail and you will give up. Back to the oscillating stage of mind – you tried but maybe it wasn’t the right choice. Maybe you will try something else. Motivation comes from little successes that happen over time and regularity

You need to recognize that starting was an accomplishment, figure out what you learned from that and understand there will be discomfort along the way. This is what I call comfortable discomfort – whether physical or mental or emotional – there is a need for a bit of discomfort and to be able to successfully deal with it to be motivated. 

When I first stepped onto my treadmill, I was somewhat appalled by how little I could do because of my physical status – my weight and the development of severe arthritis in my feet. After all, I had trekked to Mt Everest Base Camp! But at the same time, I realized that although that was an accomplishment, there were many moments of discomfort during that and again I would need to experience some discomfort to remain motivated and to progress toward my goal of being healthier.

Which brings us to the third key, identify possible obstacles and create a backup plan. It’s easy to get sidetracked, especially if you don’t know where you are going and you haven’t created a mental map how to get there in the face of the common obstacles like procrastination, overextending yourself in other areas that make you “too busy”, the inability to forgive yourself when you fall short because you aren’t engaging in an ongoing reevaluation and modification of your actions.

Put your plan in a spreadsheet, or on a to do list, or on your calendar, or on sticky notes that you post in prominent places. Make it a living thing in your life and find whatever works for you in terms of also documenting the actions you’re taking. Having your small, manageable steps in some sort of format where you can check off what’s been accomplished each day. Lean on this when the obstacles, or perceived obstacles arise. 

For example, when I got my treadmill, I decided to use it at least 4 out of 7 days per week because that meant I was doing it more often than I wasn’t doing it. I also made an agreement with myself that I would do it before dinnertime each day. And there have been many days when I was procrastinating, or I was busy because I had overextended my commitments that I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to eat my dinner and be done with my day. But then I reevaluated – I will do it for a shorter time and see how it goes – and I would start. Often then while doing it, I could feel my motivation returning and over time I also realized that overextending myself and my perceived busyness, stemmed from my unwillingness to set healthier boundaries. This resulted in a lot of decluttering of my mental and emotional weaknesses, and I have learned that saying NO is a complete sentence!

Another obstacle can be when others’ expectations obstruct your program. Use that obstacle to learn and grow into other ways of being. Have a backup plan. A lot of social connection comes from sharing meals. Instead of giving up eating out with friends, I have learned to check the menu ahead of time and choosing what I’ll have. My plan includes eating my biggest meal at lunch, so I meet for lunch instead of dinner, or if dinner it’s an early one and light.

Dealing with the obstacles and planning ahead, will strengthen your willingness to keep going. Yes, there will be some failures – two steps forward and one step back. That can be good enough on any given day. Set an 80/20 rule. If you can keep doing your plan 80% of the time, then 20% of the time you will have the space to come up a little short without the need for perfection – one of the biggest obstacles out there!

If you’ve gotten this far, the next step, replacing old habits, will be easier. You’ve set a goal, you’ve found your motivation and you’ve prepared for obstacles with a backup plan. Realize that habits develop from repeating patterns over and over again until they happen without thought. 

It will take time and energy to think about them, to be aware of their influence, and to replace them with new habits. Having time and energy can be difficult. Again, start small and believe you can do this! Take 5-10 minutes at the end of the day to reflect on what one behavior, just one, that you experienced that day that made you feel negative about yourself. Was this a habit? What could you have done differently? What can you do tomorrow in place of doing that again? See yourself making the better choice and how will that make you feel? 

Do this in silence with your eyes closed – you can even do it in bed before drifting off to sleep. Mark Twain once said, “Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs one step at a time. “

Lastly, get support! Find appropriate supporters who will cheer you on but also give constructive, maybe even painful, feedback. Don’t try to do it alone. Seek out those who believe in you and can help you stay on track. 

This doesn’t mean that you have to tell everyone you know because there are those who might feel threatened by you due to their own behaviors. Choose a few key people to support you and don’t be afraid to connect with them in a truthful and vulnerable way. We are often afraid to expose ourselves, our weaknesses, our failures, but everyone has them! It is nothing to be ashamed of, and if they are true supporters, they will care even more about you because you are trusting them with your authenticity.

These five keys, set a goal, understand your motivation, identify obstacles, replace old habits, and get support from appropriate people will allow discipline to evolve within you. And when as it does, you will experience a higher degree of self-control and self-esteem. Your behaviors will begin to align with your goals so you will spend less time debating what to do and feeling bad about the choices you’re making. With time, you be less distracted, more satisfied with your life and you will reach the one-pointed state of mind and the controlled state of mind will begin to unfold.