Transforming Negativity

I don’t know about you, but I feel like there is far too much negativity these days. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things to be negative about. After all, we are in the middle of a pandemic that is poorly managed in this country and we are dealing with all of the associated issues. There’s political unrest and demonstrations related to current politics and the elections. Conspiracy theories have moved from the fringes to the mainstream. It seems endless. How do we manage? How can we bring more positivity into our lives and the lives of others?

First, we need to understand that negativity is a default setting to protect us, to help us survive in a dangerous world. From the earliest times, paying attention to bad, dangerous, and negative threats in the world was literally a matter of life and death. Those who were more attuned to danger were more likely to survive which means they were also more likely to hand down the genes that made them more attentive to danger. And remembering those negative thoughts creates a framework where new situations are first perceived from a negativity bias.

These days, we might not need to be on constant high alert as our early ancestors needed to be in order to survive, but the negativity bias still plays a starring role in how our brains operate. Studies have shown that more areas of the brain are involved in dealing with negative situations than positive ones. In one study, pictures of people with positive, negative and neutral expressions were shown to participants. Negative images showed a much stronger response.

Another study involved showing study participants pictures of people with a variety of expressions, but this study offered either a cold, icy drink or a hot, steamy drink to the participants while they waited for the study to begin. Those who waited with the cold drink in their hands, then rated a higher percentage of facial expressions as negative versus those who had waited with a hot drink. The participates did not know that the study was looking at the effect of sensations on how the results would be influenced. This implies that our level of comfort, will influence how we perceive the world around us. The researchers demonstrated that having cold hands (which most of us would consider negative) would create more negative judgments when someone began to push the buttons than those with warm hands. They created a negative condition that yielded negativity.

So, what conditions our responses? If something as simple as whether we are holding a cold or hot cup of liquids can shape how we react, what about all of those other factors that rise up out of our subconscious minds?

From a yogic perspective, we react due to our conditioning. We are conditioned by our samskaras, or patterns, that decide your thoughts, behavior, perceptions, understandings, expressions, reactions, basically everything. Our strongest samskaras are created from the negative experiences of our lives and therefore, we are prone to respond negatively.

Psychologists call this negativity bias. Think about that happy little baby that responds to positive facial expressions and your silly baby voice. But research suggests that negativity bias actually starts to emerge in infancy near the age of one. Brain studies indicate that around this time, babies begin to experience greater brain responses to negative stimuli. And as our brains develop and we accumulate more experiences in our lives, that negativity bias is strengthened.

We find that negative comments carry far more weight than positive ones. When we need to evaluate a possible decision, we tend to look at the bad things that could happen before we evaluate the positives. Even though we may say that we are looking at the Pros and Cons, I’m betting that you might start with one pro and then immediately go to the cons. When I’ve mentored student yoga teachers, sitting in on their teaching, at the end of the class I ask them what did you do well, and most of the time, even though the question was what did you do well, they start talking about something they could have done better.

We all, myself included, need to work harder on positivity. Otherwise, this negativity bias can become so overwhelming that we dwell on dark thoughts to the point that it’s almost impossible to be optimistic. Negativity becomes masochistic.

In yoga philosophy, there is a practice called Pratipaksha Bhavana – meaning to cultivate the opposite feeling. So, whenever a negative condition, idea, thought or reaction appears, instantly counteract that with a positive one.

To truly engage in this practice there are a couple of pre-requisites.

1. Develop awareness of the thoughts. When our minds are overly busy and distracted the thoughts run on autopilot. To influence the thoughts there needs to be times of stillness. Most important is to learn a meditation that will help you learn how to see the thoughts.
2. Accept the thoughts. Realize that guilt over negative thoughts is part of the normal human condition. Hey, you’re normal! Isn’t that a positive thought? Remember, accepting the thoughts does not mean that you don’t make an effort to change them into more positive ones. Just realize that they are thoughts and that everyone has them as a part of the personality.
3. Stop condemning others for their negativity. Boy, that’s the hardest one, don’t you think? But when we continually condemn others for their negativity, it prevents us from seeing ours and accepting it.

Be aware of the thoughts, accept the thoughts and quit judging or condemning others for their negativity. Can you begin to do that?

As you begin to practice these, there are other actions to take in cultivating the opposite feeling – pratipaksha bhavana. And they all begin with you of course. Change yourself. Change the world around you.

When you become aware of the negative self-talk, stop it and replace it with a positive thought. For example, if you think you aren’t attractive enough for whatever reason, immediately remember all of those who care about you and tell yourself, I am loved. And recall a few incidents when people that you value have demonstrated that you are loved.

Be aware of resentments that you may harbor. Those deep wounds will continue until you are able to heal them through detachment and forgiveness. These days we are practicing social distancing because of the pandemic, but psychological distancing may be necessary to heal. When I think about someone who hurt me badly, it’s hard to let go of the resentment. There’s a tendency to keep recalling what happened. It is a little like picking the scab off a wound. Instead I’m learning my hurt is something that I am keeping alive. What the person did is done. I need to realize things cannot be undone and to let it go. When that person comes to mind, I stop that thought and forgive myself for continuing that connection, even mentally. That forgiveness of myself is the balm for the wound and it is slowly healing. This is not a reframing of the situation regarding the relationship. It is a reframing of my emotional reaction.

Once you are becoming more aware and accepting your thoughts, creating opposite thoughts and letting go of old resentments, then you have begun to create new patterns of thinking. These new patterns create new, more positive samaskaras, those pattern that underpin our reactions.

Additionally, it is helpful to establish new, more positive life patterns that will support you in this transformation. Begin to recognize other factors in your life that leave you feeling negative. What are you watching on TV, reading on social media, who are the people around you, the food that you eat, the self-care that you do? Re-evaluate what’s been going on before those moments when you begin to feel negatively, think negatively and respond negatively? Be aware that you may not be able to change what preceded those moments, but you can change the moments yet to come.

And when positive moments come, savor them. See the beauty in the world. When someone smiles, smile back. Offer random acts of kindness to others. Practice gratitude.

A positive mind is free. It honors one’s connections with the world and is inspired by those connections.

As Norman Vincent Peale once said:

”Those who send out positive thoughts activate the world around them positively and draw back to them positive results.”

Become a force of positivity! We need you more than ever!