213 Autism, Relationships & PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy
Release Date: 10/17/2023
241 Attachment Wounds: When You Can't Work it out in the Moment
Unapologetically Sensitive
Attachment Wounds: When You Can’t Work It Out In The Moment Patricia reflects on her attachment wounds & something that happened with Jen. She emphasizes that the issue was not a rupture in her relationship, but rather her own trauma and wounding. She reassures listeners that they are doing fine & have navigated the situation with honesty & grace. Patricia also touches on the importance of doing personal work & finding others who are also committed to growth. She encourages listeners to embrace their sensitivity & prioritize their own needs and boundaries. ...
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240 Navigating Grief, Uncertainty & Travel Through the Lens of Attachment
Unapologetically Sensitive
Navigating Grief, Uncertainty & Travel Through the Lens of Attachment Patricia and Jen discuss navigating uncertainty and overwhelm, managing change and unexpected situations, balancing personal needs, the power of communication and validation, finding meaning and value in relationships, coping with anxiety and catastrophic thinking, choosing to assume the best, managing energy and boundaries, secure attachment and autonomy, dealing with uncertainty and seeking information, taking care of yourself in travel. They also reflect on their friendship CO-HOST Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC...
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239 Being “Too Much” is a Narrative that needs to be Re-examined
Unapologetically Sensitive
Being “Too Much” is a Narrative that needs to be Re-examined Summary Patricia discusses the wound of too much and how it can impact relationships. Too much is about BOTH people and the capacity of the other person. This is a narrative that needs to be reexamined, and the context of both people needs to be addressed. She explores the intersection of neurodivergence, trauma, and socialization. Patricia also explores the concept of rules, and how through an autistic lens, this can create some challenges. HIGHLIGHTS Takeaways The wound of feeling like...
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238 Learning to Trust Yourself and Finding Peace in Your Own Rhythm
Unapologetically Sensitive
Learning to Trust Yourself and Finding Peace in Your Own Rhythm Patricia discusses her experience when her husband is away. She shares her journey of managing attachment wounds, and the challenges of household responsibilities. Patricia also explores the impact of autistic burnout and ADHD on her ability to stay on top of things. She emphasizes the importance of honoring autonomy and considering others while maintaining a sense of self. Patricia concludes by encouraging listeners to trust themselves and find comfort in their own needs and wiring. HIGHLIGHTS Takeaways ...
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237 Unmasking & Authentic Communication: Navigating Differences in Relationships
Unapologetically Sensitive
Unmasking & Authentic Communication: Navigating Differences in Relationships Patricia and Jen discuss the challenges of unmasking and being authentic in relationships including the role of PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). They explore the narratives we have about ourselves and how they can impact our interactions with others. They also delve into the differences in communication styles and perspectives, and the importance of embracing who we are. The conversation highlights the need to navigate personal dynamics and self-reflection in order to foster understanding and growth. ...
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236 Exploring Neurodivergence in Relationships: Understanding Unique Perspectives
Unapologetically Sensitive
Exploring Neurodivergence in Relationships: Understanding Unique Perspectives In this conversation, Patricia and Jen discuss their struggles with linear content and their values of focusing on relational topics. They explore the challenges of staying true to their authentic selves while creating content. The conversation also delves into the dynamics of their relationship and the growth they have experienced in building trust and security, and things they sometimes find difficult to discuss. CO-HOST Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC HIGHLIGHTS Takeaways Staying...
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235 Red & Green Flags in Relationships
Unapologetically Sensitive
Red & Green Flags in Relationships Patricia discusses red flags and ideal qualities in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of honoring rhythms and self-care, as well as effective communication and conflict resolution. Patricia also addresses gaslighting, setting boundaries, and the significance of trust, honesty, and similar values in a relationship. She explores the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership. The episode concludes with a reminder to embrace sensitivity and prioritize self-care. HIGHLIGHTS Takeaways ...
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234 Navigating Miscommunication and Misunderstanding
Unapologetically Sensitive
Navigating Miscommunication and Misunderstanding Jen helps me process through a communication blip I had with my son. My husband & I have very different styles when talking to our boys, & I felt inadequate, and I sometimes struggle to attune. We talk about context when communicating, projection, who is a safe person to get angry at, & I talk about my own reactivity and confusion at my reaction. Jen reminds me that my family sticks with hard conversations. We also talk about having neuro-normative standards, & how that constantly leads to disappointment. ...
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233 Neurodivergence and Friendship: The Struggle is Real
Unapologetically Sensitive
Neurodivergence and Friendship: The Struggle is Real I talk about the challenges and complexities of friendships for neurodivergent folks, and the changing nature of friendships, the importance of reciprocity and communication. I discuss navigating difficult conversations, recognizing and addressing needs, and setting boundaries. I talk about the tendency to feel central in someone's life, and the challenges of accepting neurodivergence in relationships. I explore the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and honoring one's own needs in relationships. HIGHLIGHTS ...
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232 The Importance of Rest & Learning to Receive & Ask for Help
Unapologetically Sensitive
The Importance of Rest & Learning to Receive & Ask for Help Patricia and Jen discuss their health updates and the challenges they have faced. They also delve into the pressure to be productive and the fear of not functioning. The conversation shifts to vulnerability and insecurity in relationships, as well as the process of learning to receive and ask for help. They reflect on the growth and healing that comes from navigating attachment wounds. The conversation concludes with a discussion on the significance of not always having to do deep work in therapy. CO-HOST ...
info_outlineAutism, Relationships & PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy
The challenges people have maintaining relationships can be related to relational trauma, PDA, the desire for consistency and/or adherence to high or unrealistic expectations. PDA is a profile of autism, and people with PDA may have no problem making friends, but they may have difficulty keeping them. Can someone who is autistic become more flexible and lower their expectations if they want to? What elements are needed in relationships to accommodate for neurodivergence?
CO-HOST
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC
HIGHLIGHTS
· The challenges faced in maintaining consistency and connection in friendship.
· Autism and neurodiversity, and the importance of being aware of different types of neurodiversity.
· The importance of consistency and pattern in the lives of neurodivergent people, and how it can relate to your emotional state.
· The evolving nature of human experience and how things get put in and taken out of official stances.
· TikToks that poke fun at the DSM and how it's revised.
· The experience with ADHD and HSP, and how it relates to your emotional state. The importance of being aware of the current thought on certain topics, such as autism.
· The challenges of being well-educated enough about certain topics, such as autism.
· The importance of being intimate with different types of neurodiversity.
· The importance of being fascinated by how we collectively as a culture and field talk about things.
· The challenge of sharing your process without disenfranchising anyone or alienating anyone especially when talking about sensitive topics.
· The challenges of studying and understanding neurodivergent experiences.
· The importance of being aware of different types of neurodiversity, such as autism and HSP.
· The importance of including autistic listeners in the conversation.
· The importance of being aware of the imperfection of the process of studying and understanding neurodivergent experiences.
· The importance of being aware of the evolving nature of human experience and how things are constantly changing.
· How their autism shows up in their life.
· The importance of being fascinated by how we collectively as a culture and field talk about things, while being aware of the challenges of studying and understanding neurodivergent experiences.
Personal insights about autism
· Historically, they (Patricia) could be very self-centered and talk about her interests incessantly without realizing that not everyone is as fascinated by those things.
· Patricia can have high and unrealistic expectations of how people should behave and how the world should be, which can lead to disappointment.
· Patricia learned that she can change her rigid patterns of thinking and behavior with the help of a support system and feedback.
Insights about how consistency and patterns show up in relationships
· Relationships have an ebb and flow to them, with periods of high contact and periods of low contact.
· The amount of contact in a relationship can be influenced by external factors, such as custody schedules or work demands.
· Consistency and patterns in relationships can be important for some people, but not for others.
· It's important to communicate with your partner about your needs and expectations for consistency and patterns in the relationship.
· Consistency and patterns in relationships can change over time, and it's important to be flexible and adaptable.
· It's important to have a support system outside of the relationship to help manage expectations and provide perspective.
Information about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive/Persistent Drive for Autonomy
· PDA is a clinical term that stands for pathological demand avoidance.
· The term "pathological" is not liked by some people, as it implies that there is something wrong with the person.
· PDA is characterized by a pervasive drive for autonomy, which means that the person needs to feel that they have a sense of efficacy over their life.
· Demands can be either external or internal, and can cause stress and anxiety for people with PDA.
· PDA can come up around internal demands, such as taking a shower or getting work done.
· People with PDA may have a different experience of it depending on whether they are an internalizer or externalizer.
· PDA is a profile of autism.
· The clinical term for PDA is not liked by some people, as it implies that there is something wrong with the person.
· People with PDA may have experienced relational trauma, which can make it difficult for them to feel safe and secure in relationships.
· People with PDA may have difficulty with demands and expectations, and may need to have a sense of control over their environment to feel safe.
· PDA is a complex condition that requires a nuanced understanding of the individual's experience.
· People with PDA may benefit from support and understanding from others, as well as strategies for managing demands and expectations.
· PDA is just one aspect of the neurodiversity spectrum, and it is important to be aware of the different types of neurodiversity and how they can affect people's lives.
· People with PDA may have unique strengths and abilities, and it is important to recognize and celebrate these strengths.
· PDA is a complex condition that requires a nuanced understanding of the individual's experience, and it is important to be aware of the challenges and opportunities that come with it.
PODCAST HOST
Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD (ADHD and autistic) helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you
CO-HOST BIO
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for 20 years. She specializes in helping Highly Sensitive People thrive in love, work, and parenting Highly Sensitive Children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to ameliorate human suffering.
LINKS
Jen’s Links
Email: [email protected]
Jen’s website: https://heartfulnessconsulting.com/
Patricia’s Links
HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/
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