268 The Push-Pull of ADHD and Autism: Stretching Without Breaking

The Push-Pull of ADHD and Autism: Stretching Without Breaking

In this candid conversation, Patricia Young (she/her) and B Lourenco (she/her) dive deep into the realities of living with ADHD, autism, and other forms of neurodivergence. They explore the push-pull between self-accommodation and stretching ourselves, how shame and internalized ableism impact daily life, and what it means to create realistic support systems at home, in relationships, and in the workplace. Expect raw honesty, relatable stories, and practical insights for navigating neurodivergent life.

WHAT YOU’LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE

· The ongoing “driver’s seat battle” between ADHD and autism.

· The push-pull between making accommodations and stretching ourselves beyond comfort.

· Parenting a neurodivergent young adult while balancing when to push and when to allow rest.

· Task initiation struggles — from making banana bread to cooking meals.

· Body doubling as a powerful tool to reduce shame and spark motivation.

· The “crisper/rotter” effect — guilt over wasted food and executive dysfunction.

· Financial and practical impacts of task initiation challenges.

· How privilege plays into having options like prepared or frozen meals when cooking feels impossible.

· The cost of pushing through fatigue and flares with conditions like POTS and MCAS.

· “Future me” thinking — and the difficulties neurodivergent folks have with impermanence.

· Shame as the “ice cream scoop” on top of disability struggles.

· Why diagnosis matters: language helps reduce shame and prevent repeating harmful patterns.

· How powerlessness, and an attempt to gain autonomy can show up in small, reactive choices (like leaving a Facebook group).

· Sensory sensitivities in family systems — how lack of accommodations can lead to dysfunction.

· Practical accommodations for noise-sensitive parents and their kids.

· Workplace challenges: 40-hour weeks, return-to-office pressures, and capitalism’s rigidity.

· Creative problem-solving in disabled and neurodivergent communities.

· The deep fear of being uncared for and alone if we can’t keep up.

· Hyper-independence and isolation in the ADHD/autistic community.

· Internalized ableism and the “shoulds” that drive shame and burnout.

· Neurodivergence as a dynamic disability — what’s possible one day isn’t always possible the next.

· Radical acceptance as a path toward reducing judgment and finding relief.

SOUND BITES

· “It begs the question of, okay, is that okay? Can we just say that’s how it is?” – B Lourenco

· “Instead of putting our energy into addressing the gap, folks will take the great divide and then put a scoop of shame on top of it.” – B Lourenco

· “All the terrible things that we tell ourselves… if I didn’t have that awareness, I’d just keep repeating these patterns.” – Patricia Young

· “In order to truly accommodate ourselves, we have to acknowledge that it’s as hard as it is and that we’re as disabled as we are.” – B Lourenco

· “Sometimes I have to ask myself, what if what you’re going through is exactly where you need to be?” – Patricia Young

SENSITIVITY IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR; IT’S HOW YOUR BRAIN IS WIRED

You are not broken. You were shaped by systems that weren’t built for you. You deserve rest, joy, and support exactly as you are.

TOPICS COVERED (please adjust for addition of introduction)

00:00 Navigating Neurodivergence: A Personal Journey

02:59 Understanding Accommodations: Balancing Needs and Expectations

05:48 The Push-Pull of Task Initiation and Self-Care

08:33 Shame and Support: The Role of Community

11:35 The Impact of Environment on Neurodivergent Individuals

14:26 Workplace Challenges: The Struggle for Accommodations

17:16 Building Bridges: Community and Creative Solutions

20:00 Radical Acceptance: Embracing Our Reality

22:48 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Identity

25:42 The Dynamic Nature of Neurodivergence

29:02 Finding Joy in the Present Moment

31:47 The Bigger Picture: Building a Better Future

34:47 Conclusion: Resources and Future Endeavors

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young (she/her) was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller.  Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile, OCD and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion.  She created the podcasts Unapologetically Sensitive and Unapologetically AuDHD to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges.  Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you

Patricia’s website, podcast episodes and more: www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

PODCAST GUEST

B Lourenco, MA, LMHC (she/her) is a licensed mental health counselor, educator, advocate, and activist. B has been working in community support for nearly 20 years and is committed to social change on all system levels. Seeing mental health advocacy as a way to serve the community, she earned a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology, with a Systems Emphasis, in 2015 and began her private practice, B Lourenco Therapy in 2017. 

 

B has also worked in the public school system, providing support to students with behavioral issues that made attending school challenging for them. Highly trained in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), B became a district-wide expert in supporting neurodivergent students. It was during this work that she began to be critical of the medical models of support for neurodivergence, including ABA. Making the shift from the medical to the Neurodiversity-affirming model has allowed her to finally identify her own neurodivergence, including Autism and ADHD. 

 

Combining her lived experience of neurodivergence, along with years of anti-oppression work, B is passionate about helping others untangle themselves from harmful practices and align themselves with those that instead support marginalized communities. In addition to CE events for healthcare providers, she has also been a speaker on panels and podcasts, and also facilitates community based workshops. https://www.blourencotherapy.com

 

LINKS 

Cascadia Training: https://cascadia-training.com 

Imani Barbarin—crutches_and_spice IG https://www.instagram.com/crutches_and_spice/ 

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Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com