Libsyn Directory

#120 - The Man Cave, Take 2

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Release Date: 01/27/2021

#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: “Who’s Got the Power?” and “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” (If these don’t sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I’ll cover the third and fourth essentials: “Live and Let Live,” and “Change (So That I Can Feel Better).”

#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

I’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.

#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you.

#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't Quit

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you.

#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back!

#138 - ENCORE - Rest, Rejuvenation, & Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity.

#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight Lines

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.)

#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.

#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't Behave

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!

#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!

More Episodes

In case you missed it last time, I have an exciting announcement! Next month (February 2021), I’ll be starting a brand new event: a monthly live, interactive boundary clarifier workshop. Sign up here to be the first to get updates!

If someone is doing something that you don’t like in any of your relationships, this episode is for you. You may remember Episode 71, when I talked about the man cave. In response to that episode, I got a fascinating listener question, and that’s what I’ll be addressing today. And while your situation may not be exactly the same as the listener’s, I think you’ll find something to relate to in her question and my answer.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #120:

Even during the pandemic, today’s topic is still relevant. You can miss someone and feel lonely even when you’re together—for example, if your partner is glued to their phone all the time.
When we’re experiencing something unpleasant with another person, we tend to focus on the unpleasant experience or the other person’s behavior. But the only place to start is to return to yourself instead of focusing on the other person.
With an outside-in focus, you’re focused on your partner, someone else, or something happening to you. Problematically, this means the only solution is to get the other person to change. On the other hand, an inside-out focus starts with you.
You must start building the capacity to see when you’re getting what you want. This isn’t as simple as it sounds! Today’s listener question is a perfect example of this.

Highlights from Episode #120:

Welcome to the show! Vicki takes a moment to chat about her upcoming monthly boundary workshops. [00:39]
Do you remember Episode 71, when Vicki talked about the man cave? Today’s episode responds to a listener’s question about that episode. [01:42]
We hear the listener question that inspired this episode, which involves the “man cave” being in the bar rather than the house. [04:56]
Vicki explains the first thing that pops out to her in this question: it involves a lot of the listener’s partner, and not much about the listener herself. [08:35]
Questions about the other person are distractions from the most important questions, which are about you. [12:07]
What do you do when you just don’t like how someone is showing up (or not)? [16:11]
Vicki offers her advice for anyone who wants something more from a partner or spouse. [20:18]
We learn about one of the dangers of wanting to become happier in a relationship. [25:34]
To get more of what you want, notice and appreciate it when you get it—and ignore the things you don’t want more of. [29:28]
Vicki answers the listener’s question about whether she should stay in her own lane and find her own activities. [33:48]
We hear a quick recap of the takeaways from today’s episode. [38:22]

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