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#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Release Date: 07/28/2021

#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: “Who’s Got the Power?” and “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” (If these don’t sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I’ll cover the third and fourth essentials: “Live and Let Live,” and “Change (So That I Can Feel Better).”

#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

I’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.

#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you.

#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't Quit

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you.

#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back!

#138 - ENCORE - Rest, Rejuvenation, & Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity.

#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight Lines

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.)

#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.

#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't Behave

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!

#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!

More Episodes

But before we begin, I want to share a big announcement: this will be the final episode of the Beyond Bitchy podcast. This has been a productive and fulfilling season of my life, but it’s time to bring it to a close and let the next season begin. If you want to keep up with what I’m doing next, please visit and subscribe to my Radiant Threefold Path Blog or follow me on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. Thank you for being part of this podcast journey!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #143:

Others have a right to live the way they want, just as you have a right to live your life in the way you want. If you don’t like someone else’s choices, your power is in how you choose to respond.
The fourth essential probably addresses most of the problems you have with boundaries. If you want someone to change to make you feel better, you’re in one of the biggest pitfalls of creating effective boundaries.
When you find yourself wanting someone to change, go back to essential #1: “Who’s Got the Power?” In short, you can take action around protecting yourself, or make a request of the other person.
The biggest challenge you will probably face is the practice of returning to you, staying with your reality, and knowing what you want.

Highlights from Episode #143:

Welcome to episode #143! Vicki quickly recaps the first two essentials for mastering boundaries, which she discussed in detail in the previous episode. [00:39]
The third of Vicki’s four essentials is “Live and Let Live.” She talks about this in more depth, explaining what is (and isn’t) under your control. [04:56]
Vicki shares an example of “Live and Let Live.” [08:17]
How somebody dresses is another example of the third essential point. [11:27]
The fourth essential encompasses most problems you likely have with boundaries. [12:50]
Vicki digs into what the problem is with believing that someone should change to make you feel better. [15:40]
What should you do when you find yourself wanting someone to change? Vicki answers, then recaps the four essentials that she has covered. [17:58]
Vicki gives an example to illustrate the difference between what you could record and what you made up. [20:14]
Vicki makes a big announcement about the podcast: this will be the final episode. [24:24]
Are you wondering what to do about your future boundaries challenges? Vicki promises that the answer is somewhere in the previous episodes of the podcast. She then invites you to sit down with a 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier, do the quiet inner work to discover your reality, your vision, where your power lies, and what action to take. [29:11]

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