#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Release Date: 07/21/2021
#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: “Who’s Got the Power?” and “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” (If these don’t sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I’ll cover the third and fourth essentials: “Live and Let Live,” and “Change (So That I Can Feel Better).”
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#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
I’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.
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#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you.
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#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't Quit
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you.
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#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back!
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#138 - ENCORE - Rest, Rejuvenation, & Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity.
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#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight Lines
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Are you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.)
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#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.
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#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't Behave
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!
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#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!
info_outlineI’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #142:
- Even if it’s only a few minutes a day, please carve out a few minutes a day for yourself. It’s important to give yourself the gift of time even if your life is incredibly full and busy.
- Most questions about boundaries, regardless of the specific details, center around four specific challenges:
- Who’s Got the Power?
- Stinkin’ Thinkin’
- Live and Let Live
- Change, So That I Can Feel Better
- There are essentially two kinds of power: “Power Over” and “Authentic Personal Power.” The first type is based in control and fear; we all need to strive for the second type.
- Stinkin’ Thinkin’ is thinking that’s distorted. You may think that how someone treats you determines how you treat them, or that you need to be on the same page and think the same way as other people.
Highlights from Episode #142:
- Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode and talks about the value of carving out some time for yourself. [00:39]
- The next Boundaries Clarifier Workshop will take place on July 27, 2021. [04:10]
- After receiving hundreds of questions, Vicki has noticed that the majority center around four specific challenges. She will cover the first two today. [05:26]
- Vicki talks about the first of the four challenges: Who’s Got the Power? [10:58]
- We hear a list of qualities that describe acting from a place of authentic personal power. She also talks about the difference between personal power and ultimatums. [15:25]
- What does it look like when you think you don’t have power? [20:43]
- Vicki moves on to talking about the second challenge: Stinkin’ Thinkin’. [26:12]
- Being unconscious of what’s going on with us is another kind of distorted thinking. Vicki shares an example from her own life. [31:53]
- Vicki explains why Stinkin’ Thinkin’ is such a problem. [36:48]
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