#125 - You Have the Power: Revisiting Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Process
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Release Date: 03/10/2021
#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: “Who’s Got the Power?” and “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” (If these don’t sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I’ll cover the third and fourth essentials: “Live and Let Live,” and “Change (So That I Can Feel Better).”
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#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
I’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.
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#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you.
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#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't Quit
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you.
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#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back!
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#138 - ENCORE - Rest, Rejuvenation, & Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity.
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#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight Lines
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Are you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.)
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#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.
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#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't Behave
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!
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#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!
info_outlineIn case you haven’t already heard, I’m holding monthly boundaries clarifier workshops. At these events, we walk through the first four steps of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier. Today’s episode was inspired by something that came up in the very first of these workshops: Step 3 (Identifying Your Power Center) is challenging for a lot of people. That’s why today’s episode is all about this step of the process, and how to decide between your four options.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #125:
- Identifying your power center is incredibly important. Getting it wrong can lead you to think that you don’t have the power to create your desired outcome, or you might believe that you have more power than you actually do.
- Even when you don’t have the power to create the outcome that you want, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed. But keep in mind that “I want you to change” isn’t an option for an outcome.
- You have four options to decide between in terms of your ability to create the outcome you want: 1. I have the power, 2. I need to ask for help, 3. I need to make a request, or 4. I am powerless.
- Making a request is often not the best option. If you’re an enthusiastic request-maker, ask yourself whether there’s another way to get your needs met before making a request. (If you tend not to ever make requests or as, this advice isn’t for you!)
Highlights from Episode #125:
- Welcome to the episode! We hear that today’s episode involves a deep dive into Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution. [00:39]
- Vicki reviews the first two steps of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. [06:21]
- We hear the four options for your answers to Step 3, and Vicki shares an example to clarify how these options work. [09:28]
- The first option is “I have the power to create the outcome I want.” Vicki explores this one in more depth. [11:34]
- Vicki invites listeners to think of situations where you’ve been recurrently irritated by someone else’s behavior, and points out the problem with prioritizing others’ negative thinking. [20:49]
- We hear an example from Vicki’s life about how asking someone to change didn’t work, and learn what she does instead. [25:05]
- We learn about the second option: “I need to ask for help.” [26:50]
- Vicki talks about the third option: needing to make a request. She explains why it’s potentially problematic and might not be the best way to get the outcome you want. [29:01]
- There are definitely times when you need to make a request. We hear a few examples. [37:26]
- The fourth and final option is to acknowledge that you can’t create the outcome that you want: I am powerless. [41:31]
- Vicki explores an important caveat about choosing the fourth option. [46:23]
Links and Resources:
- Vicki’s Boundaries Clarifier Workshops
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook
- Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram
- The Radiant Threefold Path
- Beyond Bitchy on Spotify
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #1 – Boundaries: What They Are and Why They’re So Misunderstood (start here and work your way forward for the foundations of this podcast!)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #12 – Your Power Center (Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #124 – Repeat After Me: I Am Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings!