Libsyn Directory

#131 - ENCORE - Listening When Trauma Speaks (Dedicated to the Memory of George Floyd)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Release Date: 04/21/2021

#143 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part II)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: “Who’s Got the Power?” and “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” (If these don’t sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I’ll cover the third and fourth essentials: “Live and Let Live,” and “Change (So That I Can Feel Better).”

#142 - 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

I’m lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I’m back, I’m inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I’ll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week.

#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you.

#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't Quit

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you.

#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back!

#138 - ENCORE - Rest, Rejuvenation, & Boundaries

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity.

#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight Lines

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.)

#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.

#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't Behave

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!

#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!

More Episodes

Right now, in the United States, trauma is speaking. Prejudice and racism wounds, and are potentially traumatizing to anyone who experiences them. But listening to another person’s trauma is a challenging thing to do, especially if we perceive that we may have played a part in their experience — even when remaining silent or looking away. Let’s talk about how to listen when trauma speaks.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #93:

The listening boundary is the most challenging boundary for most of us. When we feel at fault or like we’re being blamed for trauma, it takes the listening boundary to a whole new level.
Prejudice and racism are spread very much like the coronavirus; people who appear not to be infected can infect quite a few people, and the results can be deadly.
What has happened since Mr. Floyd’s death is the result of centuries of oppression, discrimination, and systemic, institutionalized racism.
Notice any urges you have to defend, explain, or make the other person feel better. This is usually a sign that you’ve strayed into defensiveness.

Highlights from Episode #93:

Vicki makes a clarification, then introduces today’s episode on how to listen when trauma speaks. [00:39]
We hear Vicki’s thoughts on the use of the words “white” and “Black” to describe people. She then shares some of her own journey. [04:19]
Despite having intentionally and actively worked against it, Vicki still counts herself as a product of the racial conditioning that she received as a child. [11:17]
Vicki shares a jaw-dropping story about unaware racism. [18:03]
Discomfort can make it difficult to listen when trauma speaks. [22:36]
What’s the solution? How do we listen to another person’s trauma? Vicki offers some tips and advice, and emphasizes the importance of listening. [30:01]
Vicki offers some observations about the way that white people try to make things better, but end up making them worse. [34:43]
White people will never know what it feels like to be a person of color. Vicki invites white listeners to have curiosity, embrace humility, and to try to stay open to the reality that others may have very different life circumstances and experiences. [39:12]

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