Navigating Adoption’s Emotional Turbulence with Sara Easterly
Release Date: 09/12/2024
Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
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Psychedelics, Hakomi, and the Gift of Self-Discovery, with Tony Hoare
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. Tony shares his personal journey, from growing up gay in the 60s, to experiencing sexual trauma and seeking healing in his 50s. He views safety, kindness, and gentleness as essential for healing, as they invite us to lower our shields and ‘just be.’ Having worked in the psychedelic world for 2 decades, Tony stresses that profound psychedelic experiences are only valuable if they lead to a greater sense of ease and conscious awareness with which we can navigate our challenging world. He also recounts: - The development of gentler, more...
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The Trauma of Infertility, with Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this gentle, heart-felt conversation, Leila guides us through the emotional landscape of infertility debunking common myths and misconceptions. She also shares her personal story, from 11 rounds of IVF to complete emotional collapse, which led her to agency, freedom, a new beginning and a baby. Leila also addresses: - How Infertility, as a trauma in its own right can unearth feelings of shame and worthlessness - Why trauma-informed support can ease the emotional toll of infertility medical interventions...
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Menopause: From Estrogen Washing to Social Silence, with Dr Aisling Quiery & Rati Roberta Riccardi
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, our guests forge a link between childhood trauma and the severity of menopausal symptoms. Aisling, a GP who is herself experiencing perimenopause, notes that the menopausal women who consult her often carry immense stress from being "sandwiched" between their peak career responsibilities and caring for children, grandchildren and aging parents. Together Aisling and Rati contrast: - "Estrogen Washing" a term Aisling coined to suggest that HRT often serves as a "wash" which may offer temporary relief but is...
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Menopause: From Multitasking Queen to Second Girlhood, with Dr Priya Duggal and Rosio Fuentes
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard Join us for this wide ranging conversation between a Menopausal Naturopathic doctor and a Therapist who lives with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome while mothering a neurodivergent family and experiencing Menopause. Together, Rosie and Priya address the many physiological, emotional and practical implications of Menopause "tipping points" for women’s health. They highlight that: - Living an inauthentic life (always "doing" for others) can create physical symptoms, likewise addiction patterns may emerge or intensify if unmet...
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Menopause Pruning: Clearing Space for Authenticity, with Inés Zabalaga & Kate Hazlitt, ND
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard This conversation moves from the medicalization of menopause to reclaiming it as a natural process; an important, transformative life stage marked by growth, development, and renewal, not an illness or pathology. Kate and Inés advocate for shifting from symptom management to trusting the body's innate capacity and involving the entire community in understanding this transition. Inés and Kate highlight:: - Brain Pruning which "chops away" old ways of thinking and being, making way for authenticity, new identity, and a...
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Unveiling Indian Cultural Trauma, with Mansi Poddar
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This conversation exposes the impact of cultural trauma on Indian mental and emotional well-being and the conflicts these cultural pressures can cause. After outlining how therapeutic approaches can ease the pain, transform lives and begin to shift cultural norms, expectations and beliefs, Mansi asserts that having dreams, desires, and boundaries is an expression of one's wholeness, not a betrayal of others. Cultural dynamics explored include: - The expectation that women will sacrifice their personal happiness for family...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes
Produced by J’aime Rothbard
Imagine a life where every day is a journey through complex emotions, punctuated by waves of separation, loss, and longing. For adoptees, this is often their reality—an unruly mosaic of misaligned feelings that demands understanding, support, and resilience.
A lack of social awareness around the true experience of adoption leaves many adoptees to face their issues with inadequate support. With heartfelt passion, author/adoptee Sara Easterly stands up for those who feel isolated, misunderstood, and/or burdened by invisible stresses and blocks.
Through the lens of Dr Gordon Neufeld's theories on attachment and primal emotions of unbearable separation, Sara delves deep into the experiences faced by adoptees: the pursuit of love, defensive detachment, profound frustration, alarm, isolation and misunderstanding, lack of safety, constant vigilance, people-pleasing, perfectionism, addiction struggles, and more. She also exposes how systemic issues, such as racism, classism, and religious messaging, shape adoption narratives.
In her mission to normalize adoptees’ experiences, Sara sensitively articulates the dynamics that adoptees face, by illuminating:
• The emotional complexities of being adopted • The importance of sharing adoptee stories
• The healing potential of creative expression • The flaws in the positive societal view of adoption
Passionate about supporting adoptees’ voices and stories, Sara is an advocate for creating space within families and cultures to acknowledge the full spectrum of adoption experiences. Her work aims to prevent others from growing up feeling unwanted, flawed, or alone facing common adoptee challenges. The research findings and perspectives she shares reframe adoptees’ chaotic feelings and responses as natural human reactions to traumatic separation.
Join us to hear Sara’s personal adoption experiences, and support her in both spreading adoption awareness and fostering a more compassionate world where every adoptee feels seen, heard, and understood.
Sara Easterly Show Summary - Release Date Sep 12
About Sara Easterly
Sara is an adoptee and the author of books that include Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies, co-authored with birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard and adoptive parent Lori Holden, as well as the award-winning spiritual memoir, Searching for Mom.
Sara’s essays, articles, and book reviews have been widely published.
She is the founder of Adoptee Voices, where she supports other adoptees in sharing their stories, and she is also a trained course facilitator with the Neufeld Institute, a lens that informs Sara’s insights on the intersection of attachment, child development, brain science, and adoption.
Additionally, Sara is co-host of the Adoption Unfiltered Podcast.
Photo credit: Eileen Skahill
Resources:
Websites:
Sara's Professional Website
Adoptee Voices
Adoption Unfiltered
Comprehensive Resources page at Adoption Unfiltered
Adoption Trauma Article
Adoption Statistic
Books:
Adoption Unfiltered
Searching for Mom
Hold On to Your Kids
The Late Bloomer
Videos:
Adoptions & Addiction with Paul Sunderland
Adoption Unfiltered Podcast Interview with Gordon Neufeld
The Trauma of Relinquishment with Gabor Maté
Quotes:
"For nine months, they heard the voice of the mother, registered the heartbeat, attuning with the biorhythms with the mother. The expectation is that it will continue. This is utterly broken for the adopted child. We don’t have sufficient appreciation for what happens to that infant and how to compensate for it." - Gabor Maté
"Adoptees and children who are fostered are over-represented in the prison system, addiction clinics and are 4 times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide." - Gabor Maté
“Adoption is one of the earliest and primary disruptions in the continuity of connection which can last throughout life. It doesn’t end right after adoption. That facing of separation is developmental and it will be there until the day you die.” - Gordon Neufeld
"...there is no adoption [or] relinquishment without drama, there is an enormous grief of a child or a baby who has been waiting nine months to meet somebody who is set up to bond [with them] and then doesn’t. [There's] the enormous grief of the mother ...who cannot live with having a child ... very often influenced by parents & patriarchal society ...saying ... you can't do this, which goes against her biology. And it's about the enormous grief of a group who can't live without having a child, ...adoptive parents who come ...with an enormous grief that they've been unable to have a child and actually this is the problem. ...this word adoption ...covers up their grief ... often we think... of people who are adopted .. as ... having been chosen ... but ... very often it's about somebody who enters into a family that doesn't genetically fit for them, it's about someone entering a family with an impossible job description...of having to be somebody that they can never ... be, to fix a wound of infertility with its’ ....enormous grief when that can't happen.” - Paul Sunderland
Sara’s Social Media: