Navigating Adoption’s Emotional Turbulence with Sara Easterly
Release Date: 09/12/2024
Paul Noiles on, The Malevolent Nature of Emotional Abuse
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. How do smart, accomplished people end up in emotionally abusive relationships without realizing it? As both a trauma coach and former victim, Paul illuminates how emotional abuse operates through fear, manipulation, and control—and why it's so difficult to recognize and name. He also touches on common signs; chronic invalidation, gaslighting, control disguised as concern, walking on eggshells, confusion, toxic shame, and how our earliest attachments can create susceptibility. In this...
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Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist
The Gifts of Trauma
Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if traditional fluency-focused approaches designed to "fix" stuttering cause more harm than healing? In this conversation, speech therapists Mandy Rodstrom and Debbie Mason share personal and clinical insights that reveal how trauma, nervous system dysregulation and social stigma profoundly impact those who stammer. They highlight the critical importance of connecting people who stutter with supportive communities where stuttering is welcomed and...
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Cat McCarthy on Emergent Authenticity & Rewriting Scripts
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What happens when we stop performing and start being? Cat guides us through her transformational journey from codependent conditioning to embodied authenticity. With wisdom drawn from 30+ years of yoga practice, plant medicine journeys, and navigating her own healing from Breast Cancer, Cat reveals why the answers we seek aren't outside ourselves, but waiting to be uncovered within. Cat reflects on: - How shedding her protective layers enabled her to access her true strength - Her expanded her capacity to be present, hold space for others...
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Zach Bush, MD & Eva Dalak on Relating to Our Original Imprint: Nature & Collective Healing.
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard & Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if the path to inner and outer peace—and to the survival of our species—runs through our biology, not just our psychology? In this bonus finale to our Relating Series, Eva and Zach guide us beyond the familiar terrain of human-to-human relating to the new ground of relating to our original imprint. This conversation weaves hard science with systems thinking and spiritual wisdom to show that rather than transcending our humanity, healing our separation wound is about fully embracing our original...
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Unsafe! Navigating Domestic, Public and Systemic Violence, with Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This vulnerable conversation continues exploring relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, as Vimalasara and Jordan share insights rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. Jordan reflects on the inner work required to create safety for others—unpacking his own trauma so he can hold space for someone else's. Vimalasara addresses the harsh realities of domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities, highlighting the barriers to seeking help—being subjected to transphobia, homophobia, or violence in...
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Gender & Identity, From Unconscious to Conscious with Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the: - Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and...
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Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes
Produced by J’aime Rothbard
Imagine a life where every day is a journey through complex emotions, punctuated by waves of separation, loss, and longing. For adoptees, this is often their reality—an unruly mosaic of misaligned feelings that demands understanding, support, and resilience.
A lack of social awareness around the true experience of adoption leaves many adoptees to face their issues with inadequate support. With heartfelt passion, author/adoptee Sara Easterly stands up for those who feel isolated, misunderstood, and/or burdened by invisible stresses and blocks.
Through the lens of Dr Gordon Neufeld's theories on attachment and primal emotions of unbearable separation, Sara delves deep into the experiences faced by adoptees: the pursuit of love, defensive detachment, profound frustration, alarm, isolation and misunderstanding, lack of safety, constant vigilance, people-pleasing, perfectionism, addiction struggles, and more. She also exposes how systemic issues, such as racism, classism, and religious messaging, shape adoption narratives.
In her mission to normalize adoptees’ experiences, Sara sensitively articulates the dynamics that adoptees face, by illuminating:
• The emotional complexities of being adopted • The importance of sharing adoptee stories
• The healing potential of creative expression • The flaws in the positive societal view of adoption
Passionate about supporting adoptees’ voices and stories, Sara is an advocate for creating space within families and cultures to acknowledge the full spectrum of adoption experiences. Her work aims to prevent others from growing up feeling unwanted, flawed, or alone facing common adoptee challenges. The research findings and perspectives she shares reframe adoptees’ chaotic feelings and responses as natural human reactions to traumatic separation.
Join us to hear Sara’s personal adoption experiences, and support her in both spreading adoption awareness and fostering a more compassionate world where every adoptee feels seen, heard, and understood.
Sara Easterly Show Summary - Release Date Sep 12
About Sara Easterly
Sara is an adoptee and the author of books that include Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies, co-authored with birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard and adoptive parent Lori Holden, as well as the award-winning spiritual memoir, Searching for Mom.
Sara’s essays, articles, and book reviews have been widely published.
She is the founder of Adoptee Voices, where she supports other adoptees in sharing their stories, and she is also a trained course facilitator with the Neufeld Institute, a lens that informs Sara’s insights on the intersection of attachment, child development, brain science, and adoption.
Additionally, Sara is co-host of the Adoption Unfiltered Podcast.
Photo credit: Eileen Skahill
Resources:
Websites:
Sara's Professional Website
Adoptee Voices
Adoption Unfiltered
Comprehensive Resources page at Adoption Unfiltered
Adoption Trauma Article
Adoption Statistic
Books:
Adoption Unfiltered
Searching for Mom
Hold On to Your Kids
The Late Bloomer
Videos:
Adoptions & Addiction with Paul Sunderland
Adoption Unfiltered Podcast Interview with Gordon Neufeld
The Trauma of Relinquishment with Gabor Maté
Quotes:
"For nine months, they heard the voice of the mother, registered the heartbeat, attuning with the biorhythms with the mother. The expectation is that it will continue. This is utterly broken for the adopted child. We don’t have sufficient appreciation for what happens to that infant and how to compensate for it." - Gabor Maté
"Adoptees and children who are fostered are over-represented in the prison system, addiction clinics and are 4 times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide." - Gabor Maté
“Adoption is one of the earliest and primary disruptions in the continuity of connection which can last throughout life. It doesn’t end right after adoption. That facing of separation is developmental and it will be there until the day you die.” - Gordon Neufeld
"...there is no adoption [or] relinquishment without drama, there is an enormous grief of a child or a baby who has been waiting nine months to meet somebody who is set up to bond [with them] and then doesn’t. [There's] the enormous grief of the mother ...who cannot live with having a child ... very often influenced by parents & patriarchal society ...saying ... you can't do this, which goes against her biology. And it's about the enormous grief of a group who can't live without having a child, ...adoptive parents who come ...with an enormous grief that they've been unable to have a child and actually this is the problem. ...this word adoption ...covers up their grief ... often we think... of people who are adopted .. as ... having been chosen ... but ... very often it's about somebody who enters into a family that doesn't genetically fit for them, it's about someone entering a family with an impossible job description...of having to be somebody that they can never ... be, to fix a wound of infertility with its’ ....enormous grief when that can't happen.” - Paul Sunderland
Sara’s Social Media: