EP 69: From Pain to Purpose: Alana Sharps on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Supporting Others

In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura sits down with Alana Sharps, founder of SurThrive Tribe, a High Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Consultant, and Best Selling Author. Alana’s work is deeply rooted in both professional expertise and lived experience. After navigating a toxic marriage marked by psychological abuse, she transformed her own pain into purpose—emerging as an empowered survivor and a dedicated advocate for others facing similar challenges.

Alana shares her personal journey through a psychologically abusive marriage with a covert narcissist, the realities of high-conflict divorce and child custody battles, and the ongoing impact of post-separation abuse. Together, she and Laura discuss the importance of trauma-informed therapy, rebuilding self-worth, and the role of community support in healing. Inspired by her own experiences, Alana explains how she now helps others navigate the complex and often overwhelming landscape of high-conflict divorce. This episode offers hope, practical guidance, and valuable resources for anyone facing similar circumstances.

 

Key Topics & Timestamps

Alana’s Timeline: Leaving and Helping Others (00:02:22) Alana shares when she left her marriage (2018) and began helping others (2021).

Realizing the Abuse and Awakening (00:02:59) Discussion about recognizing narcissistic abuse and the awakening process after leaving.

Therapy and Dismissing Early Warnings (00:04:08) Alana recalls dismissing her therapist’s warning about narcissism during her marriage.

Love Bombing and Early Relationship Red Flags (00:07:47) Alana describes meeting her ex, early boundary-pushing, and the love bombing phase.

Rapid Relationship Progression (00:10:35) The relationship moved quickly: moving in, engagement, and marriage within a year.

Cycle of Abuse and Trying to Fix Things (00:14:22) Alana discusses the cycle of trying to regain the “good times” and the reality of abuse.

Parenting and Control Over Children (00:18:09) Alana describes her ex’s controlling behavior with their children, especially her daughter.

Leaving After Witnessing Abuse (00:21:27) Alana decided to leave after witnessing her ex assault her son, prioritizing her children’s safety.

Supporting Others: Safety Planning (00:22:30) Alana explains how she supports clients, especially around safety planning when leaving abuse.

Predictable Abuser Tactics in Court (00:25:36) Alana describes common legal tactics used by abusers, including false accusations and parental alienation.

Therapy Challenges with Narcissists (00:27:29) The difficulties and ineffectiveness of couples counseling with narcissists are discussed.

Financial Abuse and Hiding Assets (00:32:23) Discussion about financial manipulation and hiding assets during divorce.

Becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach (00:33:58) Alana’s journey to becoming a certified high conflict divorce and child custody coach.

EMDR and Healing from Trauma (00:37:34) Alana shares her experience with EMDR therapy for complex PTSD and managing triggers.

 

Powerful Quotes from the Episode

Alana, 'I wanted to be the person I needed when I was going through my divorce and child custody cases, because it’s the worst feeling in the world to be scared you’ll lose custody of your children.'

Alana, 'In public, he was the perfect father and spouse, but behind closed doors, our family was tormented.'

Alana, 'On our wedding night, he flipped out on me and continued to treat me badly on our honeymoon, and I was so confused.'

Alana, 'When I saw him assault my oldest son, the light bulb went off and I knew the kids were not safe and I needed to leave.'

Alana, 'When you share children, that’s the last piece of control an abuser has over you, because now they can use the legal system to control you.'

 

RESOURCES:

• COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
• YOU’RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE
• MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
• JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517

FOLLOW ALANA:

• Your website link: https://www.surthrivetribe.com/
• Instagram Link: https://www.instagram.com/alanasharps/
• Freebie: https://kvisit.com/T89MH
• Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alanasharps 
• Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/alanasharpsauthor
• Was It My Fault Book: https://a.co/d/4f7jZ1f

 

From the episode: 

Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a condition resulting from prolonged, repeated trauma (like ongoing abuse or captivity) that includes standard PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, avoidance) plus core difficulties in emotional regulation, self-perception (worthlessness, shame), and relationships (mistrust, isolation). It's often linked to childhood trauma, but can affect adults, differing from PTSD by its chronic cause and added disturbances in identity and connection with others. 

EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a psychotherapy that helps people heal from trauma and distressing life events by reprocessing painful memories using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements, taps, or sounds) while focusing on the memory, reducing its emotional impact and helping the brain process it more adaptively. Developed by Francine Shapiro, it's recognized by organizations like the WHO and APA as an effective treatment for PTSD, anxiety, and other conditions stemming from unprocessed past experiences. 

 

“Awareness is the first step from surviving abuse to reclaiming your power.”

 

Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com

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