EP 42: Kevin, A Betrayed Male's Journey with Infidelity, Autism and Incomprehensible Trauma

Today you'll meet a friend of mine, Kevin who shares his own journey with infidelity as a betrayed male and Autism.

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person perceives the world and interacts with others. It’s called a “spectrum” because it includes a wide range of characteristics and levels of support needs, from mild to significant.

Key Features of Autism:

• Social communication difficulties: Challenges with understanding and using verbal and nonverbal language, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, or gestures.
• Repetitive behaviors and routines: Repeating movements (like hand-flapping), phrases, or having strict routines and resistance to change.
• Intense interests: Deep focus on specific topics or activities, sometimes to the exclusion of others.
• Sensory sensitivities: Over- or under-sensitivity to lights, sounds, textures, smells, or pain.

Other Points:

• Autism is not a disease and doesn't need to be "cured" — it's a difference in brain wiring.
• It can be diagnosed in early childhood, but some people aren’t diagnosed until adolescence or adulthood.
• Some autistic individuals need significant daily support, while others live independently and may even see their autism as a key part of their identity.
• Autism can affect how a person processes and heals from infidelity in several unique ways, largely because of differences in emotional regulation, communication, trust, and social cognition. Here’s how it might impact the healing process:

1. Difficulty with Emotional Processing
Autistic individuals may experience emotions very deeply but struggle to express or interpret them — both in themselves and others. This can make processing betrayal more overwhelming or confusing:

They might ruminate on the event more intensely or for longer.

Emotional pain might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, or withdrawal rather than verbal expression.

2. Struggles with Change and Uncertainty
Infidelity introduces chaos and unpredictability into a relationship, which can be especially difficult for someone on the spectrum:

Many autistic people rely on routine, predictability, and structure to feel safe. The loss of emotional security can feel destabilizing.

Rebuilding trust may be slower, as they may not "move on" in the same way neurotypical people might.

3. Literal Thinking and Trust
Autistic people often think in black-and-white terms, which can make infidelity feel like an irreparable breach:

Trust, once broken, might not feel recoverable.

Concepts like "emotional cheating" or gray areas in relationships can be especially confusing or hurtful.

4. Communication Challenges
Discussing feelings, negotiating boundaries, and engaging in therapy can be more complex:

The autistic partner might have difficulty articulating what they need to feel safe again.

Or they may struggle to understand or validate their partner’s perspective if it's not clearly communicated.

5. Social Naivety or Misreading Cues
Some autistic individuals may be more socially naive or miss subtle signs of trouble in a relationship, so discovering infidelity can come as a greater shock.