Authentic Men's Group podcast
7 Common Signs You’re Feeling Shame as a Man Most men don’t like to look in the mirror—not the one in the bathroom, but the one that shows us what’s going on inside. We’re raised with messages like: You can’t change the past. Just move on. Don’t dwell. And on the surface, that sounds like wisdom. But underneath, it keeps a lot of us from practicing self-reflection… because we’re not just afraid of guilt. We’re afraid of shame. See, guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “There’s something wrong with me.” One leads to responsibility and growth. The other...
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Using Boundaries in Every Circle of Relationship Healthy relationships are built on respect, understanding, and trust. At the core of maintaining these elements are boundaries—clear lines we draw to protect our well-being. The Circle of Relationships model by Brian Frizzell offers a helpful visual to identify the depth and nature of our connections. When we combine this with a clear understanding of boundaries and requests, we gain powerful insight into how to handle different types of relationships with clarity and self-respect. Recap: Setting a boundary is knowing, checking, and...
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What the Heck is a Boundary? A boundary isn’t just a rule—it’s a way to identify, communicate, and maintain the environment you need to be the person you want to be. Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about controlling your space and how you respond to what happens in it. 🏡 Fence Analogy: Think of a boundary like a fence around your house. You’ve got a walkway up to the front door—that’s how you do relationships with me. That’s the space I’ve clearly defined where I invite people into my life. Now, let’s say someone jumps my fence,...
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Cracking The Coping Code Do you wish you could quit your unhealthy coping mechanisms or bad habits? Many of us find ourselves trapped in cycles of behavior that don't serve us well. Whether it's substance abuse, avoidance, negative self-talk, excessive screen time, emotional eating, isolation, procrastination, overworking, or aggression, porn, these coping mechanisms are familiar yet unhelpful tools we often use to self-soothe. It's crucial to remember that resorting to these habits doesn't make us bad people; it's merely our way of attempting to regulate our distressing emotions. Think...
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Developing Emotional Autonomy in Relationships How do we navigate this vulnerability? By building emotional Autonomy. This means taking ownership of your emotions—understanding them, and managing them. It’s about knowing yourself and being responsible for your emotional state rather than numbing out or blaming others. Emotional Autonomy vs. Emotional Immaturity: Emotional Immaturity: “You made me feel this way.” / “I’m fine” (when it’s not true). Emotional Autonomy: “I feel this way. It’s okay to feel this. I’m going to own this emotion and use my resources to support...
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Emotional Autonomy is about owning your emotions and managing them in a way that strengthens your relationship with yourself without harming others in the process. It's learning to take responsibility for what you feel and working through those emotions in a healthy, constructive way that respects both your well-being and the well-being of those around you. Autonomy involves having the freedom and capacity to act according to one's own principles, values, and interests while taking responsibility for the consequences of those actions. In essence, autonomy is about self-determination,...
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The Vulnerability Myth (Part 1) Let’s face it— dating and relationships can be a minefield for men. On one side, we’re told to open up, be vulnerable, and share our emotions. But when we do, the response isn’t always what we expect. Sometimes, it’s met with anger, confusion, or even panic. Other times, it feels like the person across from us wants to jump in and fix our problems as if we can’t handle them ourselves. It’s a tricky balance. Here’s the truth: being emotionally aware and understanding how to regulate our feelings is critical for men. But vulnerability alone...
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What is “Shadow Work”? Shadow Work involves digging into the parts of ourselves we've hidden away because they seem too ugly, weird, or unacceptable. This survival tactic might help us through childhood, but it wreaks havoc on our adult lives, leading to inauthenticity. Shadow Work is about embracing your whole self – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and integrating these parts into your life. The Enneagram and Shadow Work The Enneagram is a powerful tool for understanding our personality and the shadow parts we hide. Each of the nine Enneagram types has qualities that...
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Shadow Work (Part 2) Today, we're diving into a topic that’s as crucial as it is uncomfortable: authenticity. Let me set the stage for this podcast. Picture this: a man finds his marriage on the brink of falling apart. He's convinced he's doing everything he "should" do to keep it together, yet he feels like he's constantly falling short. Growing up, he learned that showing certain emotions or traits of himself like being “too excited” or “too hyper” could jeopardize his relationships and get him in trouble with his parents – "boys don't cry," "toughen up," “Good...
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The Shadow is all those parts of ourselves we’ve shoved into the dark because we were told they’re unacceptable. This is what we call repression – unconsciously hiding these aspects to fit in and feel loved. And no shame. This helped us survive as kids. But as adults, we take it a step further with suppression – consciously choosing to hide these parts, leading to inauthenticity. Resources we mentioned to start engaging in your own shadow work: Book: Podcast:
info_outlineEmotional Autonomy is about owning your emotions and managing them in a way that strengthens your relationship with yourself without harming others in the process. It's learning to take responsibility for what you feel and working through those emotions in a healthy, constructive way that respects both your well-being and the well-being of those around you.
Autonomy involves having the freedom and capacity to act according to one's own principles, values, and interests while taking responsibility for the consequences of those actions. In essence, autonomy is about self-determination, self-direction, and the capacity to shape one’s own life and decisions with a sense of personal agency and authenticity.
Emotional Autonomy is the practice of understanding your feelings, regulating them, and taking full responsibility for how you respond to them. It’s not enough to just “not feel numb”—that’s survival mode. Emotional Autonomy means diving into your inner world, understanding what’s going on, and learning to navigate your emotions instead of suppressing them or avoiding the discomfort they bring.
It’s about stopping the blame game. Too often, we expect others to change so we can feel better: “You made me feel this way.” That kind of thinking gives away your power and keeps you stuck. Real growth happens when you own your emotions and choose to work through them, even when it’s hard. It means admitting where you might have been wrong and learning how to take responsibility for your emotional well-being.
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Emotional Immaturity:
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“You made me feel this way.”
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“I don’t know why I feel this way.”
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“I’m fine.” (When it’s not true.)
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Emotional Autonomy :
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“I was curious about my emotions.
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I discovered that I feel this way, and that’s okay.
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I’m going to own this emotion and use my resources to support myself through it.”
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“What emotions do you often suppress? What’s one small step you can take today to acknowledge and own that feeling?”
Balancing Vulnerability and Assertiveness
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“Balancing vulnerability and strength means integrating both. It’s not either or it’s both and.”
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Think about how truly hard it is to share your dark secrets, you know the ones that only you know about yourself. Now imagine telling someone these things. Seems pretty terrifying doesn’t it. That’s why I say being vulnerable in a safe environment is one of the strongest things we can do.
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Key Points:
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Be aware of your emotions and why they’re arising.
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Communicate with clarity, staying assertive but not defensive.
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Build a support network beyond your partner—friends, mentors, groups—to help process emotions and challenges.
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Practical Steps for Emotional Autonomy :
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Step 1: Be Curious and Non-Judgmental: “Identify what’s happening in your body. Notice physical sensations, emotions, and reactions.”
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Step 2: Communicate and Explore: “Share your emotions with a trusted support system. Don’t bottle them up.”
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Step 3: Own Your Emotions: “Avoid blaming others. Take responsibility by saying, ‘I feel this way,’ instead of ‘You made me feel this way.’”
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Step 4: Take Action: “Engage in self-care activities and proactive strategies to manage distressing emotions.”