The Vulnerability Myth (Part 2)

Emotional Autonomy is about owning your emotions and managing them in a way that strengthens your relationship with yourself without harming others in the process. It's learning to take responsibility for what you feel and working through those emotions in a healthy, constructive way that respects both your well-being and the well-being of those around you.

Autonomy involves having the freedom and capacity to act according to one's own principles, values, and interests while taking responsibility for the consequences of those actions. In essence, autonomy is about self-determination, self-direction, and the capacity to shape one’s own life and decisions with a sense of personal agency and authenticity.

Emotional Autonomy is the practice of understanding your feelings, regulating them, and taking full responsibility for how you respond to them. It’s not enough to just “not feel numb”—that’s survival mode. Emotional Autonomy means diving into your inner world, understanding what’s going on, and learning to navigate your emotions instead of suppressing them or avoiding the discomfort they bring.

It’s about stopping the blame game. Too often, we expect others to change so we can feel better: “You made me feel this way.” That kind of thinking gives away your power and keeps you stuck. Real growth happens when you own your emotions and choose to work through them, even when it’s hard. It means admitting where you might have been wrong and learning how to take responsibility for your emotional well-being.

• Emotional Immaturity:

  • “You made me feel this way.”

  • “I don’t know why I feel this way.”

  • “I’m fine.” (When it’s not true.)

• Emotional Autonomy :

  • “I was curious about my emotions. 

  • I discovered that I feel this way, and that’s okay. 

  • I’m going to own this emotion and use my resources to support myself through it.”

• “What emotions do you often suppress? What’s one small step you can take today to acknowledge and own that feeling?”

Balancing Vulnerability and Assertiveness 

• “Balancing vulnerability and strength means integrating both. It’s not either or it’s both and.” 

• Think about how truly hard it is to share your dark secrets, you know the ones that only you know about yourself. Now imagine telling someone these things. Seems pretty terrifying doesn’t it. That’s why I say being vulnerable in a safe environment is one of the strongest things we can do. 

• Key Points:

• Be aware of your emotions and why they’re arising.

• Communicate with clarity, staying assertive but not defensive.

• Build a support network beyond your partner—friends, mentors, groups—to help process emotions and challenges.

• Practical Steps for Emotional Autonomy :

• Step 1: Be Curious and Non-Judgmental: “Identify what’s happening in your body. Notice physical sensations, emotions, and reactions.”

• Step 2: Communicate and Explore: “Share your emotions with a trusted support system. Don’t bottle them up.”

• Step 3: Own Your Emotions: “Avoid blaming others. Take responsibility by saying, ‘I feel this way,’ instead of ‘You made me feel this way.’”

• Step 4: Take Action: “Engage in self-care activities and proactive strategies to manage distressing emotions.”