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4162 Don't Match the Madness

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Release Date: 08/22/2026

4162 Don't Match the Madness show art 4162 Don't Match the Madness

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

We are wired to want to be right. It's part of being human — this deep pull toward controlling our circumstances, defending our perspective, and standing firm on the hill we've chosen. And in most areas of life, that drive can serve us well. But marriage isn't like most areas of life. Marriage is two people, two histories, two sets of emotions, and two very real desires to be right, all living under the same roof and loving the same God. So what happens when those desires collide? Things get loud. Things get heated. And in that moment, you have a choice. You can rise to the chaos, or you can...

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info_outline 4159 The Woman in the Water show art 4159 The Woman in the Water

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info_outline 4158 Knocked Down But Not Knocked Out show art 4158 Knocked Down But Not Knocked Out

Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo

Life has a way of catching you off guard. One minute you're standing tall, feeling like you've finally got your footing — and the next, something comes along and sweeps your feet right out from under you. Maybe it's a phone call you weren't expecting. A door that closed when you were sure it was about to open. A season that turned harder than anything you could have prepared for. And there you are. On the ground. Catching your breath. Wondering what just happened. Knocked down but not knocked out. A lot of us have been there more times than we'd like to admit. And if you're one who has that...

info_outline 4157 What You Can't Control Doesn't Get the Final Say show art 4157 What You Can't Control Doesn't Get the Final Say

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You already have what you need, right now to create your now. There is no reason to wait for tomorrow, nor when the circumstances shift, or when that one thing finally falls into place. And yet, there's this pull that creeps in and whispers, but what about that thing you can't fix or control? There you are, standing at the edge of a perfectly open door and still looking sideways at the wall beside it, wondering why it won't move. This happens more often than we like to admit. You know what's in front of you. You know the next step. But something uncontrollable grabs your attention, and...

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"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." ~  Philippians 4:12 Contentment didn't land in Paul's lap like some spiritual gift he unwrapped one morning. It was forged and tested, including shipwrecks, beatings, imprisonment, and hunger. He was refined through every season that could have, and maybe should have, shaken him loose from his faith. Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the . ...

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There is something about the start of a new school year that carries both excitement and weight. The backpacks are packed, the outfits are picked out, and the alarm is set for a time no one in the house has seen in weeks. But before the bus pulls up, before the shoes are tied and the lunches are grabbed, there is a window of time that belongs to you and your family. And what you do with it matters more than you might think. It's before the bell rings. It's that morning window, the window that doesn't just happen. It is built. And if you are a parent staring down the start of a new school year,...

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We are wired to want to be right. It's part of being human — this deep pull toward controlling our circumstances, defending our perspective, and standing firm on the hill we've chosen. And in most areas of life, that drive can serve us well. But marriage isn't like most areas of life. Marriage is two people, two histories, two sets of emotions, and two very real desires to be right, all living under the same roof and loving the same God. So what happens when those desires collide? Things get loud. Things get heated. And in that moment, you have a choice. You can rise to the chaos, or you can refuse to meet it where it lives. Please don't match the madness.

Because the madness doesn't want resolution. It wants company. It wants you to raise your voice because your spouse raised theirs. It wants you to fire back with that thing you've been holding onto. It wants to pull you into a storm that neither of you started on purpose, but both of you are now fueling with everything you've got.

Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com

#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage

And what that madness produces is nothing that matters.

  • It doesn't grow trust.
  • It doesn't build intimacy. 
  • It doesn't bring clarity.

What it does is bury the very things that need to come to the surface.

  • The hurt beneath the anger
  • The fear beneath the frustration 
  • The longing beneath the silence

When we match the madness, we cover up what's real with what's reactive. We trade depth for volume. And the stuff that actually needs to be revealed and refined — the places where God is trying to do His deepest work in us and between us — stays buried under the rubble of words we didn't mean and tones we can't take back.

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Notice it doesn't say a correct answer turns away wrath. It says a gentle one. You can be absolutely right in what you're saying and absolutely wrong in how you're saying it.

Gentleness isn't weakness. It's warfare, the kind that fights for your marriage instead of against your spouse.

So what does it look like, practically, to not match the madness?

It looks like a pause before a response. It looks like lowering your voice when everything inside you wants to raise it. It looks like choosing the person over the point.

James 1:19 reminds us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

That's one of the most intentional, powerful things you can do in the heat of a hard moment.

When you choose not to match the madness, you aren't losing. You're leading. You're saying, This marriage matters more than this moment. You're creating space for the Holy Spirit to move in a room where pride was trying to take up all the oxygen.

So the next time it gets a little crazy — and it will, because you're two imperfect people doing this beautifully imperfect thing together — ask yourself: Am I about to match the madness, or am I about to break the cycle?

Choose the cycle-breaker every time.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Break the cycle!

You've got to choose to break the cycle every time. Being truly humble and kind will take you further in your marriage than matching the madness.

1. Pause before you respond. Take a breath. Count to five. Walk to another room for two minutes if you need to. Refuse to let your first reaction become your final word. 

"A pause isn't avoidance;  it's wisdom wearing work boots. This gives your heart time to catch up with your mouth." ~ Kristianne Wargo

2. Speak to the person, not the problem. In the heat of a disagreement, shift your language from accusation to acknowledgment. Instead of "You always..." try "I feel..." Instead of proving your case, pursue your spouse. Remind them and yourself that you're on the same team, even when it doesn't feel like it.

3. Pray before you push. Before you push your point, pray. Even a silent, two-millisecond prayer — Lord, help me see my spouse the way You see them right now. That changes the temperature of the entire conversation.

"Humility doesn't come from trying harder; it comes from surrendering faster." ~ Kristianne Wargo

You don't have to win every argument to have a winning marriage. In fact, some of the strongest marriages are built by two people who consistently choose peace over proving a point. They choose each other!

Don't match the madness. Match the love that brought you together in the first place, and let God handle the rest. Let Him grow you and stretch you, because you're better together.

"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

 

🔔 Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com

TAKE A.I.M. ~ Action Ignites Motivation  - This is a complimentary (FREE) coaching call with me. You will discuss your specific situation while gaining tools and strategies to move you forward. (https://form.jotform.com/62988215824163)

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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson

Photo by Canva.com

 

Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

http://www.mandisaofficial.com

Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - 
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.