How to Stop Treating Grief Like a System with Dr. Elijah Frazier Part 2

In Part Two of this Grieve That Shit conversation, Sharon Brubaker and Dr. Elijah Frazier move past introductions and into the heart of what grievers struggle with most: choice, accountability, faith, emotions, and permission to heal.

This episode challenges one of the most damaging beliefs grievers carry—that grief is something they must endure forever. Sharon and Dr. Frazier speak directly to the idea that pain is inevitable after loss, but staying trapped in suffering is not the only option.

They talk honestly about how grief can steal joy, peace, and energy when we are not aware of the choices we are making. Dr. Frazier introduces a powerful metaphor: your joy is on the auction block every day, and too often, people unknowingly give it away to pain, guilt, fear, or other people’s expectations.

The conversation also dives into faith, anger at God, and the pressure grievers feel to perform spirituality instead of telling the truth. Sharon and Dr. Frazier make it clear that real healing does not require pretending, suppressing emotions, or being “good” in your grief. It requires honesty, boundaries, and the willingness to do the work.

This episode speaks directly to the griever who feels stuck, judged, or afraid to move forward. It offers permission to feel fully, question deeply, and still choose healing.

 

🧠 Key Points Discussed:

1. Why grievers often believe they have no choices and how that belief keeps them stuck

2. The difference between pain and suffering in grief

3. How joy and peace are quietly given away without awareness

4. Why accountability is not punishment but empowerment

5. The role of faith as a bridge, not a crutch

6. Why being angry at God does not block healing

7. The difference between feelings and emotions and why both matter

8. Why natural emotions like anger, anxiety, sadness, and depression are not wrong

9. How spiritual platitudes can invalidate grief and cause harm

10. Why healing requires action, not waiting

11. The importance of boundaries when you are grieving

12. Why emotions need time and space to do their job

 

📓 Journal Questions for Reflection:

1. Where do I feel like grief has taken away my choices?

2. What pain am I experiencing, and where might I be adding suffering on top of it?

3. In what moments do I notice my joy being “sold off” to other people or situations?

4. What emotions am I afraid to feel fully?

5. How have faith, beliefs, or expectations shaped the way I grieve?

6. Where do I feel pressure to perform healing instead of living it honestly?

7. What would it look like to give my emotions permission to do their work?

 

🩶 Conclusion:

Grief is not a script.
It is not a performance.
And it is not something you have to endure forever to prove your love.

You are allowed to feel anger.
You are allowed to question faith.
You are allowed to heal.

This episode reminds grievers that emotions are not the enemy. Suppressing them is. Healing does not come from pretending everything is okay. It comes from honesty, accountability, and choosing yourself again and again.

This is Grieve That Shit.
And this is where healing continues.