The Parent Practice Podcast

Welcome to The Parent Practice Podcast, the show for anyone who cares for and about children. We know you want your children to be happy, confident and successful and that you do your best to be a good parent. Sometimes you probably beat yourself up for not being good enough. Good parenting can be simple if you know how. We can support you here by exploring a range of topics to enable you to feel calmer and happier and to help you get that parenting manual you wish you'd had from the beginning. We are your hosts, Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan. We’re passionate about positive parenting. We’ve developed expertise built up over many years of working with families. In this podcast we interview a whole range of different people in differing fields from authors, to therapists, to clinicians. They all have fascinating insights into this messy world of raising and educating kids. We share our experiences of raising our families. Between us we have 5 now-adult children and one and a half grandchildren and we walk the talk every day using these skills with our families. In the interests of celebrating perfect imperfection in every episode you’ll hear from our guests about one of their own low parenting moments and their top tips for raising happy, confident and successful children.

The Upsides of Enforced Slowness in Lockdown with Carl Honoré TPPP36 07/24/2020

The Upsides of Enforced Slowness in Lockdown with Carl Honoré TPPP36 If you’re feeling really over the whole pandemic thing this episode will lift your spirits. The Covid-19 pandemic has certainly changed our lives. We’ve been forced to accept changes to the way we live in order to try to control the disease, some of which have been inconvenient, to say the least. Some families have found the enforced lockdown extremely difficult and for some isolation has really affected their mental wellbeing. But it hasn’t been all bad. Carl Honoré has written extensively about the benefits of slowing down –he calls it embracing our ‘inner tortoise’ - and recently he has been musing about how Covid might be just the force that compels us to slow down with all the benefits that brings us and our families. Listen to this episode with Carl if you want to learn: What the detrimental effects are on us of the busy way we live our lives and what are the prices we pay, the things we sacrifice, for our ‘roadrunner’ lives, the biggest of which are human connection and opportunities for self-reflection How the cult of productivity has grown up in pursuit of the perfect CV but as a consequence children lose may the ability to think and be creative How attentiveness, presence, joy, good health and love can be lost in the rush from one activity to another How your children can really enjoy activities if they winnow down to a few that they really love. Top tip: you’ll know your child is really passionate about an activity if they talk about it even when they’re not doing it How ‘buffer moments’ between activities are essential for processing and building memories How to create conversation time in which you really get to know your child and indeed yourself What some of the lessons of Covid might be, what aspects of lockdown do we want to retain and what do we want to be different when we go back to ‘normal’ How productivity can be increased when people have more autonomy How important it is to remember what we value and what we’ve learnt from our pandemic experience. Memory is impacted by living life too fast so Carl encourages us to write down our thoughts about this to avoid forgetting when life speeds up again, maybe in the form of a family mission statement You’ll enjoy his very simple top tip for raising children to slow down and be adults who have more balance in their lives. If you want to get in touch with Carl check out the links below: Links /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/15328061

Juliet Richards - Navigating Anxiety TPPP35 07/17/2020

Juliet Richards - Navigating Anxiety TPPP35 We are all aware that anxiety is a growing problem amongst our littlies, our tweens and our teens, and a recent Bristol University Longitudinal study ( ALPSAC) has identified that anxiety amongst our young people, children and teenagers has risen over the past 3 months of the pandemic from 13% to 24% during the crisis. So this podcast helps parents understand it and most importantly gives some top tips re what can be done to manage anxiety, reduce stress and how to respond to it. Our guest today is Juliet Richards, who has been part of the facilitation team here at The Parent Practice since 2008, after taking our Positive Parenting Course in 2004 and then the Train the Trainer course in 2008. She’s also a school governor and is the safeguarding lead in a private girls school in London. After her training with The Parent Practice, she realised what an impact the techniques and ideas were going to have on her family and others. Creating a positive atmosphere, and seeing how she could help them behave well and find their way in the world, was very different to feeling her responsibility was simply to keep them out of trouble. As her sons have grown, the parenting skills have continued to enable her to feel that she is on the same side as her boys and her and her husband are able to actively pass on the values that they feel are important She leads our on a variety of topics and is an adept facilitator with a clear, empathetic and humorous style. In this episode we look at how to spot anxiety, how to understand it and most importantly how to teach your children to deal with it Listen to this episode with Juliet if you want to learn: How challenging it is to parent, and how easy it is to feel isolated and scared when you as a parent may be anxious. How parents can empower their children by starting to understand themselves and equipping themselves with positive parenting skills What anxiety is? What is developmentally normal? How to deal with anxiety and know when to intervene and not escalate and catastrophise and heighten the situation. The idea that prevention is better than cure The importance of modelling and how contagious anxiety is How important it is for schools to support parents by on topics such as anxiety How our brain works in terms of the ‘Worry Brain’ and the ‘Smart Brain’ as defined by Tamar Chansky The importance of being an emotion coach for our kids and enabling them to talk to us about their fears and worries How useful a worry box can be for children to download their negative thoughts and how to set up chatty time on the sofa as a daily ritual to allow children to worry openly The importance of teaching your children calming techniques as part of everyday life Juliet shares huge vulnerability with one of her low parenting moments where she says to her boys, she no longer wants to be their Mummy and she shares that the greatest gift we can give our children is to look after ourselves and our own happiness. If you are interested in doing a 6 week Harmony at Home course or a webinar on anxiety or booking a school workshop, check out the links below Links Harmony at Home Course and Webinars with The Parent Practice School workshop to support parents Books Alicia Eaton -First Aid for your Child’s Mind Tamar Chansky - Freeing your Child from Anxiety Lawrence Cohen - The Opposite of Worry Resources Place to be - Young Minds - Child Mind institute - Anxiety UK - /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/15232598

Louise Treherne - Helping Children Cope with the Return to School TPPP34 07/10/2020

Louise Treherne - Helping Children Cope with the Return to School TPPP34 Some of you will have children who have already returned to school, albeit part time, and some of you will have children who will be returning for the first time in September, so this episode has relevance for everybody whatever transition you are going through. Some children are terribly excited about going back and some are quite apprehensive. And parents may have mixed feelings too. Our guest today is Louise Treherne who is Head of Character Education at ‘Role Models’, an organisation which supports children to be resilient and creative problem solvers. Louise has a degree in Psychology, 12 years’ experience as a teacher and 5 years as a Senior Deputy Head at a London Prep school. She now works as a qualified coach working 1:1 with adults, teenagers and children to help them move forward with specific goals, explore limiting beliefs and develop their direction and confidence. ‘Role Models’ has a programme of life skill courses for children age 5-11. Louise has developed this programme with new and exciting ways to help children explore the four key areas of resilience, leadership, creative problem solving and collaboration, in order to be the best version of themselves and reach their potential. In this episode we look at how to manage children’s worries, what modelling parents need to do, and how to help your child focus on positive conversations, talking about what’s in or out of one’s control. We talk about the importance of the ‘soft skills’ for children and also for ourselves as adults have to cope with transition too. We all have feelings about returning to school that we may need support with. Listen to this episode with Louise if you want to learn: What ‘character education’ is (as defined by the Department for Education) Why parents should focus on positive conversations about going back to school and not project adult feelings onto the children while allowing children to express any anxieties they may have. (Emotion coaching will be a familiar skill for regular Parent Practice Podcast listeners) Talk to children about what they can control and what they can’t and put their energy into the former About the worry box and how that can help children, and adults, to compartmentalise their worries and preserve energy for other things How vital adult support (from parents and teachers) is for children right now to look after their mental health(especially 5-11 year olds because they are developing crucial skills in this age group) About what might be difficult for children to cope with on return to school, including socialising, and how we can prepare them for that: How allowing an adjustment period might be what your child needs Acknowledging feelings of overwhelm and anxiety about separation from family, and having simple strategies like a note in the lunch box or have a matching drawing on both parent and child’s wrist that each can look at Helping your child Identify 3 things to talk to friends about Reminding them that communication is just as much about listening as speaking –preparing some questions might be helpful Developing rituals of connection on their return home at the end of the day Using love-bombing How Role Models workshops for children can help them build resilience, leadership, creative problem solving and collaboration through experiential learning techniques, including helping a child really develop a growth mindset around challenging problems How it helps to teach children to identify what learning zones they are in for different activities, about neuroplasticity and about the power of their thoughts in shaping their feelings and their actions How to help children feel they have more control over their own lives How helpful it can be to put structure and routines back in place sometime before school goes back, including practicing the school route which might allow all the feelings to be aired Louise shares her top tip for preparing children to return to school and for them to be happy, confident and successful and a surprising uplifting moment that has come out of the past few months. If you want to get in touch with Louise and Role Models check out the links below: Links Online: Offline: Role Models website: Louise’s coaching website: Role Models Linkedin: Louise Treherne Linkedin: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/15148379

Michele Borba - Raising empathetic children in an all-about-me world TPPP33 07/03/2020

Michele Borba - Raising empathetic children in an all-about-me world TPPP33 There is no doubt that in this era of the Covid-19 pandemic there has been a huge amount of uncertainty and with that some anxiety. You may be feeling some anxiety yourself and perhaps your children are too. Well, the antidote to stress is empathy and our guest today has many, many ideas about how you can build empathy in your children. Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist and former classroom teacher who is recognised globally as a parenting, bullying and character expert whose aim is to strengthen children’s empathy and resilience, and break the cycle of youth violence. She is an in-demand speaker who has delivered keynotes and workshops to over 1,000,000 participants and written 24 books translated into 14 languages as well as appearing frequently in broadcast and print media. We’ll put a list of Dr Borba’s books in our show notes rather than list them all here but the one that introduced me to her work, her latest, is Unselfie, Why empathetic kids succeed in our all about me world. I loved that this work is firmly grounded in science but also has many, many practical ideas about how parents can raise kids to be empathetic. Dr Borba has been writing another book during lockdown Thrivers, the surprising reasons why some kids struggle and others shine. I can’t wait to read it She is also a parent of 3 now adult sons. Listen to this episode with Dr Michele if you want to learn: About the 3 factors present in a person’s upbringing that lead to a person developing altruism How an 8 month old baby can teach children a thing or two about empathy. About today’s empathy deficit and how that has arisen. Yes, technology does play a part. But there are a number of reasons including the way we parent. Ouch! About the extraordinary outcomes when parents take active steps to teach children empathy and kindness That empathy is not just an innate quality that we are either born with or not, but it is something that can be cultivated even from an incredibly young age How empathy can be the antidote to stress, both your children’s and your own and how learning emotional regulation can help in times of uncertainty About how empathy is made up of habits. You can encourage emotional literacy and help your child develop a moral identity. Family mission statements can help a child to define themselves as a caring person. So can praise provided it is used to identify moments of caring in your child’s behaviour, since what we notice in our children is the behaviour we prioritise How parents can encourage children to understand others’ perspectives through role play, theatre, film and literature. Encouraging children to read widely through family reading rituals will help them develop empathy How some aspects of conventional discipline methods (yelling, time out, spanking) get in the way of a child developing empathy. (For more detail see our in our six week course) And her top tip for raising children to be kind and tolerant adults who will create a better future for us all. It’s a very simple idea. And her idea for encouraging hope in difficult times is inspiring. If you want to get in touch with Dr Michele check out the links below: Links Website: . For a full list of Michele’s books see and look out for her new book next year ‘Thrivers’ Twitter: @michelborba Ted talk - Facebook: Instagram: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/15057053

Alex Webb - Understanding self for future happiness and success TPPP32 06/26/2020

Alex Webb - Understanding self for future happiness and success TPPP32 Alex Webb is an experienced coach and facilitator, working with young people on an individual basis and in teams to become resilient leaders. Alex focuses on behaviour change, self-awareness and the understanding of self. Her belief is that if you understand yourself, you can then understand others, allowing you to adapt your behaviour to improve relationships. Her business is called Flying Start and she has been working with The Princes Trust to help young adults with leadership skills and confidence in their Future Leaders Programme. They help young people understand the future of work and how they can be flexible and thereby gain confidence. Listen to this episode with Alex if you want to learn: What behaviour preferences are and how being able to make different behavioural choices increases our flexibility -leaving your comfort zone is easier in a safe environment How understanding yourself can help you to understand others How Colour-me profiling (a psychometric tool using colour to show behavioural preferences) can help you understand yourself and how you relate to others, including other members of the family How understanding behaviour preferences of others in the family can help you to realise the value they bring and to cultivate empathy as well as self-compassion How frustrations can arise from similar or different behavioural styles in work colleagues or family members How profiling that focuses on behaviours rather than personality types allows for more adaptability and more choice about how we’re showing up in different contexts About the C-me profiling, how it relates to extroversion/introversion and how it helps people understand their strengths and preferences, but also why an individual might struggle in certain situations, like lockdown! How understanding your child’s behavioural preferences allows you to do bespoke parenting for the children you’ve got How older children understanding their own behavioural preferences, and particularly their ‘native genius’ allows them to make better choices for their academic options and careers Alex shares stories from her own life with her sons that highlight how understanding everybody’s behavioural preferences avoids conflict. She talks about Surprising Uplifting Moments from lockdown and like many parents has loved having time together as a family and to focus on self-care. Family Horrible Histories were a highlight! Alex also shares with us her number one tip for raising children with different needs and different ways of hearing things and understanding things. Alex is offering a webinar for listeners of this podcast. Get in touch via the links below. Links Contact: LinkedIn: AlexWebb(neeSpring) Website: www.tlrdynamics.com C-Me website C-Me are actually running a family offer at the moment, especially during lockdown, focusing specifically on family dynamics. You can each run a C-Me report based on how you behave at home and then use these to start a conversation about how you have different needs, strengths and focus. The cost is £50 for a family of 4 or £15 each so if you are a family of 5 it will be £65. /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14965574

Dr Laura Markham -We need to talk about racism - TPPP31 06/19/2020

Dr Laura Markham -We need to talk about racism - TPPP31 You may have been provoked by the recent death of George Floyd at the hands of a white police officer in Minnesota or by similar events in the UK and Australia, and elsewhere, to think really hard about racism. Were you galvanised into taking part in a protest against racism and against police brutality? Are you wondering how to bring up your children not only to not be racist themselves but to be outraged by discrimination on the basis of skin colour and to speak out against it? If you want to raise children who are going to be kinder, more tolerant adults who will create a better future for all this is the episode for you. Listen to this episode with Dr Laura Markham if you want to learn: Why it matters to talk to children about race if you are living in a society where your skin colour matches the skin colour of the dominant culture and what our responsibility is if we want our children to grow up in a non-racist culture How we can celebrate difference between people at the same time as recognising our common humanity How you can talk to even quite young children about racism and police brutality without scaring them How you can spark great conversations with kids by tapping into their already keen sense of what is fair and by talking about how people feel when the subject of unkindness Why ‘colour-blindness’ should not be our goal and how that invalidates the experience of someone suffering discrimination and how seeing race is not the problem but making judgments about a person because of racial characteristics would be How important it is to develop your own self-awareness and your reactions to people of different races and be aware of the modelling you provide to your child How using questions, rather than telling your child what to think, is such an effective way to stimulate your child’s thinking How you can talk to even young children about white advantage Why reprimanding children for making comments you’re not happy with is not the best way to teach them How to engage older children with these issues and to empower them to feel they can effect change themselves, by taking part in peaceful protests to demand change or to write letters How you can influence children’s thinking by what they’re exposed to in their everyday environment through the toys they play with, the films they watch and the books they read as well as the people they spend time with How to move beyond feelings of shame and awkwardness or guilt about historical or current racism to educate yourself and your child for a different future. Acknowledging pain is the key to opening up for positive action How to give children messages of hope And her top tip for raising children to be respectful, fair adults who can create a better future for all of us. If you want to get in touch with Dr Laura check out the links below: Links /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14879309

Victoria Bagnall -Executive Functioning - TPPP30 06/12/2020

Victoria Bagnall -Executive Functioning - TPPP30 Do you have a child for whom there is a disconnect between level of intelligence and academic performance? Do you have a teen who has issues with time management, who can’t get up in the morning? Maybe you’ve even got a young adult who is struggling now that the scaffolding of school has been taken away and they’re trying to manage on their own at university. Do you have a child with a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD or any other neurodiverse condition? Chances are he has executive function challenges. To function in the 21st century with everything we’re juggling we need to have finely tuned executive functions; we need to be able to manage our time, to control our emotions and we have to keep track of our belongings. Just now when everyone has been having to adapt to lockdown and deal with anxiety we’ve had to call on cognitive flexibility and we’ve had to really reign in our limbic systems. We need to slow down and give ourselves a break and let our executive functions help us out. Victoria Bagnall is an education professional passionate about improving opportunities for people with executive function challenges. She is the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Connections in Mind. She has recently launched an online learning platform as part of her EVOLVING MINDS, EVOLVING TIMES initiative. As a dyslexic Victoria was challenged with her executive functions and so her mission to help with this is a personal one. She trained as a teacher and then in SEN teaching. Victoria is also a mum of 3. Listen to this episode with Victoria if you want to learn: What executive functioning is and how it operates like an air traffic control system for our brains, being responsible for executing tasks all day and controlling our instinctual responses to the world What is grit or goal directed persistence or resilience How executive functioning can help with organising thoughts on paper and writing essays How before neuroscience had really developed in this area deficiencies in output were attributed to character flaws like laziness or not being willing to try What are the signs of challenges with executive functioning – eg differences between verbal abilities and what the child can get down on paper How academic challenges can really affect a child’s identity Where executive function challenges come from and what role environmental factors like sleep, nutrition and stress levels have What parents can do to help children with EF challenges like initiating a task and sustaining attention Task initiation difficulty can be to do with fear of exposing a lack of ability so parents can help a child feel more relaxed about failures What role routines and expectations play Being able to sustain attention is to do with motivation and parents can help to motivate their children through breaking tasks down and using rewards and acknowledgments and using praise effectively (see in our positive parenting courses) How important it is to give children autonomy in developing EF Victoria really recommends Smart but Scattered Teens by , , and . Victoria finishes with a very profound tip for parents in raising happy and successful children, whether they’ve got EF issues or not. She also shares a Surprising Uplifting Moment with us as she has turned to gardening to cope with the stresses of lockdown and what she has learnt from that. Links: New online learning platform Facebook: Linked in: Have a look at Victoria’s free questionnaire about executive functioning together with some suggestions for what to do about it. Parents Children /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14784923

Pam Custers - The Primary Relationship is with the Parents not the Children TPPP29 06/05/2020

Pam Custers - The Primary Relationship is with the Parents not the Children TPPP29 Conflict is normal in a healthy relationship, and relationships have definitely been feeling the strain in lockdown as we’re in each other’s company 24/7 and the division of responsibility in the family around childcare, supervision of schoolwork and domestic duties becomes strained. Parents are used to putting the children first but our guest today believes that the primary relationship is between the adults. The couple relationship can get lost if parents become a child-rearing unit. This episode looks at how we can communicate our needs in an effective way, Pam Custers is an experienced Psychotherapist and Coach with a history of working successfully with individuals, couples and families. Skilled in Relationship Counselling and coaching for those wishing to have a flourishing relationship in both their personal life. She runs a thriving business in Wimbledon, SW London called The Relationship Practice. Listen to this episode with Pam if you want to learn: Why the relationship between parents is so important and needs greater focus, in fact needs to be privileged over all else. (Note: this does not mean neglecting the children!) How important it is for parents to present a united front to the children and how failure to do this can impact your parenting How the ‘hot spots’ of family life can become a battle ground between a couple when there is no united front How the burden of decision-making around family life can get taken on by one parent (often women) and breed resentment and the other parent can feel left out of an intense relationship between the other parent and the child How a good relationship is co-created How to be a team that together construct the home Why having a united front is so important in holding boundaries What to do to build a strong team, including having a ‘family’ meeting each week where the couple takes time to plan their week, compare the diaries and work out priorities. The idea is to construct the day/week to set up for success. This pre-empts the emotional resonance of the week. These practical ideas mean that each partner is really supporting the other and puts the couple on the same page.(see the module on Setting up for Success in our positive parenting courses) recognising that a united front needs to be continually worked on and compromise is essential How dealing well with conflict depends on connections in our lives (and at the moment we are relying solely on our partners for all those connections) and how it is important to create some moments of separation, to demarcate between work time and home time Why now is not a good time to have a big re-think about our relationships and it is a good time to show your partner some compassion, cutting them some slack How it can help to ask the question of your partner “how can I support you to support me?” About the four horsemen of the apocalypse, the worst of which is contempt, and how if this is present it might be time to get professional help because there will be needs underlying the negative lens through which partners are viewing each other that are not being met And as usual we finish with our SUMs. We are celebrating some Surprising Uplifting Moments, some good things coming out of this pandemic. Pam shares a story about her team pivoting to online therapy and everybody working hard together to make it work. Links: Facebook: Linked in: Twitter: Instagram : /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14694776

Elizabeth Fletcher - Parenting Apart in Lockdown TPPP28 05/29/2020

Elizabeth Fletcher - Parenting Apart in Lockdown TPPP28 Right now every couple relationship is being stress-tested. Being forced into close proximity with your other half 24/7 and with other possible anxieties around work and finances and child care and education and concerns about your own and others’ health may mean that cracks are developing. If your relationship was already under strain before the arrival of this coronavirus it may have reached breaking point now. If you’re listening to this particular episode presumably you have an interest in helping children deal with the breakdown of a relationship, whether that is something that has already happened or is imminent. My guest today can help with that. She is Elizabeth Fletcher, a director of Family Law in Partnership and she has a lot of experience working with individuals whose relationship with their partner has broken down and all the emotional upheaval that brings with it for the adult and the children of the relationship. She is very familiar with the problems that come with the end of a relationship where children are involved and guides people through this difficult time with empathy and integrity. She is also a mum to two young children herself. Listen to this episode with Liz if you your relationship has reached the end of its road or you are already separated or divorced from your partner and you want to learn: How to manage the stress of relationship breakdown when it is compounded by the restrictions of lockdown and possibly being still under the same roof as your estranged partner How to manage communication with your partner. Top tip: verbal communication is often more nuanced than the written word What to do if there is physical or other abuse in a relationship, especially if you are living with an abusive partner (for information about reporting abuse ) What help to get if you are subject to coercive control by a partner What remedies are available under the legal system and through other support agencies to help with these situations About 7 ways to support your children through the trauma of family break up: (see here for details of the 3 part workshop developed by TPP in partnership with FLiP –the next series commences on 2nd July) Understand and get support for your own emotional needs Understand your children’s needs and reactions at different stages of development Empathise and provide a safe space for children to express their emotions Reassure the children that the end of the relationship was nothing to do with them and that neither parent will ever stop loving them Support the children to have a positive relationship with both parents Provide the children with many messages that they are valued Provide safety and support at home About the basic rules for contact during lockdown, and otherwise, and what happens if these rules are infringed How mediation can help (even during lockdown) when parents are having trouble communicating and finding solutions to parenting arrangements What to do when communication is really problematic and how to make use of technologies like Our Family Wizard https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk How to manage differing points of view about how to deal with the lifting of restrictions What the rules are on moving with a child or taking a child out of jurisdiction and what recourse parents have if they disagree with their partner’s position on travel And as usual we finish with our SUMs. Liz shares with us a Surprising Uplifting Moment, one good thing coming out of this crisis, concerning her daughter’s involvement in an online disco party. Links: Website: Linked In: see their post about kindness in divorce Facebook: Twitter: Podcast: Free helpline on children and parenting law and domestic abuse Individual counselling support for those going through separation /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14591645

Sharon Charlton-Thomson - Radical Self care for the real world we live in TPPP27 05/22/2020

Sharon Charlton-Thomson - Radical Self care for the real world we live in TPPP27 Those of us working in the coaching space right now know that many parents are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and depleted as our expectations of ourselves are through the roof. We’re supervising learning at home and many of us are working from home too; we’re getting the kids off electronic devices and coaxing them to take some exercise; we’re sorting out sibling squabbles and getting them to make their beds and put their clothes in the laundry basket, while also cleaning, shopping and cooking, all in closer proximity to our partners than usual. Never before has the phrase “For better, for worse, but not for lunch” had such great meaning! So this is a great time to be talking to Sharon Charlton-Thomas about self-care, radical self-care. You probably know that it’s a good idea to care for yourself, don’t you? But do you prioritise it? No? Why not? Do you think it’s indulgent? Do you not have time for it? Yep, me too. Well Sharon gives you some very strong reasons for changing that thinking. One of those compelling reasons is that we are modelling for our kids how to be kind to themselves. (see TPP’s module on ) Imagine a future where your now-adult child rings you up, distressed because they had made a mistake at work; wouldn’t you want them to show themselves the kind of compassion they would show someone they cared for? Sharon has been an executive coach for over 20 years specialising in working with working parents. She is a partner in The Working Parent Company, an organisation the Parent Practice has done a lot of work with, that believes parents are remarkable. (We agree.) She offers a blend of coaching and psychotherapy and mindfulness. She is a mum to two adopted children aged 12 and 15. Listen to this episode with Sharon if you want to learn: What self-care really means, given that the term is so overused Why self-care is so often neglected and how that is a reflection of the busyness and productivity that we value and reward in our society How radical self-care is so different and such a controversial idea for parents who are used to self-sacrifice, being programmed to be a nurturer or provider Why our relationship with ourselves is so critical and how self-exploration is at its core How this reflective capacity can be encouraged through mindfulness About the six steps of self-care: Knowing that caring for myself fundamentally impacts how I treat others, so self-care is in service of something bigger Looking inwards –what do I think about self-care right now? This is examining our beliefs about this –is it self-indulgent? What stops me from making a larger commitment to myself? Checking that our basic physical needs are being fulfilled rather than stuffing more into our day Think about what tires and what inspires your soul - sometimes it’s ourselves, our inner critics, that tire us Practice compassion toward yourself Make self-care a habit to reinforce an identity of who you want to become; focusing on that long term outcome helps form the first steps to forming habits How to be guided by a belief that self-care is a good thing rather than being guided by your inner critic, acknowledging your inner critic rather than trying to get rid of it (which you can’t do) How important it is to reinforce good self-care habits in our children and not placing too much value on busyness Radical self-care is about learning who we are and what our needs and limits are and learning self-compassion; it is about learning to treat myself as I would others that I love. And as usual we finish with our SUMs. We are celebrating some Surprising Uplifting Moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Sharon shares a story about the Head of her children’s school sharing with the school community in a way that was vulnerable and inspiring. That authenticity was an inspiration. Links: Linked In : Linked in: Podcast: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14517170

Verena Dickson - Growing curious, mindful eaters TPPP26 05/15/2020

Verena Dickson - Growing curious, mindful eaters TPPP26 If you’re a parent you will almost certainly have come across plenty of advice about feeding children, some of it from professionals and some from well-meaning family and friends. Some of that advice will probably have been conflicting and your best efforts to follow it may have left you feeling confused, frustrated and guilty. There is no more primal urge than for a parent to want to nourish their child and when that is challenging we can feel anxious and inadequate. Sometimes feelings of hopelessness can lead to us shouting at and nagging our kids with the result that mealtimes can become fraught and tense. If that is you Verena Dickson has plenty of tips to help change all that. She is a registered nutritionist specialising in child nutrition and is the founder of Kinder Nutrition. Her aim is to dispel some common myths and replace some misplaced practices relating to children’s eating habits so that children develop a natural, relaxed relationship with food. Verena has a very gentle respectful approach to feeding children that moves away from a coercive model to one based on enthusing children about food and trusting them to take in the nutrients their bodies need. Some of these ideas are very different to how most adults were raised. Listen to this episode with Verena if you want to learn: Why it works to shift away from WHAT kids eat to establishing more positive feeding and behaviour based strategies, to raise curious, mindful eaters. In other words, we need to relax on WHAT foods we provide, while focusing on HOW we feed the family Why bribing doesn’t work and in fact any form of pressure, including threats or even over the top praise, backfires Why we shouldn’t try to hide vegetables in food How it works better to just present healthy foods and let the children decide what and how much to eat How it matters that the adults be seen to be enjoying the food themselves About the difference in tastes as children mature, particularly bitterness About presenting food in many different ways, trying different sauces or different textures, not to disguise the food but to make it taste good How difficult it is for parents to move away from the approach to food we were brought up with and how learned behaviours can overwrite our bodies’ natural cues About the Division of Responsibility in Feeding and how it works to solve many different kinds of eating challenges Why it matters to give children independence about food and make them responsible for what they eat so that they listen to their own fullness and hunger cues About the research that shows that children are in fact very good at self-regulating How it helps to take longer view of what your child is eating, not just looking at what they eat in one meal How to avoid power struggles at the dinner table How having regular family meals can make all the difference both to children’s eating habits but for social skills and even academic outcomes How getting older kids involved in the planning and cooking process can help them become more interested in food How to cultivate a kinder attitude towards bodies, whether our own or anyone else’s, especially in the language we use around food and bodies, focusing more on positive qualities and the body’s functionality than appearance and exposing children to diverse ideas about body types And as usual we finish with our SUMs. It’s important, now more than ever, to not let anxiety drown out joy. To help us be grateful for the small things in life we are celebrating some Surprising Uplifting Moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Verena shares what she has appreciated personally about this time in lockdown and the fact that the families she works with have all appreciated having more time to eat together. Verena also shares her top tip for raising happy, confident eaters. Links: Instagram: Facebook: You tube: Linked in: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14419496

Caroline Ferguson - Escaping the Parental Guilt Trap TPPP25 05/08/2020

Caroline Ferguson - Escaping the Parental Guilt Trap TPPP25 Are you over the whole Coronavirus thing? We know you will be experiencing all sorts of feelings and one of them may be guilt. Your perfectionist instincts may be riding you to aspire to unrealistic expectations of perfect at home learning conditions, enriching activities for your children and perfectly baked sourdough bread while carrying out your own job in unfamiliar surroundings with less than perfect tools and resources with a partner who’s not usually under your feet. Do you feel guilty about losing your cool or nagging your kids or your other half? Do you feel guilty about how much time you can give to your children? Or how much time you’re allocating to your work? Do you feel guilty for complaining when you’re still well and you haven’t lost your job? Caroline Ferguson is the perfect person to be speaking to in these conditions. She is a mindset trainer, speaker, coach and cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist who works with people to bring out their potential. She’s worked with hundreds of entrepreneurs and executives, teaching them how to embrace their own promise and ditch self-sabotage habits like thinking small, procrastination and imposter syndrome. Melissa credits her with getting rid of the negative self-beliefs she needed to write her book ‘Real Parenting for Real Kids’. It had been gestating for six years but Caroline helped Melissa have the mindset shift which helped it to come into the world! Caroline also delivers mindset talks and training to organisations, helping employees create a growth mindset and build the number one life skill of self-awareness Listen to this episode with Caroline if you want to learn: Why some people beat themselves up and others don’t when faced with similar circumstances; tip: how it’s not the circumstances themselves but the beliefs we have about them that cause the feelings we have How unconscious beliefs like ‘I shouldn’t have to disrupt my child’s life…’ or ‘I should be able to keep my child safe…’ or ‘I should be able to attend to my child’s need for attention…’ are demands of ourselves or of the world which cause us to think ‘or else….I am a bad person/not good enough’ which cause feelings of guilt or shame or anxiety or anger or hurt How essential it is to challenge those beliefs by really tuning into them and becoming self-aware when we are out of equilibrium How many thousands of thoughts a day we have! How while we can’t change the circumstances we can change the way we think about them Why relentless positivity is not necessarily the best course. (What a breath of fresh air this pragmatic approach is!) How to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves that are causing us discomfort A structure that helps that rewriting of the ‘shoulds’ which helps dial down the emotion or change it to a feeling that you can manage How the big difficult emotions prevent us from accessing our adult pre-frontal cortex and our creative solution-focused brain and we get stuck in the feelings and once we deal with our feelings we are able to access our skills and resourcefulness (See our workshop on How to be a Calmer Parent) How setting boundaries and safeguards for ourselves will be part of the solution and encourage children to discuss their own boundaries About the Three Empowering Questions to ask when you feel stuck in challenging feelings to put you back in charge What am I demanding that is causing me to feel like this? What would be a good outcome in this situation? What can I do to make that good outcome happen? And as usual we finish with our SUMs. It’s important, now more than ever, to not let anxiety drown out joy. To help us be grateful for the small things in life we are celebrating some Surprising Uplifting Moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Caroline shares her own story about finding pleasure in adversity. Links: Facebook: Caroline Ferguson Mindset Trainer Website: Do have a look at Caroline’s website for a self-awareness tool called PACES. /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14327147

Sue Atkins - Happy Healthy Resilient Kids TPPP24 05/01/2020

Sue Atkins - Happy Healthy Resilient Kids TPPP24 Are you anxious about how your children are going to emerge from this period of lockdown? Do you worry about gaps in their education? Are you concerned about the loss of social interaction, especially for young children just learning social skills and teenagers who are so dependent on peer interaction? Or do you see this as a period of difficulty from which your children can emerge stronger and more resilient? Resilience is that quality which enables us to weather the difficulties that life throws at us and to learn from them. But how do we encourage resilience in children? Sue Atkins is a parenting coach and author with a background in teaching and she is a mum of two adult children. She has many ideas about how to encourage resilience in children. Her books for children are: The Can-Do Kids Journal Anti-viral and the Virus (with Tina Stubbs) Listen to this episode with Sue if you want to learn: How to cultivate happiness in families by what the attitudes that parents model Why it is important to be authentic with children about how everyone is feeling How self-care helps combat anxiety in these stressful times Tips for dealing with worries How to turn ‘what if’ questions into ‘How can I’ questions How accepting uncertainty and calling our current situation ‘different’ rather than ‘difficult’ helps Tips for building up resilience in kids, including the perhaps surprising role of building fun into family life About the role of building competencies to create confidence How to create mindsets or attitudes around tenacity and lifelong learning, especially from mistakes How praise needs to be descriptive if it’s going to have any impact on building mindsets and encouraging good qualities for life How parents can give the gift of self-esteem About The Crucial C’s from Betty-Lou Bettner; connection, competency, counting and courage How to use the current pandemic situation to push a pause button on school work and focus much more on real life learning and each child’s own individual learning needs And as usual we finish with our SUMs. It’s important, now more than ever, to not let anxiety drown out joy. To help us be grateful for the small things in life we are celebrating some Surprising Uplifting Moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Sue shares what she has noticed about nature and a more natural pace to life. Sue also shares her top tip for raising happy healthy resilient kids. Links: Facebook Twitter Instagram Email: Website: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14204708

Victoria Markou - Screentime sanity TPP23 04/24/2020

Victoria Markou - Screentime sanity TPP23 Do you feel as if you’re going insane at the moment? Being in lockdown with kids has all sorts of challenges associated with it but one of the particular difficulties is managing screens when children need them for school work and want to be on them for leisure and social contact as well. Do we have to throw out the window the previous guidelines we had about moderating screen usage? Victoria Markou is a parenting coach and a mum of two teenage boys who is facing these issues day to day and is making it work for her family. Listen to this episode with Victoria if you want to learn: How you may have to a different approach to your children according to age but also because of their different temperaments and interests How trust can be the basis of screen-regulation when there is real connection between parent and child - how self-regulation begins but does not end with parental regulation What happens when parents try to control and coerce How cooling down routines around screen-withdrawal and getting to sleep matter as much for teens as for younger children That kids also need rules to help them regulate themselves when they can’t yet manage the impulse to be on screens That it’s ok to change your rules as circumstances require That hard and fast rules will never work unless parents understand their kids’ motivations and needs How boundaries can be firm while empathising with the kids for wanting more About the importance of what parents are modelling around screen use How families can have sharing experiences through technology How we need to recognise that social contact is only really possible through tech at the moment The importance of getting involved and understanding what screen interests your children have and how it can be a way to engage in your child’s world rather than being dismissive of their interests How you can engage as a family offline. Top tip: get a dog! You might like to try ‘2 o’clock docs’ as well How family solutions are usually found by trial and error and there is no one correct answer How to get your kids involved in clearing out spaces and cooking That when there is trust present you don’t need to spy on your kids but they are ok with some supervision How important it is to see things from your child’s perspective around screens Why it matters to explain your values to your children and get their input on what the rules should look like How you can use family meetings to help work out issues and find solutions in the family and along the way learn skills like negotiating and compromise And as usual we finish with our SUMs. It’s important, now more than ever, to not let anxiety drown out joy. To help us be grateful for the small things in life we are celebrating some surprising uplifting moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Victoria shares how much she has enjoyed the lack of rushing about since lockdown and cherished the simple things like Friday family movie night. She’s also found that her very different sons have had to work out stuff between them because there is nowhere else to go! Links: Facebook Twitter @VictoriaMarkou Linkedin.com/in/Victoria-markou Email: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14117681

Alain Desmier and Hilary Fyles - Lock down or slow down? TPP22 04/17/2020

Alain Desmier and Hilary Fyles - Lock down or slow down? TPP22 Are you are in that group of people hit really hard by the current pandemic-enforced lockdown - a parent stuck at home with young children, trying to continue their education or keep them occupied while working yourself? If you’re doing that on your own that brings its own stresses of course but if you’re trying to do it with your partner you may be finding some stresses in the couple relationship too. Anxiety and overwhelm have a way of highlighting fault lines. If you’re currently holed up with your partner, you may start to notice things a little bit more. Everything is amplified in close quarters—their quirks and habits, the things they do that are helpful, and the things they do that might drive you a little batty. My guests today are two parents who are currently working from home with small children. Alain Desmier is an entrepreneur and founder of Contact State, a technology platform focused on data privacy. He's spent the last ten years building internet businesses whilst also working flexibly and remotely so he has some ideas about how to make working from home work, albeit not previously with kids in tow! Hilary Fyles is one of the office managers at The Parent Practice, so an essential worker! Her background is in the literature sector but she’s not getting much time for reading books right now! Listen to this episode with Alain and Hilary if you want to learn: How to use schedules to divide up work and childcare and home schooling, which reflect your individual priorities How it might help to talk with your partner, and the children, about how life is different now and how you’re going to approach it and work out your priorities together About talking to children about the fact that adults may be a bit stressed right now and apologising when we lose it but also setting up time for the adults to keep stress-reducing activities as part of the routine and modelling for the kids how we take care of our emotional wellbeing About the need to talk to children about adult feelings as well as their own How to separate work and home life even if you’re transitioning between the two throughout the weekday and how keeping the weekend for fun time is more important than ever About what role non-verbal signals can have in separating out the different parts of life How mealtimes can be a real focus for family life and preparing meals and eating together more than previously can be a real bonus for this period, with the added improvement to digestion and sleep! How to involve your children in contributing to the management of the household How to look for opportunities to be kind to your partner during this time, show interest, find areas of agreement, express affection and appreciation. Descriptive praise will be one way of doing this. Making time for the other’s interests will be another Ideas for building a united front in this time of stress including having conversations with your partner about shared values. And as usual we finish with our SUMs. It’s important, now more than ever, to not let anxiety drown out joy. To help us be grateful for the small things in life we are celebrating some surprising uplifting moments, some good things coming out of this crisis. Hilary and Alain share some lovely stories with us, lovely family moments and re-evaluations of what’s important as a family. Links: Alain Email: Twitter: Hilary /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/14000012

Sam O’Neill - Home Learning in Coronavirus Isolation TPP21 04/10/2020

Sam O’Neill - Home Learning in Coronavirus Isolation TPP21 One of the many changes parents have had to adapt to in this era of rapid change is having kids home from school 24/7 and having to ensure that their education continues in some form. You probably didn’t sign up for home-schooling and may be breathing a sigh of relief at the thought of the Easter holidays, even if they’ll be holidays like you’ve never had before. But even when term resumes the children will still be at home so it’s as well to get our heads around this educating at home thing. Home-schooling is a considered decision that parents make after much thought. They will have planned for it and set up the home environment and the support structures necessary for it. They will have got in resources to work with at home and will have set up classes or activities outside the home as well. That is not what we are doing right now. At the time of recording in the UK schools are closed except for children of key workers. So parents are home with their kids, many of them trying to work from home as well and keep their children occupied and continue their education. Many of us are not feeling equal to the task. So we’ve invited Sam O’Neill to be our guest on The Parent Practice podcast to help sort out some issues around this. Sam is a parenting coach, one of The Parent Practice’s licensees, and the founder of Assured Parenting. Her background is in teaching with 20 years of experience in classroom teaching and in pastoral care. She is also a mum of 2 young children. Listen to this episode with Sam O’Neill if you want to learn: How this is an opportunity to engage children with learning again in a different way and to re-enthuse them where they may have lost a bit of spark for learning How to utilise your specialist knowledge of your child and their interests and enthusiasms to tailor their learning, especially doing project work How to create a bonding experience out of this time How to encourage them to work independently, instead of hovering over them and nagging! How to encourage kids to improve–using targets or wishes rather than criticism What our role is as parents (especially around reviewing work) and how this is different from the teacher’s role About the essential role of praise and the ratio of positive feedback to developmental feedback About the importance of routine and structure and mental stimulation How to moderate your expectations of yourself and your child, including what are reasonable stretches of time in which to work How you can build life-long skills and a love of learning in your children by taking emphasis off content Skills for encouraging kids to problem-solve and develop strategies for getting themselves back on task or engaged Some strategies for motivating children about their learning tasks Why schedules matter How chat throughs can help to set up for success (see the Setting up for Success module on our ) with different tasks How descriptive praise (see the Descriptive Praise module on our ) and acknowledging feelings (see the Emotion Coaching module on our ) and contributing to household chores can really help with motivation self-esteem And finally how to get kids to do chores (or ‘family contributions’) with you and feel connected to you at the same time, leaving them ready to play independently Listen out for Sam’s Surprising Uplifting Moments around doing and rushing less. Sam has made available to listeners a free resource on responding to children’s questions. Just . If you want to get in touch with her the relevant links are below. Links: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13903292

Melissa and Elaine - How to cope when siblings are cooped up together TPPP20 04/03/2020

Melissa and Elaine - How to cope when siblings are cooped up together TPPP20 Did you know that on average 3-7 year old siblings argue 3 1/2 times an hour, spending about 10 minutes every hour arguing? Given that we’ve all been cooped up together for a while now it may feel even more than that! With different ages and different temperaments all vying for parental attention, not to mention time on scarce devices it might be getting a little tense at home. It may feel like a pressure cooker in your house as the kids start fighting over who’s going to be in charge of the remote control , who gets the laptop first and whose turn it is to take out the rubbish -no surprise if your buttons are getting pushed! We are all getting triggered by less these days and feeling pretty grumpy sometimes as so much feels beyond our control. And that’s just the adults. Kids are still learning how to get their needs met without attacking each other. It can be really upsetting if the kids are constantly arguing, bickering, calling each other names and fighting over possessions and even more so now when you are juggling working from home and sharing confined space 24/7. But the good news is that there are some things you can do to promote sibling friendliness and effective ways of teaching kids when things go wrong that don’t involve taking sides and punishing. Listen to this episode if you want to learn: Why siblings fight and how stress can impact on sibling relationships How holding an Extraordinary Family Meeting can help family members to voice their feelings and identify trigger points for each of them (click for a free download of an invitation to an EFM) How building quiet time into schedules and having quiet zones can help siblings have some space away from each other Why it is important to keep contact with friends and wider family using technology and how to make such interactions work for younger children What role rules may have in passing on your values about family interactions and avoiding conflicts over possessions and shared resources How adult modelling around respectful communication and dealing with conflict is so crucial. No pressure then! How acknowledging a child’s feelings can help avoid battles with siblings in the first place and if they do come into conflict help the children to resolve things themselves How appreciating each child uniquely is so important for building self-esteem (and when children feel good about themselves fighting is less likely) and making them aware of how much you value them (so they don’t think you love their sibling more than them). Some examples of descriptive praise: Thank you so much Hannah for taking Charlotte out in the garden to let me get on with my work. That was so helpful. I see you’ve put the jigsaw puzzle away really carefully Tom. There’s nothing worse than spending hours on a puzzle and then finding there’s one piece missing. You were really careful to put each little piece back in the box. I know Harvey’s not really big enough to join in your dinosaur game Alex but it was kind of you to let him hold the tyrannosaurus for a bit. He loved it when you roared at him. About the importance of Special Time with each child alone. Use this time to connect with them and give them undivided attention How making time with all the children together doing an activity they all enjoy can be used to help them see the fun in having siblings and to teach them important social skills, such as how to work through differences. What to do if kids do fight. Top tip: don’t punish them. In this time of difficulty we feel we need to celebrate the surprising uplifting moments (SUMs) we come across so we highlight some positive things that have happened lately. We recommend you do this with your children. Maybe help them to see some SUMs about their siblings! Please let us know what topics you’d like us to cover on this podcast by emailing If this is the right time for you to access positive parenting support do take advantage of our special offer on our Positive Parenting Academy which is available until April 30th. For the next 12 weeks we are offering weekly live support and ongoing FB support in a private group-so if you are looking for a likeminded community, support from both of us and life time access to our accredited 10 module parenting course then check it out. The link is below. And if you’re enjoying our podcast please rate and review it wherever you access it. Links: Our b /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13805012

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan - Helping your children ride the emotional roller coaster TPPP19 03/27/2020

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan - Helping your children ride the emotional roller coaster TPPP19 Every single one of us is dealing with a really challenging situation. Even if we stay well we will be impacted. At one end of the scale we may not be able to get toilet paper and at the other end we may have to close a business and lay off loyal staff. We may have to work from home and look after children at the same time. We may have to juggle care of elderly relatives as well. We may be health workers who are exposed to a much higher degree. All of that will bring with it anxieties and disappointments and frustrations, and perhaps feeling not up to the task. If we’re going to find creative solutions to our problems we need to first address the feelings. This is what we need to teach our children to do and we have to model it ourselves too. We know that when people try to suppress feelings their emotions are still occupying space in the brain. Research shows that naming the feelings helps it to dissipate. We also know that our brain needs to satisfy basic feelings of safety before it can even move on to higher order emotions, let alone rational thought and our sense of security is threatened at the moment. Listen to this episode if you want to learn: How to help children deal with feelings How to manage our own feelings of disappointment, frustration, anxiety, overwhelm and guilt and lack of agency, starting with acknowledgement of those emotions Why it doesn’t work to deny, dismiss, minimise or suppress feelings About the thinking/feeling eggs which are a visual metaphor for how the brain can be taken over by emotions, not leaving much space for rationality, creativity and problem-solving About the role that temperament can play in your child’s propensity for anxiety How to use an Extraordinary Family Meeting to air feelings and discuss how to deal with them About stress-busting tools that your family can use Some tips for managing learning at home, including taking a reality check about what’s possible in these times of rapid change In this time of difficulty we need to celebrate the surprising uplifting moments (SUMs) we come across so we need to point out to our children things like the improvement in the environment including the return of wildlife to the canals of Venice and the fact that some countries are emerging from this crisis and people are starting to get better. Please let us know what topics you’d like us to cover on this podcast by emailing If this is the right time for you to access positive parenting support do take advantage of our special offer on our Positive Parenting Academy which is available until April 30th. For the next 12 weeks we are offering weekly live support and ongoing FB support in a private group-so if you are looking for a likeminded community, support from both of us and life time access to our accredited 10 module parenting course then check it out. The link is below. Links: Our b /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13701023

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan-Keeping Calm - TPPP18 03/20/2020

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan-Keeping Calm - TPPP18 Everyone in the world right now knows all too well that we are in the grips of an unprecedented pandemic. Covid19 has spread rapidly across the globe and hundreds of thousands have been infected, with several thousand dying. There is massive uncertainty about what this means for us, our families, our work and our communities. Change is taking place almost on an hourly basis and many of us are checking news reports on the hour. The situation may be leaving you feeling really quite anxious and overwhelmed or you might be relatively calm. I hope it’s the latter. You might be wondering how to deal with your child’s anxieties or how to field their questions without upsetting them. You might also be thinking about the prospect of being cooped up under one roof for a period (we don’t know how long) if you’re forced to self-isolate for medical reasons or if schools, nurseries and daycare centres close. This week’s episode is with Elaine and I, your hosts of this podcast. If you’re a regular to our podcast you’ll be used to hearing us interviewing our guests separately but today we’ve come together (online) to discuss the only topic of conversation at the moment –Coronavirus or Covid19. Listen to this episode with Elaine and I if you want to learn: How anxiety affects us all differently and why some of us are more predisposed to worry than others How adult anxiety can be passed on to children About the second chicken theory What we can do to control our own levels of anxiety How to talk to kids about what’s going on without exacerbating anxiety How to help children feel they have some control against the virus. Demonstrate how washing your hands . See the pepper and soap here How books can aid us in our explanations. Why it is so important not to tell children not to worry or to dismiss their concerns How to encourage children to be understanding and to challenge any racism associated with the virus How to regard it as an opportunity to spend positive time with your children if you are forced into self-isolation or your children’s school closes How to set up for success and avoid screen over-dosing while confined at home even if the usual rules no longer apply (Our module Setting up for Success in our deals with this) How schedules and planning can help About activities that will save your sanity and bring you all together. Top tip: you don’t have to think of everything yourself –get your children to compile a list! How you can encourage your children to help in your community How using and can help get through periods of frustration Do keep an eye on our Facebook and Instagram and the blog on our website to see how we can help you manage this difficult time. Stay well and keep washing your hands! Links To get in touch with us: the parent practice on facebook and on instagram /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13612496

Zoe Blaskey - Freedom from Perfectionism TPPP17 03/13/2020

Zoe Blaskey - Freedom from Perfectionism TPPP17 Do you ever feel as if everyone else is getting life right but you are failing at it? Have you had the feeling that you are not enough just as you are? Do you find yourself putting off doing things until the conditions are right or you feel more qualified or resourced? Are you afraid that someday you’ll be found out as the imposter you are? Do you suffer from parental guilt? Are you exhausted? You may be a perfectionist. This week’s episode is with Zoe Blaskey. Zoe is the founder of Motherkind, a self-empowerment platform for modern mums. Through Motherkind Zoe coaches mothers of all backgrounds from Global CEO's to stay at home mums on how to navigate the huge challenges of modern motherhood. Zoe also hosts The Motherkind Podcast and speaks every week to leading experts on a range of topics from self-care, mental health, to career, nutrition and parenting. Zoe shares with us how she got into the work she does now, having had a breakdown at the age of 23 and then found healing. She describes how the birth of her daughter was a catalyst for her to make changes in her life. She had been a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and was living to satisfy other people’s goals for her and feeling like she was never quite getting there despite achieving so many outward measures of success. She developed several addictive behaviours to help her numb and distract herself from her inner pain. But her healing process has enabled her to help many others. Listen to this episode with Zoe if you want to learn: About the difference between nurturing the inner self vs looking good on the outside How important it is for parents to develop their own emotional intelligence so that their children can do the same and how important it is for us to ‘re-parent’ ourselves The signs of perfectionism –the seeking of qualifications and prestige jobs, trying to get everyone to love you, or maybe striving to look immaculate, saying ‘yes, but….’ about your achievements and procrastinating or not finishing projects because they’ll never be good enough How perfectionism is different from doing your best How perfectionism can suck the joy out of parenting and lead to criticising your own child and passing on the perfectionism burden to that child When trusting your instincts as a parent what the difference is between defaulting to learned parenting behaviours and parenting from a place of awareness How having a strong inner critic gets in the way of building our children’s sense of self-worth, resilience and joy How parental guilt is unreasonable as it focuses on the wrong things, the small things, the things we feel we ‘should’ be doing, not on the things that are out of step with our values How to handle things when we (inevitably) get things wrong, including asking our children if there’s anything we can do to make amends, so that we can model our humanness and our imperfection, because if we beat ourselves up we are saying I only love myself when I get things right and they can accept their own imperfection How to avoid putting on the mask of perfectionism to hide not being good enough To be willing to show our messiness so that our children can accept their own feelings and the complexity of the world How to hold your own feelings and accept your child’s feelings rather than distract your child from them How to build your self-awareness, which plays such an important role in understanding yourself and in quietening your inner critic What role meditation plays in understanding that we are not our thoughts In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Zoe shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own. Some of you will recognise this moment and may feel that Zoe handled it perfectly well actually. And she also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. It’s a really lovely one. Links To get in touch with Zoe: Website: Podcast: Blog: Instagram: Facebook: Twitter: @motherkind /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13512518

Hohnen and Gilmour TPPP16 03/06/2020

Hohnen and Gilmour TPPP16 This week’s episode is with Dr Bettina Hohnen and Jane Gilmour who are both clinical psychologists working with children and young people. Bettina supports children, young people and families to thrive through strengthening relationships and understanding our brains. She regularly gives talks and runs workshops for parents and teachers on mental health and neuroscience. Jane is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Great Ormond Street Hospital. She has been working therapeutically with young people, families, school staff and adults supporting young people for over 20 years. Bettina and Jane have recently published a book with their colleague Tara Murphy called is a book for adults supporting teenagers which takes cutting edge brain research and puts it into very accessible language, considering what it means in a day to day context for parents, teachers and professionals supporting young people. If you are a parent of a teenager who appears to have morphed overnight from a quite likeable child into an alien being who is completely self-absorbed and who takes offence at everything you say or if you still have a likeable child who is about to hit puberty this is the episode for you. Bettina and Jane unlock the wonders of the adolescent brain and help parents understand why their teenage children behave the way they do and why they NEED to do so. They help us to see that this period of development is not an aberration, that the teenage brain is not broken, but that it is uniquely adapted for the developmental goals of a teenager and is absolutely fit for purpose. Listen to this episode with Bettina and Jane if you want to learn: About the changes to the teenage brain that make it perfectly adapted to what teenagers need to deal with and learn in adolescence (which is longer than you might think!) About the 3 big issues that teens are grappling with: Social integration Identity Separation from families Why teenagers need to argue. Yes, need. What makes the adolescent brain different from an adult or child’s brain About the connection between a teenager’s feelings and learning How the teenage brain’s sensitivity to rewards can be utilised for learning through positive reinforcement, especially using social rewards How to encourage your teenagers to do the things you think are important by tapping into what motivates them Why the urge to be with peers is so strong and how social pain is experienced as strongly as physical pain How Carol Dweck’s mindset work applies in a social context and how parents can help their teens develop a growth mindset to deal with social pain. (see module one in our for how Descriptive Praise helps parents develop a growth mindset) About the drive for adolescent novelty-seeking and how to manage teenage risk-taking and in fact encourage teens to take positive risks Why teenagers are so thin-skinned. Hint: it’s not ‘just’ down to their hormones. (Top tip: don’t dismiss or minimise your teen’s emotions. See module two in our on Emotion Coaching to help teens learn to regulate their emotions) About the research that shows that parents can be the ‘significant other’ in their child’s life that helps them to deal with the pain of adolescence when we come alongside them In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Bettina and Jane share with us Low Parenting Moments of their own. And the ladies also share their top tips for raising teens to be confident, happy and successful. Links To get in touch with Bettina and Jane: Dr Bettina Hohnen Jane Gilmour twitter @Incredible2019 /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13407800

Debbie Reber TPPP15 02/27/2020

Debbie Reber TPPP15 If you are a parent of a child who is differently wired, whether of an intense temperament and more emotional than other kids, or is neurologically atypical, you will want to listen to this episode. If your child is in an environment where he or she gets into trouble a lot and feels as if they are a bad person or if you feel that you are failing as a parent the wisdom contained in this conversation between Elaine and Debbie Reber is just what you need. When Elaine’s book came out we wondered if it was a bit niche but at The Parent Practice we have been amazed at just how commonplace Elaine’s son’s experiences were. (I don’t know why we were surprised since each of the facilitators on the TPP team has a child who has been labelled ‘atypical’ – not that atypical then!) Debbie is a parenting activist and the author of , amongst other books, and she’s a mother to a son who has been diagnosed with ADHD and being on the autistic spectrum and is also highly gifted. She founded TiLT Parenting in 2016 as a podcast and online community aimed at helping parents raise differently-wired kids with confidence, connection, and joy. Debbie is passionate about the idea that being differently wired isn’t a deficit —it’s a difference. She hopes to change the way difference is perceived and experienced in the world so that these exceptional young people and their parents, can thrive. Listen to this episode with Debbie Reber if you want to learn: That you are not crazy for thinking that there is something different about your child How to accept the child you’ve got, understanding their temperament, getting fluent in the language of that child and adapting our responses to help to unlock their potential (see module 3 of our and module 6 of our ) How to reframe what appears as ‘difficult’ behaviour as a child whose needs are not being met and who may be highly stressed (we look at this in our and in our ) How big changes can open up big possibilities Whether home-schooling is an option for your family About the possibilities and limits of diagnoses About the toll on a couple relationship of living with a child with different needs, the different ways individuals deal with the stresses involved and how you can resolve underlying resentments How to recognise your own parenting style which will be exacerbated in dealing with a child with different needs About various therapies or activities which can make a real difference How to plan for potentially stressful situations and tune out the judgments of bystanders to focus on getting the child back to calm About the techniques that Debbie learnt to get herself and her child to calm down How ‘tilting’ helps us to shift our thinking and challenge our beliefs about raising differently wired children including respecting the individual child’s timeline of development How important it is to find ‘your people’ who allow you to parent authentically and lovingly and ditch the rest Why self-care for parents of differently wired kids is not optional or indulgent and can be redefined in ways that make it easier to achieve In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Debbie shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own. Like Debbie we encourage you to ‘shed the should’s’ if you find yourself losing it and saying the things you know don’t help but you can’t stop yourself. She gives a great example of how to repair when things go wrong which is such great modelling for our kids. And Debbie also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links To get in touch with Debbie: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13313045

John O'Sullivan TPPP14 02/21/2020

John O'Sullivan TPPP14 This week’s episode is with John O’Sullivan, coach and trainer of coaches. John is the author of Changing the Game a book for parents to help them raise happy children who enjoy sports. He has also written Every Moment Matters –a book for sports coaches He is an internationally renowned speaker for coaches, parents and youth sports organizations, and has spoken for TEDx the link for which is here: If you are a parent who has watched your child play sports from the sideline you may have seen children’s games morph from being occasions for fun and activity and camaraderie to something rather more intense as they get older. Parents yell advice or admonishments from the sidelines and children begin to hate the post-game debriefing. Children drop out of sports at an alarming rate and opportunities are lost not only to be active (and to regard one’s body as a functioning machine rather than just something to look at) but for the chance to learn about relationships, about dealing with jealousy and envy, about trying hard even if others around them are not, about being humble in victory and graceful in defeat and about commitment, unfairness and handling failure. So what happens? Listen to this episode with John O’Sullivan if you want to learn: About the huge benefits for children in playing sport, including the values that they take into the rest of their lives About the distinction between ‘performance character’ and ‘moral character’ and how the latter is instilled in kids playing sport What your role as a parent is in creating the right sports environment to develop the values that you want to see in your children Why it is a myth that parents and coaches who want to develop high performers must focus on winning and what works better to bring out the best in young sportspeople What message parents need to give their children to inspire and encourage them and how we can inadvertently give them the message that our love for them is conditional upon their performance How to encourage your child to show up to compete What factors cause young people to give up on sports Where intrinsic motivation comes from How growth mindset thinking applies to sports and how parents and coaches can develop growth mindsets in children. (To see how descriptive praise works to encourage a growth mindset see our or our module one) About the 7 c’s –common sense, conditions, communication, control, competence, confidence and caring and how they work together to develop high performing mindsets How (and when) parents can communicate well about how the child feels about their experience of sport When, where and how to ‘push’ children. John refers to Dr Jim Taylor’s book In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection John shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of his own and how he repaired the situation which enabled his son to learn something useful. And John also shares his top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. This is something that everyone listening can put into practice straightaway, whether your kids are into sport or not. Links To get in touch with John: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13199780

Paul Dix - TPPP13 02/14/2020

Paul Dix - TPPP13 Paul is an ex teacher and behavioural specialist. He’s a speaker, an author and a ‘teacher wrangler’ and trouble-shooter. He has had 25 years’ experience dealing with challenging behaviour in the classroom in schools dealing with lots of different sort of problems. Paul is the founder of Pivotal Education and author of When the Adults Change Everything Changes. Paul struggled in education himself and draws on his own experience as a student and teacher to help teachers understand the child’s perspective. Listen to this episode with Paul Dix if you want to learn: Why punishment in the classroom (and at home) doesn’t work. (See our class) How kids can read a teacher and know exactly when he’s lost it and use it to provoke him (enjoy the Fruit of the Loom story) How easy it is for adults to reach for punishment when their own emotions are aroused How important it is to remove adult emotion so that the child can see the rational straight line between their behaviour and consequences. Emotional adults will never correct inappropriate behaviour About the different cultures in different schools surrounding the use of sanctions More positive ways of responding to frustrating disruptive behaviours in the classroom How key the relationship between parents and teachers is and why it’s better to go to the teacher with a problem than over their head to a higher authority. Paul warns against the Sunday night email to the school! Why exclusion booths (where the child is subject to both physical and psychological control and isolation) are an appalling response (by a minority of schools) to relatively minor misbehaviours About positive strategies like greeting children at the beginning of the day, recognition boards, hot chocolate Fridays, 2 minute discos at the end of the day, fantastic walking. Having very consistent routines and acknowledging the good behaviour and structured consistent responses by all teachers to poor behaviour. How to have ‘restorative conversations’ when things have gone wrong. (This is akin to the Mistakes Process we teach at TPP) Paul talks a lot about the need for parents to keep calm and keep the emotion out of it when disciplining them. He concedes this is easier said than done. If you haven’t already listened to our interview with do so to get lots of ideas about how to restore calm when your buttons have been pushed. We also have a workshop entitled . In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Paul shares with us a very funny Low Parenting Moment of his own that many of us can identify with. And his top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links: to get in touch with Paul go to /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13106336

Mandy Gurney TPPP12 02/07/2020

Mandy Gurney TPPP12 This week’s episode is with Mandy Gurney, sleep expert and Director of Millpond Sleep Clinic. Mandy trained initially as a general nurse, then as a midwife and health visitor. She set up Millpond in 2000 when she couldn’t find the answers she needed to her own child’s sleep issues. Millpond was the first private clinic to specialise in babies' and children's sleep problems and is the only clinic to help school-aged children. It now has a reputation as the UK's leading children's sleep clinic. Millpond is a sleep advisor to the NHS and provides regular national workshops to the NHS and the corporate sector. Mandy is the author of Teach your child to sleep of which there is a new edition coming out this summer. If you are a parent you will have been through periods of extreme sleep deprivation and know what it means to have your functioning compromised by that lack of sleep. If you are still finding it difficult to help your child settle to sleep you will really want to listen to this episode. Listen to this episode with Mandy Gurney if you want to learn: About the science of sleep and how sleep impacts eating, exercise, hormones, immunity, learning, memory, creativity, decision -making, mood, and, as every parent knows, behaviour If you are a lark or an owl chronotype and what are the normal features of sleep in different developmental phases How to work with the natural sleep patterns of your child About sleeping being a skill and how important it is to develop good sleep habits early in life How to pick up on sleep cues from babies and settle them more easily About teenage sleep problems, which are more prevalent than sleep issues for babies How to set up good bedtime routines, no matter what age your child, including feed patterns and bath routines About gradual withdrawal methods, including use of the sleepy cushion What role rewards might have in helping develop good sleep behaviours In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Mandy shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own. And Mandy also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links To get in touch with Mandy: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/13030754

Christina McGhee - TPPP11 01/31/2020

Christina McGhee - TPPP11 This week’s episode is with Christina McGhee, a Divorce coach and parenting educator, speaker, coach and author. You may know about her through the Channel 4 series How to divorce without screwing up your children. She also contributed to the documentary , a offering an unfiltered look at how kids really feel about divorce. Christina helped UK-based family law organisation, Resolution, create the first version of the course which The Parent Practice have just revised and presented in London with Family Lawyers in Partnership. Christina is the author of Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids Most recently Christina released an online course for separating and divorced parents that offers practical solutions and strategies to help parents manage their most critical co-parenting challenges. She is a mum of four and bonus mum as well and says she is doing on the job training as a chauffeur, negotiator, short order cook and scheduler extraordinaire! She is the child of divorced parents herself. She speaks about her own experience of divorce at 14 years old and remembers clearly the impact of her parents’ way of handling it, which was to not talk about it. Read more about how Christina’s own experience of divorce affected her . Listen to this episode with Christina McGhee if you want to learn: Some practical ways to navigate a positive course through separation and divorce About the impact of the stress of divorce on the brain’s functioning and how to alleviate this How to avoid some of the common mistakes parents make after the breakdown of their relationship How to put children in front of mind throughout the uncoupling process How to behave in ways that your children will look back on with pride How to establish a two home concept; a warm, loving and connected relationship with both parents How to be a business partner with your ex, even though the marriage relationship has gone Why it is that the child’s self-esteem is damaged every time they hear one parent denigrate the other What parental alienation syndrome really means and how to distinguish that from the child’s own choice to distance themselves from a parent because of the parent’s actions. Christina is clear that PAS needs professional support Why a parent shouldn’t distance themselves from the children in the belief that they’re being respectful of the child’s wishes When and how to tell the kids that mum and dad have decided they should no longer be together How to deal with practical things like family holidays and handovers, schedules and communicating, including use of co-parenting apps such as Familywizard That while you may not have the ability to make things better you always have the ability to make things worse… so don’t! In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Christina shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own which prompted she and her husband to join a parenting group which she describes as a gamechanger. And Christina also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful even if their parents’ relationship ends Links To get in touch with Christina: Website: twitter: @christinamcghee facebook: @divorceandchildren linked in: Co-parenting with purpose course: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/12934082

Bonnie Harris - TPPP10 01/24/2020

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan -TPPP9 11/29/2019

Melissa Hood and Elaine Halligan -TPPP9 This week’s episode is with Elaine and I, your hosts of this podcast and business partners. I first met Elaine when she was struggling to understand her son’s needs and to support him. I was the parenting coach to the Halligan family and am delighted to have witnessed Sam metamorphose from the troubled state he was in at 7 years old to a happy, confident and successful young adult. Elaine and I have enjoyed many years of working together and 10 years as co-directors of The Parent Practice. So we thought it would be nice to wrap up this first season of podcasts by doing something together, despite being on opposite ends of the earth! By the wonders of modern technology we bring you our Christmas special! (Even if you don’t celebrate any festival at this time of year I think you will find some useful ideas and tips in here. Listen to this episode with Elaine and I if you want to learn: How to resist pester power in our very consumerist society About getting clear what your values are How the 4 gift rule can put a cap on parental spending at Christmas How to encourage gratitude in children and a culture of appreciation in the family How perfectionism can make festive periods stressful and unreasonable expectations can lead to huge stress and we end up shouting at our children How to deal with critical relatives How to set things up through chat throughs and role plays so that children behave in ways a bit closer to our expectations How important it is for parents to get in training physically and emotionally before times when there are a lot of demands on us How to get your partner on board and share the load fully In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection I share one of my own Low Parenting Moments and what I learnt about parenting in public as a result. And Elaine also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links To get in touch with us: the parent practice on facebook and on instagram /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/12218207

Alicia Eaton TPPP8 11/22/2019

Alicia Eaton TPPP8 This week’s episode is with Alicia Eaton, an Emotional Wellbeing & Behavioural Change practitioner. She is a qualified Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist, as well as a Master Practitioner in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). She is licensed by the Society of NLP as an Advanced NLP Therapeutic Specialist, which makes her a leading practitioner in the field worldwide. Alicia has run a successful practice in London’s Harley Street for over 15 years combining both psychology and practical advice as she helps change children’s unwanted habits and behaviours. Alicia helps parents help their children with anxiety, fears and phobias, thumb-sucking, nail-biting, bedwetting, fussy eating and sleep problems. Alicia is the author of four books: Words that work Fix your life with NLP Stop bedwetting in 7 days (Yes, just 7!) and most recently First aid for Your Child’s Mind which outlines simple steps to soothe children’s anxiety, fears and worries Alicia had strong childhood experiences of anxiety given that her parents had both survived traumatic experiences during the war and as a result were extremely protective of Alicia and her sister. The refrain of her childhood was about how to avoid danger and to be prepared. She became all too aware of how restrictive and inconvenient life can be when one is ruled by fear. Listen to this episode with Alicia Eaton if you want to learn: About how words can really impact on children for life. How to get over phobias, using hypnosis and desensitisation techniques. The difference between ‘having’ anxiety and ‘doing’ anxiety and how that distinction can give one power. How contagious anxiety can be. Parents worry about this a lot but Alicia emphasises how parents can change their words to change their child’s experience. Some reasons for the well-observed increase in anxiety which might surprise you, including some aspects of diet and environment. How anxiety is different from normal worries and fear. What not to say to or do with kids who are feeling anxious! And what words work better. (See TPP’s module on emotion coaching in our What parents can do to prevent anxiety. How to use a Worry Box and easy ways to do mindfulness with tools like The Mindfulness Jar. In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Alicia shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own which may trigger all sorts of anxieties in parents of young children! How Alicia responded to that episode has benefitted her clients. And Alicia also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links To get in touch with Alicia: /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/12123800

Ellie Dix TPPP7 11/15/2019

Ellie Dix TPPP7 This week’s episode is with Ellie Dix, educationalist and board game enthusiast. Ellie has just written a book called The Board Game Family, which is all about reclaiming families from the screen. Her family had always played board games and her father had a wonderful talent to be able to make things into a game. Her childhood was full of fun and she shares some of those ideas with us in this episode. Ellie’s mum had a background in maths and was a lecturer in education who got her students to make board games. She used the games to enthuse her students about maths. Listen to this episode with Ellie Dix if you want to learn: About how playing board games can become a loved family ritual (see our blog about ) How to disrupt your thinking via the 5 home truths, one of which is the controversial idea that you can’t control your children’s screen time. What? No….! Listen in to find out what parents can do instead Why board gaming is better for the child, and for the family, than video gaming and how parents can challenge the young person’s thinking about games What ‘stealth tactics’ will assist parents to encourage children rather than coercing them Why Monopoly should be thrown in the bin! (I couldn’t agree more with that –this game causes so many family arguments). Ellie goes through some of the principles that make a game conducive to family harmony How to get started if you’re not already a board gaming family. Ellie has a just started a subscription service of her own called The Buzzle Box in which she sends out board games and game cards which describe games that can be played with cards and dice About the ‘meta game’, the game that parents play called raising children with values and skills! How to handle cheating (including when it’s the parent). Ellie’s emphasis is very much in line with The Parent Practice’s view that we shouldn’t reward outcomes but instead acknowledge effort and strategies and improvements. (See module one of our and our –Descriptive Praise) In our celebration of vulnerability and perfect imperfection Ellie bravely shares with us a Low Parenting Moment of her own from years ago that still makes her cringe. She shares beautifully the learning she got from that moment that allows her to repair when she has messed up and feel less guilty as a result. And Ellie also shares her top tip for raising children to be confident, happy and successful. Links elliedixtweets on twitter /episode/index/show/theparentpractice/id/12034343

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