Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
Release Date: 12/11/2025
Paul Noiles on, The Malevolent Nature of Emotional Abuse
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. How do smart, accomplished people end up in emotionally abusive relationships without realizing it? As both a trauma coach and former victim, Paul illuminates how emotional abuse operates through fear, manipulation, and control—and why it's so difficult to recognize and name. He also touches on common signs; chronic invalidation, gaslighting, control disguised as concern, walking on eggshells, confusion, toxic shame, and how our earliest attachments can create susceptibility. In this...
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Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist
The Gifts of Trauma
Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if traditional fluency-focused approaches designed to "fix" stuttering cause more harm than healing? In this conversation, speech therapists Mandy Rodstrom and Debbie Mason share personal and clinical insights that reveal how trauma, nervous system dysregulation and social stigma profoundly impact those who stammer. They highlight the critical importance of connecting people who stutter with supportive communities where stuttering is welcomed and...
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Cat McCarthy on Emergent Authenticity & Rewriting Scripts
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What happens when we stop performing and start being? Cat guides us through her transformational journey from codependent conditioning to embodied authenticity. With wisdom drawn from 30+ years of yoga practice, plant medicine journeys, and navigating her own healing from Breast Cancer, Cat reveals why the answers we seek aren't outside ourselves, but waiting to be uncovered within. Cat reflects on: - How shedding her protective layers enabled her to access her true strength - Her expanded her capacity to be present, hold space for others...
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Zach Bush, MD & Eva Dalak on Relating to Our Original Imprint: Nature & Collective Healing.
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard & Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if the path to inner and outer peace—and to the survival of our species—runs through our biology, not just our psychology? In this bonus finale to our Relating Series, Eva and Zach guide us beyond the familiar terrain of human-to-human relating to the new ground of relating to our original imprint. This conversation weaves hard science with systems thinking and spiritual wisdom to show that rather than transcending our humanity, healing our separation wound is about fully embracing our original...
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Unsafe! Navigating Domestic, Public and Systemic Violence, with Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This vulnerable conversation continues exploring relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, as Vimalasara and Jordan share insights rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. Jordan reflects on the inner work required to create safety for others—unpacking his own trauma so he can hold space for someone else's. Vimalasara addresses the harsh realities of domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities, highlighting the barriers to seeking help—being subjected to transphobia, homophobia, or violence in...
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Gender & Identity, From Unconscious to Conscious with Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the: - Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and...
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Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
info_outlineHosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard.
In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar differences in sexuality are often judged.
Diana and Silva also highlight:
- How religions’ prohibition of ‘sex for pleasure’ causes widespread shame,
which has been identified as a significant driver of sexual compulsivity and distress.
- Why medical professionals and therapists feel discomfort discussing sexual issues
- How societal judgments about sexual behaviors suppress curiosity and open communication.
- Why problematic porn viewing is often a symptom of underlying mental health issues
The episode concludes with a message of love, connection, and the idea that sexuality is not the opposite of spirituality, but a part of our common humanity, inviting us to bring softness and curiosity to our inner worlds of pleasure and intimacy.
About Silva Neves, Psychosexual, Relationship EMDR & Trauma Psychotherapist
An award-winning, experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist, Silva is a specialist in the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours and in working with survivors of sexual abuse. He also offers clinical supervision to psychotherapists, psychologists, counselors and other mental health professionals.
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The author of 4 books: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, (2021) Sexology, (2023). Erotically Queer, (2023) and Relationally Queer, (2023) Silva also provides clinical training on the topics of sex and relationships, compulsive sexual behaviours, trauma and grief to his international following.
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An editorial board member of Sexual and Relationship Therapy (an international journal) and a Clinical Associate with Pink Therapy, in 2023, Silva was the recipient of the Sexual Freedom Ally Award for his contribution to the field of sexology. His many accreditations include: AccCOSRT, AccCOSRT(sup), UKCP registered, MNCPS(Acc.), Reg.MBACP, and Accred AGSRDT.
About Diana Safta, Compassionate Inquiry Facilitator and Psychotherapist
An active psychologist with a MA in Clinical Psychology, Diana blends Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, Systemic Therapy and the teachings of countless diverse courses, workshops and retreats on topics ranging from shamanic practices to mindfulness and meditation. Along with her expertise, Diana’s clients receive her openness, kindness, and compassion.
After realizing that her art career, while interesting, lacked fundamental meaning, then experiencing a divorce, Diana began a personal healing journey in which she learned that her childhood traumas were still actively influencing her adult life decisions.
After 8+ years of psychotherapy, Diana discovered Compassionate Inquiry, which enabled her to release her old coping mechanisms and habits, and move to a higher level of consciousness, embodiment, and self-connection.
Today, in addition to offering therapy to clients in Romanian and English, both online and in-person (in Bucharest), Diana supports the Compassionate Inquiry Community as a Facilitator, Mentor and Circle Leader.
Promotional Message:
If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry (CI) Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues, addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, like Diana our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.
Resources
Websites:
Silva’s Sex Positivity Website
Silva’s Counselling Directory Profile
Silva’s Sexology Institute Profile
Courses:
Compassionate Inquiry Training Programs
Podcasts:
The Meaningful Life (2021)
The Smart Connector (2023)
Events:
Books:
Compulsive Sexual Behaviours. A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians
Erotically Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners
Relationally Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners
Quotes:
“There was a time before the modern religions, as we know them today, when there was such a different relationship with sex and sexuality,..modern religions… have lots of prohibitions around sexuality.... there are so many things about sex that people believe to be true [that] are just constructs that have [their] origins in religion.” - Silva Neves
“It's much easier to speak about pleasure when it's the culinary taste. But a different aspect of pleasure that [we’ve] been conditioned for hundreds of years not to speak about,. [This] made us exile our connection to sexuality and life force and creativity and the joys of life.” - Diana Safta
Social Media:
FB: Diana
X: Silva