Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
Release Date: 12/18/2025
Paul Noiles on, The Malevolent Nature of Emotional Abuse
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. How do smart, accomplished people end up in emotionally abusive relationships without realizing it? As both a trauma coach and former victim, Paul illuminates how emotional abuse operates through fear, manipulation, and control—and why it's so difficult to recognize and name. He also touches on common signs; chronic invalidation, gaslighting, control disguised as concern, walking on eggshells, confusion, toxic shame, and how our earliest attachments can create susceptibility. In this...
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Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist
The Gifts of Trauma
Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if traditional fluency-focused approaches designed to "fix" stuttering cause more harm than healing? In this conversation, speech therapists Mandy Rodstrom and Debbie Mason share personal and clinical insights that reveal how trauma, nervous system dysregulation and social stigma profoundly impact those who stammer. They highlight the critical importance of connecting people who stutter with supportive communities where stuttering is welcomed and...
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Cat McCarthy on Emergent Authenticity & Rewriting Scripts
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What happens when we stop performing and start being? Cat guides us through her transformational journey from codependent conditioning to embodied authenticity. With wisdom drawn from 30+ years of yoga practice, plant medicine journeys, and navigating her own healing from Breast Cancer, Cat reveals why the answers we seek aren't outside ourselves, but waiting to be uncovered within. Cat reflects on: - How shedding her protective layers enabled her to access her true strength - Her expanded her capacity to be present, hold space for others...
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Zach Bush, MD & Eva Dalak on Relating to Our Original Imprint: Nature & Collective Healing.
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard & Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if the path to inner and outer peace—and to the survival of our species—runs through our biology, not just our psychology? In this bonus finale to our Relating Series, Eva and Zach guide us beyond the familiar terrain of human-to-human relating to the new ground of relating to our original imprint. This conversation weaves hard science with systems thinking and spiritual wisdom to show that rather than transcending our humanity, healing our separation wound is about fully embracing our original...
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Unsafe! Navigating Domestic, Public and Systemic Violence, with Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This vulnerable conversation continues exploring relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, as Vimalasara and Jordan share insights rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. Jordan reflects on the inner work required to create safety for others—unpacking his own trauma so he can hold space for someone else's. Vimalasara addresses the harsh realities of domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities, highlighting the barriers to seeking help—being subjected to transphobia, homophobia, or violence in...
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Gender & Identity, From Unconscious to Conscious with Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the: - Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and...
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Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard.
This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory.
Jesica and David explain:
- Polyamory is often adopted as a personal orientation or for philosophical reasons
- A key concept in managing multiple relationships is: "Love is infinite, but time isn't."
- How the structured approach of restorative justice navigates conflict in intimate relationships
- The crucial role Internal Family Systems plays in healing within polyamorous contexts
- How Shame Triangles can be transformed into Self-Love Triangles
JP vulnerably shares his personal journey into polyamory, including his challenges with anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies, past shame, and how to approach the topic with his children.
About Jessica Fern
Integrative Therapist, Coach, Author
A Certified Clinical Trauma Professional she holds a MA in Conflict Resolution, and draws on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She bridges Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, trauma recovery, and relational psychology to help people cultivate secure, Self-led relationships—with themselves and others.
Jessica is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure (2020), The Polysecure Workbook (2022), Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).
In her international private practice, she supports individuals and couples in multi-partner relationships who want to break free from reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment, and past trauma—empowering them to embody new possibilities in life and love.
About David Cooley Restorative Justice Facilitator, Diversity & Privilege Awareness Trainer, Bilingual Cultural Broker
While working as a professional Restorative Circle facilitator and trainer in the field of Restorative Justice, David was impressed by the power of dialogue, within a safe and structured container, to radically transform conflict into a tremendously healing process. So he created the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.
In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.
With Jessica Fern, he co-authored Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).
About Jan Peter Bolhuis Psychosocial Therapist, CI Private Mentor & Practitioner
Having been trained by Gabor Maté and others, JP is currently completing his development in ACT therapy. He runs a trauma therapy practice, works in homeless care and teaches close combat in his own school.
A 55 year old father of three and grandfather of one, JP lives in a peaceful, forested environment and shares his life in a polyamorous relationship.
Relationships are no longer places where he adapts to belong, but invitations to be real. For his first 46 years JP drifted far from himself.
Over the past eight years, he learned to hold himself in pain or confusion without disappearing into old patterns of numbing with distraction, sex or drugs. He also shifted from surviving to living with awareness, from strategy to values and from correction to connection.
For JP, healing is no longer a destination but an ‘in the moment’ choice to ‘ride the rollercoaster.’
Promotional Message:
If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté’s approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you
Resources:
Websites:
JP’s Compassionate Inquiry Profile
Articles:
The Universal Human Need to be Seen, Heard and Valued
Books:
Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work
Videos:
Podcasts:
Quotes:
“To be truly seen and heard, to be truly known, is a deep human need.” - Charles Eisenstein, Sacred Economics: Money, Gift, and Society in the Age of Transition
“Nonmonogamy can be a pressure cooker for growth. It is commonly and playfully known in the nonmonogamous world that you shouldn’t enter consensual nonmonogamy unless you are ready to process, communicate, grow and then process, communicate and grow some more.”
- Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
“A relationship can be a real ground for mutual growth. So you can enter into a relationship... you're not going to be perfect, carry a certain degree of trauma, a certain degree of dysfunction, etc. But if both people are committed to the truth more than "who's right" and working it out and if the fundamental love is there, then you can grow together.” - Gabor Maté
Social Media:
IG: @jessicafern411
IG: @bolhuisjanpeter