Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
Release Date: 12/18/2025
Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
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Psychedelics, Hakomi, and the Gift of Self-Discovery, with Tony Hoare
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. Tony shares his personal journey, from growing up gay in the 60s, to experiencing sexual trauma and seeking healing in his 50s. He views safety, kindness, and gentleness as essential for healing, as they invite us to lower our shields and ‘just be.’ Having worked in the psychedelic world for 2 decades, Tony stresses that profound psychedelic experiences are only valuable if they lead to a greater sense of ease and conscious awareness with which we can navigate our challenging world. He also recounts: - The development of gentler, more...
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The Trauma of Infertility, with Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this gentle, heart-felt conversation, Leila guides us through the emotional landscape of infertility debunking common myths and misconceptions. She also shares her personal story, from 11 rounds of IVF to complete emotional collapse, which led her to agency, freedom, a new beginning and a baby. Leila also addresses: - How Infertility, as a trauma in its own right can unearth feelings of shame and worthlessness - Why trauma-informed support can ease the emotional toll of infertility medical interventions...
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Menopause: From Estrogen Washing to Social Silence, with Dr Aisling Quiery & Rati Roberta Riccardi
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, our guests forge a link between childhood trauma and the severity of menopausal symptoms. Aisling, a GP who is herself experiencing perimenopause, notes that the menopausal women who consult her often carry immense stress from being "sandwiched" between their peak career responsibilities and caring for children, grandchildren and aging parents. Together Aisling and Rati contrast: - "Estrogen Washing" a term Aisling coined to suggest that HRT often serves as a "wash" which may offer temporary relief but is...
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Menopause: From Multitasking Queen to Second Girlhood, with Dr Priya Duggal and Rosio Fuentes
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard Join us for this wide ranging conversation between a Menopausal Naturopathic doctor and a Therapist who lives with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome while mothering a neurodivergent family and experiencing Menopause. Together, Rosie and Priya address the many physiological, emotional and practical implications of Menopause "tipping points" for women’s health. They highlight that: - Living an inauthentic life (always "doing" for others) can create physical symptoms, likewise addiction patterns may emerge or intensify if unmet...
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Menopause Pruning: Clearing Space for Authenticity, with Inés Zabalaga & Kate Hazlitt, ND
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard This conversation moves from the medicalization of menopause to reclaiming it as a natural process; an important, transformative life stage marked by growth, development, and renewal, not an illness or pathology. Kate and Inés advocate for shifting from symptom management to trusting the body's innate capacity and involving the entire community in understanding this transition. Inés and Kate highlight:: - Brain Pruning which "chops away" old ways of thinking and being, making way for authenticity, new identity, and a...
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Unveiling Indian Cultural Trauma, with Mansi Poddar
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This conversation exposes the impact of cultural trauma on Indian mental and emotional well-being and the conflicts these cultural pressures can cause. After outlining how therapeutic approaches can ease the pain, transform lives and begin to shift cultural norms, expectations and beliefs, Mansi asserts that having dreams, desires, and boundaries is an expression of one's wholeness, not a betrayal of others. Cultural dynamics explored include: - The expectation that women will sacrifice their personal happiness for family...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard.
This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory.
Jesica and David explain:
- Polyamory is often adopted as a personal orientation or for philosophical reasons
- A key concept in managing multiple relationships is: "Love is infinite, but time isn't."
- How the structured approach of restorative justice navigates conflict in intimate relationships
- The crucial role Internal Family Systems plays in healing within polyamorous contexts
- How Shame Triangles can be transformed into Self-Love Triangles
JP vulnerably shares his personal journey into polyamory, including his challenges with anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies, past shame, and how to approach the topic with his children.
About Jessica Fern
Integrative Therapist, Coach, Author
A Certified Clinical Trauma Professional she holds a MA in Conflict Resolution, and draws on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She bridges Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, trauma recovery, and relational psychology to help people cultivate secure, Self-led relationships—with themselves and others.
Jessica is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure (2020), The Polysecure Workbook (2022), Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).
In her international private practice, she supports individuals and couples in multi-partner relationships who want to break free from reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment, and past trauma—empowering them to embody new possibilities in life and love.
About David Cooley Restorative Justice Facilitator, Diversity & Privilege Awareness Trainer, Bilingual Cultural Broker
While working as a professional Restorative Circle facilitator and trainer in the field of Restorative Justice, David was impressed by the power of dialogue, within a safe and structured container, to radically transform conflict into a tremendously healing process. So he created the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.
In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.
With Jessica Fern, he co-authored Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).
About Jan Peter Bolhuis Psychosocial Therapist, CI Private Mentor & Practitioner
Having been trained by Gabor Maté and others, JP is currently completing his development in ACT therapy. He runs a trauma therapy practice, works in homeless care and teaches close combat in his own school.
A 55 year old father of three and grandfather of one, JP lives in a peaceful, forested environment and shares his life in a polyamorous relationship.
Relationships are no longer places where he adapts to belong, but invitations to be real. For his first 46 years JP drifted far from himself.
Over the past eight years, he learned to hold himself in pain or confusion without disappearing into old patterns of numbing with distraction, sex or drugs. He also shifted from surviving to living with awareness, from strategy to values and from correction to connection.
For JP, healing is no longer a destination but an ‘in the moment’ choice to ‘ride the rollercoaster.’
Promotional Message:
If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté’s approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you
Resources:
Websites:
JP’s Compassionate Inquiry Profile
Articles:
The Universal Human Need to be Seen, Heard and Valued
Books:
Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work
Videos:
Podcasts:
Quotes:
“To be truly seen and heard, to be truly known, is a deep human need.” - Charles Eisenstein, Sacred Economics: Money, Gift, and Society in the Age of Transition
“Nonmonogamy can be a pressure cooker for growth. It is commonly and playfully known in the nonmonogamous world that you shouldn’t enter consensual nonmonogamy unless you are ready to process, communicate, grow and then process, communicate and grow some more.”
- Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
“A relationship can be a real ground for mutual growth. So you can enter into a relationship... you're not going to be perfect, carry a certain degree of trauma, a certain degree of dysfunction, etc. But if both people are committed to the truth more than "who's right" and working it out and if the fundamental love is there, then you can grow together.” - Gabor Maté
Social Media:
IG: @jessicafern411
IG: @bolhuisjanpeter