483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
Release Date: 05/16/2025
509-Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold
Delight Your Marriage
Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold We get so caught up in the now—our needs, our feelings, our expectations—that we forget: this isn’t forever. And when it comes to your marriage, your mindset matters more than you know. What if the goal isn’t just earthly happiness… but eternal impact? Let’s shift our gaze from the temporary to the eternal—from trying to fix our spouse to faithfully loving them like Jesus. Because your marriage assignment? It impacts eternity. A Marriage Mindset That Reaches for Heaven If marriage is your god, you’ll do it your way....
info_outline
508-How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey’s Story
Delight Your Marriage
How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey’s Story Marriage is holy work. Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!" I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you’ll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love. This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand...
info_outline
507-“Marriage First” Makes Your Life Unstable
Delight Your Marriage
“Marriage First” Makes Your Life Unstable At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That’s the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here’s a hard truth I’ve learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble. Why “Family First” Doesn’t Work I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, “You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first.” His heart was...
info_outline
506-How to Not Have an Affair: Interview with Gary Thomas
Delight Your Marriage
It doesn’t start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings. It starts with a smile. A moment of connection. A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you’ve been having at home. You walk away thinking, That was nothing. But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something. If that’s where you find yourself today (or even if you’ve seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath. You’re not broken. You didn't marry the wrong person. You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back. You’re human. And this...
info_outline
505-How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story
Delight Your Marriage
How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren’t on the brink of divorce. They aren’t fighting all the time. They actually have a good marriage. But deep down, they know it could be better. That’s exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage. “We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More” Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, “We were not in conflict with each other. We didn’t...
info_outline
504-When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson
Delight Your Marriage
When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson Do you remember when you first fell in love—how easy it was to cheer him on? You’d light up at his stories. You’d say, “You’re amazing!” and mean it. You noticed everything good. But somewhere along the way, the cheers turned into corrections. The same man who once felt like your hero now feels like your project. And instead of applause, he mostly hears... boo. That’s what Ann Wilson discovered the day her husband, Dave, vulnerably told a room full of women that marriage sometimes...
info_outline
503-How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage
Delight Your Marriage
How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage On the outside, Jake looked like a happy-go-lucky farmer. But inside, his marriage was falling apart. Control, years of infertility struggles, alcohol abuse, and pornography created a wall between him and his wife. Even counseling couldn’t break through the scar tissue of pain she carried. At one point, she said her willingness to work on the marriage was zero—she was ready to leave. Jake was out of options. Yet, in God’s kindness, what seemed like the worst day became the turning point. His confession of addiction cracked open the...
info_outline
502-How to Win an Argument: Interview with Dr. Kevin Downing
Delight Your Marriage
Arguments that spiral out of control often leave behind words no one meant and wounds that take time to heal. Escalation may feel like “getting it all out,” but according to our guest today, it is actually poison to a marriage. Dr. Kevin Downing, founder of Turning Point Counseling in Southern California, has spent decades helping couples, pastors, and families find healthier ways to connect. His insights on escalation, self-control, and parenting bring both biblical grounding and practical tools. Why Escalation Is “Pure Poison” That Often Leads to Divorce Research from Dr. John...
info_outline
501-Wage War Against Body Insecurity
Delight Your Marriage
Body obsession has been a toughy for me all my life. Wanting to be thin. Wanting to be beautiful. Wanting to fit into x size jeans. Wanting to see x on the scale. (The number of New Year's resolutions based on this makes me embarrassed.) And once I am triggered about thinking I'm not thin, I would eat to assuage those hard feelings. Or other hard feelings, I'd eat. Was it sin? Was it a sin, for ME? Let's put a pin in that thought. I think a major way the enemy tempts us nowadays is through distraction. Is distraction a sin? Well, if God has a will for our...
info_outline
500 Episodes! Your Influence & Joining DYM's in Our Next Decade
Delight Your Marriage
When I hit “record” on the very first Delight Your Marriage podcast 10 years ago, my mic stand was a Quaker Oats container. I had a dream, a story, and a hope that I thought could help others. I just had a few loaves and fishes to offer—with a world in need. Now—500 episodes later—we’ve seen Him do it: hundreds marriages restored in our programs directly, many thousands of families transformed through our podcast, lives healed all over the world. And yet, this milestone isn’t just about what God has done at Delight Your Marriage—it’s about what He wants to...
info_outlineIf you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering…
-
Why don’t I want sex?
-
Why does my husband want it more than I do?
-
Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?
…you’re in the right place.
We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you.
In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help.
What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives?
This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.”
Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal!
But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:
-
Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)
-
Body image issues and insecurity
-
Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)
-
A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict
-
Shame from upbringing or purity culture
-
Misunderstandings about what sex is really for
Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several.
That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault.
What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage?
We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.”
And that’s biblical.
God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.
Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:
-
Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?
-
Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?
-
Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?
-
Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?
“I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do?
If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:
1. Pray—Every Day
Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.
2. Start with What You Do Want
Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start.
3. Change the Inner Narrative
Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.”
4. Use Physical Support
Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.
5. Communicate with Your Husband
If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.
But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex?
That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.”
Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.
If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?
This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole.
A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy
Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey.
Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.
Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.
You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.”
You’re beloved.
And intimacy can become a gift again.
Resources to Help You Begin
If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.
Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service
Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy
New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything
For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com
Final Thoughts
You're not alone.
God is in this with you.
Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage
PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!