Mentorship - The Difference Between Being Nice And Being Kind
Release Date: 07/08/2024
Civil Discourse In A Divided World
Imperfect Mens Club
In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé dive into the lost art of civil discourse—why it matters, how we’ve strayed from it, and what it takes to bring it back into everyday life. The conversation explores: Why civil discourse is more than politeness Civil discourse goes beyond surface-level politeness or avoiding conflict. It’s about creating space for real dialogue that expands knowledge, challenges assumptions, and strengthens community. Mark and Jim unpack why this practice is critical for healthy democracies, strong relationships,...
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“Do It Anyway” - The Key To Mining Your Own Personal Gold
Imperfect Mens Club
Short Description Mark and Jim unpack “self-alchemy”—turning your life’s raw materials (skills, reps, scars, notes, half-finished ideas) into something valuable. They connect it to the IMC wheel (Profession, Relationships, Money, Health/Well-Being, Worldview), talk about aligning work with values, and make the case for creating consistently despite criticism, delays, or imperfect outcomes. AI shows up not as artificial intelligence but as amplified intelligence that helps curate and ship your life’s work. The refrain: Do it anyway. What We Cover Self-Alchemy defined:...
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Self Gratitude Is A Muscle That Needs Reps
Imperfect Mens Club
I open this one with a simple ask: if our stuff helps you, drop a quick rating/review on Apple. It really does get this message in front of guys who need it. What we cover Self-gratitude, defined. Appreciating and acknowledging yourself for who you are and what you’ve actually done—without chasing external approval. Bitter vs. better is a choice. The default is bitterness. Choosing better takes practice, self-awareness, and repetition. Regret, comparison, and the inner critic. How we reflect on past choices can inflame regret or dissolve it. Comparison is on my daily...
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Self Mastery - 12 Principles For A Rich Life
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of self mastery and self transformation. Jim found 12 rules of self mastery online Discipline Focus Resilience Consistency Solitude Energy Mind Body Legacy Time Surround Untouchable Jim explains how he was attracted to this framework He connects this exercise to self awareness. He shares that our life is “on us”. No one is coming to help. We are responsible for our lives Mark begins by reading the definition of each word. First is discipline. Mark suggests there is no destination. It’s a journey. Jim suggests discipline requires us to do hard things every day....
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What Life Teaches Us About Self-Discovery - Reflection, Humility, and Belonging
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of Self discovery He frames the topic with Carl Jung’s definition of what happens in life when we reach the age of 60 and then shares additional context about the beginning, middle and tail end of life and how we can “rediscover” ourselves many times over the course of our lives Jim views life in 5 and 10 year “stages”. He doesn’t think everyone goes thru self discovery exercises and then he brings the flywheel framework for context. He shares his research for this episode. He appreciates his solitude as an example of his self discovery and how the...
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Subconscious Self Doubt - The Silent Partner You Never Chose
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of the subconscious mind and the emotion of self doubt. He cites the science that shows we are driven by our subconscious. Somewhere between 85 and 95% of our actions are from subconscious memory Jim shares his opinion about how this topic fits into our wheel. He aligns the discussion to the wheel. He heard a podcast that talked about self doubt and money. He quotes the podcast and agrees with Marks incite into the science of the subconscious. Mark talks about his frame of reference being the people he knows that have varying degrees of emotional balance. Happy people...
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Why Neurodiverse Minds Crave "Frameworks"
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark brings up the topic of frameworks and mentions Jim’s recent adoption of hi “5M Framework” Manifesto Methodology Mentality Machine Mindset Jim found a manifesto that Mark had written 2 years ago while preparing to do some promotion of the podcast and he ties that in to the IMC framework. Our 5 areas of life flywheel Jim shares that the actual topic came from my being 1 minute late (I’m never late). Jim then goes over our flywheel of life framework and the 5 areas. He reflects on where he was in life when we first met. He was out of sorts and seeking answers. Then he talks about his...
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What Advice Would You Give Your 15 Year Old Self?
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of Jim’s interaction with his young niece at 15 asking him what he might do differently looking back at his 15 year old self Both guys thought it was cool for such a young person to ask such a wise question Mark reads the response that Jim sent in a text message to his niece Jim reflects on his response and how context and circumstance are so important. Mark agrees and cites the difference between good and bad advice. He iterates on the value of what you don’t do versus what you should do. Jim feels that what you should not do is more important than what you...
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Your Self-Narrative: Hero or Hostage?
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of one’s self narrative. He says you either take personal responsibility or seek blame. Mark reads the definition. He says it’s important to know what you can and can’t control. Jim relates the topic to the wheel. The self’s in the center. Jim says he’s been more aware of the self narratives of other people he’s encountered. He thinks conflict in this country is at an all time high. Jim brings up a recent encounter where trust was lost. He feels like he’s being judged as a white man. He said that this encounter was unnecessary. Mark thinks we’ve made...
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Your Inner Critic - Rewriting the Story You Tell Yourself
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the deep dive Jim took into the writing of Carl Jung and the specific topic he writes about - self talk Mark thinks most us have more negative self talk than positive Jim adds context - Jim likes stuff related to our podcast and our wheel. Particularly the self. He goes around our flywheel. When you’re challenging yourself, self talk can creep in Mark says this voice is powerful and not always positive. It’s also often subconscious. Mark reads the definition Mark reads Jung’s 5 archetypes The Good Student The Silent Healer The Starving Artist The Invisible One The Over...
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Mark introduces the topic of mentorship
Jim reflects on the difference between being nice and kind. Real mentorship requires telling people things they need to hear but maybe don’t want to. He refers to some of the work Mark is doing, in part holding people accountable. Jim says showing up, prepared and consistently is huge
Mark agrees. He brings in communication and how social media and technology have revolutionized the way we communicate…and not for the better. Mark says people are confused about accountability and compassion.
Jim says it’s easier to be critical online than face to face. Mark agrees enthusiastically
Mark asks Jim to share the story that shared before the recording that prompted the topic of mentorship
Jim shares his recent encounter with a young man he’s known for 15 years and has mentored. How their interactions have evolved with some tough honesty. It started 15 years ago with a golf tournament and ended up raising #240,000,000 to rebuild three high school athletic facilities
He suggests that even the coaches need coaches. He reflects on mentoring kids for the last Beelzebub’s and the last whistle. How important sports are for teaching kids about life. He’s now able to see kids from 15 years ago become men. Mark marvels at Jim’s impact
Jim reflects on the political components of his mentorship and also that anyone can do anything they want in this country if they learn how to compete
Mark reflects on his feeling of obligation to be kind in the moment when you encounter anyone. That a small gesture or comment can change someone’s life
Jim agrees and reminds us this holds true for people closest to us as well. Jim says its the mans job to step up and be the bad guy. He asks Mark about this in the context of his divorce
Mark talks about disagreeing kindly with his daughters and how that increases their respect for him. He says “no” is one of the most important words a parent can use for 16 or so years:)
Jim brings up another quote, “I’d rather be feared than liked” and then he adds the context what is meant by the word “feared”
Mark shares the origin of “being feared” in his opinion…the Bible
Jim agrees and then contextualizes his spirituality
Mark attributes a saying to Jordan Peterson about living by the Ten Commandments even without believing in God
Mark reflects on his current client and how he works closely with people personally. In doing so he’s uncovered how many things that young people don’t know and how important sharing wisdom while mentoring them
Jim agrees and adds that this I also exaggerated by how much information is coming at us today versus years ago. So much info coming SO fast
Mark explains how he vets things in the current noisy environment
Jim brings up the recent presidential debate…can you blame them (the young) for being confused
Mark says he hopes it will wake people up who have been swallowing the nonsense from “whoever you are” and start to questions those in power
Jim piles on and Mark says “If you didn’t see that for what it was, shame on you”
He asks Jim again to tell his story about the young man he recently met with to reset their relationship with candor. He identifies with this young man’s full plate, but also how capable he is. They met for dinner to address their relationship. Jim used our wheel and brought up being your best self. He shares details about his students responsibilities and challenges. He was kind and not nice. Jim shares his recognition about getting older and “running out of time” and how his program is now beginning to bring in even younger kids and it’s really working…now with 15 years of evidence
Mark observes that this approach has ripple effects
Jim is appreciative of Mark’s perspective, in particular, the families of these young kids
He then brings up his annual cookouts at his house and how they haven’t missed one in 15 years and how the kids benefit from this shrining example of consistency and continuity
Jim then reflects on growing up where he did and with whom he did and how it shaped his work ethic and his own approach to showing up
Mark shares hi story about his son coming out of addiction, blossoming and the notion of him being a role model. The importance of modeling in mentorship
Jim gets clear on how important it is to have an agent. Everybody needs one to see things they can’t
Jim reflects on when he and Mark first met to map the IMC plan out. He mentions
The guys reflect o a program they both participated in over the weekend and the phrase “don’t die with your music inside you” and how we have an obligation to share what we know
The guys are building a program and it isn’t quite done yet, but it will definitely be some wisdom shared for a price
Our service will be essentially customizing our experience and wisdom to help men lead better lives