The Freedom of Solitude: Evolving Beyond Our Old Personas
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topics of solitude and one’s persona Jim jumps in to help contextualize this discussion Mark reads the definitions of “Persona” and “Solitude” Mark asks Jim about his trip Jim separates being alone for a few minutes from the very different version of a 7 day solo trip Jim has chosen solo trips in the last few years He reflects on how his roles and personas have changed as he’s aged He talks about not caring what others think and how freeing that is Mark reflects on the solitude that can from his divorce. He didn’t choose that but did choose how to...
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The Science of Self-Talk: How Thoughts Shape Our Reality
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of the power of the mind and self-talk The idea that we now have science and data to support the value of positive talk, visualization and vibration in influencing our happiness and peace of mind Jim got the idea from Billy Carson’s appearance on Lewis Howe’s Greatness podcast Jim shares the story of how we met. He was struggling mentally and emotionally and had some evidence that concussions might be part of his challenge. In his research, he found me. He flew out to Orlando and we met. Jim tells his concussion story and the details of his journey toward a...
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How Sensitivity And Unconscious Bias Shape Us As Men
Imperfect Mens Club
We just started talking. No Intro! Mark brings up human nature. He suggests that men and women have unique natures as well He says recognizing and acknowledging human nature is necessary as part of any discussion of behavior Jim asks Mark his opinion about homosexuality Mark shares his ignorance and his opinion as well as his curiosity Mark brings up the Catholic Church Jim shares his significant skepticism about the Catholic church, but he doesn’t want to go any deeper So Mark shifts the topic to “standing”. Who has it, how we give it to people and how it impedes our progress He say...
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The Power of Agency: How Writing a Book Can Build Trust and Elevate Your Brand
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of agency. Jim thinks Mark is a great example of what an agent is He reads a definition and adds some context to what an agent is and how he may, in fact, be one The value of having an objective third party negotiating on your behalf Jim thinks AI will make being an agent much more valuable He discusses the agents he uses. His patent agent, for example. Agents are not as close as we are to our capabilities and competencies Agents can be particularly helpful negotiating your price. What you’re worth He talks about his most recent projects to operate as an agent Jim...
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Finding Strength in Adversity: Navigating Suicide and the Power of Self Fortitude
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark leads with the definition of “fortitude” and “self fortitude” He suggests the one is more internal and the other more external Jim shares his recent difficult week due to 4 or 5 people he is close to are experiencing hardship. From illness to the loss of a young man to suicide Jim puts his experiences in the context of our “Flywheel of Life” “When you’re healthy you have hundreds of things on your mind. When you’re ill, you have one” Jim shares some of the challenges his friends have. His mom is in pain, his cousin has cancer and another has upcoming surgery. Finally...
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Unconditional Service: Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of serving others and connects it to the flywheel of life in the category of relationships/others. Jim brings up the wheel and discusses each of the 5 areas - Money, worldview, relationships, health and career/profession This episode is about others. Men and women He says there are two types of service and then shares his recent event KBIS in Las Vegas. He was selected as #1 membership chair in the country Two types of service are paid and unpaid He talks about the unpaid type - how different it is to serve for pay and to serve simply to serve “Unconditional”...
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How Are You Serving Others? What Does That Look Like?
Imperfect Mens Club
Jim - the most important conversation you’ll ever have is with yourself…and that person is a crazy person Jim frames service in the context of bringing a product or service to the market to help people in some ways He frames this in the context of his most recent project that he asked Mark for help with - his talk about the kitchen and bath industry Jim asks. If it’s not just money, why do we seek to serve. What’s the bigger picture Both guys feel strongly that they have something to offer the world and the world has things to offer them Our experience leaves us with knowledge and...
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Growth Is On The Other Side Of Resistance
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic and both guys have personal accounts of dealing with making themselves vulnerable Jim thinks that most of us don’t put ourselves out there Jim brings in our flywheel and the 5 areas of life and then uses his 5 W’s approach (Why, who, when, where and what) Mark reads the definition of self-vulnerability that Jim provides from his online searches about the topic Jim says acknowledging your strengths is easy, but sharing your weaknesses is much harder Jim shares his fear he experienced getting ready for a recent webinar presentation. He wonders why he put himself out...
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Mentorship and Volunteer Work - Just A Nudge
Imperfect Mens Club
Today Jim and I welcome a special guest. Paul Carroll was my mentor in the start-up staffing space at the beginning of my career and he joins us today to talk about his latest work volunteering with young men in the foster care system We started recording before my introduction:). It sounded good so we decided to keep rolling. Sorry for any confusion Pauls shares his sense of urgency and the “signs” that showed up for him that got him interested in this work initially He shares how the work went from theoretical to practical Jim asks Paul if this is similar to the problem/solution approach...
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Have We Just Left A "Bygone Era"?
Imperfect Mens Club
Episode 3 Bygone Era Mark introduces the topic for this episode. The notion of there being a bygone era. Jim suggested the topic given the current political landscape and the guys explore other applications of the notion in life Mark reads the Google definition Jim comes in and suggests that we have entered a new era. He brings of his 5 W framework and the concept of self awareness (Who,what,when,where and why) Jim cites The Biden administration and his cronies being part of this “bygone era” He claims everyone wants to remain relevant Mark recalls his start in recruiting and how...
info_outlineMark introduces the episode and reflects on the “pregame” discussion with Jim. Jim is giving a speech in a few days to a group or around 60 to 80 college students at San Jose State in the dept of Design and construction and he wants to give them career advice and life advice to help them with the transition from school to life
Jim brings the wheel into play and shares some context for his upcoming talk. Who the audience is and the topics to be discussed
Jim expands upon the idea of the letter he recommends students write or could write to be read later in life
Jim starts to talk about the types of advice that might be helpful to this audience
His first tip is mentorship. One of Mark’s favorite topics
90% of life is jus showing up - Jim goes into great detail about what showing up means. On time, all the time and prepared with a great attitude. That is hard to do
Mark loves the simplicity of it. He asks Jim to clarify who is writing the letter to whom. Two audiences. The elder to the 21 year old and the 21 year old to himself
Jim likes the question. He thinks it’s both too
Jim says it’s both what you “should” do, but also what you “should not” do. He wants to be cautious with giving advice. Sending kids down the wrong path…so he chooses to give wisdom instead of advice
Mark chimes in in agreement. He says advice is more likely to be presumptuous and wisdom is timeless. He cites how effective experience and stories are more so than advice. He specifically speaks to people about crafting their own stories before engaging the market
Jim shares his opinion about preparing kids for socialism and then releasing them in to capitalism…and wonder why they fail
He then brings up being American first. He says anything is possible if you show up as a working American. America is a meritocracy, not a bunch of identity groups. Just be good at something
Mark wishes he could attend Jim’s an event as a fly on the wall
Mark reflects on a do-over. Find out how to work hard and then spend the rest of your life learning how to work smarter. More efficiently and delegation of things you don’t like and don ’t do well
Jim brings in some quotes
“Success is a combo of hard work, showing up and luck”
If you don’t show up…nothing will happen
People like to help people, but you need to be “referable”
Mark shares how he found his mentor…by being referable
What is referable - dependable, punctual, productive, trustworthy…
Jim says at 21 all you have is your potential. Mark’s mentor saw his potential and Mark was willing to follow his mentor’s advice’
Jim clarifies that Marks mentorship was a win for all parties. Mark learned and progressed and his mentor made a lot of money
Ark says, no one is entitled to anything
‘Im says, give yourself permission
Jim’s quote - “The harder I work, the luckier I get”
Mark loves the simplicity
Einstein - Life is an illusion. It’s all perspective
Mark says you can create your own luck…by responding well to what happens to you
Don’t blame. Get better
Mark loves the quotes. He brings in the notion of time and how we have no notion of time when he was young. Now time is a an extremely valuable asset. Hindsight is 20-20
Jim says we had time in our youth…and now we’re running out of time
Life is a marathon. Small incremental change over time
Jim speaks of self awareness. You don’t know everything…you don’t know much. “We are all actors in this movie called life…)
Mark jokes about Candid Camera. Jim thinks we all have a default movie genre. Romance, comedy, thriller, etc…
Mark says his is comedy, but comedy is not always appropriate.
Jm talks about being identified as from the Northeast because of what he looks like. Mark says he is also direct unlike most Californians
Jim talks about the influence that “Rocky” had on him as a kid
Jim says in life it’s often not what you do…it’s what you don’t do He talks about working things out as a kid with his fists and how that does n’t serve you as you age
“Never accept criticism from anyone from whom you would not seek advice”
Mark says not to allow strangers to get under your skin. “What the fuck do I care what you think of me?”
Jim wants his audience to Get at least one good takeaway
Be careful with the advice you give out to young people
Be the best version of yourself
All comparison leads to misery
Mark agrees and has fallen back on observations and reflections and telling stories instead of telling people what to do. Stories prompt reflection and critical thought
The power of a third party story