Unconditional Service: Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others
Release Date: 03/06/2025
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Imperfect Mens Club
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Episode Summary Mark and Jim dive into the belief that quietly caps potential: “I’m not good enough.” They trace where it starts (childhood messages, school systems, fear, past misses) and how it shows up in adult life: promotions we never ask for, relationships we avoid, work we don’t share, skills we won’t try. Along the way: stories from recruiting, entrepreneurship, parenting after divorce, and reframing regret as proof you care. The Conversation Explores What a self-limiting belief system is Thoughts that feel like facts, internalized from fear, old messages, or past...
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Imperfect Mens Club
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info_outlineMark introduces the topic of serving others and connects it to the flywheel of life in the category of relationships/others.
Jim brings up the wheel and discusses each of the 5 areas - Money, worldview, relationships, health and career/profession
This episode is about others. Men and women
He says there are two types of service and then shares his recent event KBIS in Las Vegas. He was selected as #1 membership chair in the country
Two types of service are paid and unpaid
He talks about the unpaid type - how different it is to serve for pay and to serve simply to serve
“Unconditional” service. Helping others with no expectation of anything in return
Politics comes up
Service isn’t for everyone
Mark shares his view of service. He distinguishes between help and service. Purpose comes with more responsibility
Mark and Jim disagree about the line between paid and unpaid
Jim feels like one is a transaction and one is just service. Mark thinks its more nuanced than that
The disagreement between the guys is interesting
Jim brings up the local church and Mark laughs. Mark feels that there is a muddled definition of service in the church
Mark shares his challenge with the Catholic Church and this exact confusion with service versus transactions. They agree to disagree
Jim shares a story about his trip to Vegas and the call he got from a former player. The kid is in trouble and needs Jim’s help…in the form of money
Jim explains his thought process as he determines whether to help the kid - the kid needs money. He misbehaved in an airport and he now has a court date
Jim walks us through the conversation he has with the kid and his suggested resolution
“I don’t loan money”
He deftly walks the kid through the reality of his situation and he agrees to “give” him $1400
“I don’t want you to pay me back the money”
As things develop, it becomes clear that this kids future is on the line
He asks the kid to call him back tomorrow so he can reflect on it. Jim concludes that without his help, the kid is fucked
Jim recognizes he may never see this kid again and he may never know if his help was effective, but decides to go all in Money, help, advice, paperwork, alcohol treatment, etc…
Unconditional service…or conditional?
Mark shares his opinion on why he supports Jim’s process for determining whether to help. Mark supports the kids personal accountability. He agrees it’s just a bad decision and the kid deserves a break
Jim goes into more detail about the circumstances. Part of which is that he is a very big and dark man. He scared people…unintentionally. His encounter with cops was verbal, not physical. He swore at the cop and got cuffed
Jim sees the opportunity to get off is real…no physical confrontation
Mark summarizes his assessment of Jim’s process in determining whether to help the kid or not
Jim - “You can pay me back in other ways. I want your word”
Mark shares the importance of wanting to be helped. This kid was ready to be helped
Mark readdresses the distinction between helping and charging for help. How he struggles with this
Jim asks Mark about entitlement and then wants Marks opinion on the word “petulant”
Mark pulled petulant out of political behavior.
Petulant, entitled people don’t take responsibility and they play victim
They have a laugh about their disagreement