Unconditional Service: Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others
Release Date: 03/06/2025
Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic by reading the definition and symptoms As much as the guys believe it to be real, it’s also funny Jim asks Mark what “Psychic pathology” means and he takes a shot Jim shares his opinion about friends and family that seem to struggle with this Jim talks about his mom. She exhibits physical manifestations Mark thinks this physical reaction indicates a pretty severe condition Jim calls it impulsive Mark calls Trump insensitive and crass. He’s a fighter and not a politician Mark talks about one friend who is very smart, but can’t remain objective when Trump’s...
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90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic and frames it in the context of his recent experience with having a plumber show up at his home to do some work He shares how gratitude plays a part in the discussion. He expresses a concern that the topic is so rich that staying on topic might be tough Jim reflects on the story Mark has already told him Jim expands on the “Showing up” concept Jim shares his perspective having been a tradesman and having gone into many homes and being treated poorly, more often than not. He applauds Marks treatment of the plumber Jim expands on the notion of appreciation and gives...
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The Disingenuous Epidemic - Cowards, Clowns, and Characters
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of disingenuous people. Both guys have had recent experiences with people who were being disingenuous. Mark asks whether he thinks people are born this way or do become this way based on environment or circumstance. Jim says he’s been using that word more often lately Mark reads the legal definition of the word Jim shares his definition. He clarifies the nuance of this activity being intentional Mark says there are different levels of it, but that some people are just stupid Jim shares his recent encounter with a disingenuous neighbor Deception from the get go. Jim...
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How A Simple Framework Can Help Us Communicate With Candor And Clarity
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark brings up the topic of communication in the context of self talk and self reflection Then he shares a framework Jim brought that he uses for communication. The triple A method Assumptions/Agreement/Action Mark is a fan Jim brings up a favorite quote of his - “The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the conversation you have with yourself”…and that’s a crazy person Mark shares his self talk routine Jim - simply…you have to turn the channel He shares how his mind works. He finds or creates tools to help him. That’s where this AAA framework came from. He uses it to...
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Personal Stories Of Neurodivergence - The Ability To Think Different
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the guys and topic. He cites how aligned both guys are. As they enter the call they’re thinking of the same topics and thoughts Neurodivergence (See definition at the bottom of the show notes) Mark shares a call about his grandson and his current struggles which may well involve him being on the spectrum Jim shared his perspective about labels and crutches and his own story about being neurodivergent himself growing up Jim’s perspective is to reframe this label as an opportunity to think of things differently Neither guy likes meds, but do agree that in some cases they can...
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Beware The "Vortex". Aging Gracefully In Relationships
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of male and female relationships. Jim had brought up the recent Bill Belichick interview with his new 24 year old girlfriend Jim covers our framework and the wheel of life. Relationships is one of the five and women is a subset of that Jim likes looking at life in increments of 10 years. Now we’re both in our 60’s and things have changed Jim brings up the Belichick interview in the context of self awareness and how he was not self aware at all Both guys lost respect for him Mark goes back to his relationship with his girlfriend and brings up how recently he...
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Confidence Isn’t a Trait, It’s a Practice
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of confidence. Self-confidence The topic originated with Jim’s interest in elitism - entitlement - self-accountability - confidence In order to be self accountable, one must be confident Jim ties in the current news events and his recent book as he frames his view of confidence. Particularly sports and business He distinguishes between confidence and the competence required to be confident Jim brings up academia. See civically Harvard…and entitlements/elitism He shares the academic idea that perfection is attainable. We both support the reality of...
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Frameworks: The Invisible Structures Behind A Well Lived Life
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark shares the value of the “pregame” the guys use to prepare for the podcast He introduces the topic of frameworks How they can be good or harmful Jim shares how frameworks evolve and how ours did. Our tagline “The Imperfection Is The Perfection” Jim used this with his kids when they got frustrated with him He thinks imperfections and failures make us who we are Jim shares how when we started the podcast, we were thinking of “Civill Discourse” as a theme. Then we came upon our Wheel Of Life Jim takes us around the wheel and digs into all 5 areas of life and then some deeper...
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The Freedom of Solitude: Evolving Beyond Our Old Personas
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topics of solitude and one’s persona Jim jumps in to help contextualize this discussion Mark reads the definitions of “Persona” and “Solitude” Mark asks Jim about his trip Jim separates being alone for a few minutes from the very different version of a 7 day solo trip Jim has chosen solo trips in the last few years He reflects on how his roles and personas have changed as he’s aged He talks about not caring what others think and how freeing that is Mark reflects on the solitude that can from his divorce. He didn’t choose that but did choose how to...
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The Science of Self-Talk: How Thoughts Shape Our Reality
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of the power of the mind and self-talk The idea that we now have science and data to support the value of positive talk, visualization and vibration in influencing our happiness and peace of mind Jim got the idea from Billy Carson’s appearance on Lewis Howe’s Greatness podcast Jim shares the story of how we met. He was struggling mentally and emotionally and had some evidence that concussions might be part of his challenge. In his research, he found me. He flew out to Orlando and we met. Jim tells his concussion story and the details of his journey toward a...
info_outlineMark introduces the topic of serving others and connects it to the flywheel of life in the category of relationships/others.
Jim brings up the wheel and discusses each of the 5 areas - Money, worldview, relationships, health and career/profession
This episode is about others. Men and women
He says there are two types of service and then shares his recent event KBIS in Las Vegas. He was selected as #1 membership chair in the country
Two types of service are paid and unpaid
He talks about the unpaid type - how different it is to serve for pay and to serve simply to serve
“Unconditional” service. Helping others with no expectation of anything in return
Politics comes up
Service isn’t for everyone
Mark shares his view of service. He distinguishes between help and service. Purpose comes with more responsibility
Mark and Jim disagree about the line between paid and unpaid
Jim feels like one is a transaction and one is just service. Mark thinks its more nuanced than that
The disagreement between the guys is interesting
Jim brings up the local church and Mark laughs. Mark feels that there is a muddled definition of service in the church
Mark shares his challenge with the Catholic Church and this exact confusion with service versus transactions. They agree to disagree
Jim shares a story about his trip to Vegas and the call he got from a former player. The kid is in trouble and needs Jim’s help…in the form of money
Jim explains his thought process as he determines whether to help the kid - the kid needs money. He misbehaved in an airport and he now has a court date
Jim walks us through the conversation he has with the kid and his suggested resolution
“I don’t loan money”
He deftly walks the kid through the reality of his situation and he agrees to “give” him $1400
“I don’t want you to pay me back the money”
As things develop, it becomes clear that this kids future is on the line
He asks the kid to call him back tomorrow so he can reflect on it. Jim concludes that without his help, the kid is fucked
Jim recognizes he may never see this kid again and he may never know if his help was effective, but decides to go all in Money, help, advice, paperwork, alcohol treatment, etc…
Unconditional service…or conditional?
Mark shares his opinion on why he supports Jim’s process for determining whether to help. Mark supports the kids personal accountability. He agrees it’s just a bad decision and the kid deserves a break
Jim goes into more detail about the circumstances. Part of which is that he is a very big and dark man. He scared people…unintentionally. His encounter with cops was verbal, not physical. He swore at the cop and got cuffed
Jim sees the opportunity to get off is real…no physical confrontation
Mark summarizes his assessment of Jim’s process in determining whether to help the kid or not
Jim - “You can pay me back in other ways. I want your word”
Mark shares the importance of wanting to be helped. This kid was ready to be helped
Mark readdresses the distinction between helping and charging for help. How he struggles with this
Jim asks Mark about entitlement and then wants Marks opinion on the word “petulant”
Mark pulled petulant out of political behavior.
Petulant, entitled people don’t take responsibility and they play victim
They have a laugh about their disagreement