The Freedom of Solitude: Evolving Beyond Our Old Personas
Release Date: 04/10/2025
Self Identity - It's Hard To Look In The Mirror
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of self identity The guys joke about their lack of Biblical knowledge around God’s statement to Moses “I am who I am” Jim refers to a podcast he heard that mentioned the we’re never ready and you just have to face your fears Mark reflects on his career and how he speaks with everyone he helps about their self identity. It’s the most important part of his work. You have to be able to tell your own story. He thinks most people cannot tell their own story. Jim agrees Mark reads the definition of self identity Mark reflects on the 1000’s of people he’s...
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Reinventing Yourself At Any Age - How To Be Clever About It
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of reinventing yourself in the context of a personal brand. Both guys have been working on their brands. Jim is finishing up a formal effort with his brand Mark puts his career up as a reinvention experience Jim shares his view of how stories and brands have evolved over time and explains why he has made his recent investment of time and money working out his brand and messaging. Contextually he explains this journey as one with three parts. The past, present and future. He talks about the work and the advisor he hired. He brings our 5 key areas of life framework Mark...
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Worldview: Politics, Perspectives & People Who Still Talk to Each Other
Imperfect Mens Club
“You cannot kill a thought. It needs to die of old age or natural causes” Mark introduces the topic of worldview and the different belief systems we all have…and where we get them Jim adds the influence of the political distress specifically in LA and brings in the flywheel Mark clarifies the politics of it all and both guys laugh at how everything is about politics Jim says most of us don’t like to have our belief systems challenged, but agree it’s important to do so Mark reads Jim’s 5w’s assessment…What, why, where, when and who Jim brings up self awareness and Mark agrees...
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Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic by reading the definition and symptoms As much as the guys believe it to be real, it’s also funny Jim asks Mark what “Psychic pathology” means and he takes a shot Jim shares his opinion about friends and family that seem to struggle with this Jim talks about his mom. She exhibits physical manifestations Mark thinks this physical reaction indicates a pretty severe condition Jim calls it impulsive Mark calls Trump insensitive and crass. He’s a fighter and not a politician Mark talks about one friend who is very smart, but can’t remain objective when Trump’s...
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90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic and frames it in the context of his recent experience with having a plumber show up at his home to do some work He shares how gratitude plays a part in the discussion. He expresses a concern that the topic is so rich that staying on topic might be tough Jim reflects on the story Mark has already told him Jim expands on the “Showing up” concept Jim shares his perspective having been a tradesman and having gone into many homes and being treated poorly, more often than not. He applauds Marks treatment of the plumber Jim expands on the notion of appreciation and gives...
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The Disingenuous Epidemic - Cowards, Clowns, and Characters
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of disingenuous people. Both guys have had recent experiences with people who were being disingenuous. Mark asks whether he thinks people are born this way or do become this way based on environment or circumstance. Jim says he’s been using that word more often lately Mark reads the legal definition of the word Jim shares his definition. He clarifies the nuance of this activity being intentional Mark says there are different levels of it, but that some people are just stupid Jim shares his recent encounter with a disingenuous neighbor Deception from the get go. Jim...
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How A Simple Framework Can Help Us Communicate With Candor And Clarity
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark brings up the topic of communication in the context of self talk and self reflection Then he shares a framework Jim brought that he uses for communication. The triple A method Assumptions/Agreement/Action Mark is a fan Jim brings up a favorite quote of his - “The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the conversation you have with yourself”…and that’s a crazy person Mark shares his self talk routine Jim - simply…you have to turn the channel He shares how his mind works. He finds or creates tools to help him. That’s where this AAA framework came from. He uses it to...
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Personal Stories Of Neurodivergence - The Ability To Think Different
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the guys and topic. He cites how aligned both guys are. As they enter the call they’re thinking of the same topics and thoughts Neurodivergence (See definition at the bottom of the show notes) Mark shares a call about his grandson and his current struggles which may well involve him being on the spectrum Jim shared his perspective about labels and crutches and his own story about being neurodivergent himself growing up Jim’s perspective is to reframe this label as an opportunity to think of things differently Neither guy likes meds, but do agree that in some cases they can...
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Beware The "Vortex". Aging Gracefully In Relationships
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of male and female relationships. Jim had brought up the recent Bill Belichick interview with his new 24 year old girlfriend Jim covers our framework and the wheel of life. Relationships is one of the five and women is a subset of that Jim likes looking at life in increments of 10 years. Now we’re both in our 60’s and things have changed Jim brings up the Belichick interview in the context of self awareness and how he was not self aware at all Both guys lost respect for him Mark goes back to his relationship with his girlfriend and brings up how recently he...
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Confidence Isn’t a Trait, It’s a Practice
Imperfect Mens Club
Mark introduces the topic of confidence. Self-confidence The topic originated with Jim’s interest in elitism - entitlement - self-accountability - confidence In order to be self accountable, one must be confident Jim ties in the current news events and his recent book as he frames his view of confidence. Particularly sports and business He distinguishes between confidence and the competence required to be confident Jim brings up academia. See civically Harvard…and entitlements/elitism He shares the academic idea that perfection is attainable. We both support the reality of...
info_outlineMark introduces the topics of solitude and one’s persona
Jim jumps in to help contextualize this discussion
Mark reads the definitions of “Persona” and “Solitude”
Mark asks Jim about his trip
Jim separates being alone for a few minutes from the very different version of a 7 day solo trip
Jim has chosen solo trips in the last few years
He reflects on how his roles and personas have changed as he’s aged
He talks about not caring what others think and how freeing that is
Mark reflects on the solitude that can from his divorce. He didn’t choose that but did choose how to respond to it
He says he really enjoyed being alone for 10 years. He defines what he means…no committed relationship for 10 years. He talks about what solitude provided for him. Thoughts, ideas, gratitude, etc…
Jim says he’s the best version of himself when he’s alone
He’s grateful that his wife is supportive of these solo trips. She is encouraging now after understanding the value of solitude for her husband
Jim feels that women don’t like to be alone and men are more likely to enjoy solitude
Mark suggests that solitude brings out our human nature. Our true nature
Jim shares the recognition of getting older. How we don’t look or feel the same as we used to
He goes on to share details of his social interaction on one particular evening on the road
Jim says there are many different movies going on at the same time
Mark talks about looks and how young women don’t notice him any more…and it’s OK. Actually laughable
Jim talks about being in the same locale at three different ages…young, a bit older and middle aged
Both guys reflect on how young they feel versus how they look. It’s a wake up call every time he looks in a mirror. He talks about how he moves from one persona to the next (dad, son, pro, brother…)
Jim talks about intentionally changing and updating our personal personas to remain authentic
Jim thinks we hold a lot in and don’t always feel comfortable being real…vulnerable. We don’t want to offend
Caring less about what other people think is critical to happiness. Moving on
Jim brings up the value and contribution of giving off positive vibes
Mark agrees but cautions about feeling responsible for other’s people happiness and then talks about his dad and the value of ignoring. The ability to ignore people and circumstances
Mark asks Jim about turning 60
Jim reflects on some of his experiences going back to places he went to as an older man. People are in a different place, different thoughts, different worldview
He shares another story on another evening on the road
Mark talks about how freeing it is to be around strangers. He feels braver. Less concerned about how strangers might feel about him
Jim thinks most people want to engage, but many don’t
Jim shares one of his stops at a property his dad left him. How different the place and people are now versus when he was young. How different he may have been had his family stayed and not moved to CA
Mark thinks turning 60 has had a big impact on both guys. 60 triggers different roles and different views, different friendships
Jim reflects on how industry and society have changed. The geeks aren’t running things anymore. Domain experts and solutions are more relevant than tech skills. Tech is tools. Problem solvers are in demand
Jim talks about the evolving definition of what a man is. That became confusing and we stuck with our guns. Men were men and still are
We’re proud that we didn’t cave in to the woke mob
Mark share his process and how he begins every consultation with self reflection and he thinks people avoid self reflection because it’s hard/difficult